The Toucher and Rich Show

The Toucher and Rich Show is a morning radio show from 6 to 10 AM on The Sports Hub 98.5 WBZ-FM, in Boston, Massachusetts.^[1] The show first aired on June 5, 2006. On August 13, 2009, following the demise of WBCN, the show moved to sports talk station WBZ-FM 98.5 "The Sports Hub." In October 2013, the show's contract was extended for an undisclosed period of time. On August 14, 2015, it was announced that the show would begin simulcasting on Comcast Sportsnet New England every morning, beginning on August 17.^[2]

Show crew

• Fred "Toucher" Toettcher a.k.a. "Grumpy McMiserable" a.k.a. "Slippery T" a.k.a "The Jordache Kid" a.k.a. "Freddy Fun Pants"/"Freddy No-Pockets"/"Freddy Fashion" - co-host, supporter of flat-brim hats and track suits
• Rich Shertenlieb - co-host, production, all around good guy
• Jon Wallach - sports headlines, clarinet player and cover artist of songs including "the Monster Mash" and "The Curly Shuffle", widely considered to be the inspiration for the character "Squidward"
• Dan O'Brian - show producer
• Adolfo Gonzalez, Jr. a.k.a. "Kadolfo" a.k.a. "Brodalfo" a.k.a. "Scoops Gonzalez" a.k.a. "Cowboy Lawyer" a.k.a. "Gonzerelli" a.k.a. "Baskin Robin Hood" - incompetent phone screener and street reporter that conducts interviews for the Drunken Red Sox, Drunken Bruins, Drunken Celtics, and Drunken Patriots recaps. Is often remarked on for his depressingly neglectful childhood (bordering on criminally abusive child neglect) and his exceptionally poor grasp of the English language and frequent incorrect application of English grammar. He is also noted for having a somewhat accurate knowledge of random facts associated with American History in particular facts and dates related to World War II.Widely acknowledged as the most hated member of the morning program after a scientific poll was commissioned by 98.5 The Sports Hub.
• Mike Lockhart - Production Director/Associate Producer (Co-host of the 98.5 The Sports Hub Fantasy Football show)

Former members

• Christopher "Crash" Clark - 3rd chair, traffic, news, sports, alcoholic/hypochondriac, suave ladies' man, self-admitted sexual deviant, and all around party animal! At one time held the official title of "Night Time Naughty Guy." He once was fired from his old radio station, 99X in Atlanta, for an incident that occurred while he was giving away 311 tickets during a station sponsored event at a bar. "Crash" returned to Atlanta in 2010 and soon became 3rd chair on the Mornings with Jimmy and Yvonne show with two fellow former 99X on-air personalities Jimmy Baron and Yvvone Monet on 92.9 dave fm WZGC in Atlanta. In 2011, he joined Ryan Cameron as a co-host in the afternoons on Atlanta R&B/hip-hop station V-103. In 2013, he moved with Cameron to mornings but in December, he was let go. He joined WXIA-TV as a traffic reporter in January, 2014.
• B-Real - show producer (during the WBCN run)
• "Intern Nick" Gemelli - Former show intern during the WBCN run. Participated in numerous bits including the Agonizing Race which Nick and Adolfo travelled cross country to the Super Bowl in Phoenix, Arizona.

History

The Chili Guy

A frequent bit on the radio show involves interviews with a homeless man known as "The Chili Guy". In addition to "The Chili Guy", the man goes by a number of monikers, including "The Zimmy Kid", "Joe Joe LaGardi", "Joe Joe Weiss", "The Bronco Guy", "Leo Razzi", and "Hot Dog Guy". It is believed that The Chili Guy suffers from a mental disorder that causes him to speak in gibberish, and also to converse with an imaginary friend, Timmy. His rants and catch-phrases are a favorite on the show, including, "Couple beers, no beers...chili", "BRING HIM UP ON RACKETEERING CHARGES!", "WHO'S SELLIN WHO'S BUYIN WHO'S SELLIN WHO'S BUYIN" and "How many eights you got?". His favorite food is from "PIZZZZAAA HOOOOUSE", and his favorite beverage is "REEEEEED DRIIIINK". The Chili Guy claims to be related to Ted DiBiase and Hulk Hogan. It has been confirmed that "red drink" is Arizona Fruit Punch, produced by the Arizona Beverage Company; however, this product is not officially endorsed by either the show or The Chili Guy. The Chili Guy is most often interviewed by Adolfo Gonzalez (known by The Chili Guy as "Kadolfo"), who has been told on many occasions that the two have never met.

On May 22, 2008, The Chili Guy exposed "Kadolfo" Gonzalez as a suspect in a murder and robbery of a hotel. He confirmed that Adolfo had been replaced by a duplicate by checking the back of Adolfo's head. The Chili Guy advised him to hide his identity by buying a new pair of shoes and a coffee. He also mentioned that Adolfo needs a shower and should lose weight.

Often Chili Guy makes Adolfo pay him for his audio. In the event Adolfo does not have enough money, they will venture to a nearby ATM so Adolfo can withdraw more money. In several cases, Chili Guy has demanded larger sums of money while at the ATM, which makes for entertaining audio clips of Chili Guy and Adolfo arguing about money.

