Father Ted is a cult comedy produced by Hat Trick Productions for British broadcaster Channel 4, running for three series and a special from 21 April 1995 until 1 May 1998 over 5 episodes. The main characters comprised Father Ted Crilly (Dermot Morgan) and his fellow priests Father Dougal McGuire (Ardal O'Hanlon) and Father Jack Hackett (Frank Kelly), all exiled on Craggy Island living together with the fourth main character, housekeeper Mrs Doyle (Pauline McLynn). All four actors appeared from the first to the last episodes, from "Good Luck, Father Ted" to "Going to America". The character of Mrs Doyle appeared only very briefly in "Flight Into Terror" but because she didn't want to be left out, Pauline McLynn was cast as one of two troublesome nuns on the aircraft.
Father Ted Crilly (played by Dermot Morgan) is the extravagant main character of Father Ted.
He is an Irish Catholic priest on Craggy Island who constantly feels burdened by the idiocy and insanity of those around him. According to several sources, Ted's birthday is November 15. He was sent to the failing parish as penance for a misdemeanor known only as 'that Lourdes thing', whereby he allegedly stole charitable donations intended to fund a poor child's pilgrimage and then absconded to Las Vegas with it (he always claimed that the money was just 'resting in his account'). He claims to miss the thrill and the buzz of working in "the big city" although it was later suggested that his previous parish was actually in the small town of Wexford. Despite being one of the series' few sympathetic characters, Ted is a greedy and vainglorious man; he dreams of abandoning his fellow clergy and ministering a parish far away in America. However, he finds his ambitions constantly quashed by the demands of his much feared, narcissistic superior, Bishop Len Brennan, and the two priests he was charged with caring for: the violent alcoholic Father Jack Hackett and the profoundly unintelligent Father Dougal McGuire, as well as their manic housekeeper Mrs Doyle. Ted likes to give the image of a charitable humanitarian but dreams of a more glamorous calling than the priesthood. He serves as a straightman compared to his rather odd counterparts.
Despite his past wrongdoings, various character flaws and general distaste for life as a priest, Ted often displays a real religious conviction and appears genuinely disturbed or offended whenever Dougal says anything that questions the Catholic faith. However, Ted often tries to exploit his beliefs for his own ends, such as praying for God to get rid of his unwanted house guest, Father Stone. He is quick to twist or reinterpret the teachings of the church in order to justify his more outlandish schemes. On one such occasion he persuaded Dougal to help him rig a church raffle by explaining that doing so would save Bishop Brennan's soul because Brennan would most likely want to commit the even greater sin of murder should he find out that Ted accidentally destroyed the original raffle prize. He does sometimes slip up on religious topics, however, such as suggesting artificial contraception (which the Catholic Church disagrees with) to oversexed milkman, Pat Mustard or getting into an awkward discussion with a gay man about the Pope's stance on homosexuality, leading him to deny Papal infallibility.
Ted has a long-standing rivalry and game of one-upmanship with Father Dick Byrne, parish priest of Rugged Island, and is frequently seen displaying his childish side through the various petty tricks he plays on him. Ted's only known family is a brother who is a Doctor; he is mentioned briefly in "Entertaining Father Stone". Ted dreads visits from Bishop Brennan, as the latter despises him and usually punishes him.
Father Dougal McGuire, played by Ardal O'Hanlon, is a profoundly dense and thoroughly ignorant young priest (he once merrily confessed that "the lights are on but there's no one home"), Dougal has no belief in or even a remote understanding of Catholic Christianity, once admitting that he believes more in Darth Vader and Phantom of the Opera than he does in God. Father Ted reminds him to write down people that don't exist on a list, such as Magnum, P.I. and the Loch Ness Monster. He revealed to Ted that he does not believe in the afterlife and that he wishes he shared Ted's own faith in the concept.
