Top Gear (series 8)

A new introduction graphic was introduced. This episode also saw "Top Gear dog" introduced, a labradoodle.

Review: Hammond drives a hot pink Nissan Micra C+C around Ledbury, Herefordshire, with a brown paper bag over his head. However, due to the car being "the most embarrassing in human history" he abandons it mid-review, stating "It's not as if anyone's going to steal it, are they?". In the news segment of Series 1 Episode 1, Hammond had described the car as a "rather gorgeous looking little thing" - although this referred to the old model, which was also not in pink.

News: Clarkson declares his Ford GT the most unreliable car ever. He said that "everything put on in Britain went wrong" and suffered major problems with the trickle chargers.

Review: May praises the newly restyled Honda Civic, which he finds to be amazingly attractive for a mass-market car.

Challenge: The team were challenged to fit a working home-made convertible roof to a Renault Espace people carrier. Challenges included driving at 100 mph (result: the roof blew off), taking it to the monkey enclosure at a safari park (result: the roof almost broke when a monkey sat on it) and finally to take it through a brand new car wash (that allegedly cost £1,000,000). The people carrier was quickly abandoned as the rollers collapsed the roof, showering the trio in water. The tattered & torn roof was then subsequently snagged on the car-wash mechanism and jammed the machinery, causing a fire. Whilst this was happening, the group was seen running away, soaking wet.

Star in a reasonably priced car: The new series saw the Suzuki Liana replaced as test car by the Chevrolet Lacetti. In order to get some times on the separate board for the new car, several celebrities set times in this episode, including Jimmy Carr, Trevor Eve, Justin Hawkins and Les Ferdinand.

In order of arrival:

1. James Hewitt (written as "Well Spoken Man" as the hosts couldn't figure out who he was.) - 1:47.6
2. Alan Davies - 1:50.3
3. Trevor Eve - 1:47.0
4. Jimmy Carr - 2:08.9 (made the car spin off the track at the last corner)
5. Justin Hawkins - 1:48.4
6. Rick Wakeman - 1:55.3
7. Les Ferdinand 1:47.4

Diesel News: James May introduces the JCB Dieselmax, JCB's attempt at breaking the diesel land speed record.

Main review: Koenigsegg CCX, a car that Clarkson mentions as his new way of giving up smoking. Power lap: 1:20.4. The Stig lost control of the car and hit a tire wall while attempting to top the leader-board by attacking the corners more aggressively and not short shifting.

Review: Clarkson reviews the Chevrolet Corvette Z06, and notes that the car is not suitable for road usage, noting he would rather have Bird Flu than drive it everyday. The Stig takes it to a 1:22.4, making it slower than the Ford GT that was GM's primary competition, but putting it in the realm of Italian and German supercars.

News: The group figures out how the police can identify drivers under the influence of illegal drugs. They devised a series of questions in relation to specific drugs.

Challenge: Hammond races a man in a canoe with an engine in Iceland. Hammond use a specially prepped offroad 4X4 called a Tomcat, with the chassis of a Range Rover and a TVR V8 engine. Unsurprisingly, the canoeist wins.

Star in a reasonably priced car: Celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay sets a new lap record of 1.46.3.

Main review: Clarkson tests the Jaguar XK in Yorkshire. He is torn: the BMW 6-Series and Porsche 911 are quicker, and a similar Aston Martin will be better looking and more prestigious. In the end, he still prefers an Aston to an XK, but acknowledges that the Jag will be more reliable and concludes that "it's good enough to make you think."

Challenge: The group tried to see how hard it would be to host a Drive Time Radio Show. BBC Southern Counties Radio in Brighton allowed the group to take over a 3 hour block, which went downhill fast. Hammond drove them to the studio in a Cadillac BLS, which the other two presenters panned as a cramped rebadged Saab with a bad clock.

Star in a reasonably priced car: The Stig faced the challenge of going around the track in the old Suzuki Liana and he managed to get the fastest time of 1:44.4, beating Ellen MacArthur (fastest celebrity) and narrowly beating Nigel Mansell (fastest Formula One driver).

