Wikipedia:WikiProject Biography/Peer review/Hayley Westenra/Archive 1

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Hayley Westenra

From this peer review I am hoping to get this article up to the level of GA. Andrew D White 03:12, 7 December 2006 (UTC)

The reference notation could be more informative - you have a through t on the main page of her official site? Has she been interviewed or had newspaper articles written about her? I'd suggest that you read other GA or FA singers' articles to get ideas about how the article should look. - Malkinann 05:50, 11 December 2006 (UTC)

Yannismarou

Nice start, but it needs some more work. These is my review:

  • For the current length of the article the short lead is not a problem, but, if you expand the next sections, you should expand the lead as well. In any case, check WP:LEAD.
  • I understood that she is succesful, but reading the article I did not understand why she is successful?! What is the nature of her talent? Is there something special with her voice? Are there any other factors that boosted her career?
  • "The pair drew a large crowd, and one woman asked the girls if they had ever recorded anything. This woman turned out to be a journalist with CTV, and asked Hayley to appear on air." What is the name of this journalist? I think it is an important information.
  • I think "International success" needs better writing. Many stubby paragraphs and a sense of trivia throughout this section. I think the flow of the prose there should be improved.
  • "Philanthropy and Charity" is stubby. It would be nice if you could add some more infos.
  • 20 citations of her official site?!!! Hmmmm! I think you need a better variety of sources. Some more research would be helpful.
  • Why do you cite in "References" articles of Wikipedia?! This is obviously wrong. You can easily cite them in the prose. No reason to have them also cited in "References".
  • In general, the formatting of "References" is not nice. Check Template:Cite web, in order to see what the reference of an external link should include.
  • I think all your photos are fair-used tagged. If you ever submit the article in WP:FAC, this could be a problem.
  • Alphabetize categories at the end of the article.--Yannismarou 20:13, 12 December 2006 (UTC)

Improvements baised upon comments

I have started to apply the improvements that you have suggested. I have started by revising the material which is already in the article before I add any of the possible topics that you indicated would be good to have. I have hopefully cleaned up the references section. I have gotten the webpages to use the Template:Cite web. I have hopefully found a few new sources which have taken out a bit of the excessive usage of the official web page, is that enough now or should I try to find more? I tried to located the name of the journalist with CTV but I could not find her name in any of the references which I found in my University's Library, they all just refer to her as a journalist with CTV (one of them refers to the reporter being female but that is it). I am hoping that someone else can find her name. I am not sure what you would like to see Alphabetized at the end of the article, can you elaborate a bit more? I shall work on the other suggestions as I get time. Thanks. Andrew D White 06:05, 14 December 2006 (UTC)

I alphabetized the categories. If you can't locate the name of the journalist, this is not a very important proble. Something I now saw: further reading goes after references. I think that the article is ready for GAC. Either it will immediately pass either they will ask you some further imrovements. But I do not think that a straightaway GAC failure is probable.--Yannismarou 14:48, 16 December 2006 (UTC)
"Many people note that Miss Westenra does not display any diva tendencies.". What people? You should cite here and be more specific. Otherwise it is weasel words. And I think that this particular paragraph needs an overall more encyclopedic writing.--Yannismarou 14:51, 16 December 2006 (UTC)
I thought I did source, although I may have reworded it too liberally. Source as pointed out on article [14] at time of writing.
D'Souza, Nandini, and Venessa Lau. "Can't Stop the Music; From Bach to Brahms, Kids are Going Crazy for the Classics These Days. Cases in Point: 17-Year-Old Soprano Hayley Westenra Tours the U.S. With Her Album "PURE," While Juilliard Students Show Their Distinctive Style and SONY Unveils the Youngest Conductor Ever to Take on Beethoven.(QRIO conductor robot)(Juilliard music students and their clothes)." WWD (April 29, 2004): 6. InfoTrac OneFile. Thomson Gale. Susquehanna University. 13 Dec. 2006 .
Here is the exact wording from the article.
While Westenra, born and raised in Christchurch, has the kind of pipes that could bring her lasting international stardom, she displays none of the diva tendencies to which other talented singers succumb at a tender age. This may be partly thanks to the fact that her parents and younger brother and sister have made the trip with her. "They keep an eye on me," she says of her parents, Jill and Gerald Westenra, who take turns chaperoning her at various events, shoots and interviews.
Andrew D White 03:57, 17 December 2006 (UTC)
Archive This page is an archive. Please do not edit the contents of this page. To enter additional comments edit the current main page and link to this page for context if needed.