Wikipedia:WikiProject Architecture/Peer review/Temple architecture (Latter-day Saints)

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[edit] Temple Architecture (Latter-day Saints)

As one who is quite familiar with the subject, I would like those who have less of an understanding of the structural use and design of LDS temples to give a review of what might be unclear, lacking or over emphasized. Bytebear 22:44, 13 December 2006 (UTC)

Review by DVD R W

Some comments and recommendations from me:

  • For some reason I don't like titles with brackets, maybe consider renaming it "Latter-day Saints Temple Architecture".
  • Don't overlink, just use [[]] around the first instance of a page you want to link to, not every time it is mentioned.
  • Find material from sources that are not LDS as such. Meaning - find references to these buildings in the press, and in architectural monographs, journals, magazines, or websites; then include some of this info in the article.
  • Merge or expand short paragraphs, and merge or remove a few sections to reduce the length of the table of contents. You probably shouldn't start with a choppy lead with two one-line sentences.
  • Write the sections that are lists in prose form.
  • After looking around a little, this article might be a content fork of Temple (Latter Day Saints).

Best of luck, DVD+ R/W 11:09, 20 December 2006 (UTC)

Some comments from Mcginnly
  • I found the introduction rather confusing and non-standard from a WP:LEAD standpoint. To fix it, I'd go with DVD's renaming suggestion, but rename the article to "Temple architecture of the Latter-day Saints". The article can then start
The Temple architecture of the Latter-day Saints has its roots in the 19th century after the movements founder Joseph Smith, Jr., reported receiving a revelation that called upon church members to restore the practice of temple worship.
I'd suggest some of the information currently in the lead, the quotation etc. be moved into a brief history paragraph about the origins of the movement and the call to build temples. The lead can then be left to do it's job and summarise the article.
  • The prose needs looking at - as an example:-
Following the completion of the Salt Lake Temple, the church took a break from temple building. It would be two decades before another temple would be announced. That announcement came as the Cardston Alberta Temple (6) on June 27, 1913. This temple was different than previous temples. It was the first temple design to be put out to bid to prominent architects. It was also the first temple to be designed without a priesthood assembly hall beginning a transition away from multi-purpose temples.
Can you find a synonym for temple? I know it's the articles subject, but there's an enormous repetition of the word - perhaps building might be used. Naturally if the building is called Cardston Alberta Temple then you're stuck with it, but I'd prune the usage a bit if I could.
  • The article uses church to mean a body of people and temple to signify the building, there's some initial confusion caused by this because of the double meaning of church. Perhaps either use a different word or clarify what the article is doing fairly early on. --Mcginnly | Natter 16:11, 20 December 2006 (UTC)
  • Expanding DVD's comments about referencing, it might be an idea to include some information from the architectural press regarding the architecture of the LDS - how is it regarded architecturally? Has it influenced any other building types? Are the external styles of the buildings reflective of non-LDS ecclesiastical architecture of their times or are they something different. The plan forms are interesting - how do they differ from contemporaneous church/cathedral plans? etc.etc.
  • Reading the entry at Mormon I understand the term is no longer perjorative. As a UK resident, I'm more familiar with the term Mormon than a member of the church of latter-day saints. I'd suggest Mormon is put into the lead fairly early on so the reader gets a quick grasp on what the article is about.
  • The Logan Utah Temple (2) was the first temple to feature progressive-style ordinance rooms for presentation of the endowment ceremony

The phrase progressive-style recurs quite a bit - I don't know what it is or what it's characteristics are. Also the endowment ceremony is a mystery to me.

  • I missed the link in the lead to Temple (Latter Day Saints) because my assumption was that it linked to just Temple.
  • I tweaked the image and TOC a little - I couldn't read the text on the image - please revert if it's not to your taste.

Kind regards. --Mcginnly | Natter 16:57, 20 December 2006 (UTC)

Autoreview by Andyz Script The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, Mcginnly | Natter 15:21, 7 February 2007 (UTC)