Quite how he became a member of the clergy, or how he ended up on Craggy Island, remains a mystery, although in one episode, Bishop Brennan mentions that the latter was punishment for some sort of incident at Blackrock in which the lives of a group of nuns were left irreparably damaged. Whatever happened, the incident was deemed to be serious enough for the Vatican to have become involved had Brennan not gone to great lengths to prevent it. Dougal himself alludes to an incident aboard a Sealink Ferry where he pushed a large red button that he wasn't supposed to push, though this may have happened since he was sent to Craggy Island. In "Grant unto Him Eternal Rest", Ted sarcastically suggests that he managed to enter the priesthood via a "collect twelve crisp packets and become a priest" promotion.
In the episode "Old Grey Whistle Theft", Dougal is 25 years old, and soon to be 26. A cheerful, innocent and naive soul, he has a childlike perception of life that rarely holds him in good stead with the priests with whom he shares the parochial house in which he lives, with the much more grounded, cynical Father Ted, who- though occasionally acting as his parent-figure (literally in one episode) - tends to regard both him and his ignorance as an incredible annoyance, and the blunt, short-tempered alcoholic Father Jack who occasionally refers to him as a "gobshite".
In keeping with his childish personality, Dougal has a great passion for rollerblading[1] and often appears out of sync with reality. On occasions, when asleep, he dreams he is taking part in well known UK gameshows, such as Countdown or Blockbusters which annoys Ted as he is shouting out the (ironically sometimes complicated and presumably correct) answers very loudly. He sleeps in a Republic of Ireland national football team shirt, and has garish He-Man bedsheets. He considers Catholicism to be some sort of "weird cult", and sees his career simply as a "bit of a laugh", rather than a pious calling. He also has no idea about how to conduct the most basic of Catholic rituals and ceremonies. His attempts at giving the death sacraments in Latin ended in his reciting the A.C. Milan football squad for 1995. Also during this scene, Dougal reveals that both his parents had passed away, making him an orphan. On another occasion Dougal was obliged to perform a funeral service because Ted was not available, somehow leading to an unexplained scene of utter carnage (the hearse crashed and exploded whilst the mourners ran around in a blind panic).
Aside from his profession, he also has trouble understanding basic concepts, such as optical illusions; in one renowned scene, Ted spends hours showing Dougal that a toy cow isn't the same size as one standing far away, even though they appear so to the naked eye. From time to time however, Dougal does demonstrate a level of intelligence that occasionally surpasses that of Father Ted. In the episode "Cigarettes and Alcohol and Rollerblading", Dougal points out to Ted that knocking gently on the door of Rugged Island Parochial House wouldn't wake up the occupants. Instead Dougal suggests that Ted knocks loudly, which he does.
Father Dougal also has a fear of women. He has been known to hide from women, or otherwise ignore them. Ted spends time trying to explain to Dougal how to deal with women, which sometimes leads to embarrassing situations, such as giving away the parish house. However, Dougal seems to be much more relaxed with nuns. In the episode "Grant Unto Him Eternal Rest", Dougal admits that he doesn't feel as nervous with a nun as much as he does with an ordinary woman. The whole situation of being uneasy around women more than likely revolves around him being a priest. He like all priests can not look at women in any romantic or sexual way. This situation for someone incredibly naive and carefree would be extremely difficult, so he avoids women. Father Ted once warned Dougal (episode "And God Created Woman") that he could not think of women in a conventional sense (women being attractive to Dougal) anymore now that he is a priest.
Father Cyril McDuff of Rugged Island resembles Father Dougal - ironically, Dougal thinks the former is an "awful eejit".
