The Beard

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“The Beard”
Seinfeld episode

Kramer in a lineup.
Episode no. Season 6
Episode 102
Written by Carol Leifer
Directed by Andy Ackerman
Guest stars Jon Gries
Original airdate February 9, 1995
Season 6 episodes
Seinfeld - Season 6
September 1994 - May 1995
  1. "The Chaperone"
  2. "The Big Salad"
  3. "The Pledge Drive"
  4. "The Chinese Woman"
  5. "The Couch"
  6. "The Gymnast"
  7. "The Soup"
  8. "The Mom & Pop Store"
  9. "The Secretary"
  10. "The Race"
  11. "The Switch"
  12. "The Label Maker"
  13. "The Scofflaw"
  14. "The Highlights of 100, Part 1"
  15. "The Highlights of 100, Part 2"
  16. "The Beard"
  17. "The Kiss Hello"
  18. "The Doorman"
  19. "The Jimmy"
  20. "The Doodle"
  21. "The Fusilli Jerry"
  22. "The Diplomat's Club"
  23. "The Face Painter"
  24. "The Understudy"
List of Seinfeld episodes

"The Beard" is the 102nd episode of the hit NBC situation comedy Seinfeld. This was the 16th episode for the 6th season. It aired on February 9, 1995.

[edit] Plot

Elaine has tickets for the Swan Lake ballet. She is going as a beard for a gay man whose boss he believes would be intolerant of his lifestyle choice. George is still wearing his toupee and only Kramer thinks he looks handsome. Kramer tries to set up a date for George, but as he doesn't have a picture of her they go to the police station where an acquaintance, who works as a sketch artist, can draw them a picture.

On their way to the station, Kramer gives Chinese food leftovers to a homeless person. At the police station, George likes the picture and Jerry has his eye on a female Sergeant. On their way back Kramer argues with the homeless guy and cannot retrieve his Tupperware container. At the ballet Elaine is acting as Robert's girlfriend.

Back at Monk's Cafe Elaine talks with Jerry how nice Robert is, and the possibility to make him "change teams" (i.e., become a heterosexual). Jerry says conversion is not possible since they are comfortable with their own "equipment."

At Jerry's apartment Kramer needs a Tupperware to save his meal. George arrives very confident after talking on the phone with Denise, Kramer's friend. Jerry mocks George's "hair hat" telling him Denise will find out. Kramer decides to eat lunch at the police station with his friend Lou, the sketch artist, and Jerry tags along to meet with Sgt. Tierny. At the station, Kramer stands in a police lineup for quick $50 dollars. George meets Denise at Monk's, although she is wearing a hat. While looking at the lie detector Jerry's girlfriend wants him to take the test to see whether or not he watches Melrose Place.

Later, Elaine mocks Jerry for not telling her that he watched Melrose Place. Jerry wants George to tell him how to beat the polygraph.

Elaine is going on another "date" with Robert and she is ready to perform the conversion. George arrives disgusted saying that Denise is bald. After arguing that George is bald too ("I WAS bald!"), Elaine throws his wig out the window, and the homeless guy picks it up.

After the date, Elaine invites Robert to her apartment. Wig-less George talks with Jerry he is again himself, and will continue seeing the bald woman. Later, Elaine triumphantly announces to Jerry that Robert has defected his team and that the conversion went perfectly ("Sex and shopping"). Afterwards, Kramer is still doing police lineups. Jerry takes the lie detector test, but quickly cracks under the pressure of clever questions regarding controversial plot developments in Melrose Place, which provoke him to vent his strongly-held opinions on those controversies, thereby exposing his familiarity with the series.

At Jerry's apartment Elaine comments how Robert went back to his team because they always have access to their "equipment". This episode also features perhaps the series' most explicit sexual joke contained in a covert setting: Elaine complains to Jerry that she is tired of shaking the containers of numerous dairy products to which Jerry responds by shaking a bottle of yogurt in a fashion that resembles male masturbation. Since Elaine is not willing to do this, it is no surprise that she was not apt at making good use of Robert's equipment. George arrives with the news that he was rejected by the bald woman. Kramer comes and tells Elaine that she ruined things for George by throwing the wig. They all watch Melrose Place.

In the last scene Kramer is still doing lineups but then he gets in trouble when he is recognized by a witness of a robbery, the homeless guy.

[edit] Trivia

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The article could be improved by integrating relevant items and removing inappropriate ones.
  • Jason Alexander hurt his head during the filming of this episode. During the scene where Elaine grabs George's toupee and throws it out the window, George makes a futile grab for it just as Elaine shuts the blinds. Alexander timed his grab slightly incorrectly and slammed his head into the base of the blinds, and you can see them crumple slightly under the impact in the final scene. Fortunately, since this incident occurred during the last take of the day, the bump that was left on Alexander's head did not affect the filming of any other scenes.
  • Episode was famously referenced by Greenwich socialite M. Pereiro during the Eliot Spitzer controversy in order to claim that Governor McGreevey's case was more comprehensible than Governor Spitzer's due to the equipment issue (see episode summary above).
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