Wikipedia:WikiProject Biography/Peer review/Hank Azaria
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[edit] Hank Azaria
Speak a few solid days getting this to GA, and now I need some opinions to take it further. Mainly on the layout of the career, if anyone has any sources to expand the early and personal life sections, and the prose (which I think needs work), and anything else. Thanks. Gran2 19:57, 29 August 2007 (UTC)
[edit] Review by Scartol
Hurray for Hank Azaria! I've loved The Simpsons and Mr. A for years, and I'm delighted to see him get such a thorough, well-written page. The structure of the Career section could use some work; see below.
Here are some notes, in order of their appearance in the article.
- "as she could speak both English and Spanish" – how about "as she was [is? she still alive?] fluent in Spanish and English…"?
- Done.
- Give an example of how they loved showbiz? We already have the bit about his mom; maybe just say "Their love for show business…"
- He just says that they love all forms of showbizness and that they most have seen every movie ever made.
- Link up Forest Hills (and indicate it's in Queens)
- Its already linked once in the same section.
- "…whom he became good friends, Azaria noted that…" this comma should be a semicolon
- Done.
- "…better than I was…" better at what?
- I think you've mistyped the quote or something, because it has always said "Oliver was a better actor than I was."
- Nice tidbit about the Italian TV promo gig
- First two sentences of Early career both start with Azaria. Make the second one "he"
- Done.
- Give names of clubs in which he performed standup?
- Sources don't mention them.
- Personal beef: I don't like the word "regardless". "Still" works fine here.
- Done.
- Give the events leading to his being a part of The Simpsons in chronological order. Explain his role in Roger Rabbit, then explain how he got the replacement gig as Moe, then tell us who called him for the audition, etc.
- I don't understand, surely it is anyway?
- Can we get a source for the Groening/Simon story of "make it more gravelly"? It's a good story, and I'd hate to see it struck for lack of citation.
- It is sourced, the whole paragraph uses the same source.
- The first Simpsons paragraph is a bit long; find a way to break it in two.
- I've tried, but it really only works as one.
- "As well as Moe…" Personal beef: I'd prefer "In addition to Moe…"
- Group his basing Simpsons characters on real people all in one place. That is to say, move the bit about Pacino to the later ¶ and then you can follow through with Sellers and Robinson.
- Pacino is relevant in above paragraph, and is recapped before the others as well.
- "…who Azaria thinks has a similar personality to Apu." This is pretty obvious, I think. It's demonstrated by the fact that he used it in his voices.
- Not necessarily, he could have just taken the voice. For example, Wiseguy doesn't really act like Charles Bronson, he just sonds like him.
- The laundry list of the other characters is great info, but each sentence takes the form of: A is based on B, while C is a voice he chose for reason D. See if you can't get more sophisticated with your sentence structures.
- I'll look into it.
- I love the line about Grimey.
- The behind-the-scenes stuff about The Simpsons is good, but it would work even better (for me at least) if we had some actual quotes. Give an example to back up the Groening praise?
- Groening doesn't give any examples in the source, he just says it.
- "As with rest of the principal cast…" I'd say "Azaria, with the rest of the principal cast…"
- Done.
- "…he stop working on commercials as he found them…" should be "He stopped working on commercials, as he…"
- Done.
- Career section structure: I'd give two ¶s on "Early career" – one for the first ¶ as is, and one about commercials and Roger Rabbit. Then just make a Simpsons subsection, followed by one for "Other voice roles". Then one for "TV and film", and one for "Stage productions". (Or, if there's not enough for a separate stage subsection, combine it with TV and film.)
- I think that would be going a little to overboard on the sub-sections.
- Give a year for Nobody's Perfect. If the year of the award was different, give it too.
- Done.
- Comma needed after Holy Grail.
- Done.
- "After beginning a relationship in 1994, Azaria married actress Helen Hunt…" To make this less confusing after the previous sentence (about an earlier relationship/engagement), I'd say: "In 1994, Azaria began a relationship with…"
- Done.
- "Hunt had appeared in Mad About You with Azaria," better to say that he had appeared with him, insofar as she was a star of that show.
- Done.
- "In early 2007, Azaria was spotted having dinner with singer-songwriter Sheryl Crow." Murrrrpmmhhpphh.. Feels like something that belongs on Access Hollywood, not Wikipedia. If it's not an actual relationship, maybe it doesn't belong in an encyclopedia.
- If I can't find any more sources for it, I'll remove it.
- "He has won four Emmys out of a total of seven nominations, he has won one Screen Actors Guild Awards, being nominated four times, and has one Tony Award nomination to his name" – I'd reword it as: "He has been nominated for seven Emmys and won four. He has won one Screen Actors Guild Award and nominated three other times, and has been nominated once for a Tony Award."
- Done.
- No comma needed after the word "image" in the caption of the Simpsons screenshot.
- Done.
I hope this is helpful. Again, nice article. Good luck with it, and drop me a line if you have any questions. — Scartol · Talk 21:55, 29 August 2007 (UTC)
Done most of the stuff, I disagree with some of your structural propsals, but will consider some form of them. I've gone through each of your points to explain what I have done. Thanks for the review. Gran2 22:47, 29 August 2007 (UTC)
