The Twelve Flatheads
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Zork games
Enchanter trilogy
Other games
Wishbringer • Return to Zork
Zork: Nemesis • Zork Grand Inquisitor
Zork: The Undiscovered Underground
Companies
Miscellaneous
The Twelve Flatheads are fictional characters from the Zork universe. Their lives and artifacts are central to the plot of Zork Zero. They are all characteristically depressed, excessive, cruel, corrupt, and tragic. In order of seniority, they are Dimwit, John D., T.J. "Stonewall", Johann Sebastian, J. Pierpont, Thomas Alva, Leonardo, Lucrezia, Ralph Waldo, John Paul, Frank Lloyd, and Babe Flathead.
Dimwit has no clear historical counterpoint, but the others are parodies of historical figures: John D. Rockefeller, Stonewall Jackson, Johann Sebastian Bach, J. P. Morgan, Thomas Edison, Leonardo da Vinci, Lucrezia Borgia, Ralph Waldo Emerson, John Paul Jones, Frank Lloyd Wright, and Babe Ruth, respectively.[citation needed]
According to Encyclopedia Frobozzica, royal biographer Boswell Barwell termed them twelve of the "Thirteen Significant Accomplishments" of King Mumberthrax the Insignificant, their father (the other being the establishment of Double Fanucci as the national sport of Quendor). They were born between 723 AE (Dimwit) and 748 AE (Babe).
All of the twelve were killed on 14 Mumberbur 789 as a result of the Curse of Megaboz. To reverse the curse, the adventurer in Zork Zero must obtain two items from each of the Flatheads, place them in the cauldron in the Banquet Hall, and state the magic word which is found in Megaboz's notebook. Then he must escape the castle (if he doesn't, he is transformed into an oriental rug), and the castle is transformed into a white house, because the curse is not actually reversed. Finding the items, which are scattered around the Zork Zero universe, and protected by a variety of magic and puzzles is the driving point of the plot of Zork Zero.
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[edit] Dimwit Flathead
Dimwit Flathead (or Lord Dimwit Flathead the Excessive) (723 AE - 789 GUE), the great-great-great-great-grandson of Duncanthrax the Bellicose, was vain, ambitious, and true-to-his-nickname: excessive. However, unlike Duncanthrax, he devoted the empire's resources to projects dedicated to his own vanity rather than expanding the empire. He renamed Quendor the "Great Underground Empire" (GUE) and moved the castle from Egreth (Westlands) to Flatheadia (Eastlands). His unprecedented excessiveness is directly responsible for the fall of the Great Underground Empire in the games as well for several of the more excessive elements of the plot of the various Zork games.
In Zork Zero, the adventurer must discover the sceptre and gaudy crown of Dimwit. The sceptre is in the throne room, and the crown is buried under the tree stump in the outer bailey.
One can also see Lord Dimwit Flathead in Zork III: The Dungeon Master. Taking the time machine back to 776, Dimwit appears behind the door extolling his plans for the a dam (found in Zork I) while the AFGNCAAP waits for everyone to leave so he can steal to the royal ring and return to his own time. Also, a fatalist way to actually see flathead is to put the gold machine in the main museum entrance and travel back to 777 where Flathead is giving a speech, there he stops, sees you and demands that his guards seize you. He then gets the inspiration to build a mountain-top prison just for you which will be completed in a few years. There you end up dying of old age.
In Zork Grand Inquisitor, you visit a dam on the Frigid River, where Flathead planned to build thousands of gates. However, he only got around to building four.
[edit] John D. Flathead
John D. Flathead (725 AE - 789 GUE) was a businessman. After graduating Borphee Business School, he started Flathead Industries, company which invented other companies and sold them to FrobozzCo, which it later bought, renaming it Frobozz Magic Company Company. John D. quickly rose from one of many vice presidents to the chairman of the board. He realized his goal to control every single zorkmid in the Great Underground Empire just as he was buried by snow while touring the Frobozz Magic Snowmaking Equipment Company factory. Nine more John D.'s were born afterwards.
In Zork Zero, the adventurer must discover the stock certificate and diploma of John D. The certificate is in a vault in the lowest hall, and the diploma is given after solving one of the jester's riddles.
[edit] T. J. "Stonewall" Flathead
T. J. "Stonewall" Flathead (726 AE - 789 GUE) was a general. His nickname came from the Battle of Stonewall where his men suffered heavy casualties taking an undefended stone wall. He became General of the Royal Army in 755 GUE where his primary responsibilities were putting down the constant rebellions and riots related to his brother Dimwit's tax increases. He was accidentally shot by one of his own men at the Battle of Ragweed Gulch.
In Zork Zero, the adventurer must discover the lance and saddle of T. J. "Stonewall". The lance is in the library, after touching the armour three times, and the saddle is in a stable.
[edit] Johann Sebastian Flathead
Johann Sebastian Flathead (728 AE - 789 GUE) was a composer and musician known for exceedingly long and boring symphonies, often using highly unorthodox instruments. He died during a rehearsal of his last such symphony, Minuet for Violin and Volcano.
In Zork Zero, the adventurer must discover the metronome and Stradivarius of Johann Sebastian. The metronome is in one of the devices in the torture chamber, and the violin is in the conductor's pit.