As testament to the character's enduring popularity, Irish bookmakers humorously began collecting bets on whether Dougal would succeed Pope John Paul II upon his death. The odds were 1,000-1 (better odds than some genuine candidates), and some small stakes were actually received. In 2011, Father Ted co-creator Graham Linehan revealed in Channel 4's documentary Unintelligent Design how Dougal was inspired by a cross between wide-eyed bartender Woody from Cheers and the roadsweeper Trigger, from Only Fools and Horses.[2]
Father Jack Hackett, played by Frank Kelly, is an elderly, decrepit, foul-mouthed, lecherous[3] alcoholic priest who frequently lapses into violent behaviour, particularly when his fellow clergy deny him drink or try removing him from his armchair, where he is usually found sleeping (or, more likely, passed out). Left irrevocably damaged by his life of sloth, lechery and alcoholic abuse, he rarely speaks in a coherent manner, instead expressing himself through a series of random shouted words (i.e., "Feck!", "ARSE!", "DRINK!" and "GIRLS!"). He regards Father Ted Crilly, Father Dougal McGuire and Bishop Brennan with undisguised contempt, although he seems to be more tolerant of Mrs Doyle; possibly because she has a fond maternal affection for him and frequently lavishes him with drink. However, when she once offered him a cup of tea, he was outraged and hurled the cup at her head. He is hinted as being mentally defective as shown when Ted is able to calm him by showing him the colour blue or puts him to sleep by placing a box on his head. Despite this, he has been said to have executed careful plans such as hitting Ted with a car or placing a spider in his mouth. Ted often treats him with an overgenerous level of respect, possibly because of his length of service.
Jack is extremely violent, frequently lashing out at all and sundry. He apparently once kicked Dougal up the arse and also once even punched Bishop Brennan in the face, but most of his violence is reserved for Ted, who explains that 'whenever he'd hit you or whatever, he'd never do it out of spite. He'd do it because he thought it was funny...!'
During the episode "Grant Unto Him Eternal Rest", flashbacks of Father Jack's earlier life as an active (and sober) priest showed him to be a highly conservative fire and brimstone-style Catholic School preacher who enjoyed tormenting students with threats of eternal damnation and giving out heavy amounts of corporal punishment. Another flashback implies that he had a less-than-healthy interest in the female students. Dougal also points out that Jack was the first priest to denounce The Beatles because "he could see what they were up to". Jack is held in very high regard by the other elderly priests, with one even exclaiming at his (premature) wake that Jack should have been made Pope rather than John Paul II.
While it is never explicitly stated why Bishop Brennan has doomed Jack to Craggy Island, it is mentioned in "The Passion of St Tibulus" that it has something to do with a wedding ceremony he performed in Athlone. In the episode "Tentacles of Doom", with the promise of more "drink", Ted was able to train Jack to say "That would be an ecumenical matter!" and "Yes!" so that he would be able to convincingly circumnavigate any questions put to him by a party of visiting bishops. Jack also has a fear of nuns, whether inebriated or not. He hates doing confession - partly attributed to his fear of enclosed spaces - and regards the sick and poor with contempt, referring to the needy as a "shower of bastards". It is later revealed that, according to his will, he has saved up £500,000. Ted partly attributes this to Jack's "never giving money to charity" and the fact that "he wouldn't wear trousers during the summer".
A recurring theme in the series, Jack's alcoholism has almost rendered him a human vegetable (although he had the presence of mind to find a bag containing an incriminating tape of Bishop Len Brennan when the latter threatened posting Jack, Dougal and Ted to places even less desirable than Craggy Island in "The Passion of Saint Tibulus"). He is constantly intoxicated and therefore permanently unaware of the people around him, except when they interfere with his daily routine of sleep and drink. Jack's drinking is not limited to alcohol, and he will drink almost any liquid he can get his hands on. Sometimes these strange choices of drink will have equally strange effects on Jack; Toilet Duck for instance causes him to experience hallucinations, and floor polish makes him temporarily appear to be dead, to the extent that he apparently actually started to decompose. However, his alcoholism has also left him with the incredible ability to tell what vintage a bottle of wine is simply from the sound of the bottles clinking together ("The Old Grey Whistle Theft").
