The Museum of Everything

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The Museum of Everything is a BBC Radio 4 comedy sketch show, written and performed by Marcus Brigstocke, Danny Robins and Dan Tetsell with Lucy Montgomery. The show generally occupies the 18:30 comedy slot on BBC Radio 4, with repeats several times a year on BBC7. The first series was broadcast in 2003, a second series in 2005 and a third series in mid summer 2006 which makes continued use of favourite characters from past episodes as well as creating new ones. It is set in the fabled "Museum of Everything", an apparently infinite space housing exhibitions on everything from the history of stairs to the Greek buttock gallery.

Contents

[edit] Series List

[edit] First Series

  1. 18 March 2004 - Welcome to the Museum of Everything
  2. 25 March 2004 - A Very Important Visitor
  3. 1 April 2004 - School Parties Welcome
  4. 8 April 2004 - To Infinity and Beyond
  5. 15 April 2004 - Ancient Worlds: The History of Everything
  6. 22 April 2004 - The History of the Future

[edit] Second Series

  1. 24 March 2005 - Thomas Queezly
  2. 31 March 2005 - The Dig
  3. 7 April 2005 - Under New Management
  4. 14 April 2005 - The Coach Trip
  5. 21 April 2005 - By Royal Appointment
  6. 28 April 2005 - Behind the Magic

[edit] Third Series

  1. 27 July 2006 - The William Shakespearance
  2. 3 August 2006 - The Human Body Experience
  3. 10 August 2006 - The Museum's Most Precious Object
  4. 17 August 2006 - The Museum of the Year Awards
  5. 24 August 2006 - The Expo
  6. 31 August 2006 - How Things Work

[edit] Other Appearances

[edit] Television

According to Marcus Brigstocke's official website, as of 2007, The Museum of Everything is being developed for TV.

[edit] Frequently recurring characters and themes

[edit] The Guides

The show always opens with John and George, two Bristolian tour guides, and their catchphrase of "cheers then, thanks then, cheers then, thanks then...". They pop up throughout each episode reminding customers of museum attractions and rules, etc. Often the rules are twisted to their favour, one example of which is: "Remember: Please do not leave unattended bags anywhere in the museum. They will be stolen. By us." In the third series there is a temp/trainee tour guide, who is a bit clumsy and dim.

[edit] The Announcer

This is intended as a parody of the announcements often found in museums advertising the most mundane and ridiculous features, as it is taken to such extremes. As well as staff announcements, e.g. “Will Mr FIRE please come to the flammable items gallery”, Jane the Announcer also informs the public about new attractions. “The history of stairs exhibit is located between floors one and two.” By the end of the first series, the monotony of the job is starting to show in the announcements: “Mum, can we go now? I’m bored.”

[edit] The Gift Shop

The gift shop is regarded by the staff with such reverence that a choral effect always plays whenever it is mentioned. It stocks novelties, pencils and many kinds of fudge in the shape of historical figures (more often than not, Jane Austen). In the recent renovations of the Museum of Everything, the gift shop was the major (if not only) recipient of funds. In the final episode of the first series, "concession stands" are regarded with such contempt that a warped version of the gift shop noise is played.

On the one occasion that the gift shop features in a sketch, two visitors stumble upon it by accident when looking for another gallery, and are mysteriously unable to escape through any of the doors – they all lead straight back to the gift shop.

[edit] The Rollercoasters

During the third series, a short advertisement for a new rollercoaster features a performance spin-off of "I'm So Excited" by the Pointer Sisters and disclaimer notes at the end.

  • The Widowmaker
  • Certain Death
  • Negligence
  • Captain Bubbles Butterfly Teacups... Of Death
  • Designed By A Blue Peter Competition Winner
  • London Underground.

[edit] The Idiots

These are two Upper-Class gentlemen who seem to revel in snobbery, drinking games, sexism, xenophobia and spoonerism. When asked if they went to Oxford: “Guilty!” “Which college?” “Brookes!” Their favourite game involves placement of their penis into another's drink, and they enjoy puerile rhymes and songs. Whilst being continuously jovial, they are self admittedly very lonely and detest each other's company. They have a tendency to turn up everywhere, irritating all kinds of people, from lottery fund personnel to tourists in Italy. Their finest hour was when they met two German people of much the same nature when attending a celebration of a twinning of two towns.

[edit] Randy and Travis

These two appear to be Falconers, or something close. They have a casual attitude to animal cruelty. Randy (or Wandy) has an incredible speech impediment, and Travis is a Geordie who has a habit of saying "Nightmare" every so often.

