The Daily Punctilio

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The Daily Punctilio is a fictional sensationalist newspaper from A Series of Unfortunate Events, a series of novels by Daniel Handler under the pen name Lemony Snicket.

Contents

[edit] Background

The Daily Punctilio was first mentioned in The Vile Village. From the end of that book, the newspaper's stories follow the Baudelaire orphans everywhere during the series. The Baudelaires were forced to go on the run after the Punctilio ran a story saying they (mistakenly referred to as "Veronica, Klyde, and Susie Baudelaire") murdered Jacques Snicket (mistakenly referred to as "Count Omar").

In Lemony Snicket: The Unauthorized Autobiography, there were portions of Lemony Snicket's play reviews for the Daily Punctilio. He was fired by Eleanora Poe, chief editor, after mocking the acting ability of Esmé Squalor in a play by Al Funcoot (an anagram of Count Olaf). He attempts to publish one last article, but is caught by Eleanora Poe. Also, from portions of the newspaper in The Unauthorized Autobiography, it is implied that Count Olaf or one of his henchmen changed articles that included investigations by volunteers.

Finally, the Daily Punctilio seems to have caused problems to V.F.D. that are not directly related to the Baudelaires; for example, Geraldine Julienne wrote a series of articles called "Secret Organizations You Should Know About" that described the organization. In The Unauthorized Autobiography, minutes from a V.F.D. meeting show the members discussing where to move as the location of their current headquarters was once again to be printed in the article. This is the only mentioned information that the Punctilio printed correctly. It is also revealed that a spy was in the midst of V.F.D., apparently Count Olaf and Esme Squalor.

[edit] Staff

[edit] Eleanora Poe, editor-in-chief

Eleanora Poe
First appearance Lemony Snicket: The Unauthorized Autobiography
Created by Daniel Handler
Information
Gender Female
Age Adult
Occupation Editor-in-Chief of the Daily Punctilio
Relatives Arthur Poe

Eleanora Poe is the sister of Mr. Arthur Poe, who is in charge of the Baudelaire orphans' affairs. Eleanora is the editor in chief of The Daily Punctilio.

She is first mentioned in Lemony Snicket: The Unauthorized Autobiography. There is a script showing the dialogue from a conversation she had with her brother at The Anxious Clown, a restaurant. Mr. Poe met her to talk with her about the articles printed in her newspaper. Later in the book, a telegram from her to Mr. Poe is shown, which states that her star reporter, Geraldine Julienne, has locked her in the basement; in addition, she has realized that some of the articles she published in the newspaper were not true. The telegram is stamped "IGNORED".

In The Penultimate Peril, Lemony Snicket mentions that "a tiresome woman named Eleanora" was in an elevator at the Hotel Preludio with the Baudelaire family one day when Bertrand played a prank that forced her to stop at every floor on the way to her hotel room.

It is implied that Eleanora and Arthur are not part of the V.F.D. organization, because at the The Anxious Clown, the waiter uses a code for V.F.D. members, and neither Eleanora nor Arthur seem to understand it or decide to ignore it.

[edit] Geraldine Julienne, star reporter

Geraldine Julienne is a star reporter for The Daily Punctilio and is the person who locked her editor, Eleanora Poe, in a basement. She may have been responsible for telling Mr Poe to ignore all telegrams sent to him, including the Baudelaire's telegram in The Hostile Hospital, but it is also likely that Eleanora herself suggested this in a misguided article prior to her imprisonment. Geraldine is also responsible for the general public believing that the Baudelaires murdered "Count Omar", who, in reality, was Jacques Snicket, due to her untrue articles in the Daily Punctilio. She also appeared in The Carnivorous Carnival, appearing to love violence and people being fed to lions, wanting to write an article about the event. She does not, however, appear to be malicious; Lemony himself stated in The Penultimate Peril that she had caused the Baudelaires "inadvertent trouble", thus meaning she is unintentionally causing trouble and chaos and does not see her own mistakes. In The Unauthorized Autobiography, it is revealed that she was the reason that Esmé Squalor and Jerome Squalor met and thus married, by providing Esmé information on Jerome's life. In The Beatrice Letters, Duchess of Winnipeg's death caused her to become the new fashion editor. Lemony describes her in The Beatrice Letters as a "foolish girl".

She has recently become one of Esmé Squalor's sycophants and has a habit of imagining headlines and exclaiming, "Wait until the readers of the Daily Punctilio see that(/this)!" In terms of behaviour, she is similar to Harry Potter's Rita Skeeter. It is unknown whether she escaped the fire at Hotel Denouement in The Penultimate Peril.

