Long-distance relationship

A long-distance relationship (LDR) (or long-distance romantic relationship (LDRR) is an intimate relationship between partners who are geographically isolated from one another. Partners in LDRs face geographic separation and lack of face-to-face contact. LDRs are particularly prevalent among college students- constituting 25% to 50% of all LDRs.[1] Even though scholars have reported a significant number of LDRs in undergraduate populations, long-distance relationships continue to be an ‘understudied' phenomenon.[2]

Characteristics

LDRs are qualitatively different from geographically close relationships; that is, relationships in which the partners are able to see each other, face-to-face, most days. According to Rohlfing (1995) he suggests the following unique challenges for those in long-distance relationships:

LDRs with friends and family

Not all long-distance relationships are romantic. When individuals go away to school, their relationships with family and friends also become long-distance. Pew Internet (2004) asserts that 79% of adult respondents from the United States reported using the Internet for communication with family and friends.[3] Also, Pew Internet (2002a) states that because of new technologies, college students will have greater social ties with their friends than their family members. Therefore, examining email among college students helps explore how the Internet is affecting college students emotionally and socially.[4]

Military long-distance relationship

The partners of military personnel deployed abroad experience a significant amount of stress, before and during the deployment. The difference between a military LDR and a regular LDR is that, while the regular LDR there is more communication the military LDR communication is unexpected and controlled by military regulations or there is not much time to talk. Because of the communication restrictions and the overall process of deployment, this leaves the partner back home feeling lonely, and stressing on how to keep a strong relationship moving forward.[5] Other stressors that add to the emotional situation are the realization that the service member is being deployed to a combat zone where his life is threatened. Through all the stages of the deployment the women will exhibit many emotional problems, such as anxiety, loss, denial, anger, depression, and acceptance.[5]

Statistics in the US

In 2005 a survey suggested that in the United States 14 to 15 million people were considered to be in a long-distance relationship. In 2015 closer to 14 million people considered themselves to be in a long-distance relationship. About 32.5% of college relationships are long-distance. The average amount of distance in a long-distance relationship is 125 miles. Couples in a long-distance relationship call each other every 2.7 days. On average couples in a long-distance relationships will visit each other 1.5 times a month. Also couples in long-distance relationships expect to live together around 14 months into the relationship. About 40% of couples in long-distance relationships break up; around 4.5 months into the relationship is the time when couples most commonly start having problems. Also 70% of couples in a long-distance relationship break up due to unplanned circumstances and events. About 75% of couples in long-distance relationships end up being engaged at some point in the relationship. Around 10% of couples still maintain a long-distance relationship after marriage. About 3.75 million married couples are in a long-distance relationship in the US alone.[6]

Means of staying in contact

New communication technologies such as cellular phone plans make communication among individuals at a distance easier than in the past.[7] Before the popularity of internet dating, long-distance relationships were not as common, as the primary forms of communication between the romance lovers usually involved either telephone conversations or corresponding via mail. According to Pew Internet, American citizens were asked how often they used the Internet on a typical day, they reported 56% sending or reading email, 10% reported sending instant messages, and 9% reported using an online social network such as Facebook[8] or Twitter. However, with the advent of the Internet, long-distance relationships have exploded in popularity as they become less challenging to sustain with the use of modern technology.

The increase in long-distance relationships is matched by an increasing number of technologies designed specifically to support intimate couples living apart. In particular there have been a host of devices which have attempted to mimic co-located behaviours at a distance including hand-holding,[9] leaving love notes,[10] hugging[11] and even kissing.[12] The success of these technologies has, so far, been limited.