In the episode "Cigarettes and Alcohol and Rollerblading", Ted observes that Jack hasn't been properly sober for twelve years, and when he does finally leave his inebriated state for a moment, realises to his horror that he's still on "that feckin' island" (which might explain why he turned to drink in the first place). His alcoholism makes it apparent that he has little memory for the names of household objects, as he picks up a spoon and demands to know of Ted, "what the hell is this?"
The drink has left Jack with scant regard for his personal hygiene; he is always depicted with a ring of scabs around his mouth, an unkempt stubble and stains down his clerical collar and smock. In "Tentacles of Doom" he is given a shave of his hair, but by the end of the episode it is back. In the episode "Night of the Nearly Dead", Eoin McLove points at Father Jack and claims "This one here, this one smells of wee". In the final episode, "Going to America", Ted imagines Jack as a loveable, grandfatherly figure, seated in a rocking chair and dressed in a cardigan rather than his usual dark garb. He is also notably cleaner-looking, without the scabs around his mouth, or his milky eye.
For unexplained reasons, Father Jack stands to attention (and demands the same from all others) on hearing La Marseillaise.
Mrs Doyle, played by Pauline McLynn, is the parish priests' widowed housekeeper. Her first name is not mentioned on the show, but is given as Joan in a script. Whenever a character speaks her name, background noise suddenly erupts, masking whatever is being said.
Mrs Doyle is a hyperactive, repressed and somewhat insane parish housekeeper with an over the top zeal for her work. Obsessed with refreshments, she could often be found preparing copious amounts of tea, cake and sandwiches; she even stays up all night 'just in case one of you needs a cup of tea'.[4] Whenever Ted or somebody else refused one of her beverages, she urged them for some time, usually just by repeating "go on, go on", until the offending priest or guest finally agreed just for the sake of some peace. She would then deny them the tea or cake. In one episode, when Ted finally gives in, she decides that she is forcing him to have a cake, and tells him that he should just say no (which he had done several times), calling it a 'word that Our Lord gave us to use when we didn't want any cake.' She then proceeds to have the cakes destroyed.
Aside from simple domestic chores, Mrs Doyle also performs all the other tasks that needed completing around the house, such as digging drainage ditches and mending the roof.[5] In this respect, Ted took advantage of her work ethic and treated her like a general dogsbody. She frequently suffers accidents while attending to these chores, such as falling off the roof, falling down the stairs and especially plummeting head-first out of the large window frame in the front room.
Little or nothing is known about her personal life, except that she must have been married at some point and previously spoke of having a sister. She has a dim view of sex, once mentioning how thankful she was that "she never thinks about that sort of thing", and in this respect appeared quite conservative. In "And God Created Woman", when she and Ted were discussing the work of novelist Polly Clarke, she lamented how much swearing there was in modern fiction and went on a rant about the amount of sex in Clarke's books. She also becomes annoyed, condescending and visibly jealous whenever another woman comes into the parochial house, especially those who are good-looking or command the attention of the priests. She has several women friends on the island who appear sporadically throughout the series, and all look and speak in the same manner.
Bishop Leonard, occasionally known as "Len" Brennan was played by Jim Norton. Brennan appears from the episode "The Passion of St Tibulus" until the episode "Kicking Bishop Brennan up the Arse".
Despite supposedly being held in high regard by the Catholic community (he was once invited to meet the Pope), Brennan is a foul-mouthed, lecherous, hypocritical and sometimes even violent narcissist who despises Ted (for somewhat justified reasons, as Ted did steal money from charity and lost it all gambling), frequently casting a shadow over the lowly priest's life. He was the one charged with punishing Ted, Dougal and Jack for their respective misdemeanours, damning them to a lifetime of misery on the bleak, desolate Craggy Island.
