Nice She Ain't

"Nice She Ain’t" is the 52nd episode of the ABC television series, Desperate Housewives. It was also the fifth episode of the show's third season. The episode was written by, Alexandra Cunningham and Susan Nirah Jaffee, and directed by David Warren. It originally aired on October 22, 2006.

Plot

Susan Mayer is trying to jog Mike’s memory. In his room, she is playing "their" song, "Car Wash," which they danced to some time ago. Mike doesn’t remember at all. The next day, Susan brings her infamous macaroni and cheese dish to the hospital. The usual nurse, Marcie, is vacationing in Honolulu, Hawaii. When Edie comes into the hospital, Nurse Parker, Marcie’s replacement, tells her that Edie has been visiting Mike every single day since he woke up. Edie has been passing herself off as Mike’s girlfriend. When Susan and Edie both tell Nurse Parker that they’re the real girlfriend of Mike, she sides with Edie, and orders security to take Susan out of the building. Marcie is the only nurse that knows the truth about Susan and Mike’s relationship. The next day, Susan tricks the nurse to tell Edie she has a phone call. While Edie is on the phone, (when no one is there) Susan takes Mike out of the hospital, and back to Wisteria Lane. She tells him about accidentally locking herself outside naked, their first kiss in his pick-up truck, and meeting each other at Mary Alice’s wake, but Mike remembers none of these stories. When Susan trips on the curb, Mike remembers her being a klutz. Susan is very happy, that is, until the hospital security guard finds them. Susan and Edie both try to convince each other that Mike will end up with them.

Bree orders Gus, a motel manager, to open the room Robert Falati and Danielle are in. He does, and Mr. Falati and Danielle are embarrassed to have their private sex interrupted. Bree makes the two break up, and Danielle is devastated. Danielle attempts a half-hearted suicide by smashing a beer bottle on her own head, taking pills, and slashing her wrist with a spoon. After this, Orson, Bree, Andrew, and Danielle all meet with a therapist. At the session, Danielle threatens Bree that if she tries to break up the relationship with Mr. Falati (who is getting a divorce) or tries to get him fired, she will run away for good. This backfires as Bree tells Mr. Falati that Danielle is moving in with him. Mr. Falati says no, and Bree, pretending to be angry, says Danielle would be devastated and he should break up with her. She threatens that if he tells Danielle she was behind this, she will tell his wife. So he breaks up with Danielle. She gets her revenge by telling his wife about their relationship, resulting in him not getting any money in the divorce.

Gabrielle comes home to find Carlos in her bedroom with candles on. She thinks he wants to seduce her, when really, he is about to sleep with a woman named Trishelle. Carlos was doing this in order to make Gabrielle jealous, but she isn’t. Gabrielle tries to make him jealous by having Phil Lopez, the man who beat him twice for Latino Businessman of the Year, over. This plan is working. Gabrielle is not interested in Phil, so in order to infuriate Carlos, she pretends to have sex with him, making sex noises in her bedroom. The plan is working, as Carlos is extremely jealous. Phil is trying to have sex with her, but Gabrielle shoos him away. Phil goes out and tells Carlos what a monster his soon to be ex-wife is. When Phil finds out that Gabrielle’s car is blocking his, Carlos goes inside to get Gabrielle to move it. He finds Gabrielle in bed, still making the sex noises, taps her on the shoulder, and asks her to move her car. She does, and Carlos laughs at her for pretending to have sex. Gabrielle promises to make him jealous and devastate him permanently, but Carlos says it’s not possible. Carlos, who is still in love with her, begs her to re-consider getting a divorce. She says she will as long as he brings her breakfast in bed the next morning. He does, only to find her in bed with Jason, a man she picked up from the bar. This devastated Carlos and made him jealous.

Tom tells Lynette his plans of opening a pizzeria, but Lynette isn’t happy, because she knows that if he opens up a new business, he will spend too much money and they’d go in debt. She shares with her friends about Tom’s plans, but neither one thinks it's a good idea. Nora, being the blunt woman she is, tells Lynette she thinks Tom made a crappy decision. Lynette tells Tom that in order to make the pizzeria work, he should open up a catering restaurant first, and then go to a pizzeria, because then they can save money for the pizzeria. Tom says that’s not his dream, so he wants to go straight to the pizzeria. Lynette tells him that no matter what he decides to do, she will support him. Nora tells Tom that Lynette is pushing him to do what she wants him to do, and that she is a bully. As Nora is tucking her daughter Kayla into bed, Kayla tells her that she wishes Tom could tuck her in every night, and Nora assures her that she is working on it.

While Julie is talking with her friend Sarah, Austin comes by and asks for help on his homework. Julie, who is still being coy about her crush on him and giving him the cold shoulder, says that she’ll do it for $15 an hour. Sarah falls for his bad boy image and thinks he is hot. While Julie is helping Austin with his homework, he tells her that he got sent to juvenile detention center because he fought his mom’s boyfriend to protect his mom, and the boyfriend said to her that if she didn’t press charges, he would break up with her, and the mom didn’t want to be alone, so she sent him away. Julie feels sorry for him and does his whole assignment. Later, she catches him and Sarah making out in a car, and she and Sarah had plans to see a movie that night, but Sarah cancelled. She shows Austin her anger by re-typing the assignment, resulting in him getting a D minus. Austin confronts her and says that he knows Othello was motivated by jealousy and winks at Julie before walking away.

Detective Ridley’s work partner tells him that he found what he believes to be ink on Monique’s hand. Sure enough, it’s a phone number. Detective Ridley and his partner call the number, and it is revealed to be Mike Delfino’s number.

Cast

Although credited, Preston Scavo (Brent Kinsman) and Porter Scavo (Shane Kinsman) do not appear in this episode.

Title reference

The episode title, "Nice She Ain't" is the title of a song cut from Gypsy, by Jule Styne with lyrics by Stephen Sondheim.

International titles

• Croatian: Ona nije fina (She Isn't Nice)
• French: L'art du sabotage (The Art of Sabotage)
• French (Canada): L'art du sabotage (The Art of Sabotage)
• German: Sabotage (Sabotage)
• Hebrew: נחמדה היא לא (Nechmada Hi Lo; Nice She Ain't)
• Hungarian: Gáncsoskodók (Captiouses)
• Italian: L’arte del sabotaggio (The Art of Sabotage)
• Spanish: No es buena (She's Not Nice)