Couples who have routine, strategic relational maintenance behaviors, and take advantage of social media can help maintain a long-distance relationship.[13] Having positivity (making interactions cheerful and pleasant), openness (directly discussing the relationship and one's feelings), assurances (reassuring the partner about the relationship and the future), network (relying on support and love of others), shared tasks (performing common tasks) and conflict management (giving the partner advice) are some of the routine and strategic relation maintenance behaviors [14]

Relationship maintenance behaviors

Intimate relationship partners constantly work to improve their relationship. There are many ways in which they can make their partner happy and strengthen the overall relationship. The ways in which individuals behave have a major effect on the satisfaction and the durability of the relationship. Researchers have found systems of maintenance behaviors between intimate partners. Maintenance behaviors can be separated into seven categories: assurances in relation to love and commitment in the relationship, openness in sharing their feelings, conflict management, positive interactions, sharing tasks, giving advice to their partner, and using social networks for support (Dainton, 2000; Stafford, Dainton, & Haas, 2000).

Dindia and Emmers-Sommer (2006) identified three categories of maintaining behaviors that are used by partners to deal with separation. "Prospective behaviors, such as telling the partner goodbye, which addresses anticipated separation; introspective behaviors, which is communication when the partners are apart; and retrospective behaviors which are basically talking to each other face to face, which reaffirms connection after separation." (Dindia, & Emmers-Sommer, 2006). These are known as the relationship continuity constructional units (RCCUs). Maintenance behaviors as well as the RCCUs are correlated with an increase in relationship satisfaction, as well as, commitment (Pistole et al., 2010).

Research

In a study of jealousy experience, expression, in LDR's, 114 individuals who were in LDR's indicated how much face-to-face contact they had during a typical week. Thirty-three percent of participants reported no face-to-face contact, whereas 67% reported periodic face-to-face contact with a mean of 1 to 2 days.[15] The researchers compared LDRs to GCRs (geographically close relationships) and discovered that those in LDRs with no face-to-face contact experience more jealousy than those with periodic face-to-face contact or those in GCRs. Furthermore, those without periodic face-to-face contact were more likely to use the Internet to communicate with their partner. They found that the presence of periodic face-to-face contact is a crucial factor in the satisfaction, commitment, and trust of LDR partners. Those who do not experience periodic face-to-face contact reported significantly lower levels of satisfaction, commitment, and trust.

Another study generated a sample of 335 undergraduate students who were in LDRs and became geographically close.[16] Of the reunited couples, 66 individuals terminated their relationships after moving to the same location, whereas 114 continued their relationship.

Based on the analysis of the open-ended responses, 97% of respondents noted some type of relationship change associated with the LD-GC (geographically close) transition. When the respondents were asked about having the ability to have more face-to-face time when GC, and the enjoyment of increased time spent together most comments were positive. For example, ‘We finally got to do all the "little" things we'd been wanting to do for so long; we get to hold each other, wake up next to each other, eat together, etc.' Many Individuals reported a loss of autonomy, following reunion. For example, many individuals liked and missed the "freedom" or "privacy" the distance allowed. Reports of "nagging", demanding or expecting "too much" were also frequent responses. Several individuals reported more conflict and ‘fighting' in their relationship after it became geographically close. Many said they felt the conflict in their relationship was not only more frequent but also more difficult to resolve. For example, one individual stated that, when his relationship was long-distance, he and his partner ‘fought less and if we did fight, problems were solved in a shorter amount of time. For some individuals living in the same location led to increased feelings of jealousy. After witnessing their partners' behaviour, some participants said that they became increasingly concerned that their partners were currently ‘cheating' on them or had ‘cheated on them in the past.' Reunion allowed the discovery of positive as well as negative characteristics about their partner, feeling that the partner had changed in some way since the relationship was long-distance.

