Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Peer review/Alcibiades

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[edit] Alcibiades

Hi! More ancient Greece for you to review! This article had been initially rewritten by Dmcheatw. Robth has also worked on this. I then got in, tried to made it NPOV, add information and citate it. My rewritting is now over and I intend to nominate it for FA. I would appreciate your suggestions, remarks and propositions. Any feedback is valuable!--Yannismarou 20:50, 21 September 2006 (UTC)

[edit] Kirill Lokshin

Thoroughly excellent article. Aside from some light copyediting, primarily for the occasional grammatical error (e.g. "Alcibiades career"), there isn't much that needs to be done here. I might suggest trying to get rid of the "See also" section entirely, though, as well as fleshing out the "References in comedy, philosophy and literature" section to be a little less stubby.

Some other suggestions I have are more in the vein of personal preferences of mine, and needn't be followed if you don't like them:

  • Change {{main}} to {{details}}, which produces text that's somewhat more meaningful to the reader.
  • Combine the discursive notes and the citations; or at least change the discursive notes to use English letters. Most readers aren't familiar with the Greek alphabet, and will likely be somewhat confused as to the order of the notes.

Kirill Lokshin 22:06, 21 September 2006 (UTC)

  • I fleshed out a bit the stubby section. I hope it is better.
  • I also changed {{main}} to {{details}}.
  • The "See also" section has some useful links that I cannot easily incorporate in the main text. I think keeping it, at least for the time being.
  • I'm a structure-freak in everything I write! That is why I seperate "Notes" from "Citations". I think it is also better for the reader and for the layout, since in the "Notes" section I can make further inline citations, without "burdaining" the text. It seems to me a "neater" structure. But as you say, these things are mostly a matter of personal taste. As far as the Greek alphabet is concerned, if I see that those reading the article feel uncomfortable with it or confused, I'll turn it into English letters. Thanks!--Yannismarou 08:24, 23 September 2006 (UTC)
  • I also got rid of the "See Also" section and incorporated its links in the prose.--Yannismarou 08:24, 23 September 2006 (UTC)

[edit] Robth

Excellent work, as always. I gave it a copyedit, and made a few content changes (mostly battle-related, since that's the stuff I know best). Places that might be able to use improvement:

  • More details on his return to Athens would be good; it's one of the more interesting episodes of his career, so things like his delay at Gytheum while he waited for news of the city's mood, his curious mistake in returning to Athens on the Plynteria, and the political masterstroke of the procession to Eleusis would definitely be good details to include. The latter two in particular would be good.
  • The details of his split with Phrynichus in 411 could be worth including, although that might be more borderline. --RobthTalk 06:08, 22 September 2006 (UTC)
  • Thanks for the suggestions and the copy-edit. I tried to cover the topics you mentioned.--Yannismarou 13:31, 22 September 2006 (UTC)
  • Looks great. --RobthTalk 14:27, 22 September 2006 (UTC)