Wikipedia:WikiProject Video games/Peer review/24: The Game

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[edit] 24: The Game

Article has now been rated A class, after performing cleanup from this start-class article. I'm now requesting a peer review prior to taking the article further. I'd be interested in general content review, as well as any further sources or citations you think may be helpful. Please refer to the talk page for the work done so far. Many thanks for any help you can provide! Gazimoff (talk) 00:11, 15 March 2008 (UTC)

[edit] Kung Fu Man

Some thoughts from my end:

• Probably could toss a shared citation or two in the opening, and ones for the release dates.
• In the first gameplay paragraph, could probably do to have the second to last sentence flow into the last one. Actually there are other cases of that...best suggestion I can give you is try reading it out loud to yourself, and tweak any pauses that feel out of place as you hear yourself say it.
• The puzzle games mini list does feel more list-like and a little out of place. You should be able to restructure that a little into paragraphs that fit in the bulk of things. One thing I'd recommend is bumping the interrogation paragraph up to the section above it, changing the subheader to "Puzzles" (mini-games as a term in an article like this seems to break the tone) and make the subsection fleshed out from there.
• The following sections feel fine to me, I have nothing to complain about regarding it. Only thing that comes to mind is blending the last two sentences of the first Plot paragraph together a bit better so it flows smoothly. It sticks out.
• The Development screenshot would serve better as part of the plot subsection, possibly aligned to the left to give better imagery flow too.

Hope this helps you. The article is excellent thus far.--Kung Fu Man (talk) 01:23, 19 March 2008 (UTC)

This is really helpful stuff, If it's alright, I've responded to each of your comments in turn.

• Lead - I misread the manual of style and removed all the citations. I've now cited only the critical stuff in the lead to keep it reasonably clear
• I've taken on board what you said about having small sentences that could run together and gone through the entire article removing examples. I'm hoping it reads better now.
• Puzzles - I agree with what you said about the list and rewrote it in prose. I've kept the heading where it is as the interrogations are just another type of mini game.
• The Plot voice acting sentences I've changed, along with a lot of the structure of the Plot section to make it read more smoothly. I hope it's worked.
• Screnshots - I've moved them around, please let me know what you think.

I really appreciate the feedback, as this is the first game article that I've worked on extensively. If there's anything I've missed out or anything that you feel needs changing, please let me know. Many, many thanks for your responses! Gazimoff (talk) 20:16, 22 March 2008 (UTC)