Gatekeeper parent

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A gatekeeper parent is a term sometimes utilized in the legal arena to refer to a parent who appoints them self the power to decide what relationship is acceptable between the other parent and the child(ren). The term is broad and may refer to power dynamics within a marriage or may describe the behaviors of divorced or never married parents.

Characteristics

Most "gatekeeping" situations are studied with consenting married couples who are first time parents. Parenting situation studies using divorced couples and out-of-wedlock parenting relationships that show very similar or identical behavioral characteristics as married couples with children are usually studied under the topics: Parental Interference, Parental Alienation, Maternal Alienation, and Abuse by Proxy.

A Gatekeeper parent exhibits themselves under the following categories:

Criticizes the way other parent/spouse/ex-spouse parents
Creates unbending or unrealistic standards for other parent to spend time with the children
Demeans or undermines other parent's efforts at being an authority figure in the child(ren's) lives
Does all the organizing, delegating, planning, and scheduling in the home
Becomes reluctant to let go of some of the responsibility for caring for the family
Needs a great deal of validation of their identity as a parent, both from the other parent/spouse/ex-spouse and from outside the marriage or parenting relationship
Believes in the traditional roles assigned to husbands and wives
Views the other parent/spouse/ex-spouse as a helper and not an equal when it comes to household chores and child-care responsibilities
Asks the other parent/spouse/ex-spouse for help and then gives explicit directions on how to accomplish a task

Inside a marriage, the characteristics and symptoms may already be apparent with one parent being relegated to second tier status and disenfranchised in regards to their parenting skills or their ability to practice and nurture their own set of skills. This lends itself to the dominant parent taking complete control of the household and it causes severe resentment and sense of helplessness in the other parent's relationship with the children. In a post divorce situation the so-called "gate-keeping" parent may limit contact between the other parent and the child(ren), verbal and psychological abuse, or may utilize derogatory remarks regarding the other parent and threats in order to maintain control.

Related conditions

It is yet to be determined or even studied as to whether or not Parental Gatekeeping is a different syndrome from Parental Interference and Parental Alienation or if the two are just a more severe form of gatekeeping only exacerbated by a high conflict breakdown of the relationship between the two parents. It is important to note that Parental Gatekeeping, along with Parentel Interference and Parental Alienation are not recognized by the American Psychological Association as diagnosable "syndromes." Many mental health professionals have agreed that such terms are merely an attempt to explain a child's resistance to visitation with an abusive parent. High conflict circumstances already visible in the marriage can lead to false accusations of incompetence, neglect, or abuse of the children by one parent against the other once the relationship is being adjudicated in a divorce preceding. No current studies have been published to link the three syndromes and the American Psychological Association has not ruled or identified any of the 3 as recognized syndromes in any of its publications.. Independent individual studies of all three are still in progress with findings to be published later.

References

"Mothers' Beliefs and Behaviors That Inhibit Greater Father Involvement in Family" Allen, Sarah M. and Alan J. Hawkins. 1999. Journal of Marriage and the Family 61(1):199-212.

Maternal Gatekeeping: Do mothers limit fathers' involvement with their kids? Raeburn, Paul. June 13, 2008 Psychology Today

Maternal Gatekeepers - - What You Can Do About Maternal Gatekeeping Maternal Gatekeepers - - Subtle Sabotage By Sheri & Bob Stritof, About.com

Maternal gatekeeping, coparenting quality, and fathering behavior in families with infants. Schoppe-Sullivan, Sarah J.; Brown, Geoffrey L.; Cannon, Elizabeth A.; Mangelsdorf, Sarah C.; Sokolowski, Margaret Szewczyk Journal of Family Psychology. Vol 22(3), Jun 2008, 389-398.

v t e Parenting

See also: School Family

Types	Adoptive Alloparenting Complex family Coparenting Foster care Kommune 1 LGBT Matrifocal family Noncustodial Nuclear family Orphaned Shared Single parent Blended family Surrogacy Three-parents In loco parentis

Theories/Areas	Attachment theory Applied behavior analysis Behaviorism Child development Cognitive development Developmental psychology Human development Love Maternal bond Nature versus nurture Parental investment Paternal bond Pediatrics Social psychology

Styles	Attachment parenting Concerted cultivation Gatekeeper parent Helicopter parent Nurturant parenting Slow parenting Soccer mom Strict father model Taking Children Seriously Work at home parent

Techniques	After-school activity Allowance Bedtime Child care Co-sleeping Homeschooling Latchkey kid Play (date) Role model Spoiled child Television Toy (educational)

Discipline	Blanket training Corporal punishment in the home Curfew Grounding Tactical ignoring Time-out

Abuse	Child abandonment Child abuse Child labour Child neglect Cinderella effect Incest Narcissistic parent Parental abuse by children

Legal / social aspects	Child support Cost of raising a child Marriage Parental responsibility (Deadbeat parent) Paternity Disownment

Experts	Tanya Byron Rudolf Dreikurs David Elkind Jo Frost Haim Ginott Thomas Gordon Truby King Annette Lareau Penelope Leach Madeline Levine William Sears B. F. Skinner Benjamin Spock

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