The Headmaster Ritual

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“The Headmaster Ritual”
Song by The Smiths
Released 1985
Genre Alternative rock
Length 4:52
Label Rough Trade
Writer Johnny Marr
Morrissey

The Headmaster Ritual is a song by English band The Smiths, and was the debut song on their second studio album, Meat Is Murder, in 1985. It was released as a single in Germany. The music was by Johnny Marr and the lyrics by Morrissey.

The song deals with the harshness of life at school. Morrissey would sing this in some of his solo tours, including that in 2004, which was filmed and included on the DVD, Who Put the M in Manchester?.

It was covered by Radiohead for a 2007 webcast.