See also

References

  1. ↑ Maguire, Katheryn C.; Terry A. Kinney (February 2010). "When Distance is Problematic: Communication, Coping, and Relational Satisfaction in Female College Students' Long-Distance Dating Relationships". Journal of Applied Communication Research. 38 (1): 27–46. doi:10.1080/00909880903483573.
  2. ↑ (Rholfing, 1995)
  3. ↑ "The Internet and daily life: Many Americans use the Internet in everyday activities, but traditional offline habits still dominate".
  4. ↑ "The Internet goes to college: How students are living in the future with today's technology" (PDF).
  5. 1 2 Marnocha, Suzanne (2012). "Military Wives' Transition and Coping: Deployment and the Return Home". ISRN Nursing. 2012: 1–8. doi:10.5402/2012/798342.
  6. ↑ "Long Distance Relationship Statistics | What are the stats?". www.longdistancerelationshipstatistics.com. Retrieved 2015-11-02.
  7. ↑ Zucker Saltz, Lizzie (2009). Crafting Romance. Athens: Athens Institute of Contemporary Art. p. 5. Certainly one of the reasons that long-distance relationships are so difficult to maintain is due to the physical separation that no advance in communication technologies has yet been able to reconcile. Playfully drawing our attention to this fact, Cindy Hinant's telephone sculptures tease out the sexually suggestive language of telephone services that insist on denying the separation of the speakers...Here the objects of communication-the now outdated landline telephones-take on the physicality of human relationships, not against technology's domination but by and through it. As we shift over to cellular phones, Hinant's sculptures are both nostalgic for the materiality of older devices and instructive as to the ways in which we might preserve for our modern age what Jean Baudrillard called the 'ecstasy of communication.'
  8. ↑ Johnson, A.; Haigh, M.; Becker, J.; Craig, E.; Wigley, S (2008). "College Students Use of Relational Management Strategies in Email in Long-Distance and Geographically Close Relationships". Journal of Computer-Mediated Communication. 13 (2): 381–404. doi:10.1111/j.1083-6101.2008.00401.x.
  9. ↑ Gooch, Daniel; Watts, Leon (2012-01-01). "YourGloves, Hothands and Hotmits: Devices to Hold Hands at a Distance". Proceedings of the 25th Annual ACM Symposium on User Interface Software and Technology. UIST '12. New York, NY, USA: ACM: 157–166. ISBN 978-1-4503-1580-7. doi:10.1145/2380116.2380138.
  10. ↑ Gooch, Daniel; Watts, Leon (2011-01-01). "The Magic Sock Drawer Project". CHI '11 Extended Abstracts on Human Factors in Computing Systems. CHI EA '11. New York, NY, USA: ACM: 243–252. ISBN 978-1-4503-0268-5. doi:10.1145/1979742.1979613.
  11. ↑ Mueller, Florian 'Floyd'; Vetere, Frank; Gibbs, Martin R.; Kjeldskov, Jesper; Pedell, Sonja; Howard, Steve (2005-01-01). "Hug over a Distance". CHI '05 Extended Abstracts on Human Factors in Computing Systems. CHI EA '05. New York, NY, USA: ACM: 1673–1676. ISBN 1-59593-002-7. doi:10.1145/1056808.1056994.
  12. ↑ Samani, Hooman Aghaebrahimi; Parsani, Rahul; Rodriguez, Lenis Tejada; Saadatian, Elham; Dissanayake, Kumudu Harshadeva; Cheok, Adrian David (2012-01-01). "Kissenger: Design of a Kiss Transmission Device". Proceedings of the Designing Interactive Systems Conference. DIS '12. New York, NY, USA: ACM: 48–57. ISBN 978-1-4503-1210-3. doi:10.1145/2317956.2317965.
  13. ↑ Haque, A (September 2013). "Maintaining Trust in a Long Distance Relationship". Expatriates Magazine (2): 21.
  14. ↑ Sidelinger, R.; Ayash, G.; Godorhazy, A.; Tibbles, D. (2008). "Couples Go Online: Relational Maintenance Behaviors and Relational Characteristics Use in Dating Relationships". Human Communication.
  15. ↑ Aylor, B; Dainton M. (2002). "Patterns of Communication channel use in the maintenance of long-distance relationships". Communication Research Reports. 19: 118–129.
  16. ↑ Stafford, Laura; Andy J. Merolla; Janessa D. Castle (2006). "When long-distance dating partners become geographically close". Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. 23 (6): 901–919. doi:10.1177/0265407506070472.

Bibliography

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