User:The Toad Sage

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Leggo My Eggo Of DOOM! TM The Trilogy A Collection of Lawson Baber “…Happy?” Productions Leggo My Eggo Of Doom: The Bad Egg-O Leggo My Eggo Of Doom: Version 2.0: Return of The Eggo Leggo My Eggo Of Doom3: Wrath of the Balanced Breakfast “It’s Kind of Fun to Do The Impossible” – Walt Disney

Leggo My Eggo Of DOOM!

With a Special Celebrity Guest Appearance*

A Lawson Baber “…Happy?” Production

 [Enter Al]

Al: Good morning, family! Good morning, world! Good morning, sun! Good morning, ‘Jif’ Peanut Butter! Good morning little bird! Good morning 18-Wheeler smashing into bird! Now, I’ll walk into the kitchen and get myself an Eggo waffle. But, what’s this? A note on the fridge from mum: Dear Al, do not eat the Eggo waffles in the freezer. They are stale, AND EVIL!!!! - Sincerely yours, Mum. Well, I don’t think a stale waffle will hurt me. Say, this waffle is burnt to a crisp, and has two red skittles for eyes…I think I’ll eat it now! ?: Now just one moment there, sonny! Al: Who said that? Was it you, Mr. Eggo? Eggo: Yeah, yeah, it was me, sonny. Say, do you have any unfulfilled dreams or hopes that you would be willing to share with an Eggo waffle? Especially since I’m not evil. Al: Well, I wanna be one of the cool guys at school. Eggo: Okay. Well, just take me to school with you, and I’ll make you one of the coolest guys in school. Al: Can I just eat you? I’m really hungry. Eggo: No! Al: Aww.  [Exit] [Al & Eggo enter school] Eggo: Okay, sonny. If you wanna be cool, you have to pick on people. For instance, I’ll whisper a good insult in your ear to tell that guy coming up to us right now.

 [Enter Curt]

Curt: Hey, Al. Al: Go away you frothy, fat-livered hedge pig! Curt: (crying) I thought you were my friend! Eggo: Good job, sonny! He ran away crying. Al: How is that supposed to make me cool? Eggo: It’s part of the magic! Just shut up and do what ever I say without question, as you slowly become my mind slave! I mean friend. Al: Okay!

 [Enter Lawson]

Eggo: Okay, sonny. Now, punch him in the nose. Lawson: Hey, Al. [wham] Eggo: Wow. Nice right hook, sonny. Al: Yes, YES! I’m cool now!

 [Enter Squall]

Squall: Hi, Al. Al: Take this, you saucy onion-eyed bladder! [Wham] Squall: Ahhh! My face! Eggo: Excellent work, sonny! Al: MWWWWAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I’m So D*** Cool!

 [Enter Colin]

Colin: No Al! The Eggo waffle is using you. It’s EVIL, and of DOOM! Al: No! Eggo, is this true? Eggo: You got me sonny. But its too late, I have you now. Al: No! Eggo: Yes! Al: No! Eggo: Yes! Al: No! Eggo: Yes! Colin: Hey a penny! Eggo: It’s too late sonny. I’m inside your brain, and I’m gonna make you a mean person! Al: No! Eggo: Yes! Lawson: Oh god, don’t start that again! Colin: There’s only one thing to do to save our friend Curt. Al: Uh, Colin, I’m Al Colin: What ever. Hey Eggo, I’m taking you down, in true Dragonball Z cliché style! Lawson: Uh, Colin, nobody likes Dragonball Z anymore. It’s all about Naruto these days. Colin: Yeah I suppose… Eggo: Uh, I’m still here people. Colin: (ignoring) It’s a darn shame though, that the younger generation can’t appreciate the classics Lawson: (also ignoring) Yeah, I can dig that man. Kids these days are too wrapped up in their A-track tapes, and their “White Snake” & “Guns ‘n Roses” albums, and their MTV, and their roller derbies….. Eggo: HEY! (Throws a rock and hits an innocent bystander) Lawson: Oh no! He got Coach V! Colin: Hang in there Coach V, you can make it! Coach V: I see a light. Colin: Oh that’s good run towards the light! Lawson: No, run away from the light! Coach V: Good bye, my friends… (Dead) Colin: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Eggo: Now it’s your turn. I’ll take you down just like your little friend. Colin: Our “little friend”? His name was Coach V. You meant to say Coach V, didn’t you! < Dragonball Z cliché [A disco ball drops from the ceiling] Eggo: Wait, sonny what are you doing? Colin: I’m gonna beat you with the power of FUNK! [Colin starts dancing to classic soul, by Mister James Brown] Lawson: Only in America. Eggo: No! Not Funk! That’s my only weakness sonny! NO! Colin: Yes! Lawson: Colin you did it! The Eggo is melting! And my nose is better! And Curt is no longer offended! Curt: Once again you’ve saved America from evil! Al: I’m free! Thank you Colin! Colin: Don’t thank me citizen, just pay it forward.

