Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Peer review/John Babcock
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[edit] John Babcock
Have brought this article on the last surviving Canadian World War I veteran up from a Stub to a B Class article, and now I want to focus on bring it to GA class and beyond. My biggest problem (and the reason I hadn't nominated for peer review yet) was that I have been unable to acquire a photo to be used on the article. There's a good picture here at Veteran's Affairs Canada, but their non-commercial use is not sufficient for Wikipedia and they never responded to my inquires on whether or not I could use the picture (I used the formal request template too!). I hope that my work thus far has proven that I am willing to work to get this article to at least GA class, which is the reason I am nominating this for peer review. As a side note, however, if anyone has any good ideas on how to get a picture, I would really appreciate it. Cheers, CP 02:32, 28 September 2007 (UTC)
[edit] Woodym555
It is a good article overall but i have a few suggestions.
- Take a look at WP:LEAD. (In summary: the lead should summarise the whole article in a couple of paragraphs.)
Done Sort of a short lead, but it's also a short article. Cheers, CP 20:36, 30 September 2007 (UTC)
- Some of the sections are just individual sentences. I think some could be merged to form paragraphs as the prose does not flow well.
- e.g. "Babcock claimed a harrowing ocean voyage to England, where he got seasick." This sentence does not mean anything, claimed what?
- e.g. Babcock asserts that he would have fought in the war, given the chance,[4] the war ended before he could be brought to the front lines. Again, this sentence is two sentences merged together. "The war ended..." should be a separate sentence.
Done Although I may split some of them up again once I deal with your point below. Cheers, CP 20:36, 30 September 2007 (UTC)
- In general, some of the text needs to be "beefed up" a little bit.
Doing... I'm not having much luck finding more sources. Could you perhaps suggest some specific areas to beef up, so that I can look for more specific things? Cheers, CP 23:32, 4 October 2007 (UTC)
- Could "last surviving" not be a level 2 section header?
Done Cheers, CP 20:36, 30 September 2007 (UTC)
- The Early life section needs expanding. If he has an autobiography out, this should provide some info.
Done Cheers, CP 21:32, 30 September 2007 (UTC)
- Perhaps you could find out the isbn of the autobiography and list it in a "further reading section."
Not done Looks like it was just friends and family only. I did find another article during my search, however, so I'll try and use that to flesh out the early life section. Cheers, CP 21:05, 30 September 2007 (UTC)
- Yes, an image needs to be found. (You know this already, but still worth mentioning)
Doing... They responded to me with a form that I have to fill out, so we'll see if I can do that. Cheers, CP 16:46, 10 October 2007 (UTC)
It is a good article at the moment, it just needs some more work. Excellent start though. Woodym555 01:25, 30 September 2007 (UTC)
Thanks for the review, I'll get on these right away! I'm especially disappointed that I forgot to expand the lead, especially since that's my number one comment when reviewing for GA. I'll also look to see if his autobiography is available or not - from what I understand, I think it was more of a personal thing that he distributed to friends and family - but I will have a look. Thanks again! Cheers, CP 01:49, 30 September 2007 (UTC)
