Wikipedia:WikiProject Biography/Peer review/As I Lay Dying (band)

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[edit] As I Lay Dying (band)

Rewritten in the past 2 days by myself, would like helpful comments to fix any errors for GA status. M3tal H3ad (talk) 05:36, 22 December 2007 (UTC)

[edit] LuciferMorgan

  • Comments
  • "As I Lay Dying began touring to promote the new record making appearances at Hell on Earth, Winter Headline Tour, Ozzfest, and a tour with Slipknot and Unearth." - The word "by" is missing.
  • "At the fee of $US75,000 the band could of chose to perform on the headliners stage but refused the offer as they thought it was not worth the money.[12]" - "Could of chose" should be "could have chosen".
  • "William York of All Music Guide thought the band "doesn't really add anything new to the mix from a musical standpoint", with the release, although praised it for being "solid enough and well executed, and the production is adequate".[8]" - Why is there an unnecessary comma after the first quote? Isn't necessary.
  • "Sherwin Frias of Jesus Freak Hideout had similar sentiments and commented "As I Lay Dying didn't exactly break many boundaries in making this record", although praised that "each track is executed so well (and with such precision) that nary a song misses its target".[9]" - "Praised that"? The sentence doesn't work.
  • "In June of the same year Shadows Are Security was released, and album debuted at number 1 on the Top Independent Albums, and was the band's first release to enter the Billboard 200 at number 35.[7]" - Firstly, the sentence is too long. Secondly, it's awkward. It could be "Shadows Are Security was released in June of the same year..". For those unfamiliar, is this their third studio album? Fourth? Fifth? Remember, not all of us are familiar the group in question.
  • "In 2007, As I Lay Dying started recording a new album titled An Ocean Between Us. The album was released on August 21, 2007, and debuted at number 8 on the Billboard 200, and number 1 on the Top Rock chart, with sales of 39,000 in tis first week.[15]" - "Tis"? Sentence needs splitting into two sentences.
  • "Scott Alisoglu of Blabbermouth.net described the albums as "a well-rounded and often thrashy metalcore album, as the band has struck an effective balance between aggression and accessible melodies".[17]" - Albums?
  • "The band was awarded "Ultimate Metal God" by MTV2's "All That Rocks",[20] and was nominated for a Grammy Award in the category of "Best Metal Performance" for the song "Nothing Left" off the album An Ocean Between Us." - Another very awkward sentence.

These problems are just from a quick scan of the article. You need to start proof reading your work, so that basic mistakes are spotted. Also, you really need to find a copyeditor to collaborate with. Such articles of this quality may pass the more lenient GA, but the writing wouldn't be embraced at FAC. LuciferMorgan (talk) 14:07, 22 December 2007 (UTC)

I do proof read but as Tony says "fresh eyes" spot out obvious errors. It would be awesome if i re-wrote articles and another user came and copyedited when i was finished, but we all know about the HMM project... and thanks again for the comments. M3tal H3ad (talk) 03:24, 23 December 2007 (UTC)
All truthful words. It is difficult trying to find a copyeditor, I agree. LuciferMorgan (talk) 11:34, 23 December 2007 (UTC)