Challenge: The team were tasked with creating amphibious vehicles from an ordinary car, driving them for 20 miles, and crossing 2 miles of Rudyard Lake in Leek, Staffordshire. Hammond's Volkswagen Vanagon "Dampervan" sank early on, and Clarkson's "indestructible" Toyota Hilux "Toybota" capsized near the finish line. The winner was May, who sailed at extremely low speed in his Triumph Herald sailboat to the finish (despite the clutch failing on the ramp out of the water). However on land, Hammond's van struggled with hills and May's car (with its sailing mast) struggled with low objects, such as bridges and trees. Both Hammond's and May's cars suffered from overheating as their hull for the water blocked the engine ventilation. To add insult to injury, Clarkson's Hilux refused to start after its capsizing, making a mockery of his reason for choosing the truck in the first place.

News: Someone sends a pair of Doggles for Top Gear Dog to use. There is also a debate about the condition of the presenter's cars from Clarkson's ribbing of Hammond for washing his car with his family to May keeping a paintbrush in his car to clean the switches on the dashboard. The conversation then swings to the dot-matrix displays on the British motorways, ending with May being ridiculed when he comments about drying his pants in his friend's microwave (which has a dot-matrix display that reads "Enjoy your meal); the comment that sparked this was that the displays had no sense of reality).

Main review: Clarkson reviews a Lotus Exige S on the Top Gear test track, beating the Stig driving a Ford Mustang. Power lap: 1:25.1.

Star in a reasonably priced car: Actor Philip Glenister went around the track in 1.54.35, the Lacetti's first wet lap.

Cool Wall: The Koenigsegg CCX is the first supercar to be deemed "Cool", because of its scariness and danger factor. The Lotus Exige S is declared "Uncool" because of a man in shorts liking it; the Proton Savvy is deemed "Uncool" because of its name. The pink Nissan Micra C+C is deemed almost too uncool for the wall (it is hanging off the edge of the "Seriously Uncool" section). The Jaguar XK is also deemed "Uncool" because of the game of golf, which influences the car's performance (in Clarkson's view). Clarkson afterwards said: "It's also pissing off our director, who's just bought one!"

Main review: The BMW Z4 M. Lap time: 1:26 flat. It was praised by Richard Hammond for thrilling in the most primeval way. Clarkson continues to bash the Z4, and calls the coupe version "incredibly ugly."

News: The presenters talk about banned number plates, which include "AA55 HOL," "MI BUM," and "HA06 MAS." They also talk about eBay item 4639771121.

Star in a reasonably priced car: Ewan McGregor, 1:48:00.

Challenge: Hammond races a British army parachuter in Cyprus with a Porsche Cayenne Turbo S, and as usual, the parachuter won. After the race, Hammond crashes the car with the film crew's car.

Review: The new Mercedes-Benz S-Class - the future of motoring. Clarkson tested the new S-Class both as a review and to see what features most new cars will have in ten years as has historically happened.

Challenge: Clarkson then went about designing his own interior of a car. He bought an old Mercedes-Benz S-Class and designed his perfect interior based upon his house. The car, dubbed "Anne Hathaway's Cottage," features a wood-burning stove, kitchen chairs, a flagstone floor and wood with a cement base, and plastered insides of the doors. James May and Richard Hammond then tested the car. No seatbelts and unsecured seats meant they went flying at first, however eventually, with May holding Hammond's seat, a 0-60 time of 35.4 seconds was established.

Lap time, take two: The Koenigsegg CCX is back from Sweden, now equipped with a rear spoiler, and is taken around the track with a new lap time of 1:17.6; overthrowing the Zonda F. The presenters were so proud of the time, they stated that not only do they present the show, but they are also designing the cars. In reality, Koenigsegg claims that the spoiler was useless for the slow speeds on the Top Gear test track, but that the improved time was due to a more sorted suspension.

Main Review: The Prodrive P2 concept car is put through its paces on the track. Meanwhile Jeremy Clarkson attempts to explain what active-diff and anti-lag is. A practical demonstration of the former makes Clarkson carsick, having to stop while going round a circle at 60 mph. The Stig achieves a lap in the P2 in 1:24.9 seconds.