[Little do they know that there is still a whole box of bad Eggos at Al’s house]

Dun Dun, Dun Dun Dun DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN…………………………………………. …………………………………………………………………….................. DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

The End Or Is It?

Cast Al Coach V Colin Curt Evil Eggo Lawson Squall

Songs Opening Theme Rock You Like A Hurricane by The Scorpions

Songs I'll Go Crazy by Mister James Brown

Closing Theme United States of What Ever by Liam Lynch

We hope you’ve enjoyed this Lawson Baber “…Happy?” Production Written and Distributed in the Good Old United States of America

Leggo My Eggo Of DOOM! TM Version 2.0 Return of the Eggo A Lawson Baber “…Happy?” Production

One day at school…*

 [Enter Lawson]

Lawson: It was a normal day, just like any other day; nothing special, just your average day. Little did the students know, that today the fate of the world was…

 [Enter Al]

Al: Uh, Lawson, what the heck are you talking about? Lawson: Dude! You just interrupted my most excellent monologue! Al: Sorry dude, I just wanted to know… Lawson: I was giving you guys a monologue, out of the kindness in my heart, and you go and interrupt me.

 [Enter Colin]

Colin: Hey, guys. Lawson: Oh, what is it, interrupt Lawson day?

 [Enter Squall]

Squall: You guys! Oh my god, you guys, it’s terrible! Lawson: Oh! Now even Squall’s interrupting me! Al: What is it S quall? What happened? Squall: It was terrible, my friends. The devil himself appeared in front of me in the form of… The Eggo. *lightning flashes* Al: Gasp! The Eggo? *lightning flashes* Squall: Yes, The Eggo. *lightning flashes*

pause*

Lawson: The Eggo. *lightning flashes* Colin: Okay, that’s getting old. Al: The evil Eggo, my arch nemesis. Colin: Wait, I though he was my arch nemesis. I mean, I killed it. Al: But he took over my brain. Lawson: Guys, you’re both wrong. That Eggo is the arch nemesis of the United States of America, and must be stopped. Squall, what did the Eggo do? Squall: The Eggo appeared in front of me, it opened it’s mouth and said “Squall, you’re next”! Lawson, Colin, & Al: What’d you do? Squall: I went up to the Eggo! I poked the Eggo on the shoulder! *the crowd waits with baited breath* I said “Look over there,” and then I ran away.

pause*

Lawson: Um… okay. Where is it? Squall: He’s in the breezeway.

Colin: All right, men. Once again, the time has come for us to do battle with the forces of evil.

 [Enter TJ]

TJ: Yeah, lets go! Colin: TJ, what the hell are you still doing here? You said you were leaving 5 months ago! I’m the main character, and I don’t want you in my story! TJ: Too bad. I’m here, and I have money!

Colin pulls out a shotgun and starts shooting at TJ*

TJ: *Shoot twice in the head* Colin: Oh, how I hate, him. Now then back to business! We must defeat the Eggo again, once and for all. Onward men, to the General Lee!

*Our heroes run to the General Lee and hop in*

Al: Everyone, remember to buckle up. Colin: That’s right, safety first.