He has several peculiar quirks that are exploited for comic effect on the show, such as his bizarre fear of rabbits (caused by an incident in a New York lift) and extravagant lifestyle (in one episode he was shown lounging in a hot tub with a glass of champagne and a beautiful woman). Dougal and Jack, because of their respective stupidity and alcohol-induced psychosis, are markedly less afraid of Brennan than Ted; Jack once even punched him in the face, causing his nose to bleed, while Dougal constantly addresses the Bishop by his first name, Len, despite having been repeatedly threatened and sworn at by Brennan as a result (he usually responds with "you address me by my proper title, you little bollocks!"). In the episode "The Passion of St. Tibulus", it was revealed that Brennan has a secret partner and love child in America, a reference to Irish Bishop Eamonn Casey.
Bishop Brennan visited the island on three notable occasions: firstly; when the blasphemous film The Passion of Saint Tibulus was being shown on the island. Ted and Dougal's earnest protest only attracted more attention to the film, with people flocking to the island to see it (some coming from as far away as Gdańsk). Bishop Brennan vowed to punish the three priests by exiling them elsewhere in the world, in places even worse than Craggy Island. However, the Bishop soon changed his mind when Jack found a video tape containing footage of Brennan with what is presumed to be his long-rumoured son and girlfriend (the boy's mother) on holiday in California, in a clear reference to the real life Bishop Eamon Casey.
The Bishop makes his second visit to the island when Father Jack starts a habit of nude sleepwalking, and to Bishop Brennan's fury it had been witnessed by an old and respected friend of his. Brennan once again had to deal with "the cast of Police Academy", as he described the three Craggy Island priests. Unfortunately, he was totally unaware that a plague of rabbits had befallen the house. Bishop Brennan was once stuck in a lift in New York with around a hundred rabbits, and they started to "nibble at my cape, and everything". Upon questioning Ted when his suspicions were aroused to the priests' strange behaviour (and finding some lettuce in a cage), Brennan retired to bed, only to be woken up by Ted and Dougal who were getting rid of about a hundred rabbits and a nude Jack who was sleeping in the Bishop's bed.
As the result of losing a football match to Father Dick Byrne, Ted was forced to accept a forfeit: "Kick Bishop Brennan up the arse". After Dick Byrne told Brennan that an apparition of him was appearing in the skirting boards of the guest bedroom, he arrived with his escort Father Jessop - the most sarcastic priest in Ireland. Ted eventually (after much fooling around) managed to carry out the forfeit, acting on Dougal's suggestion to kick Bishop Brennan and then act like he hadn't, the reasoning being that Ted's fear of the Bishop was so well-known that he would never believe Ted would do such a thing. After the kick, however, Bishop Brennan was shocked into a catatonic state that lasted well beyond the duration of his visit, until around halfway through a trip to the Vatican for an audience with the Pope. He snapped out of it just as he was due to greet the pontiff, exclaiming "He did kick me up the arse!", shoving the Holy Father aside and flying back to Craggy Island in utmost anger. Ted eventually managed to convince a raging Brennan that he didn't kick him up the arse, only for the Bishop to see the massive photograph of Ted kicking him up the arse that Dougal had had placed outside the house showing Bishop Brennan being kicked up the arse. Once again enraged, Bishop Brennan got his revenge on Ted by doing the same thing to him, sending him flying ten feet into the air across the field with Ted landing on his arse.
Father Dick Byrne was portrayed by Maurice O'Donoghue. He appeared in 5 episodes of the show, in "Competition Time", "Song For Europe", "Cigarettes and Alcohol and Rollerblading", "Escape from Victory" and "Kicking Bishop Brennan up the Arse". Dick is Ted's equivalent on nearby Rugged Island, and his bitter rival.
Ted's nemesis, Dick often manages to outwit Ted as part of their ongoing feud. It is unknown how the feud started, but Dougal once mentioned a "Scrabble fiasco" (where Father Byrne managed to get all of his words to spell "Useless priest, can't say Mass"). This feud has led to various ill-judged escapades, usually after Dick has telephoned Ted to tease him for some inadequacy or taunt him for some fault. These include fooling him on the phone into thinking that Dick sincerely believed Ted's Eurovision song would be good, and winning the annual "All-Priests Five-a-Side Over-75's Indoor Football Challenge Match." However, there are instances where Ted has got the better of Dick. Ted mentions an occasion where Dick lost a bet against him and therefore had to say "bollocks" very loudly in front of the then-Irish President Mary Robinson. Ted also beat Dick in the Eurosong competition, despite Dick's song, 'The Miracle Is Mine', being given a standing ovation and being far superior to the Craggy Island effort. Ted states that he "really hates Father Dick Byrne!"
