Top Gear (series 4)

"Car Vs. Public Transport" Race: In a race to Monte Carlo, Hammond and May take the Eurostar and TGV but cannot use cars, while Clarkson drives the Aston Martin DB9 but cannot use trains; Clarkson admits that it would not be possible to beat the Eurostar and TGV in an ordinary car, but adds that the DB9 is no ordinary car. The finish line is the Café de Paris in Casino Square in Monte Carlo. Although Clarkson opens up a big lead in the DB9, just over halfway through France, Hammond and May managed to overtake him on the high-speed TGV. However, as the TGV line runs along the south coast, the train slows down as it approaches Monte Carlo, with Hammond and May having to change trains. Clarkson accelerates the DB9 to speeds of over 120 mph and takes back the lead, arriving at the café about 2 minutes before Hammond and May. Clarkson calls the DB9 "motoring perfection" and consistently praises it over all of its competitors and its big brother the Vanquish.

News: French Police are cracking down on speeders and the majority of those cited happen to be British; remote-controlled robotic traffic cones are now available in America, which James wants to reserve a parking space at night; new cars include BMW’s 1 series, the Ford Fiesta RS and Fiesta ST, and the Mini Cabriolet.

Review: James goes undercover to test drive a Rover CityRover from a Rover dealer, after the carmaker refused to lend one to the show. With hidden cameras in his tie, fake girlfriend's mobile and almost everywhere else in the streets of Kingston in southwest London, he had to test drive it without raising the suspicions of the dealer in the back seat. At the end of the segment, May says he prefers the Fiat Panda diplomatically, but in the studio, bluntly states that the CityRover is the worst car he has driven for the programme.

Star in a Reasonably Priced Car: Fay Ripley manages a time of 1:53.3 on a mildly moist track.

Cool Wall: The CityRover is seriously uncool; the Ford Fiesta ST is uncool; the Ferrari 612 Scaglietti is uncool because it was styled by a guy named Ken; the Aston Martin DB9 is so cool that it falls into its own category: The DB9 Section (actually a mini-fridge).

Review Clarkson reviews the Alfa Romeo 166 V6 Selespeed, which he unashamedly loves and praises, and then takes it to Hemsworth, a town in West Yorkshire which was at one time a coal mining village. He recommends that a true car nut should buy a shabby, broken-down miner's house and use the money saved to afford an Alfa with its high depreciation and repair costs, before finding the wheels had been stolen from it when looking out at it.

Challenge: Richard Hammond finds out if a nun can drive a monster truck. After the nun is given some time to get to grips with a monster truck, she is sent off to get over a row of five cars, which she manages to do rather well.

News: Jeremy compares the Volvo XC90 with the new Land Rover Discovery, claiming the XC90 is better; a new Golf GTI is coming out, but it has less power than already existing Fords and Renaults.

Review Richard Hammond reviews the Cadillac Escalade in an orthodox way, finding it to be of terrible quality and too expensive. Then, looking beyond the mere material, he gets into the spirit of the car, and sees it as a show-offish bling statement that is very in line with what Top Gear loves.

Star in a Reasonably Priced Car: Rather than be interviewed, Paul McKenna agrees to hypnotises Hammond into forgetting how to drive a car, much to the amusement of the studio, and thinking that a pedal car is his new 911, with Hammond left believing the 911 is better than any other car throughout the rest of the show. Paul achieves a lap time of 1:48.

Review/Feature James May reviews FAB 1 (Lady Penelope's pink Rolls Royce custom, which Ford re-created as a latest generation Thunderbird for the recent Thunderbirds movie). Although he enjoys the looks and style, in reality, the car's size and lack of mirrors, along with other issues, makes it not a worthy car to buy, and that it would be only suitable for somewhere like Milton Keynes.