 [Yachiru pops out of the back seat]

Yachiru: HEY LAWSON! ARE WE GOING FOR A CAR RIDE? Lawson: You bet we are! Yachiru & Lawson: YAY! Squall: Wait, can’t we just walk to the breezeway? Colin: No. Squall: But, it’s right over there. Lawson: Yes, but we have to drive the General Lee, or it won’t be an epic entrance. Al: Exactly, now onward! Lawson: Um, guys, we’re out of gas. Colin: No matter, we’ll just pull up to that 7-11. Al: When did they put that in? Colin: Who cares? Yachiru: HEY LAWSON, YOU WANNA GO GET A SLURPEE? Lawson: Do I! Yachiru & Lawson: YAY! *runs in the store to purchase slurpees* - Meanwhile Back at School –

 [Enter Adam]

Adam: My, what a beautiful day it is. The sun is shining, the birds are singing. Oh, hello there, little sparrow, would you like a cracker? It’s got my favorite brand of peanut butter on it, Jif. There you go, little buddy. Hey, who’s this coming over here? Why, it’s the AHS Patriot. Hello there Patriot.

Patriot knocks the Jif peanut butter out of Adam’s hand*

Adam: Gasp! Why, Patriot why would you do such a terrible thing? Patriot: Because I am the Evil Eggo! Dun Dun, Dun Dun Dun DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN! Adam: Gasp! Not the Evil Eggo! Eggo: Well duh, sonny. What other Eggo is there? Adam: My Jif! It’s ruined, it’s ruined.*runs away crying*

Just then, the horn of the General Lee sounds, and our heroes arrive *

Al: Oh my God! He’s got the Patriot this time! Lawson: Eggo Waffle, we’re here to take you down once and for all. Eggo: Ack, it’s Colin, my arch nemesis. Colin: See, Al? I told you. Lawson: Wait a second, why are we even fighting you? Eggo: Huh? Lawson: I mean, you’re just mean to people. That’s not really all that big of a deal. Eggo: Well, uh, this time I have an evil plan… OF DOOM! Al: Oh yeah, what is it? Eggo: Well, it’s um, I … I’m gonna…… blow up the world! Colin: Well, what’s going to happen to you once the world is gone? Lawson: And how are you going to go about this blowing up of the world? Al: And why are you evil in the first place? Eggo: I’M STILL WORKING THOSE PARTS OUT YOU LITTLE BRATS!!! Lawson: Well gee; you didn’t have to yell at us like that. Colin: What ever, let’s just kick his @$$ *September by Earth, Wind, & Fire, starts playing in the back ground as Colin dances* Eggo: It’s no use sonny. I’ve developed and immunity to funk music. Al: Geeze, you’re like a freaking cockroach. Colin: How will we beat him with out the power of funk? *Someone taps Colin on the shoulder* Lawson: Isn’t that, the King?

[The King]

The King: *holds up a finger for patience, then turns around and pulls out a burger on a silver platter* Al: Hey, it’s the new whopper. It’s got three patties, four cheeses, lettuce, tomato, and… Colin: BACON! *Colin tackles The King, and attacks the whopper* Oh, the bacon, the sweet, sweet bacon. Eggo: Gasp, this is my chance to get a new host! *Eggo leaps from the Patriot to The King and lands on his forehead* Lawson: Oh No! Eggo (As The King): Mwahahahahaha, this is so freaking sweet! I have this body all thanks to you, Colin. Colin: Mmmmmmm bacon (not paying attention) Lawson: It looks like its up to me now. *Leaps into the air and hold his hands to the sky* Al: Holy F****** S***! He’s making a Spirit Bomb! Lawson: Everyone, give me your energy! Eggo: W.T.F, It’s huge! Lawson: It’s done! Okay Eggo, say good-bye! Spirit…

 [Enter Goku]

Goku: Hold It! Stop everything! Al: Oh my God, it’s freaking Goku! Lawson: What are you doing here? Goku: I’m here representing Dragonball Z TM. Your Spirit Bomb is the soul property of The DBZ company, and if you use it, you will be sued for copyright. Lawson: But, but I need it. Goku: That doesn’t matter. Lawson: But, the fate of the world… Goku: Give it to me. Lawson: But… Goku: Give It! Lawson: Fine… *hands Goku the Spirit Bomb* What happened to you Goku? You use to be cool. Goku: It’s business Lawson. I have to. *walks away with Spirit Bomb* And I AM still cool!!!

