Wikipedia:Still more Best of BJAODN

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

This Wikipedia page is currently inactive and is retained as a historical archive. Either the page is no longer relevant or consensus has become unclear. If you want to revive discussion regarding the subject, you should seek broader input via a forum such as the proposals page of the village pump.

This is a collection of the best jokes and nonsense from Wikipedia:Bad jokes and other deleted nonsense. The criterion for a joke getting on this page is simple: at least one Wikipedian actually found it good.

Contents 1 Bot got drunk? 2 Cold War Classic 2.1 Background and conditions 2.2 Participation 2.3 Lineups 2.4 Play-by-Play 2.5 Box Score 2.6 Consequences 2.7 References 3 List of things faster than a dog 3.1 Controversy 4 Flammable monkeys 5 McGriddle Consumption 6 The ultimate test edit 7 From sudo 8 From Armageddon 9 From Mr. Bean 10 From International Academy

Bot got drunk?

diff

Cold War Classic

The Cold War Classic was a baseball game played in February 1974 between leaders of NATO and leaders of the Soviet Bloc as part of detente. It was held in Zagreb, Yugoslavia.

Background and conditions

The idea for the Classic was brought up in a private conversation between American Secretary of State Henry Kissinger and Soviet Foreign Minister Andrei Gromyko and then strongly endorsed by their respective bosses: Richard Nixon because he believed that the West would easily win such a game, and Leonid Brezhnev because he was widely believed to be drunk at the time.^[1]

The disparity in baseball experience between the West and the East was a potential problem that both sides attempted to correct for. Zagreb was chosen not only because, under the leadership of Josip Broz Tito it was considered neutral territory in the Cold War, but also for its proximity to the Soviet Bloc, minimizing the travel weariness of the Communist team. The Soviet Bloc was also allowed to play as the "home team" (batting in the bottom of the inning). Additionally, Cincinnati Reds second baseman Joe Morgan was allowed to play for East Germany, giving the Soviet Bloc the only professional player in the game.

Participation

Of the European Communist states other than Yugoslavia, only Romania and Albania declined to participate, due to Nicolae Ceauşescu and Enver Hoxha drifting out of the Soviet Bloc to pursue more nationalistic policies. The People's Republic of China, North Vietnam, and North Korea, not being part of the traditional Soviet Bloc, were not invited, nor did they show any interest in attending. Cuba, however, having a strong baseball tradition, was very eager to participate, especially as Fidel Castro had significant experience playing baseball.

On the NATO side, many NATO nations declined to participate. Canada refused due to personal issues between Richard Nixon and Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau. France declined in order to point out that it was not a full NATO member (having withdrawn from the military structure). Italian Prime Minister Mariano Rumor was very eager to participate, but suffered a knee injury shortly before the game, forcing him to be replaced. NATO was left with a rump of American and British cabinet members, as well as a few heads of government from conservative European nations.

Lineups

Soviet Bloc Lineup ^[2]

The Soviet Bloc team was managed by Leonid Brezhnev, who did not play.

Position	Name	Country
SS	Edward Gierek	Poland
RF	János Kádár	Hungary
3B	Andrei Gromyko	USSR
2B	Joe Morgan	East Germany
1B	Erich Honecker	East Germany
LF	Alexey Kosygin	USSR
C	Todor Zhivkov	Bulgaria
CF	Gustáv Husák	Czechoslovakia
P	Fidel Castro	Cuba

NATO Lineup^[3]

The NATO team was managed by Richard Nixon, who, like his counterpart Brezhnev, did not play.

Position	Name	Country
RF	Poul Hartling	Denmark
CF	Anthony Barber	United Kingdom
SS	James Schlesinger	USA
1B	Gerald Ford	USA
C	Henry Kissinger	USA
2B	Willy Brandt	West Germany
3B	Edward Heath	United Kingdom
LF	Dimitrios Ioannides	Greece
P	Alexander Haig	USA

Play-by-Play

First Inning
Top:
P. Hartling grounds out to second
A. Barber grounds out to second
J. Schlesinger doubles to deep left
G. Ford hits home run to deep left, J. Schlesinger scores
H. Kissinger strikes out swinging

Bottom:
E. Gierek safe at first on fielding error by J. Schlesinger
J. Kadar safe at first on fielding error by W. Brandt, E. Gierek to second
A. Gromyko strikes out swinging
J. Morgan hits home run to deep center, E. Gierek and J. Kadar score
E. Honecker pops up to shortstop
A. Kosygin grounds out to shortstop

Score: NATO 2, Soviet Bloc 3

Second Inning
Top:
W. Brandt safe at first on fielding error by E. Gierek
E. Heath lines out to shortstop
D. Ioannides singles to right field. D. Ioannides advances to second and W. Brandt advances to third on fielding error by J. Kadar
A. Haig safe at first on fielding error by E. Gierek, W. Brandt scores, D. Ioannides to third
P. Hartling strikes out swinging