Chear Car Challenge: The presenters are asked to buy road-legal cars for less than £100 and see how much car they could get. Clarkson buys a Volvo 760 (with 141,000 miles on the clock), which proved solid and mostly reliable, but did have problems with some of the electrical items; May bought a Audi 80 1.8E which was technically competent but did have suspected crash history; Hammond bought a quick, but otherwise derided Rover 416GTi. Despite achieving the lowest score and a broken thumb after the suite of challenges, Jeremy still won overall. He revealed that his Volvo not only cost £1, as a token contract payment to take the vehicle off a dealer's hands, but that it was the only one still driving after the other 2 cars was destroyed doing the drive into a wall at 30 mph challenge. When the presenters discuss the cheap prices, Jeremy reveals that new EU regulations meant that cars like there's had to be recycled as a scrapyard dealer, who would have paid for them, would now have to be paid to scrap it.

News: Speed cameras and Alistair Darling's new points plan are discussed; Italian police have a new police car, the Lamborghini Gallardo; the new Volkswagen Corrado, with a metal folding roof is coming on sale next year for about £20,000; a new Chrysler 300C is coming out based on the Mercedes E-class, priced £29,995 which is the same as a BMW 5-series; James May tells of an experiment he's done for the same journey, for the first week he drove like Clarkson and Hammond and for the second week he drove like a Christian motorist and he discovered that driving like a Christian motorist got him to destination at the same or sometimes quicker than if he drove like Clarkson and Hammond.

Review: Richard Hammond reviews a 1968 Dodge Charger 440 R/T and was tempted to buy one, but found out it won't fit in his garage. Jeremy promptly tells Hammond that the Charger is rubbish and the Dodge Challenger is the right Dodge muscle car to buy.

Star in a Reasonably Priced Car: Celebrity supermodel Jordan, lapping at 1:52

Main challenge: Clarkson finds out if he can drive a V8 TDi Audi A8 from London to Edinburgh and back on one 20 gallon tank of fuel (a round-trip distance of 800 miles, requiring an average of 40 MPG), destruct-testing Audi's claims of good overall economy in their large, powerful executive car. He tries to drive the car uncharacteristically economically, removing unnecessary weight, not running anything but essential electrical equipment, and never once exceeding 1200 rpm in the 4.0 litre, twin-turbo super-saloon. Though he seemed to have finally run out of fuel 35 miles short, the trip computer (and Audi themselves) underestimated the efficiency potential of its diesel engine and Clarkson's fastidious driving, and he eventually made it to the same filling station he started from on a single tank of fuel. Jeremy completed the challenge after two whole days on the road (with an overnight stop), using plenty of dramatic music and lines from 24 and Apollo 13.

News: Over the next 2 weeks the NSC motorshow is on, Jeremy is going and he'll be taking the new Noble M14, it costs £75,000 and its top speed is 190mph, it also has a colour changing rev counter; the results of the "I'm Ken and I'm cool" challenge is revealed and there are no cool Kens; Jeremy shows a video from an e-mail of a pigeon flying into a Ford Ka and the bonnet sending it flying.

"Car Vs. Something" Race: Can a Ford SportKa, equipped with the world's most advanced (and expensive, at £2500) satellite navigation system beat a flock of racing pigeons? May tries to find out, but in his efforts to win the race, he managed to forget to use the postcode search and wasted 25 minutes to reach the right address, having originally arrived at an identically named road in the wrong suburb. Regardless of this error, the fastest pigeon won with 30 minutes to spare even after discounting May's mistake, with thirteen others arriving in-between. Clarkson called the SportKa way, way better than a Citroën C2, and ridicules May for losing.

Feature: Revised versions of the Impreza vs. Evo battle, with increasingly unwieldy names: Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution VIII MR FQ320 and Subaru Impreza STI WRX WR1. The Impreza does slightly better than its old version 1:29.4 and still slower than the old Evo FQ300. However, the new Evo does 1:26.0, nearly as quick as a Lamborghini Gallardo and significantly better than the new Subaru.

Star in a Reasonably Priced Car: Snooker player Ronnie O'Sullivan comes in at 1:47.3.