An awkward silence falls over the breeze way*

Lawson: So, how do we settle this now? Eggo: Hell if I know Colin: I’ll tell you how. *Grabs Al’s head and starts violently shaking* Al: Ahhh! He got my head! *Al’s eyes role back and settle at “Dance Club”*

Dance Club*

Al: Ow, my head be spinnin’, I must be trippin’ off acid. Lawson: Al, Al, Al. *Shakes head* You and your drugs. Yachiru: YAY! GO COLIN! DANCE, DANCE, DANCE! Adam: Do it for the Jif, Colin, the Jif. Squall: Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I’ll be your host for the night. This is going to be just epic, the fate of the world will be decided by dancing, who will win? Will it be Colin *crowd cheers* or The Eggo? *crowd boos* Eggo: Aw stuff it you young people! Squall: Now, let me introduce our panel of judges. First off, Mr. Abe Lincoln!

*Applauds*

Second, Mr. P. Diddy!

*Applauds*

And finally, the one and only, Ozzy Osbourne!

*Applauds*

Colin: I LOVE YOU, OZZY! Squall: And now the first round. The Eggo will be dancing to Sexy-Back by Justin Timberlake! Eggo: *dancing* I'm bringing sexy back Them other boys don't know how to act I think you're special what’s behind your back So turn around and I'll pick up the slack. Take em' to the bridge

Applauds*

Squall: Alright, Eggo. Now Colin will be dancing to White and Nerdy by Weird Al. Al: Colin, if you lose, I’m gonna kiiiiill you!!!!!

Colin: *dancing* You see me roll on my segway I know in my heart they think I'm White and nerdy Think I'm just too white and nerdy Think I'm just too white and nerdy Can't you see I'm white and nerdy Look at me I'm white and nerdy

Applauds*

Squall: Thank you Colin. Now lets see who the judges have chose. The winner is Colin! *Applauds* Squall: Alright, round two. Now, Colin will be dancing to Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy by Big ‘n’ Rich. Colin: *dancing* Cause I saddle up my horse and I ride into the city I make a lot of noise Cause the girls They are so pretty Riding up and down Broadway on my old stud Leroy And the girls say Save a horse, ride a cowboy.

Applauds*

Squall: Nice moves, Colin. Now Eggo will be dancing to Macho Man by The Village People Eggo: *dancing* Body...wanna feel my body? Body...such a thrill my body Body...wanna touch my body? Body...it's too much my body Check it out my body, body. Don't you doubt my body, body. talkin' bout my body, body, check it out my body

Applauds*

Squall: Not too shabby, Eggo, not too shabby. Let’s see who wins this round. Ooo too bad. This round goes to the Eggo. *Applauds* Squall: Final round, everyone, let’s go. The Eggo kicks off this round with My Milkshake by Kelis.

Eggo: *dancing* My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, And their like It's better than yours, Damn right it's better than yours, I can teach you, But I have to charge

Applauds*

Squall: Ouch, Colin’s going to have a tough time beating that. Finally Colin will end this with Don’t Cha by the Pussycat Dolls Colin: *dancing* Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me Don’t cha, don’t cha Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me Don’t cha, don’t cha

Applauds*
The Eggo goes flying into a wall*

Squall: It looks like Colin is our Winner!

Cheers*

Colin: It’s over, Eggo! I won, give up. Eggo: Never! *pulls out a remote control* When I push this button, the world will be blown to smithereens! Al: No, it can’t be! You lost! Colin: Wait, I thought you didn’t have a plan yet. Eggo: Screw you, I have money. Now, nobody wins! Mwahahahahaha! *Prepares to push button*

WHAM*

Lawson: Take That! Colin: Dude, what the heck? Lawson: What? Colin: You cracked him over the head with the freaking Liberty bell! Lawson: And? Colin: Where did you get the freaking Liberty bell? Lawson: Do you really care? Colin: No. Al: We still have to do something to him or he’ll come back. Lawson: Yeah, but what? Ozzy: Excuse me, but I have an idea.

