The following is a list of recurring Saturday Night Live characters and sketches introduced between September 13, 2008, and May 16, 2009, the thirty-fourth season of SNL.
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Kenan Thompson sells discounted garments with mysterious stains. Debuted September 27, 2008.
A parody of the original "mildly-entertaining" Lawrence Welk Show, this PBS rerun features a sister act of The Maharelle Sisters from the Finger Lakes. The fourth sister (named "Dooneese") has several simultaneously amusing and disturbing deformities, such as an unusually high frontal hairline, hands the size of a baby's, immobile wrists, and an odd canine tooth. The sisters usually sing in turn, and often when it comes time for her part, the musical act is thrown into disarray, as Dooneese sings or utters something totally arbitrary or disturbing, including the admission of her baking roadkill and having worms in her hair. Lawrence Welk is portrayed by Fred Armisen. The freakish sister Dooneese is portrayed by Kristen Wiig. Debuted October 4, 2008.
The three normal sisters have been played by both guests and cast members, including Jenny Slate, Abby Elliott, Michaela Watkins, Casey Wilson, Nasim Pedrad, Vanessa Bayer, Amy Poehler, Ana Gasteyer, Maya Rudolph and Anne Hathaway. Their mother was played by Betty White in the episode she hosted.
Will Forte plays a registered sex offender trying to avoid introducing himself as such. Debuted October 25, 2008.
Kenan Thompson plays the Sanford and Son character Grady Wilson as the host of a series of instructional sex films. Debuted November 1, 2008.
Fred Armisen, Kristen Wiig and Bill Hader star in this sketch about a family that expresses affection, at the slightest provocation, with slobbery French kissing and other disturbingly intimate acts. Debuted November 15, 2008.
This recurring sketch features Dateline correspondent Keith Morrison (played by Bill Hader) hosting "Real-Life Crimes and Stories of Real People in Bad Situations", a series of short interviews with characters, played by other cast members and the host, who had experiences involving much pain and suffering. In the first sketch, Hader interviews Kristen Wiig (boyfriend's boy in trunk of car), Casey Wilson, Jason Sudeikis (attacked by sharks), and host Tim McGraw (wife murdered neighbors). In the second sketch, Hader takes on Andy Samberg (shot in a convenience store robbery), Kenan Thompson, Abby Elliott (roof fell in during wedding), and host Tracy Morgan (Hannibal Lecter-type murderer). The sketch revolves around Morrison's sinister persona: during the interviews, Hader utters trite remarks, makes creepy faces and sounds, expresses disgust at awful things not happening, and admits he gets a creepy delight out of other people's suffering.
Episodes:
It should be noted that Hader reprised his Keith Morrison/Dateline impression in an episode of Weekend Update Thursday airing on September 25, 2009, where he took on President Barack Obama (Fred Armisen)
Kristen Wiig is an outwardly sexy woman who nonetheless does everything in the least sexy way possible. Debuted December 6, 2008.
Kristen Wiig is a mischievous schoolgirl. Debuted January 17, 2009.