Talk:William Speirs Bruce/GA1
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[edit] GA Review
A very nice article that I am happy to pass for GA. I have appended a list of comments to consider, but none is significant enough to warrant a delay to this nomination.
- "but his perspective changed" I think interests is a better term than perspective here
- "Interests" isn't really strong enough; his whole outlook changed. I think "outlook" is the word.
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- Good call, better.
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- "its unusual spelling has caused repeated problems." - a bit vague, what kind of problems?
- I've expanded (confusion with the more common "Spiers")
- You need to provide a better introduction to the second section than "The main object of the Dundee Whaling Expedition, 1892–93," the title alone is not enough. Something as simple as "The Dundee Whaling Expedition of 1892–93 was an attempt . . ." would do the trick.
- I'm sorry, but I don't understand the objection. The whole first sentence of this section reads: "The main object of the Dundee Whaling Expedition was to investigate the commercial possibilities of whaling in Antarctic waters, by locating a source of "right" whales in the region". That (with links) seems a pretty clear and comprehensive introduction to me
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- The problem is that this is the very first time the DWE is mentioned, and beginning the sentence with "The main object of. . . " suggests that we are already aware of the existance of the expedition, which a reader is not. The alternative I suggested above is a small change but it eliminates this uncertainty.--Jackyd101 (talk) 16:49, 10 June 2008 (UTC)
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- "Robert Rudmose Brown" - who is he? (i.e. Explorer Robert Rudmose Brown said . . .) link him if he is notable (if there is no article, make one).
- Rudmose Brown was the botanist on the SNAE, later co-author of The Voyage of the Scotia and later still, Bruce's first biographer. I've expanded the text a little, and redlinked him. When I can find out some basic information (dates etc) I'll do a stub for him.
- On investigation I found a wikipedia article "Robert Neal Rudmose-Brown", so I've linked to that. Don't know where the hyphen came from.
- Rudmose Brown was the botanist on the SNAE, later co-author of The Voyage of the Scotia and later still, Bruce's first biographer. I've expanded the text a little, and redlinked him. When I can find out some basic information (dates etc) I'll do a stub for him.
- MP Charles Price should (red)link to Charles Edward Price.
- OK, done
- "but was politely ignored." - how (this seems a little counter intuitive).
- It's the sense of the source, but I've reworded in a non-interpretative way
- "and had to deal with the closure of his laboratory, but his health was failing" - shouldn't that be "as his health was failing"?
- I've reworded this sentence.
- "and another time" - Should be "and on another occasion".
- Agreed and done.
Regards--Jackyd101 (talk) 21:38, 9 June 2008 (UTC)
Thank you for this review and your helpful comments. Brianboulton (talk) 09:57, 10 June 2008 (UTC)
