The following comments were left by the assessors: (edit · history · watch · refresh)
[edit] General
- I'm always iffy with abbreviated author names :in this case, it obscure otherwise obvious relationships with people mentioned in the text. Not to mention it's inconsistent across the article.
- Some references are templatized and others not.
- You tend not to use a pronoun after "though" in this article, but it sounds really strange to me.
- While the intro should summarize the article, and I personally have nothing against placing the taxonomy first, I don,t think starting with the subspecies is such a good idea. (moved)
- "the best-known of all fairy-wrens" is an odd phrase to put in an intro, especially taking into account that this is a small family restricted to Australasia. (yeah. took it out)
- Maybe fairy-wren would best redirect to malurus (?) (yes indeed, as maluridae contains emu-wrens and grasswrens)
Y Done
- though does supplement its diet with seeds
- Maybe add a "it" here (funny that. Sounds smoother to me without the 'it' but that maybe just me. If makes more sense globally to stick it in I will as it's only two little letters..)
- Maybe a dialects thing... *shrugs*
[edit] Taxonomy
- "Sister species" is rather unnecessarily technical, even if you link sister taxon. "closest relative" (or something similar) should be enough. Y Done
- Does one really "collect" birds? (yeah, that was teh verb given. I'm musing on this but bit stumped for an alternative verb to describe picking a little birdy and taking it back to the UK for describing..)
- "The original specimen was captured"? (hmmm...captured to me implies hunted like some sort of trophy or something (though these'd make a pretty small one!), gotta ruminate on this some more..)
- I seem to recall reclassification also triggers parentheses in Zoological usage, but it's always been confusing to me.
- The genus Malurus later described by Louis Jean Pierre Vieillot in 1816 to give the bird its current scientific name.
- I think you're missing a verb Y Done
- of the Murray River and Coorong regions in southeastern South Australia
- The last part seems like mild overkill to me. Y Done
- Color me stupid, but shouldn't we at least consider giving author and date for subspecies? Y Done
[edit] Description
- "ear covert" is mildly jargonic, "barbule" makes the needle jump straight into the red.
- The part on vocal communication that is not descriptive should probably be integrated in "Behaviour" (must admit I'm not keen on splitting up voice stuff but I do understand rationale as it really is all about behaviour. I'll look at at it again to see if there's a natural split I can take advantage of, otherwise the best bet maybe to move the lot).
- Maybe I'm just reading this wrong, too. This paragraph is rather more detailed than the other birds you've made me check. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Circeus (talk • contribs) 01:24, 11 October 2007 (UTC)
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- (Yeah, normally voice stuff is pretty perfunctory - bird calls 'tweet' etc. whihc is straightforward to just slot into description, just with this little critter there's been loads of fascinating stuff come out..there's the rub) —Preceding unsigned comment added by Casliber (talk • contribs) 02:07, 11 October 2007 (UTC)
[edit] Behaviour
- "allopreening"
- hum... tatsy jargon (allopreening changed to mutual preening (or preening each other better?))
- "mutual preening" is a very good expression. (big sigh of relief)
- Why are only shrike-thrushes linked to their Y Done - fixed other end too.
- This does render them vulnerable to a range of predators
- That makes 2 sentences one after the other starting with "this" (ok, swapped clauses to break up this's)
[edit] Courtship
- and show them to conspecifics
- Almost choke on his milk* "conspecifics" Come on! (haha - that was left from an older edit and editor)
- pairs will bond for life, but regularly mate with other individuals
- I somehow doubt pairs "mate with other individuals" (you never know...)
- Two or more broods may be laid the an extended breeding season.
- Not sure what's going on there. Looks like you finished a different sentence than what you started with. (the --> in (oops))
- assuming a senior position (meaning dominant or co-dominant - will get some more info to clarify)
- This is an odd, to say the least, formulation.
FA
