Wikipedia:WikiProject Biography/Peer review/Pericles

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[edit] Pericles

A general Wikipedia:Peer review/Pericles/archive2 is still under way, but the response was not the adequate. That is why I asked for a special Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Peer review/Pericles as well as for this peer-review. The article re-written by me is an A-class article and a failed FA and GA nominee. Since these failures huge improvements have been made by me and two fellow users (Druworos and Konstable). I think this article is too close to be FA, but I need your support!--Yannismarou 08:08, 8 August 2006 (UTC)

[edit] Plange

Very well done! Just some minor notes:

  • "He was the son of the politician Xanthippus, under whose leadership Athens had won in Mycale in 479 BC, though he had been ostracized only five years before" - the part: "won in Mycale" threw me off and I had to go two links deep to infer you meant that Athens won at the Battle of Mycale
  • I might change this: "If his long political career lasted more than 40 years" to "If Plutarch's assertion that his political career lasted more than 40 years is true," for 2 reasons, one it butresses the sentence for the reader and not assuming they already new he had a career spanning 40 years, and second, I took out "long" since it seemed redundant
  • Hmm, not sure why just after then, you say "According to tradition, Pericles made his first political appearance..." at a different time.
  • "According to J.D. King," might want to mention who he is. Same with T. Buckley, George Cawkwell,Platias-Koliopoulos and A. Vlachos (also is that quote from Platias-Koliopoulos meant to have a lower-case P for Pericles? Just wanted to make sure it wasn't a typo)
  • Might want to source this: "The fact is that, when the great war erupted, Pericles did not seem as powerful as he used to be and, consequently, Athens' imperial pre-eminence started to tremble" so it won't sound like your opinion
  • The structure of this sentence needs to be worked on-- it doesn't make much sense to me "He did that being afraid that Archidamus could spare his estate, either because of their personal friendship or trying to calumniate him"
  • Right after this it says "In any case, seeing the pillage, the Athenians were outraged and they started in some indirect ways to express their discontent towards their leader" so are you referring to the plundering of Pericles farms or of Attica?
  • "would have a completely different plan in mind and what may be called a dubious agenda." probably needs a source
  • "One could not fail to note, however, that the passionate " might want to re-word this to say that "some historians have noted"
  • The timeline doesn't show unless I hit hide and then show...

plange 02:50, 10 August 2006 (UTC)

Thanks a lot. I tried to take care of all your minor notes. I just show that the article was renominated for GA by a fellow Wikipedian and member of the project. My intention was to go sraight for FA nomination, but GA might also be a good start.--Yannismarou 09:14, 10 August 2006 (UTC)
I haven't had much experience with FAC, so I may not be the best judge, but I think you might be ready to go for FA too plange 15:19, 10 August 2006 (UTC)