[edit] The Fillum Institute

The Museum of Everything Fillum Institute. On occasion the institute will give a public interview of someone who works in the film industry. Previous highlights have included: the bloke who does the CGI on films; a film director so bad that he specialises in straight to video releases; and one occasion when the presenter interviews "the most important figure working in fillum today" – himself.

[edit] Badgerland

Badgerland is intended as a parody of major theme parks such as Disney World. This is evident when the series refers to another park, Euro Badger (in France). The original park is located “just off the M3 between Patrick Moore and Ted Heath”.

A staple of the first series, Badgerland became the most popular section of the show. Its theme tune parodied Toys "R" Us:

  • "There's dozens of badgers, all under one roof, it's called Badgerland, Badgerland, Badgerland..."

Its advertisement in the Museum of Everything usually went along the lines of;

  • "That's right, come to Badgerland, Britain's only badger themed amusement park! Attractions include the Badgerquarium, the restaurant with new badgertarian option, the bouncy badger, the badgercuzzi, and of course, the park mascot - Badgey the Badger (I've got fleas, kids!)."

However, at the beginning of the second series, it was announced that Badgerland has been closed. The reasons for this are to do with various infractions of the health and safety code, particularly the numerous cases of mutated bovine tuberculosis that visitors contracted. As far as we the listener can tell, the only experience we have with a family who have actually contracted this was in fact from when they went to Stoat World. One of the challenges presented by the closure of the park is finding employment for Mr Hudson, who appears to have no other talent besides playing Badgey the Badger, and is actually in character permanently.

Indeed there seems to be a veritable pantheon of British hedgerow-mammal-themed amusement parks, including Ferret Park, Vole Valley, Shrew Express and the aforementioned Stoat World. Stoat World's attractions include the famed Stoat Moat and Ferret Wheel, as well as the Res-stoat-rant.

[edit] Partwork magazine

In its second series, The Museum of Everything dropped its regular Badgerland slot, filling it instead with adverts for a variety of partwork hobby magazines allowing you to build various items week by week. These items include a life size model of the Cutty Sark, and another of France (with a bonus magazine allowing you to build the French, if, as the show puts it, you want to spoil it). For the truly committed, there is the partwork magazine "Partwork", in which you can assemble your own collection of partwork magazines ("issue 4 comes with a gun in case it all gets too much") The introductory price of these magazines is usually 99 pence, but the regular price is anywhere between £100 and all your material possessions. Similarly to the Badgerland sketches, the advertising jingles for the partworks are based on that used for the DeAgostini title "I Love Horses".

[edit] Bagshot Grange

This stately home, opened to the public to raise funds needed due to some misguided banking, is large and impressive. Guided tours are operated by the lady of the house, who makes use of every opportunity to be unpleasant to her wheelchair-bound husband Geoffrey, whom she blames for their present financial situation. There is also a not-so-subtle undertone that the lady of Bagshot Grange is trying to kill her clueless and insufferable husband, to collect his insurance. Memorable quote:

  • Remember to see the great hall, with its great table, great staircase, and great grate. Now following me...

Then there’s the staff: "Mr Gardener", an ex-sniper from the former Yugoslavia who still finds time to practise his skill; and the Sarajevan cook, as yet unpaid even after two years of employment, who prepares crumble. Not apple crumble; Crumble the cat. “He die, I make new pair oven gloves.”

[edit] Brawley Safari Park

This safari park is known for its liberal values, relaxed attitude, and abysmal safety record. Each Wednesday the visitors are encouraged to mix with the animals, especially the tigers who need feeding. Every new keeper on his or her first day is required to feed the tigers as an initiation rite - they go in wearing a meat hat. Almost every keeper is a replacement for a replacement. The "head keeper" in fact runs the canteen, and is called the head keeper as, despite, on his first day, a tiger biting almost all the way through his neck, he still managed to keep his head.

[edit] The Giant

This man runs a tourist attraction, claiming it to be his "normal sized village". Since this giant is in fact just under six foot, it is in fact a miniature village. He has a habit of saying most things to rhyme with "fe fi fo fum", and going "boom boom boom boom" as he walks. While he may consider himself not to be part of the human race, the Giant shows a degree of compassion, in that he makes sure he does not crush visitors to his village - and so far he hasn't killed anyone in such a way.

[edit] The Re-enactors

A trio of enthusiasts who have difficulty keeping contemporary concerns out of their recreations of the past.

[edit] External links