Spoilt Bastard

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Spoilt Bastard is a comic character from the magazine Viz, focusing on a vain young child and his self-sacrificing and long-suffering mother. The boy is called Timmy Timpson, wears a sailor suit and lives with his doting, docile mother (named Cissy appropriately enough) after his father walked out immediately following his son's earliest outrageous demand.

Timmy spends each story viciously bullying, cajoling and blackmailing his mother into buying him outrageous gifts and trinkets which she cannot afford. Often the stories parody a topical event or phenomenon (e.g., Timmy demanding all the merchandise and backstage access at some popular band's concert). At school he is a loudmouthed, cowardly, prejudiced bully, though he rarely gets his comeuppance either at home or at school. Timmy shows absolutely nothing but contempt for his mother, and is usually only nice to her whenever there's something in it for him. At the end of one strip, when Timmy was told that his behaviour would lead his mother to an early death, Timmy displayed an openly enthusiastic reaction. While Timmy constantly hurls all manner of insults at his mother, he doesn't know any actual swear words, leading to him using juvenile-sounding but still very hurtful insults such as "farty old witch", "idle old buzzard" or "stupid fat-bottomed hag" on her.

Timmy's mother tries to give a good upbringing for her son and encourages him to take up hobbies. She once suggested Timmy try painting. Timmy painted a picture of an elephant and immediately put it up on eBay for £2000. His own mother posted the winning bid, suggesting to pay the price gradually, one week at a time. However, Timmy demanded all the money instantly, and as his mother didn't have enough money, Timmy made her work as a phone sex operator to earn enough money to pay him.

Cissy is a single parent who has been known to take all sorts of demeaning jobs to support her son in the lifestyle to which he is accustomed. However, to buy her son his latest demands, she has been known to pawn her jewellery, sell various body parts and even break into people's houses at Christmas to steal presents. Cissy's parents both died in the same strip in an early issue - his grandfather Hector fell out of a tree whilst trying to build Timmy a treehouse and when Timmy learnt that he was the sole beneficiary of his grandmother Ida's will, he arranged for her to fall down a flight of stairs. He didn't inherit the money until he was 21 and spent the entire £250,000 on sweets.

Although the majority of the comic strips feature simply Timmy and his mother, other characters are introduced in order to emphasise Timmy's abnormality, such as one comic in which he stays with his aunt and uncle, a normal family, but who end up being chastised by Timmy's mother after he tells her that he has been severely maltreated by way of 'getting them back' for not giving him what he wanted. Cissy also got pregnant with Timmy's brother and this resulted in Timmy trying to get his mother to miscarry. When she gave birth to Timmy's baby brother, she attempted to breast-feed the infant but he rejected her, saying he wanted strawberry-flavoured milk.

Timmy once had a pet, an enormous dog called Sam who he brought home as a stray. Timmy quickly grew tired of the dog and threw a stick in front of a car so the dog was killed. He wasn't sad for long when he saw that the local pet shop was selling baby crocodiles for five pounds. Naturally he got one and the crocodile quickly grew in size and whilst he and his mother were cowering behind the sofa, he remarked: "I tell you what mother, someone is going to have to flush that thing down the toilet and it ain't blimmin' well going to be me!"

In a recent strip, Timmy's mother had found a partner ("Uncle William") and planned to get married to him, which Timmy obviously objected to. As it turns out, William had a daughter who was just a female counterpart of Timmy, and the two of them (despite clearly hating each other) soon take advantage of the fact that there are now two adults to do their bidding. It is unknown as yet if William and his daughter will appear in future strips. The two brats together are much worse than either one singly: they both enjoy eating Smarties, but they cannot share a bowl of the multi-coloured sweet because Timmy likes blue Smarties and wants all the orange ones taken out, while William's daughter likes orange Smarties and wants all the blue ones taken out. This is based on Van Halen's infamous rider, in which the band demanded that a bowl of M&M's be placed in their dressing room with every brown one removed.

The title Spoilt Bastard does not appear unedited on the front cover due to the language, in the same way as Terry Fuckwitt and Cockney Wanker. One term used is Boilt Spastard. The word Spastard appears in the Viz book Roger's Profanisaurus as someone who has the characteristics of a spastic and a bastard.

Spoilt Bastard

See also