Later*

Colin: It sure was nice of Ozzy to give us all tickets to ‘Ozz Fest’. [Enter Ozzy] *Crowd goes wild* Colin: I LOVE YOU OZZY! Ozzy: Hello everyone! Now, before I start playing, I’m gonna eat this whole Eggo. Lawson, Colin & Al: YAY!

And so, the Eggo was eaten by Ozzy. The show was great, and the Eggo never bothered them again. But then… what about Toaster Strudels? ………. Psych, just messing with you

The End

1 ================================================
2 Squall’s Cool Points: 23-point deduction
- 2.1 =
- 2.2 =
- 2.3 =

[edit] ================================================

Cast Abe Lincoln Adam Al Colin The Evil Eggo Goku The King Lawson Ozzy Osbourne Squall P. Diddy The Patriot TJ Yachiru

Songs Opening – Back in Black; AC/DC I Ran Away; Arrogant Worms Untitled; Simple Plan September; Earth, Wind, & Fire Sexy Back; Justin Timberlake White ‘n Nerdy; Weird Al Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy; Big ‘n Rich Macho Man; The Village People My Milkshake; Kelis Don’t Cha; The Pussycat Dolls Closing –Bark at the Moon; Ozzy Osbourne

We hope you’ve enjoyed this Lawson Baber “…Happy?” Production Written and Distributed in the Good Old United States of America

In Loving Memory of Barbaro the Horse

You Will Be Missed

Also in loving memory of Maes Hughes

Leggo My Eggo Of DOOM3 Wrath of the Balanced Breakfast A Lawson Baber “…Happy?” Production

In a hotel Bathroom*

 {Enter Ozzy}

Ozzy: *Looks in mirror* Oh God, I’m so fat! *Begins to throw up*

Something falls out of Ozzy’s mouth*

Ozzy: Oh no! It’s…

 {Evil Eggo!!!}

Eggo: That’s right, I’m back, sonny! Mwahahahaha! Ozzy: Oh no, this is terrible! I must warn the boys! Eggo: Oh no you don’t sonny! *Gives Ozzy a ‘Swirly’* Ozzy: Nooooo! Gurgle, gurgle, gurgle! Eggo: Mwahahahaha! Now for me to exact my revenge on those meddling kids! This time will be different! Me and my new friends will be victorious! Ozzy: My new friends and I. Eggo: Shut up!

Elsewhere, possibly at the Fortress of Solitude…*

 {Lawson}

Lawson: All right, now, everyone is clear on the plan?

{Squall}

Squall: Check.

{Colin}

Colin: I’m in position.

{Al}

Al: Let’s do this. Lawson: Okay, everyone ready? On my signal, 3, 2, 1, ATTACK! Squall: Oh my god! There are so many of them! Colin: Keep shooting, men! Everything rides on this! Al: Ah! I’ve been shot! Lawson: Oh no, Al! Squall: You okay, buddy? Al: Can ‘a Corn! Colin: What!? Al: Can ‘a Corn and I’ll be fine! Lawson: Oh, hell! They’re calling in reinforcements! Squall: I’m out ‘a ammo! Colin: We can’t beat ‘em! Lawson: Darn it! Darn it all the Heck! Al: Can ‘a Corn! Lawson: Nooooo!

- Game Over –

Colin: Aw ****! Son of a ******* *****! Squall: We’re never going to beat Halo 2 at this rate! Colin: ********************* grass *********************** panda *********** duck pond ************************* Funnel cake *********************** ****************************************Google! Al: Well there’s always next time. Colin: ********************************* pony *************************** *************************************************** vowel ****************************** caramel *************************** *********************** MTV! ************** **************** tooth paste ************* tractor ********************* low fat ************************ taco *********************** Barbra Streisand! Lawson: It’s a good thing we got Colin that V-chip, or they probably wouldn’t let us air this episode. Squall: Episode? [WHAM] *frying pan to the head* Squall: What were we talking about? [Ring-ring, ring-ring] *telephone* Al: Hello?

Samara:  Seven days.

Al: Huh? Samara: Seven Days. Al: Who is this? Samara: SEVEN DAYS!

