User:The Baconator
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hi me i like sending messages to myself
[edit] Factual Information
-Raccoons are a type of purple baboon
-Beware the bacon
-If you encounter bacon, run for your life
-Watch out for the Purple Acorn Squad Thingy (PAST)
-I like cheese
-Pie is disgusting
-I will eat your brains out, yeah
-~Gonna eat your soul out, yeahhh~ (Quote from my bro)
-When you encounter BaconMan, excercise extreme caution or else he will Baconize you!
[edit] 101 Things to do at Wal-Mart
I got this list in an e-mail from Tori Wallis, one of my friends. Her WP account is Tori2583.
> 1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding
> them at strategic locations.
>
> 2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
>
> 3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the
> day.
>
> 4. Start playing Football; see how many people you can get to join in.
>
> 5. Run up to an employee (preferrebly a male) while squeezing your legs together
> and practically yell at him "e:
> "I need some tampons!!"
>
> 6. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.
>
> 7. Try o n bras over top of your clothes.
>
> 8. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms
>
> 9. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible
> "e:"sex and candy"
>
> 10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "e:"I think
> we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
>
> 11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the
> volumes to 10.
>
> 12. Play with the automatic doors.
>
> 13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, =Hi! I haven't seen you in so
> long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
>
> 14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for
> all to hear, Who BUYS this shit, anyway?"
>
> 15. Repeat #14 in the jewelry department.
>
> 16. Try putting different pa irs of women's panties on your head and walk around
> the store casually.
>
> 17. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.
>
> 18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing
> field.
>
> 19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and
> say, Wow. Magic!"
>
> 20. Put M&M's on layaway.
>
> 21. Move Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
>
> 22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them
> in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
>
> 23. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air
> fresheners.
>
> 24. Nonchalantly test the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
>
> 25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, ...I'm Batman.
> Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
&g t;
> 26. TP as much of the store as possible.
>
> 27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
>
> 28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell hello upside down.
>
> 29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, Why won't you
> people just leave me alone?
>
> 30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them,
> yelling, "Red Rover!"
>
> 31. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick
> your nose.
>
> 32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with
> G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
>
> 33. Take bets on the battle described above.
>
> 34. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes. (Red lipstick
> might give an interesting effect!!!)
>
> 35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask t he clerk if he
> knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
>
> 36. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the
> doors of the rest room.
>
> 37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."
>
> 38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
>
> 40. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
>
> 41. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaws drop when
> you attempt to buy them.
>
> 42. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
>
> 43. Two words: "Marco Polo."
>
> 44. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle,etc.
>
> 45. "tRe-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
>
> 46. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
>
> 47. Hide in the clothing racks a nd when people browse through, say things like
> 'the fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the clothes are
> talking to them
>
> 48. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very
> serious conversation. Exp: The person is breaking up with you and you begin
> crying and say "How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew
> there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling." Then
> act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having
> convulsions.
>
> 49. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position
> and scream, No, no! It's those voices again!"
>
> 50. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
>
> 51. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store
> has a food court, buy a soft drin k; explain that you don't get out much, and ask
> if they can put a little umbrella in it.
>
> 52. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it
> lovingly, saying "Good girl, good bessie."
>
> 53. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putting
> one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.
>
> 54. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something,quickly make
> off with it without saying a word.
>
> 55. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away.
> Continue to do this until they leave the department.
>
> 56. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
>
> 57. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
>
> 58. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then
> walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that
> annoying, ditsy way. hey!!!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)." When the boy
> shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. hi!!!! (giggle)
> What's your sign? (giggle)."
>
> 59. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
>
> 60. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
>
> 61. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow
> aisles.
>
> 62. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
>
> 63. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
>
> 64. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
>
> 65. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
>
> 66. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in
> stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
>
> 67. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "
> drive."
>
> 68. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
>
> 69. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don't
> realize it.
>
> 70. Get an empty book, and say it's a guest book. Get people to sign.
>
> 71. Play a game of indoor freeze tag
>
> 72. Drive around the entrances screaming out the windows" British are coming!"
>
> 73. Have a team race with your friends- one person sits in the cart, the other
> pushes
>
> 74. Go to the checkout and buy a bar of candy. Repeat, going to the same cash
> register, until the clerk notices
>
> 75. Fill your cart up as much as possible, and then try to use the express lane
>
> 76. Use a bullhorn and occasionally say that there is free candy in aisle X
> (aisle X being the condom ai sle)
>
> 77. Run into a pyramid of cans, heroically saying "tI'm gonna save us from that
> bomb!"
>
> 78. Use a conveyer belt as a treadmill and lose some weight
>
> 79. Grab heavy but not too heavy objects, and see who can throw them the most
> aisles over.
>
> 80. When people aren't looking, put tampons in their carts if they are a guy, or
> if they are a gal, put in a jock strap(lol!!!!!!!!!!!!).
>
> 81. Randomly direct people to the deodorant section
>
> 82. Tell someone that you will sue for false advertising, since they do not sell
> walls.
>
> 83. Take your boyfriend or girlfriend to the food section and have an expensive
> dinner.
>
> 84. Try to push your cart through a checkout without paying. When the clerk
> tries to stop you, kick him in his balls (dont try it on a chick, it wont work),
> run, but leave the cart. See what happens.
>
> 85. If people arent looking at their cart, steal it.
>
> 86. Go to the gun section, saying " I buy a gun? I'm tired of that stupid smily
> face!"
>
> 87. Buy expensive stuff, go home and use wite-out and a pen to change the price
> to something much lower, and the total much higher, then return and demand a
> refund.
>
> 88. See how much stuff you can break before you get caught
>
> 89. Take a leak in the dressing rooms.
>
> 90. Repeadeately say "The clowns are not eating me."
>
> 91. Use fake checks, but sign them using your neighbors name.
>
> 92. Rearrange items as you see fit.
>
> 93. Take a full set of guy's clothes and a full set of gal's clothes, then leave
> them lying somewhere.
>
> 94. Put pokemon stuff in a cart that is full of stuff like KoRn and Limp Bizkit
> CDs
>
> 95. Grab co ndoms and stick them in everyone's face (only the opposite sex)
>
> 96. Do #95 but with the same sex (not recomended)
>
> 97. Grab stickers that say "radioactive" and put them randomly on food items.
>
> 98. Follow someone until they notice
>
> 99. Pull out pins, like that guy form the 7up commercial
>
> 100. Loiter. When asked to leave, tell them you live here.
>
> 101. Record yourself while having sex, then have it play over and over gain in
> the middle of a clothes rack.
[edit] Weird Factually Correct Stuff
VERY INTERESTING STUFF
In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have 'the rule of thumb'
Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden'...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury.
Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
Coca-Cola was originally green.
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work:
Alaska
The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...)
The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $ 16,400
The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour:
61,000
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
Each kin g in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David Hearts - Charlemagne Clubs -Alexander, the Great Diamonds - Julius Caesar
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace
Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
A. Obsession
Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter 'A'?
A. One thousand
Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A. All were invented by women.
Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey
-------------------------------------------
Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?
A. Father's Day
------------------------
In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.
When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... 'goodnight, sleep tight.'
It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.'
It's where we get the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's'
Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice.
At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!
-
Don't delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read it.
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cma brigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?
YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2007 when...
1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You pu ll up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.
03:20, 12 December 2007 (UTC)03:20, 12 December 2007 (UTC)~AND FINALLY03:20, 12 December 2007 (UTC)03:20, 12 December 2007 (UTC)~~
NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.
Go on, forward this to your friends. You know you want to!