From September 2009 to February 22, 2010, The Chili Guy had been missing. He had not been seen at any of his usual haunts or been reported as being in custody. Some reported sightings have turned out to be a "Chiliganger", a Chili Guy lookalike. There were also rumors from several sources that the Chili guy was in the hospital, where his leg was apparently amputated.

These rumors proved to be false, however, as upon return from a weeklong vacation, Toucher and Rich announced on air that the Chili guy was in fact alive and well. It turned out he had spent some time in jail for creating an unspecified disturbance. His plans after his release include playing the DH, first base, and pitching from right field for the Red Sox.

Other frequent WBCN-era contributors

• Dungeon Master Jim: a Boston lawyer whose main hobby is gaming. DMJ is the T&R definitive source for all things nerdy on the show, and he has begun to have his own segments on the movie review bits. He also hosts "Warp Speed To the Weekend", which is a weekly segment on T&R where Jim discusses the latest events in sci-fi and fantasy for the weekend. The "Warp Speed To the Weekend" segment usually airs on Fridays at 8:30 am.
• The Gunner: An often inebriated caller who begins every call by saying "Hey guys... hey." Pieces with The Gunner include his karaoke of various popular songs. Frequently challenges Adolfo to a "panty drinking contest", which involves chugging beers through a woman's used panties. To this day, many loyal listeners begin their calls with "hey guys, hey" in honor of The Gunner.
• Mike "Behind The Mic" Callahan: A broadcaster from Dean College that sent in a demo tape in the hope that he could take Rich's job. Mike was tasked with making theme songs for all of the towns involved in the "Five Towns in Five Days" promotion that Toucher and Rich presented. MBTM contiunes to submit hilarious and off-key song parodies.
• Rich Cronin: This former member of boy band L.F.O. became a show favorite with his candid and self-effacing tales of a Boston guy in Hollywood, getting hit on by manager Lou Perlman, and scoring and being dumped by Jennifer Love Hewitt.
• The T.A.R.D.S: The Toucher and Rich Show's fan base, standing for "Toucher And Rich Derelicts/Diehards/Disciples/Degenerates/Drunks".
• "Henry Rollins": A frequent caller to the "You Listened Now Discuss" segment. This intense individual constantly calls back a previous Toucher and Rich, which originally took place in 2007, where they talked about the real Henry Rollins' claim of being punched in the chest by his high school history teacher.
• Adam-12 - current host on boston.com radio formerly mid day host on WBCN and WFNX. Adam helped on several bits with T and R including "The Church of Scientology " commercial
• Hardy - current hub headlines and weekend host on 98.5 sports hub also contributed on WBCN and sports hub bits with T and R
• Opie and Anthony - former SiriusXM hosts, former WBCN/WAAF hosts who befriended Toucher and Rich when together on WBCN, Jim Norton and associated comedians appear on T and R.

Prior (WBCN) frequent bits

• Ask Crash: Fans of the show can email Crash questions, which he answers on the air every Thursday. Responses or advice are usually conveyed with Crash humorously reminiscing about one of his many debaucherous life experiences. These accounts often involve inappropriate sexual activities, careless drugs/alcohol abuse, life-endangering situations, potentially criminal activities, unprofessional behavior at work, and a general disregard for the accepted conventions of a modern society. One answer is usually in the form of a sarcastic song parody.
• Best of Boston: An annual contest to determine who has the best face, butt, boobs and feet in Boston. Winners get tickets to the "chili pot" St. Patrick's Day concert where they can win a trip.
• Sports: Crash's sports report. The opening song to the bit is "You're the Best" from the movie The Karate Kid.
• Drinking Games/Competitions: (The Effing Champ and others?)

different strokes 8 ball a bit that was not considered to be one of the better bits, however this bit in retrospect was highly clever in its own way.