[edit] J. Pierpont Flathead
J. Pierpont Flathead (730 AE - 789 GUE) was a capitalist, banker, and monopolist who achieved success through his business aptitude and corruption. He used the military and his connections to eliminate competing lemonade stands and banks. He disappeared while using his bank's teleporting vault system, which is central to the plot of Zork II, as is the portrait of him which appeared in every branch of the Bank of Zork.
His autobiography was entitled "I'm Rich and You Aren't - So There!".
In Zork Zero, the adventurer must discover the silk tie and bill of J. Pierpont. The tie is in a nest in Antharia, and the bill is obtained by solving the jester's shell game.
A portrait of J. Pierpont Flathead can be found in the bank in Zork II: The Wizard of Frobozz.
[edit] Thomas Alva Flathead
Thomas Alva Flathead (730 AE - 789 GUE) was an inventor. His laboratory, Froblo Park, produced the magic room spinner (Zork II), the battery-powered brass lantern (the Zork trilogy, Enchanter, Beyond Zork, Zork Zero, Zork Grand Inquisitor and Zork: The Undiscovered Underground) and the anti-pit bomb (Zork Zero). He invented a potion which allows communication with plants, which is part of the solution to a Zork Zero puzzle. He got rich off the FrobozzCo International royalties for these inventions. He slept on an unfinished wood board, which contributed to his death from splinters.
In Zork Zero, the adventurer must discover the screwdriver and brass lantern of Thomas Alva. The screwdriver is in the lab, and the lantern is in the pits, but it can only be taken after you throw the bomb to seal the pits.
[edit] Leonardo Flathead
Leonardo Flathead (731 AE - 789 GUE) was a renaissance man who wrote scientific treatises and produced art in various mediums. He died by falling into a "vat of molten granola" while building an enormous statue for Antharia's harbor.
In Zork Zero, the adventurer must discover the easel and landscape of Leonardo. They are both on a ledge in the Flathead Mountains.
[edit] Lucrezia Flathead
Lucrezia Flathead (735 AE - 789 GUE) was the only daughter of Mumberthrax. She married several wealthy and politically influential men, all of whom subsequently died in her presence of disputed circumstances. After she had finished off 18 husbands (her last 15 husbands lasted only until their wedding nights), Dimwit consigned her to the dungeon for her own safety. During her 15 year incarceration, thousands of prison guards were poisoned. She reportedly committed suicide.
In Zork Zero, the adventurer must discover the fan and poisoned flask of Lucrezia. The fan is obtained after winning Snarfem in Fenshire, and the flask is hidden behind a web in a cell in the dungeon, and can only be gotten by using the broom that you get from winning Double Fanucci.
[edit] Ralph Waldo Flathead
Ralph Waldo Flathead, D.I.P., D.E.E., D.O.O. (737 AE - 789 GUE) was a prolific writer of novels, short stories, sonnets, and essays. He wrote many manuscripts on everyday things and held three doctorates from Antharia University (in Idyllic Poetry, Excellent Elegies, and Octameter Odes), giving him his unusual epitet; he always insisted on signing his complete monicker. He died from eating too many avocados after writing several avocado-related sonnets.
In Zork Zero, the adventurer must discover the quill pen and manuscript of Ralph Waldo. The pen is in the Antharian granola mines, and the manuscript is in one of the pyramid rooms that are entered after playing Tower of Bozbar.
[edit] John Paul Flathead
John Paul Flathead (738 AE - 789 GUE) was a sailor who suffered from an inferiority complex because John D., who shared his name, got all the attention from Mumberthrax. He completed various outrageous seafaring feats to try to gain his fathers attention. Under his tenure as Admiral, every ship in the royal navy sunk or was lost. He had a toad, Otto. He was killed by a great white jellyfish at Grubbo-by-the-Sea (a Beyond Zork location).
In Zork Zero, the adventurer must discover the sailor cap and spyglass of John Paul. The cap is in the oubliette, and the spyglass is given after giving the four flies of Famathria to Otto.
[edit] Frank Lloyd Flathead
Frank Lloyd Flathead (741 AE - 789 GUE) was an architect. He built a wing of Egreth Castle which later collapsed killing thousands. Despite this, he built virtually every important building in the Zork universe Enchanter's Guild in Borphee (Spellbreaker), the 400-storey FrobozzCo Building (Zork Zero), and a hollowed out volcano (Zork II). He died from cancer due to the chemicals used in his blueprints.
In Zork Zero, the adventurer must discover the T-square and model of the FrobozzCo building of Frank Lloyd. The square is in Frank's office in the FrobozzCo building (the southern office on the 19th floor), and the model is in a ski chalet in the Grey Mountains.
[edit] Babe Flathead
Babe Flathead (748 AE - 789 GUE) excelled in sports and games of all kinds in part because of his innate ability and in part because of his corrupt uncle Fiorello Flathead. His weakness in Double Fanucci is the key to solve a puzzle in Zork Zero: three Undertrumps after an opponent discards a Trebled Fromp in an "indefensible gambit". He was also a lady's man and party animal. He was killed by a shark in the shark wrestling semi-finals. Despite (perhaps because of) their large age difference Babe and Dimwit were the closest of the Twelve Flatheads.
In Zork Zero, the adventurer must discover the club and dumbbell of Babe. The club is in the Flathead Stadium in Antharia (but it can only be gotten after you give the vial [with 6 gloops of water from the oasis] and the brogmoid ear wax to the witches), and the dumbbell is in a gym.
Babe Flathead's club appears in the "Oddly-Angled Room" in Zork II.
