Wikipedia:WikiProject Biography/Peer review/Marisol Deluna

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[edit] Marisol Deluna

From a peer review, I'm looking for feedback on how to improve this article to a B-class quality article. I thought it was at least B-class when I submitted it for reassessment just yesterday, but apparently it is not. What do I need to do in order to improve it to a B-class article? --Mr. Brown (talk) 16:06, 9 March 2008 (UTC)

[edit] Yannismarou

• The lead is too short. Check WP:LEAD.
• The article is full of short-stubby paragraphs that make it look listy. This not a nice prose. Make the article's prose flow, and have proper paragraphs. As it is the prose now, I am not sure if the article is even ready for a copy-editing.
• Some sections have no inline citations.
• "The ability to tell a meaningful story without depending on "cookie cutter" imagery throughout her collection is what make her designs so clever." "Her designs are considered timeless and worn in a variety of styles to suit women of all generations."According to whom? Try not to get POV, and provide sources for your assessments.
• "She believes her clients appreciate fashionable items that have meaning on a personal level yet create betterment for others." "She believes that site visits allow teaching art to orphans, introducing inner city students to fashion career options, mentoring at settlement houses, public schools, women's organizations and for those in need of guidance to begin their own companies." This may be a personal preference, but I do not like new sections to start with "she" or "he". Write "Deluna believes her clients ..."
• "Mentorship", "Philanthropy" and "Marriage" are stubby. Merge or expand.--Yannismarou (talk) 15:22, 10 March 2008 (UTC)
  • Done. --Mr. Brown (talk) 04:14, 15 March 2008 (UTC)