Challenge: Hammond and May play a simplified, giant-size round of darts, by firing scrap cars from a cliff edge towards a large target painted on a quarry floor. After two shots each, May decides to place a caravan over the bulls-eye as an "added bonus". Hammond destroys the caravan on his final attempt (with, fittingly, a Volvo) and in doing so comes from behind to win the match.

Review: Richard Hammond compares the Vauxhall Astra, Mazda 3, and Volkswagen Golf. Hammond notes that the (previously disinteresting) Astra comes with a surprising number of standard features usually available only on more expensive vehicles, but still only manages to be "not bad" (as opposed to actually "good"), and a "pleasant all-rounder for pleasant people." The Mazda 3 offers a lot of kit and practicality for the money, but is the worst to drive and feels cheap all over. Hammond recommends the new Golf for its build quality and image. It's also "the car people buy with their own money," meaning that it will be more desirable both when new, and when it's time to sell on. But both Hammond and Clarkson would rather have an old Ford Focus than any of these new cars, simply because it's so good to drive - and because the "new" Focus shares a platform with the uninspiring Mazda.

News: Petrol passes the £1 per litre milestone; James talks about the new Jaguar S type Diesel that does 40 mpg; the Koenigsegg CCX is discussed; in Florida it's now legal for motorcyclists to drive without a crash helmet, if they have $10,000 worth of health insurance; the ideas for Hammond trying to raise money for a Dodge Charger are said.

Review: Clarkson reviews the MG ZT 260, an uprated version of the MG saloon fitted with a 4.6 litre V8 engine from the Ford Mustang. The car required considerable re-engineering, including conversion to rear-wheel drive on a limited budget. The Stig takes the car around the test track to a time of 1:33.7.

Star in a Reasonably Priced Car: Johnny Vaughan and Denise Van Outen manage to break the car between them. They both score a lap time of 1:53.4 together, which Clarkson moves up slightly to 1:53.2 because there were two people in the car.

Feature: Hammond demonstrated that it was safe to sit in a car struck by lightning, by sitting in Volkswagen Golf parked underneath a conductor in a huge Siemens electrical-systems testing "lightning generator". He notes that whilst the rubber tyres are absolutely ineffective as insulators for preventing the multi-kilovolt arc reaching earth, any modern car is an efficient Faraday cage and can be used to safely shield occupants from external sources of electrical potential.

Cool Wall: Porsche Carrera GT is uncool because it's vulgar; Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren is cool, but Hammond moves it into uncool; the Ford Sport Ka is uncool; the BMW 6 Series is cool making it the first cool BMW.

dCTANAIBS (Car That Are Not Available In Britain Special) Review: Clarkson reviews the most popular car in Japan, the Nissan Cube, and generally makes fun of its styling, poor performance and handling. He finds it to be a good "tool" in that it is very spacious and practical for the money, but says that "it's got the worst automatic gearbox EVER in the whole world" which, coupled with weak power and weird, emotionless and asymmetrical styling, make it unworthy of importing.

Review: May drives a Jaguar XJS modernised by Knowles-Wilkins Engineering that, freed of a multitude of low-grade parts, actually works as a coherent and enjoyable sports tourer, unlike the poorly built originals.

Review: Hammond looks at the Cadillac CTS, which is not available in Britain. He tests it on some winding roads, referring to "corners: an American car's natural enemy". The results are favourable (as it can now, literally, "drive you around the bend" as opposed to the previous more figurative situation) but Clarkson disagrees, saying simply, "Cadillacs are for pimps and pensioners."