In the 2010 Channel 4 retrospective 'Small, Far Away - The World of Father Ted', Graham Linehan and Arthur Matthews said, perhaps seriously, that Maurice O'Donoghue and the rest of the Rugged Island cast were each their second choice to play the main characters on the show.
Father Noel Furlong was portrayed by Graham Norton. He appeared in three episodes of the show, in "Hell" and "Flight into Terror" in series 2, and in "The Mainland" in series 3, where he possibly dies.
Father Noel is a very annoying and hyperactive priest whom Ted and Dougal hate spending time with. He runs the St. Luke's Youth Group and is first encountered during Ted's abortive caravaning holiday to "Hell". Here he invades the peaceful surroundings of the priests' rented caravan and keeps them awake at night, singing songs ("The Whole of the Moon" and "Dirty Old Town") and expressing his desire to tell ghost stories at six o' clock in the morning. Noel pokes fun at Ted and Dougal for having strong bladders by comparing them to "a bunch of camels". He regales the helpless Ted and Dougal with tales of how members of the youth group have a habit of turning in "late" ("ten past the eleven") and succeeds in driving them out of their holiday home, which he then proceeds to tip over after having himself and the youth group perform a Riverdance routine inside it.
Father Noel turns up again on the "Flight into Terror" leading Father Fay and Dougal into the cockpit of a plane. While there he inadvertently causes disaster when he allows Father Fay, who doesn't know he's a priest, to see his reflection. Father Fay goes mad and jumps on the pilot sending the plane out of its path. The pilot screams at the watching Dougal to press the emergency button. The bumbling priest then presses the wrong button. This grave error results in one of the fuel tanks being emptied.
Noel's boundless energy results in him getting his group lost in the "Very Dark Caves" on "The Mainland", and, after performing a rendition of the Bohemian Rhapsody, his attempts to start a "screeching competition" cause him to be crushed by falling rocks. His very last scene features him under the rocks with his hand sticking out, still in a very happy mood. His youth group then abandon him and head to Paraguay on Aer Lingus flights. Ted told an apparent rescue service man to save Noel, but the man turned out actually to be an uninterested dustman, meaning Noel could very possibly have died under the rocks. But in the short scene after the credits, Noel is still under the rocks, clicking his fingers and singing "Fat Bottomed Girls".
Series creator Graham Linehan once stated that the basis for Father Noel Furlong's character was "a priest who has repressed his homosexuality for so long that it has driven him insane." Linehan also, however, stated that he believed him to be asexual.
Father Larry Duff, played by Tony Guilfoyle is a friend of Ted's who always seems to be on the receiving end of some misfortune. The cause of these events is usually Ted calling him on his mobile phone. Examples of Larry's mishaps include driving off a cliff in his Ford Granada while looking for his ringing mobile ("Hell"), losing £10,000 in a TV gameshow when Ted interrupts his concentration by ringing him ("Cigarettes, Alcohol & Rollerblading"), and being trampled by a herd of stampeding donkeys ("Flight Into Terror"). Occasionally Ted manages to get through to him, only to be informed he won't be arriving at a picnic as he is being investigated for weapons smuggling by the Army ("Old Grey Whistle Theft") or that he can't accept Ted's offer of rabbits as he decided to get twelve rottweilers instead ("The Plague"). Ted often mentions Larry as being "tremendous fun". He is apparently a good friend of Bishop Facks, who appears in "Tentacles of Doom". Despite his frequent injuries, he always returns unscathed in his next appearance.
