Fag hag is a gay slang phrase referring to a woman who either associates mostly or exclusively with gay and bisexual men, or has gay and bisexual men as close friends. The phrase originated in gay male culture in the United States and was historically an insult.[1] Some women who associate with gay men object to being called fag hags, while others embrace the term. The male counterpart, for men who have similar interpersonal relationships with gay and bisexual men is fag stag, part of hag-ism, the identification of a person with a group—usually united in terms of sexuality, gender identity, or shared sex—of which he or she is not officially a member.[2] However, it must be stated that some, if not many "fag stag" "relationships" are merely the result of straight men who go to gay bars with gay men in order to "pick up" straight women, as the gay bar scene is considered to be a safe one for straight women, hence, their usual social defenses would be in a far more relaxed state than they would be if the meeting occurred in a straight singles bar. For men who have many lesbian friends the slang terms Dutch Boy, lesbro or dyke tyke apply.[3][4]
People who associate with lesbian, gay and bisexual people may be called fruit flies regardless of their sex.[5]
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Fag hags are frequently stereotyped as outgoing women who are seeking a substitute for heterosexual relationships, or who are secretly (or openly) sexually attracted to gay men.[6][7] In fact, many women who identify as fag hags are already in romantic relationships, either with straight men or with women[7] but appreciate the alternative experience of socializing with gay men and may prefer the gay culture to the straight counterpart. In contrast, women with open sexual interest in gay (or bisexual) men call themselves girlfags.
In interviews with gay men and self-described fag hags, the most common theme is safety.[8] A rich relationship can develop between a straight woman and a gay man without sexual tension. The fag hag relationship allows the participants to separate intimacy and sexuality.
American fag hag synonyms include fruit fly,[5] homo honey, fruit loop, Goldilocks, flame dame, fairy princess, and fairy godmother. Men of any sexual orientation who have many lesbian friends are called dutch boys or lesbros in the United States.
In the case of friendships between lesbians and gay men, the term dyke diva describes the gay man in the relationship. A straight man of platonic affinity with gay men is a fag stag; again, the usage is rare in mainstream sexual culture. In the United Kingdom, a straight man who enjoys the company of lesbians is known as a dikey likey.
The term has often been used in entertainment. In the film Fame (1980), writer Christopher Gore used the term fag hag in describing the character Doris in her relationship with her gay friend, Montgomery. The character Ralph joked that Doris should audition for the title role in I was a Teen-Age Fag Hag, a mythical movie in the story's context. Comedian Margaret Cho has written and regularly talks in her stand-up routines about being a fag hag. In an episode of the UK TV sitcom Gimme Gimme Gimme, Tom refers to Linda as a fag hag.[9]
The first annual Miss Fag Hag Pageant took place in New York City on May 17, 2009 at Comix comedy club with judges Caroline Rhea, Michael Musto, Hedda Lettuce and Katina Corrao. Heather Shields took the first prize.[10][11][12][13] The 18th century woman of letters Lady Mary Wortley Montagu is considered an early representation of the fag hag.[14]
The Seminal Rap song "The Message" by Grandmaster Flash uses the term.
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