Okay No Way: Hammond and Clarkson introduce a new feature. There are two dustbins - a red one marked with No Way and a green one marked with Okay. Hammond and Clarkson show pictures of cars that are not available in the UK. Cars that the two think should come to Britain go in Okay and cars that the two do not want in Britain go in No Way. Hammond thinks that the Pontiac Solstice should come to Britain, but Clarkson puts it in No Way. Jeremy puts the Pontiac Aztek in No Way within three seconds. Richard puts the Hummer H2 in Okay. Richard thinks that the Ford Mustang should go in Okay, but Jeremy puts it in no way. Once again, Richard thinks that the Chevrolet SSR is Okay, but Jeremy puts it in No Way, saying that it (the SSR) is just a purple convertible pick-up truck. Richard puts the Lancia Thesis in No Way, and finally, Richard puts the Renault Logan (however, in Clarkson's picture is the Dacia Logan) in Okay, saying that it is a car - just a car - no stereo, electric windows, anything like that.

Main Review: Clarkson reviews the Renault Clio 182. He likes it even though he considers it unrefined, cheap and unsafe. They conclude that it is like a puppy dog - just plain fun, despite having no manners. It scores a 1.33.8.

Challenge: Hammond investigates: "Could you run your car on poo?" (or more accurately, LPG made from faecal biomass, with human and bovine waste challenging commercial fossil-fuel LPG). The answer is yes, with bovine waste being more effective, but the savings are not worth it, along with the performance of regular fuels - even after considering the money also to be made from milking the cows.

Main Review: Clarkson drives the Mercedes-Benz CL 65 AMG. He gets a boyish enthusiasm from its overtaking acceleration - once it actually gets going, as it is bogged down by excessive wheelspin from a standing start (when not restricted by the traction control, the use of which only underscores how overpowered the engine is). However, as it's limited to 155 mph (250 km/h), looks like any other Mercedes-Benz coupe, and has difficulty putting power down off the line, Jeremy does not recommend it, especially in light of the Aston competition. A half-mile drag race is then undertaken: Mercedes-Benz CL 65 AMG VS Aston Martin DB9 VS Bentley Continental GT. The Merc and Bentley bog down off the line, with the lightweight Aston taking an early lead. However, the Mercedes-Benz eventually regains grip, regains ground and pulls rapidly away, with the Aston remaining solidly ahead of the Bentley. Though it is not the fastest, all three presenters prefer the Aston Martin.

Review/Challenge: Hammond and May pose as minicab drivers to test the Renault Scenic and the Ford C-MAX. Hammond thinks that the tall hatches are a good update, and that having big doors is a useful thing. May agrees lightheartedly, but thinks that the increased price (about £2000) is a ripoff for the slight advantages. Hammond and Clarkson agree after they've seen that taller people are still cramped, the boot is still no larger, and it still seats only five.

Star in a Reasonably Priced Car: Lionel Richie, who breaks a wheel off the Liana. Lap time of 1:50.

Opening skit: Clarkson takes "a look" at the environmentally friendly Toyota Prius as a counterpoint to the gas-guzzlers making up much of the programme, and promptly ignores it.

Main Review: May tests the Maserati Quattroporte, trying to figure out if the car wants to be a luxury saloon or a performance car.

Feature: Hammond bids a fond farewell to the long lived and widely employed Rover V8 engine, originally a compact Buick V8 that was sold by GM to Rover after initial technical problems. Hammond then sends off the engine by entering a Touring car race in an unmodified Rover SD1.

Star in a reasonably priced car: Martin Clunes took the Liana around the track, with a time of 1:50.

Challenge: To see if Diesel technology has caught up to Petrol, Clarkson and Hammond race on the track, with Clarkson in a turbodiesel Škoda Fabia VRS, while Hammond raced him in the supercharged petrol Mini Cooper. The MINI is ahead in the first parts, but is overtaken by the torquier and more powerful Škoda; whether the difference in talent between the drivers has anything to do with it is not mentioned. It is admitted that diesel engines are now equally competitive with petrol models - "a sad day".

Skit: Hammond makes fun of motorists that block box junctions.