Al Hangs up*

Colin: Who was that? Al: I don’t know. Some stupid prank caller.

The Giant T.V. turns on*

{Alyssa}

Lawson: Hey, ‘lyssa! What’s up? Alyssa: No time to chat, Lawson. We have a situation. Lawson: *mumbles* Sure, it’s always a situation when I want to talk. Al: What is it Alyssa? Alyssa: I’m afraid that you must once again do battle with… The Eggo Colin: Oh, for the love of God! You’d think that after kicking his butt twice he’d stay dead! Squall: Yeah, I know! This is getting old! Lawson: Why should we fight him this time? Alyssa: I have been informed that he has kidnapped Chuck Norris!

pause*

Al: So you’re telling me, that some stupid breakfast food kidnapped THE Walker Texas Ranger? Alyssa: Yeah. Al: How?

pause*
Earlier*

{Chuck Norris}

Chuck Norris: My, what a beautiful day. Hey, what’s this, a piece of candy? Here’s another piece of candy. Ooo, a piece of candy. Ooo, a piece of candy. Ooo, a piece of candy. Ooo, a piece of candy.

Chuck Norris goes for a piece of candy, unaware of the steel cage hanging above him*

Eggo: Okay, now!

The Eggo jumps out and nails Chuck Norris with a boat oar*
pause*

Squall: Well, I bet it was nothing like that. Al: So, are we going to go save him, Lawson? Lawson: Well, ‘House’ doesn’t come on for a few hours, so I guess we can squeeze it in. Alyssa: Good luck, you guys. Colin: Onward men, to the General Lee

At that one planet in Star Wars; Episode 3; Revenge of the Sith, where Obi Wan fought Anikin. You know the one with all the lava and stuff? *

Lawson: Ah, yes. This is the perfect location for an epic battle. *Breathes deep*Inhales a lot of ash*Starts violently coughing* Al: Dumb ass. Eggo: Well, well, well. Look who showed up. Colin: Okay, Eggo, where is Chuck Norris?

Eggo points*

Chuck Norris: Help me! Somebody help me! I’ve been surrounded by my one weakness, boat ors! *Runs around frantically in a circle of boat ors* Squall: You terrible fiend, surrounding that poor man in boat ors. Lawson: Just get your stupid ‘balanced breakfast’ butt down here so we can get home in time to catch the new episode of ‘House’. Eggo: Oh, you mean that’s on tonight? Al: Yeah, all new episodes, back-to-back. Eggo: Well I can be here as long as I want, without missing it. I’ve got ‘TiVo’. Colin: Why you son of a *****! Eggo: This time, I am going to win. This time, I have something that I didn’t have the last two times. Squall: A chance in hell of beating us? Eggo: …that too, but something else. *Eggo Whistles* Intimidating Super Ultra Cronies Klan, assemble! Lawson: …You named your group “I. S.U.C.K”? Eggo: GO TO HELL! *Ahem* Let me introduce my henchmen:

 Osama Bin Laden,  Adolph Hitler,  And Kim Jong-il!

Lawson: Dear sweet Jesus! He’s assembled a team of America’s worst enemies! Colin: Yeah, all he’s missing is Hillary Clinton.

Everyone laughs*

Eggo: Hahaha, nice one sonny. Colin: Hey! I didn’t say you could laugh at my witty political joke! Al: Whatever, let’s just split up and fight someone. Squall: Why don’t we work as a team? Lawson: Because, Squall, it’ll make it more dramatic! Jeez, you have no sense at all! Eggo: You? Fight us? Gafaw, you guys got nothin’!

It’s true*

Colin: Well, men, it looks like we have to power up. Squall: They won’t know what hit ‘em. Lawson: Here comes full power. Al: All right let’s do this! LEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYY JEEEEENKINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Power Up! *

Boom-izzle*

Eggo: HOLY... Lawson: Let’s go! *Everyone splits up to fight*

Lawson vs. Hitler*

Hitler: Well, well, it looks as though I will be defeating you today. Lawson: Hitler, you’re a terrible man. I am, however, going to fight you fair and square Hitler: Of course, we can only settle this like real men. Lawson: Hitler, I challenge you to a battle of fisticuffs! Hitler: En garde!