Review: Afterwards Jeremy Clarkson reviews the new Citroën C6, the heir to a long line of big, innovative French cars, and is disappointed that the car doesn't seem to be mad enough to be a worthy successor to the Citroën CX. But the car redeems itself as a mobile camera platform for covering horse races.

News: Jeremy Clarkson launches the 2006 Top Gear motor survey while casually panning between cameras, they talk about the Audi RS4 cabriolet, then Clarkson claims that points should be awarded to unsporting/aggressive F1 drivers.

Star in a reasonably priced car: Michael Gambon, 1:50.3.

Challenge: A "Scottish lady" (as Hammond refers to him) called Jackie Stewart claims that he can cut down anyone's driving time around a circuit (Oulton Park) by 20 seconds. But the Top Gear presenters don't believe him. So, to prove him wrong, James May (a.k.a. Captain Slow) is sent to take up the challenge. Using a TVR Tuscan convertible, Sir Jackie manages to get May to cut down his original laptime by 20 seconds.

Challenge: The Toyota Aygo is challenged by the Volkswagen Fox in a game of football. Using national football stereotypes, Hammond points out that the Fox is actually made in Brazil and May contends that the Aygo is actually made in the Czech Republic. In the end, Hammond's durable Foxes beat the old champion Aygos.

Off for a month due to 2006 FIFA World Cup coverage.

Main Review: Clarkson tests 3 hot saloons to see the value of a car with a rubbish badge; the Ford Mondeo ST220, the Mazda 6 MPS and the Vauxhall Vectra VXR. The poised and delicate Mondeo achieves a laptime of 1:34.4, while the energetic and powerful Mazda 6 an even better 1:32.2. Despite being the fastest car with a 161 mph top speed, the Vectra can only manage a time of 1:35.5 due to 'catastrophic' understeer.

News: Clarkson and Hammond have a fight about muscle cars. Hammond gushes about the new 2008 Dodge Challenger while Clarkson complains about his recent trip to the United States and driving in a Chrysler 300 and calls both a BMW M6 and a Jaguar XKR muscle cars. May finally shuts them up by announcing Daihatsu is going to make a new Copen.

Star in a reasonably priced car: Brian Cox, 2:01.

Challenge: Clarkson, May and Hammond go on a caravan holiday in Dorset to try and find out more about caravaning. The trio unsuccessfully try to have fun and cause numerous traffic jams, Top Gear Dog becomes ill, May crashes the caravan into a bollard, then blocks the road (eventually attracting police attention) when trying to correct a wrong turn. On site, Hammond and Top Gear Dog are "kidnapped" by an elderly female fan, and Clarkson accidentally destroys the caravan and its neighbour whilst trying to cook chips.

Challenge: The Stig has a go at the nonexistent indoor world speed record in one of the ExCeL Exhibition Centre's halls with a Toyota F1 car. He set the pace of 81 mph, although this was only slightly faster than the 70 mph recorded by the Chevrolet Lacetti because of the lack of grip afforded by the hall's polished floor.

Main Review: Hammond and May test three people carriers: the Ford S-MAX, the Mercedes B-Class, and the Vauxhall Zafira VXR. The Mercedes is the quickest on a track, but it is hopelessly expensive and too small. The Vauxhall is large enough and well-priced, but it is hard to use. Though underwhelmed by its performance on the track, the Top Gear team all agree that the Ford is the best buy, with the most practicality, the best styling, and the most drivability.

Review: Clarkson reviews the Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder. He, having bought one himself, comments that it is not the best driver's car in the world, but it's something that could be used every day. The Stig set a lap time of 1:25.7.

News: MG is back, sort of. Clarkson refuses to apologise to caravan owners, after the programme received 2 complaints about Muslim comments, 3 complaints about taking a man who looks like Jesus out of the audience and 150 complaints following the previous week's caravan abuse.