Father Paul Stone, played by Michael Redmond, is an exceedingly boring priest who featured in the episode "Entertaining Father Stone" and comes to stay at the parochial house every year. He is completely unable to hold a conversation and is more than happy just to sit and do/say nothing at all, giving one-sentence answers at best. He usually brushes off any attempted social interaction by saying something along the lines of "No. I'm fine". Despite his quiet persona, Father Stone's presence dominates those around him, leading to awkward and protracted silences which suck the life out of the room, ruining Ted's birthday party as a result. His unresponsiveness makes him practically impossible to get rid of, causing Ted and the others to go to great lengths just to avoid contact with him, such as going to bed extremely early or going out to the island's sub-standard crazy golf course in the pouring rain. When Ted prays to God with the intention of getting rid of Father Stone, he is subsequently struck by lightning after joining Ted and Dougal at the crazy golf course. He gets stuck in the same position as he was when he is struck, and surgeons were unable to remove the golf club from his hands, leading Dougal to comment that "he looks like a trophy". His grandmother and parents are alive and he is known to have one brother who is a doctor. It turns out that he hero-worships Ted and once drew a portrait of the two of them together.
Father Fintan Stack, portrayed by Brendan Grace, is a truly appalling priest who comes to the Parochial House as Father Jack's replacement when Jack contracts "hairy hands syndrome" and is sent to St Clabbert's (known informally among the priests as "Jurassic Park"). Father Stack's unpleasant habits, which he does solely for his own amusement, include:
His visit is abruptly cut short when he too contracts "the hair thing" after sitting in Jack's chair ("New Jack City"). Ted concludes that Stack is worse than Hitler, because not even Hitler would play jungle music at three in the morning.
Father Austin Purcell, played by Ben Keaton, features in the episode "Think Fast, Father Ted". He is "the most boring priest in the world", according to Ted. The entire population of a village in Nigeria once sailed to their deaths on a crocodile-infested lake to escape him. He talks constantly in an annoying high-pitched voice about the most trivial and irritating topics, including central heating, insurance and "favourite humming noises". He once proposed an unusual concept - by painting the house orange and building extensions on extensions on extensions on houses, he postulated the doughnut shaped house - "the house is in a circle now". Ted has to physically restrain Father Jack from punching Father Austin. After Ted allows Father Jack to leave he cries out 'Thank Christ' and promptly locks Ted in instead. He claims to have known a woman once - "but she died soon afterwards".
Father Todd Unctious, portrayed by Gerard McSorley, appears in the episode "A Christmassy Ted". He turns up at the parochial house at Christmas claiming to be an old pal of Ted's; Ted has no recollection of Todd whatsoever. Ted is required to employ diverse stratagems and ploys to find out his name, without success. An attempt to get him to write his name fails, as Unctious reveals that he once ran with scissors and fell, completely severing the nerve that controls handwriting. Fortunately Mrs Doyle manages to guess his name in nearly under an hour, after quite a number of increasingly ridiculous wrong guesses, including Andy Riley, Desmond Coyle, George Byrne, David Nicholson, Declan Lynch, Ken Sweeney, Neil Hannon (a reference to Neil Hannon of Divine Comedy fame, who wrote the shows theme tune), Keith Cullen, Ciaran Donnelly, Mick McEvoy, Jack White, Henry Bigbigging, Hank Tree, Hiroshima Twinkie, Stig Bubblecart, Johnny Hellzapoppin, Luke Duke, Billy Ferry, Chewy Louie, John Hoop, Hairy Cakelinum, Ebula Conundrum, Peewee Stairmaster, Tight Head Lips, Jemima Racktouey, Jerry Twig, Spodo Komodo, and Canabrana Lammer. His behaviour disturbs Ted; he also enjoys wandering around in nothing but his underpants, is not averse to showing Ted some of his more intimate scars, and shadow boxing. He turns out to be a thief who wants to steal Ted's "Golden Cleric" Award.
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