Al vs. Osama*

Al: Okay, Osama. I’m going to kick your breaded ass so hard, you’ll run back to your little cave with your tail between your legs! Osama: Aha, but will you be able to hit what you can’t see? That’s right, my camo allows me to blend into my enviornment! Al: Ha, you think you can beat me, in a battle of camo? I’m the Camo Man bitch!

Squall vs. Kim*

Squall: Hahahahahahahahahahaha! You’re balding! Kim: You will pay for not respecting your elders, little boy. Squall: Oh yeah? What are you going to do about it? Kim: I will fight you with my super fighting style. Squall: Gasp, you mean… Kim: That’s right. Let us Kung Fu Fight!

Colin vs. Eggo*

Colin: You are the most anoying villian I know. Eggo: You’re just upset because you haven’t actually beat me yet. Colin: True, but I bet you didn’t expect me to come fight you with my bacon keyblade! Eggo: Aha, your bacon is no match for my Eggo French Toaster Stick keyblade! Colin: Have at!

Lawson vs. Hitler*

Hitler: Ha, it appears that I am winning! Lawson: Screw you, homo! *Lawson takes a swing at Hitler and knocks off his mustache* Hitler: Oh my god, I’m free! Thank you kind sir, for freeing me from the control of that awful mustache! Now I can finally persue my true dream, to be a dancer!

Cuts to Hitler dancing to, “It’s Raining Men”*

Lawson: Wow. You’re worse then, Papillon mask.

{Papillon}

Papillon: Did someone say, Papillon? Lawson: …..

Al vs. Osama*

Al: Al Smith Camo Barraigde Attack! Osama: AHHHH! Al: It’s over, Osama! You’re dead meat. Osama: Wait, Mr. Smith! I have a proposal for you. Al: What do you want? Osama: Mr. Smith. You’re a camo-man, I’m a camo-man. Let’s join forces! Al: What? Osama: Let’s stop this violence and be friends. Al: Never! Osama: But this is madness! Al: Madness? This is SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! *punts Osama into the lava*

Squall vs. Kim*

Kim: Hiya! Squall: Beya! Kim: Soya! Squall: Kim Jong-il, this is bull! PIMP SMACK YO ASS! *pimp smacks Kim into the lava*

Colin vs. Eggo*

Colin: Blast, it appears that we are evenly matched! Eggo: Well then, I’ll just have to use my super awesome attack! Colin: What are you talking about? Eggo: Watch this sonny. BANKIA! *The Eggo’s French Toaster Stick morphs into a waffle bazooka* Colin: Holy ****! How the hell did you do that? Eggo: Because I have money! Colin: No, I mean how can you use a technique from an anime, but when Lawson does it, he gets a lawsuit? What the hell, Ichigo?

 {Ichigo}

Ichigo: Because, Tite Kubo is just cool like that. Colin: Well Eggo, if you can do it so can I! BANKIA!

pause*

Colin: BANKIA! Eggo: Colin, I don’t think you’re going to… Colin: BANKIA!

pause*

Colin: SUPER SAIYAN!

pause*

Colin: GUM, GUM POWER!

pause*

Colin: BANKIA!

pause*

Colin: Screw this! *Chucks bacon keyblade at the Eggo* Eggo: No! You knocked my bazooka into the lava! Colin: Give up Eggo! You’re finished! Eggo: Wait! Colin: What? Eggo: You can’t kill me. I’m… I’m uh… I’m your father! Colin: Dude, my fathers dead. That’s not even funny. Eggo: Oh, well I’m sorry… Colin: No, just shut up man! Just S.T.F.U!

pause*

Lawson: Colin, what’s taking you so long? Just beat him up already! Eggo: Hah, no matter what you do, you can never beat me! I’ll just come back, again, and again! Squall: Well you’re not going to be able to do that. You see, this is the last book in the trilogy. Furthermore, we are the good guys, and we always win. So, looking at these facts, it is apparent that we will defeat you! Lawson: Wow, that’s good thinking, Squall, but in all fairness that sounded totally lame.