[edit] Lemony Snicket, former dramatic critic

Main article: Lemony Snicket

[edit] Jacques Snicket, former reporter

Main article: Jacques Snicket

[edit] Articles and Advertisements

[edit] Hard News

(In somewhat chronological order)

Verifying Fernald's Defection
An article by Jacques Snicket explaining that Fernald "Widdershins" burned down Anwhistle Aquatics, discovered in the Gorgonian Grotto.
Dairy Burns Down
This article relates how Valorous Farms Dairy, the Snicket mansion, was burned to the ground during a storm, having been struck by lightning1. There is an illustration which Detective Smith claims is of the Snicket Fire2.
1It was actually burned down by one of Count Olaf's associates dressed in a cow suit.
2It is really of the Baudelaire Fire.
Ship Departs Early!
This article relates how The Prospero left Daedalus Dock three hours before schedule, leaving the passengeres (including a woman named E1) stranded on the on-ramp. A sailor on the ship shouted out the words "Phase Two2" and "Drat!"
1 Esmé Squalor.
2 Phase Two probably refers to phase two of V.F.D. Disguise Training (Various Finery Disguises).
Bus Arrives Late!
This article is only mentioned.
Arson Suspected in Destruction of Royal Gardens
An article written by Jacques Snicket concerning the destruction of the city's Royal Gardens.
Absolutely No Arson or Any Other Suspicious Thing Associated with the Royal Gardens, which Simply Burned to the Ground and Then Were Covered in Dirt Due to Wind, Says Official Fire Department
An article written by Geraldine Julienne concerning the destruction of the city's Royal Gardens.
No Poisonous Plants Were Removed from Royal Gardens Prior to Destruction, Official Fire Department Reports
An article written by Geraldine Julienne concerning the possible removal of plants from the Poisonous Pavilion at the Royal Gardens before its destruction.1
1 Justice Strauss mentions in The Bad Beginning that she is working on a case involving a poisonous plant2 and illegal use of someone's credit card.
2 In The Bad Beginning: Rare Edition, Lemony Snicket believes that this plant was removed from the Royal Gardens, and implies that Count Olaf possesses it.
Murder at Lucky Smells Lumbermill!
This article relates how Count Olaf and a "henchman experiencing hair loss" were responsible for a murder1, and how a volunteer came to investigate the incident.
1 Likely, but not stated, to be that of Dr. Georgina Orwell.
Accident at Lucky Smells Lumbermill!
This article relates how detectives Smith, Jones, and Smithjones investigated the "accidental" death mentioned in the previous article, concluding that the worst thing about the ordeal was that one of the detectives had spilt his coffee1.
1 A rhyming couplet that appears later suggests that the detective's coat was not stained with coffee, but with ink.
Twins Captured by Count Omar
This article relates how Esmé Squalor1 and the twins Duncan and Isadora Quagmire2 have been captured by Count Omar3.
1 Esmé Squalor ran off with Count Olaf of her own volition.
2 The Quagmires are triplets.
3 Count Olaf.
Baudelaire Orphans at Large!
This article relates how the Baudelaire orphans murdered Count Omar1 and escaped from the Village of Fowl Devotees.
1 This time, Jacques Snicket (whom Count Olaf murdered).
Baudelaire Butchers
This article relates basically the same thing as the above.

[edit] Financial Times

The only part of The Daily Punctilio which Mr. Poe reads.

[edit] Music Section

The only part of The Daily Punctilio which Vice Principal Nero reads.

[edit] Columns

Secret Organizations You Should Know About
A column by Geraldine Julienne in which she repeatedly reveals the various V.F.D. headquarters.

[edit] "An Announcement"

Eleanora's Announcement
Eleanora Poe writes an apologetic article to the readers of The Daily Punctilio for Lemony Snicket's "rude" articles, adding that she has fired him.
Eleanora's Second Announcement
Eleanora, apologizing for Snicket's last attempt to publish an article in the Punctilio.

[edit] The Theater Section: "A Night at the Theatre"

The World Is Quiet Here/One Last Warning to Those Who Try to Stand in My Way Review
Lemony Snicket complains of how the musical The World Is Quiet Here has been re-done to fit Olaf's scheme, as well as being renamed One Last Warning to Those Who Try to Stand in My Way.
Snicket's Explanation
Lemony Snicket tries to explain the real reason that he was fired, which relates to a secret about Eleanora Poe, but his article is cut-off part-way through.

[edit] Other Articles

Book Article
An article that says the following books are dangerous for children to read:

The majority of these contain codes, hints or V.F.D.-related things, and scraps of many of them can be found in The Unauthorized Autobiography.

Telegram Article
An article which warns that receiving telegrams can be dangerous.
Telephone Pole Article
An article which warns that letting telephone poles stand is dangerous, therefore they should be cut down.

[edit] Obituaries

Lemony Snicket, Author and Fugitive
The false obituary of Lemony Snicket.

[edit] Hypothetical articles by Geraldine Julienne

  • Doctor and Nurse Explain History of Knife
  • Heimlich Hospital Almost Forgets Paperwork!
  • Murderer Attempts to Murder Murderer
  • Baudelaire Murderers Torch Paperwork
  • Murderers Captured in Unfinished Half of Hospital by Well-Organized Medical Professionals
  • Count Olaf Thinks Up Idea For Lion Show
  • Exclusive Interview With Count Olaf, Who Is Not Count Omar, Who Is Dead
  • Freaks Pushed into Lion Pit!
  • Unbelievably Glamorous and Beautiful Woman Complains About Hotel Service!
  • Esmé Squalor, the Most Glamorous Person Ever!
  • Ballplaying Cowboy Superhero Soldier Pirate Learns to Spit!
  • Everybody is Innocent!

Geraldine also stated, in The Carnivorous Carnival, that People Discuss Things Calmly is a boring headline.

[edit] Advertisements

  • An advertisement for three-piece suits at a store that only sells Indian rugs.
  • An advertisement for the Veritable French Diner at 141 Dark Avenue.
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