Star in a reasonably priced car: Steve Coogan talks about being in a hot tub between Jackie Chan and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Also mentions Saxondale episode involving a Clarkson-like character. He sets a time of 1:50.9 in the Lacetti and becomes the first person to drive under the condition of 'Hot' as The Stig said that the heat had done something either to Coogan himself or the car of the Track. Coogan was upset when he learned that Rob Brydon (a comedy partner of his) did it faster in the less powerful Suzuki Liana.

Challenge: James May races two traceurs (masters of Parkour which involves running and leaping across/off buildings) across Liverpool in a Peugeot 207 1.6L Diesel, from the edge of the city to the Liver Building. He, naturally, gets lost, and loses.

Challenge: Clarkson, Hammond and May team up to race against The Stig. The trio must build a Caterham Seven kit car from scratch in a pit garage at the Knockhill Racing Circuit in Scotland, while The Stig drives the same model up from Caterham's base in Caterham, Surrey. The team looks to be losing, but win when The Stig is arrested for speeding when only three miles away.

Review: The team decides to test some vans by being roadies for The Who. May picks a cavernous Renault Master, Hammond chooses a well-priced Ford Transit, and Clarkson gets a performance-oriented Volkswagen T30 TDI 174 Sportline. After The Who's concert at Hyde Park, Clarkson, Hammond and May take some of their equipment 90 miles to the site of their next show. They cannot agree that any of the features of their vans (speed, economy, security, size) is more important than any of the others, and they acknowledge that any of the three companies can make you a van in any way you like it. Indecisively, the team comes to the conclusion that you should find the cheapest van of the sort that you need. Subsequently, Clarkson admitted that the feature was not the greatest of ideas.

Star in a reasonably priced car: F1 driver Jenson Button talks about his facial hair, getting women, and why he hadn't yet won a race (which he did in Hungary only a week later). He sets a time of 1:44.7 in the Liana and loses a £20 bet with Clarkson as he could not go faster than The Stig (who did it in 1:44.4) as he said he could.

Star in a reasonably priced car, take two: Ray Winstone, 1:51.4.

Review: Hammond takes the Noble M15 for a drive. He says that it is a civilized, comfortable, sportscar fit to be driven daily, yet is still as fun. The Stig takes it around the track in 1:22.5.

Challenge: Each presenter has to buy a van for £1000. Clarkson buys a Ford Transit, May gets an LDV Convoy, and Hammond buys a Suzuki Supercarry. They hold a variety of challenges related to what a man with a van might need. They have a drag race, a loading/unloading test (each presenter being assisted by an "illegal immigrant"), a trial to see how closely they could tailgate, a challenge to change a door on their van as fast as possible, a thief resistance test, seeing how long they can stay in front of the Stig in a police car, and seeing how many replies they get to a man with a van ad. Hammond ends up soundly winning overall, despite crashing his van in a rollover during the police pursuit challenge. Jeremy, who couldn't care less about vans, doesn't have a miraculous scheme to claw back victory.

In the closing credits,the presenters are listed as 'Lee Clarkson', 'Wayne Hammond' and 'Terry May'.

Review: Rolls Royce Phantom (from Series 2 Episode 2)

Star In A reasonably Priced Car: Sir Ranulph Fiennes (from Series 4 Episode 9)

Review: Ascari KZ1 (from Series 7 Episode 1)

Star In A Reasonably Priced Car: Joanna Lumley (from Series 5 Episode 3)

Challenge: Jackie Stewart teaches James to drive (from Series 8 Episode 5)

Star In A Reasonably Priced Car: Ellen MacArthur (from Series 7 Episode 4)

Documentary & Review: The history of British racing green (from Series 7 Episode 2)

Star In A Reasonably Priced Car: Stephen Fry (from Series 3 Episode 2)

Review: Lotus Exige S (from Series 8 Episode 3)

Review: Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder (from Series 8 Episode 7)

Star In A reasonably Priced Car: Steve Coogan (from Series 4 Episode 7)

Challenge: Hammond races a British army parachuter (from Series 8 Episode 4)

Star In A Reasonably Priced Car: Ray Winstone (from Series 8 Episode 8)

Challenge: The boys go caravnning (from Series 8 Episode 6)