Turtletaub

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Turtletaub and the Foul Distemper - A story by Roger Angell about Inspector Turtletaub and the dangers of terrible puns.

The name Turtletaub has become a catchphrase to call people who make bad puns. In the story, the puns actually drive people insane. Be careful.

Inexorably, he [Turtletaub] reached for another file and went on. "Originally, a Father Martin Quist, an unremarkable young priest in a poor Midwest parish," he intoned. "So poor, in fact, that they had to let out some of the rooms in the rectory to boarders, in order to make ends meet. Well this was well back in the fifties, in the unlamented McCarthy era, and soon ugly stories were afloat to the effect that one of the boarders was a Communist and possibly an atheist. Parish morale declined and suspicions were rife, and one Sunday Father Quist determined to put an end to the matter. He rose in the pulpit after Mass--"
I put my hands up, as if to ward off a blow.
"--and told the congregation that there was nothing in it. The accused boarder wasn't a Communist or an atheist. 'In fact,' he told them, holding back a smile, 'I can assure you that we have nothing here but an unconfirmed roomer.'"