Review: Clarkson reviews his dream car, the Ford GT. He makes numerous comparisons with the Ford GT40, and graphically illustrates that although he barely fits into the GT, this is an improvement on the original GT40, which he is literally too tall to drive as his head would be trapped in the door. Hammond and May ridicule the GT, on its fuel economy (4 MPG on the track, where it ran dry, or "up to" 12 MPG on official tests), meaning Jeremy would run out of fuel after 75 miles (of a 76 mile commute), and the extreme difficulty of entering the car in a typical public parking space (as part of the roof is attached to the long, thick door) despite James having no problem exiting the Prius in the same "generous" space. The Stig drives it on the track, clocking a lap time of 1:21.9.

Main Review: A roadster comparison with Hammond, starting with the Mercedes-Benz SL600. Hammond says it is far too expensive and its huge power is useless when the top is down. Three other less-expensive roadsters are driven: Mazda MX-5 vs. Fiat Barchetta vs. Toyota MR2. The Fiat is stylish and well-priced but front-wheel drive, the MR2 is fastest but too serious and too hard to drive; the MX-5 is the best all-rounder.

News: The presenters discuss at length the 10-year transport plan introduced on 20 July 2004 by Transport Secretary Alistair Darling, which introduces the idea of per-mile road toll schemes.

Review: Clarkson drives the four-wheel drive Jaguar X-Type estate. It has huge space, is good to drive, and despite its primitive 4WD system is unfettered by normal speeds in inclement weather.

Review: Hammond and May do a cabriolet comparison on Lewis and Harris, where fewer convertibles are bought per capita than anywhere else in the United Kingdom. The MINI Cooper Cabriolet is too expensive and embarrassing. The Vauxhall Tigra is very cheap and attractive as an overall package. The Mercedes-Benz SLK350 is powerful and comfortable but too expensive. The Audi S4 Cabriolet has the same problem, but Hammond loves it for its smart styling, four seats, large boot, and engine noise.

Challenge: Can you parachute into a moving car? James looks into this, and reveals that the answer is yes, but after many tries. And Ben Collins (The Stig at that time) is on Top Gear as himself as the moving car driver

Review: Hammond reviews Peugeot 407. It handles fine and looks good, but reliability, build quality, and lack of power are dynamic shortfalls.

Preview: Clarkson showcases the new Peugeot 1007 in the studio. It has electric sliding doors, and parts of the dashboard that can be changed to make it more stylish. He calls it a great car, though the verdict was reversed in Series 6, Episode 4.

Review: May tests the Volvo V50. They are all drab to drive except the T5 version, and with a smaller boot than the Jag last week. He tested this by going to an antique sale and he finds a sofa which does not fit in the back.

Review: Hammond tests the new Corvette and finds it to be massively improved over old ones. Clarkson ridicules the antiquated suspension. The Stig drives the Corvette to a lap time of 1:26.8, faster than the Lotus Exige and a Porsche 911 GT3 in the wet.

Review: Clarkson finds out how good the BMW X3 is. It's well-priced and has a good engine, but an unacceptably harsh ride, poor build-quality, and a hideous exterior. As an offroader it's even worse, so they recommend buying a BMW 5-Series over it for all sane buyers.

Star in a Reasonably Priced Car: Patrick Kielty, sets a fast time of 1:48, despite breaking the front suspension during a practice lap.

Skit: Olympic Games for cars: Long Jump. The Americans are represented by the oldest and heaviest but the most powerful AMC Pacer, the Czechs are represented by the more modern Škoda Favorit, the French have the lightweight Citroën 2CV, the Russians bring their Lada Riva 1.5 estate, and the British take them all on with the underpowered Austin Maestro.

Challenge: Race To Monte Carlo (From Series 4, Episode 1)

Star in a Reasonably Priced Car: Johnny Vaughan & Denise Van Outen (From Series 4, Episode 5)

Review: Jaguar XJS (From Series 4, Episode 6)

Challenge: Spare Car Darts (From Series 4, Episode 4)

Feature: Cool Wall (From Series 4, Episode 1)

Review: Dodge Charger 440 R/T (From Series 4, Episode 3)

Star in a Reasonably Priced Car: Ronnie O'Sullivan (From Series 4, Episode 4)