The Chronicles of Colonel Walter S Houghington III
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| The Chronicles of Walter S Houghington III | |
 Original Cover |
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| Author | Colin A. Borden |
|---|---|
| Country | United States |
| Language | English |
| Genre(s) | Comedic fiction |
| Publisher | Visual Farms |
| Publication date | 2004 |
| Media type | Website |
| Pages | -- |
The Chronicles of Walter S Houghington III is a series of short comical stories assembled as the "memoirs" of an aging adventurer known as (Sir, Colonel, or sometimes both) Walter S Houghington III.
The dying, eighty-three year-old Houghington serves as the stories' narrator, which may account for each tale being only a few chapters long and often jumping in time and space. Houghington is a very unreliable narrator, and it is difficult to tell whether his memories have become jumbled, or he is making the stories up entirely. The world that he creates is all encompassing in terms of early 1900's thought and technology, but no direct moments, places, or times are given. There are severe sexual undertones throughout. The Chronicles of Walter S Houghington III began as a staged, one man show and first appeared in print on a freewebs page, since becoming a cult classic.
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[edit] Characters
Though not all mentioned in direct canon, many characters enter Walter's world and appear on the website. Some are known to be members of an organization known as the Society of Gentlemen Scholars; an elite group of adventurers. Others are generally defined as evil-doers.
[edit] Sir Colonel Walter S Houghington III
The hero of his own story, Walter is just that; a hero's hero. He is manly, courageous, good-looking, and strong of mind, body, and heart. For instance, when he finds himself buried under six feet of sand, he does not fear for his own safety, he is, instead, "unselfishly worried about the Bengalese school children [he] had just recently lost to a band of Camel Ranchers in a game of black jack." He has battled myriad foes and conquered hundreds of obstacles in his day. How he came to be a Colonel and knighted is unknown, however, we do know that he served in the Zulu War as a British soldier and spy for the Zulu.
How Walter became such a hero could be seen as a point of contention when one considers his rather unusual upbringing. He was raised in a British convent where he became a frequent cross-dresser. Though he greatly enjoyed the feeling of being a woman, his care taking nuns did not agree with it and sent him off to the land of the Pygmies to become a real man. Instead, he lives happily in their community and studies their "dwarfizization." From there, Walter leaves the Pygmies in a green hot air balloon and discovers his love of flight. The rest, as they say, is history.
[edit] Professor Margaritte Townsend
As a younger woman, Professor Townsend is a beautiful, cunning archaeologist and the only female member of the Society of Gentlemen Scholars. She is well versed in several languages both written and verbal. She and Houghington have an off-and-on again relationship. Though she is a strong, independent woman, Margaritte often finds herself the damsel in distress when the going gets very tough. In later years, age atrophies her appearance and her right eye becomes "crooked and constantly dilated; quite maddening to look at…" She may also be Houghington's biological sister.
[edit] Captain James "Ace" Harding
Once a great fighter pilot, Harding now captains a rigid airship christened the XV7 Horus, after the Egyptian God of the Sky. He is older than Houghington, and the age seems to be wearing on him. He fought during an unnamed war that left him "shakey," and a "bad shot." The Horus is merely a transport ship and he intends to keep it that way. He has little interest in combat and things of the sort.
[edit] Captain Lawrence Floraine
The ruthless, dreaded Captain of the most "fearless, ruff-and-tumble group of the nastiest, scurviest, most cut-throatenest sons of bitches that ever did sail the Nine Skies," known as the Ozone Pirates. The pirates have been known to fly in small brigades of biplanes while Floraine himself is captain of a very large, heavy, and dark rigid airship. He is said to be flamboyant in nature, but unafraid to use hither-to unheard of methods of torture and piracy. The Ozone Pirates make themselves known by singing "haunting, yet eerily beautiful" hymns before they attack.
[edit] Radio Drama
One episode of a radio drama was produced in 2006 in Santa Fe, New Mexico. The episode featured Colonel Walter S Houghington III, Margaritte Townsend, and Captain Ace Harding aboard a rapidly crashing rigid airship; The XV7 Horus. In true form to his literary counterpart, Houghington safely lands the ship, wrestles a tiger, is shot in the arm, and prepares to fight approaching Ozone Pirates. Unlike the written stories, the radio show features no narration.