• Smitty rates the snacks - funny but embarrassing by T and R standards

98.5 era bits

• Best of/Worst of Brackets: In this bit, the cast creates March Madness style brackets in order to pit pop culture figures against one another, usually in a field of 16. The most notorious of these bits was the "Worst Comedians" bracket (won by Dane Cook), which garnered international attention from various media outlets and comedy blogs.^[3] Other examples include "Worst Sportscaster" (won by Glenn "The Big O" Ordway), "Most Fascinating Person in Boston" (won by The Harvard Square Puppeteer), "Douchiest Douchebag" (won by Spencer Pratt)^[4] featuring pick up artist extraordinaire Mystery, Brandon from Incubus, Guy Fieri, and others. "Best Internet Video" (won by The Alabama Leprechaun).
• Dating on Demand: The show analyzes cable company dating videos submitted by less than desirable folks while offering humorous commentary.
• Drunken Celtics/Bruins/Red Sox recap: a member of the show goes out and interviews drunks outside of stadiums and bars after Celtics, Bruins and Red Sox games. The first meeting with the Chili Guy came during a drunken Red Sox recap.
• I Rule: A contest similar to the 100,000 Dollar Pyramid. (No longer performed on a regular basis)
• Rich Goes to the Movies: Rich reviews two or three movies in the theaters. The last review is sung to the theme music of Magnum, P.I.
• "New Jack" Edwards: During hockey season, callers attempt to guess what hip hop artist recorded the song Boston Bruins television announcer Jack Edwards is reading the lines from.
• Sports: Crash's sports report. The opening song to the bit is "You're the Best" from the movie The Karate Kid. (No longer a segment due to Crash leaving the station returning to Atlanta.)
• Ward Wednesdays: Boston Bruins veteran defenseman Aaron Ward previously called in to the show during the NHL season to discuss life with the Boston Bruins. Ward has since retired, now works for TSN in Canada .
• White Boy Wednesdays: Every Wednesday Brian Scalabrine of the Boston Celtics calls in (if awake) to talk about everything Celtics/NBA, getting a spray tan and much more. (No longer a segment due to Brian Scalabrine leaving the Celtics and going to the Chicago Bulls.) replaced by Greg Stiemsma "so steamy" and after Stiemsma's departure from the Celtics, the bit is now on hold.
• Would You Buy It: Rich announces the week's new music and DVD releases.
• The Male Bag: As Fred says "A delightful pun!" Listeners submit messages via the internet to the show and some get played by a computerized voice on the next show.
• Ask a Pink Hat: Adolfo goes out and finds a less-than knowledgeable female fan wearing a pink Red Sox cap and asks her basic questions about the Red Sox. Adapted for the Boston Bruins after their 2011 Stanley Cup Finals victory over the Vancouver Canucks and entitled, "Ask a Bruins Pink Hat."
• Faster Guy: An heir-apparent to the Chilli Guy, the Faster Guy is a well-meaning, mid-western-accented, pop-music loving hang-about that frequently runs into Adolfo outside the TD Garden and Fenway Park as the latter collects drunken recaps. The Faster Guy is known to favor non-sequiturs ("Ground beef is really a winner nowadays") and has various theories about the qualities that make up a good sports team ("left-handedness", for example, is a highly desirable athletic quality). The best attribute anything can have, of course, is the simple ability to go "faster", which in the Faster Guy's eyes cures many of life's ills. The crowning moment of a Faster Guy segment is usually when he finally references the word "faster", underscored by a dramatic rendition of "O Fortuna."
• Naughty Massarotti: Tony Massarotti reads Tweets and callers must decide whether they are real or he is making them up. Also used for describing "R-rated sex scenes" from select movies.
• The Jon Gruden "This Guy" Challenge: Played on Tuesdays during the NFL season, Rich compiles the funniest and most ridiculous clips from ESPN NFL analyst Jon Gruden during his commentary of the previous night's Monday Night Football game, and a caller must decide whether or not Gruden will refer to players and/or coaches as "This Guy" during each clip.
• 98-Mile: Various on-air and off-air personalities at 98.5 The Sports Hub compete one on one in a ranked bracketed "rap battle" style tournament to determine who can rap and roast their assigned opponents in the most humorous and cleverest manner. The eventual winner of the contest was Damon Amendolara in year 1, Jon Wallach in year 2, and, after a 3 year break, Rich Keefe in year 3. Of note there were numerous references to Felger and Massarotti's producer James Stewart having an emotionless personality and fitting the stereotypical profile of a serial murderer. The name of the contest is a reference to the film 8-Mile.
• Thornton Thursdays: Shawn Thornton calls in and reports on the day to day happenings with the Boston Bruins
• What's In Your Stack: Adolfo visits a comic book store on a Wednesday (when new comics are released), to talk to customers about what comics they are buying. Another version of this bit involves Adolfo going to Comic/Gaming conventions and asking the attendees several basic questions, as Fred and Wallach attempt to guess their answers.
• Know Your Armpits of America: Rich gives a short description of a real news story, while Fred and Jon Wallach guess the town where the story occurred.
• 50 Shades Of 'Guay: A caller must determine if Gary Tanguay is reading excerpts from the book 50 Shades Of Grey, or tales of his own erotic fiction.
• Paul Finebaum Calls: Fred, Rich & Jon listen to the best and strangest calls into The Paul Finebaum Show, featuring regular callers like Mildred and Charles Allen Head, known best for introducing himself by saying, "Hey, Happy Tuesday/Wednesday."
• The T&R Draft: The crew draft teams of people, tv shows, movies, etc. that fit into certain categories, such as "Hottest TV Moms," "Celebrities that need their own reality TV show," "Best Movie fight scene," and more. Draft order is determined by the flip of a "3-headed coin," usually resulting in Jon going last. The winner is determined by a poll of audience votes.
• The Townie Test: Adolfo finds someone at a major event, whether it be a St. Patrick's Day parade or a Dropkick Murphys concert or some other event, and Fred and Wallach attempt to guess the contestant's answers to a series of questions. The intro song is sung over Shippin' up to Boston by the Dropkick Murphys
• The Hot Take Police: T&R find and call out people in the media who have incredibly hot and outrageous takes on popular sports events/controversies (DeflateGate, etc.)

Notes