[edit] Squall’s Cool Points: 23-point deduction

Eggo: What? No! The last ‘Eggo’ story? What will people read once the Eggo is gone? Al: I’m having a spin-off. Colin: Yeah, you do that Al. ?: Hey Eggo! Our Heroes: Chuck Norris! Eggo: But how? The boat oars… Chuck Norris: These fine young men moved them out of the way for me. Eggo: No! *Eggo pulls out Kryptonite*

Kryptonite explodes*

Chuck Norris: Foolish Eggo. Kryptonite may be Superman’s weakness, but I am Kryptonite’s weakness! Eggo: No! Chuck Norris: Now it’s your turn, Eggo! Chuck Norris… Eggo: No, please! Chuck Norris: Round House… Eggo: Dear lord, baby Jesus. I know I don’t ask you for much, but… Chuck Norris: KICK! Our Heroes: IN THE FACE! Eggo: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Eggo flies into the sun and blows up*

HOO-RAY!

And so, thanks to Chuck Norris, the Eggo burned in the fiery inferno of the sun,*
and this time, he won’t come back, ever.*

Colin: Well, we still have a few minutes left. What do we do? Lawson: Isn’t it obvious? Squall: No. Lawson: Oh. Al: What was your idea? Lawson: No, I was just seeing if anyone had any good ideas.

pause*

Colin: We could always “Walk It Out”. Lawson: Sure, why not.

Ayyyyyyy Now Walk It Out, Now Walk It Out Now Walk It Out, Now Walk It Out Now Walk It Out, Now Walk It Out Now Walk It Out, Now Walk It Out West Side Walk It Out South Side Walk It Out East Side Walk It Out North Side Walk It Out Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

The End*

Cast Adolph Hitler Al Alyssa Chuck Norris Colin The Evil Eggo Ichigo Kim Jong-il Lawson Osama Bin Laden Ozzy Osbourne Papillon Samara Squall

Songs Opening – Welcome To The Jungle; Guns ‘n Roses Stomp; Murphy Lee Here Comes the Boom; Nelly Let ‘em Fight; Ali & Gipp It’s Raining Men; The Weather Girls Live To Win; Paul Stanley Kung Fu Fighting; Charles Douglas Eye of The Tiger; Survivor Closing – Walk It Out; DJ Unk

We hope you’ve enjoyed this Lawson Baber “…Happy?” Production Written and Distributed in the Good Old United States of America

Staring Al Colin The Evil Eggo Lawson Squall Co-Stars Adam = Alyssa = Curt = The Patriot = TJ Special Guest Stars Abe Lincoln = Adolf Hitler = Coach V = Chuck Norris = Goku = Ichigo = The King = Kim Jong-il = Ozzy Osbourn = Osama Bin Laden = P. Diddy = Papillon = Samara = Yachiru

 Songs

Grand Opening Next to You; Buck Cherry Vol. I Rock You Like A Hurricane; The Scorpions I'll Go Crazy; James Brown United States of What Ever; Liam Lynch Vol. II Back in Black; AC/DC I Ran Away; Arrogant Worms Untitled; Simple Plan September; Earth, Wind, & Fire Sexy Back; Justin Timberlake White n Nerdy; Weird Al Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy; Big n Rich Macho Man; The Village People My Milkshake; Kelis Don’t Cha; The Pussycat Dolls Bark at the Moon; Ozzy Osbourne Vol. III Welcome To The Jungle; Guns ‘n Roses Stomp; Murphy Lee Here Comes the Boom; Nelly Let ‘em Fight; Ali & Gipp It’s Raining Men; The Weather Girls Live To Win; Paul Stanley Kung Fu Fighting; Charles Douglas Eye of The Tiger; Survivor Walk It Out; DJ Unk Grand Closing Numb & Encore Remix; Linkin Park & Jay Z

I hope you’ve enjoyed this collection of Lawson Baber “…Happy?” Productions Written and Distributed in the Good Old United States of America ’06-’07 = Sophomore Year at AHS Completed = Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Special Thanks To…

Ms. Pruett: For Making Me Write This Dialogue Project In The First Place