Bottom:
T. Zhivkov pops up to second
G. Husak grounds out to pitcher
F. Castro doubles to deep left
E. Gierek lines out to shortstop

Score: NATO 3, Soviet Bloc 3

Third Inning
Top:
A. Barber singles to center
J. Schlesinger singles to left, A. Barber to second
G. Ford doubles to deep right, J. Schlesinger and A. Barber score
H. Kissinger singles to left, G. Ford scores
W. Brandt strikes out swinging
E. Heath strikes out swinging

With D. Ioannides batting, H. Kissinger picked off at first

Bottom:
J. Kadar grounds out to shortstop
A. Gromyko lines out to third
J. Morgan hits home run to deep center
E. Honecker singles to center. E. Honecker advances to second on fielding error by A. Barber
A. Kosygin walks
T. Zhivkov flies out to center

Score: NATO 6, Soviet Bloc 4

Forth Inning
Top:
D. Ioannides grounds out to second
A. Haig singles to left
P. Hartling grounds into 4-3 double play

Bottom:
G. Husak lines out to first
F. Castro singles to center
E. Gierek strikes out swinging
J. Kadar pops out to pitcher

Score: NATO 6, Soviet Bloc 4

Fifth Inning
Top:
A. Barber grounds out to second
J. Schlesinger singles to center
G. Ford intentionally walked
H. Kissinger safe at first on fielding error by E. Gierek
W. Brant flies out to left, J. Schlesinger scores
E. Heath grounds out to pitcher
Bottom:
A. Gromyko lines out to shortstop
J. Morgan intentionally walked
With E. Honecker batting, J. Morgan steals second
With E. Honecker batting, J. Morgan steals third. J. Morgan scores on fielding error by E. Heath
E. Honecker strikes out swinging
A. Kosygin grounds out to pitcher

Score: NATO 7, Soviet Bloc 5

Sixth Inning
Top:
D. Ioannides grounds out to first
A. Haig pops up to second
P. Hartling grounds out to pitcher

Bottom:
T. Zhivkov hits infield single to third
G. Husak grounds out to pitcher, T. Zhivkov to second
F. Castro doubles to left, T. Zhivkov scores
E. Gierek safe at first on fielding error by E. Heath
J. Kadar walks, F. Castro to third, E. Gierek to second
A. Gromyko strikes out swinging

Score: NATO 7, Soviet Bloc 6

Seventh Inning
Top:
A. Barber singles to left
J. Schlesinger singles to center, A. Barber to second
G. Ford doubles to deep left, A. Barber scores, J. Schlesinger to third
H. Kissinger singles to left, J. Schlesinger and G. Ford score
W. Brant grounds into 4-3 double play
E. Heath grounds out to pitcher

Bottom:
J. Morgan hits home run to deep left
E. Honecker grounds out to shortstop
A. Kosygin pops up to third
T. Zhivkov flies out to center

Score: NATO 10, Soviet Bloc 7

Eight Inning
Top:
D. Ioannides grounds out to shortstop
A. Haig grounds out to first
P. Hartling grounds out to second

Bottom:
G. Husak hits infield single to pitcher
F. Castro singles to center, G. Husak to second
E. Gierek grounds into 6-4-3 double play, G. Husak to third
J. Kadar strikes out swinging

Score: NATO 10, Soviet Bloc 7

Ninth Inning
Top:
A. Barber singles to left
J. Schlesinger grounds into 4-3 double play
G. Ford doubles to deep center
H. Kissinger lines out to second

Bottom:
A. Gromyko strikes out swinging
J. Morgan intentionally walked
E. Honecker singles to left, J. Morgan to third
A. Kosygin safe at first on fielding error by A. Haig, E. Honecker to second
T. Zhivkov pops up to shortstop
G. Husak hits inside-the-park grand slam to right, J. Morgan, E. Honecker, and A. Kosygin score

Final Score: NATO 10, Soviet Bloc 11

Box Score

Team	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	H	R	E
NATO	2	1	3	0	1	0	3	0	0	15	10	5
Bloc	3	0	1	0	1	1	1	0	4	10	11	4

WP: F. Castro
LP: A. Haig
HR: J. Morgan (3), G. Ford (1), G. Husak (1)
SB: J. Morgan (2)

Consequences

NATO's 9th inning meltdown caused a stir on both sides of the Iron Curtain. In the West, many were outraged by Gustáv Husák's hard slide into home plate, which dislodged the ball from Henry Kissinger's glove and allowed the winning run to score. American commentators said that such play was unacceptable in an exhibition game.^[4] In the East, Husak was seen as a hero, and his inside-the-park grand slam was hailed as the "Most Clutch Moment in Czeckoslovakian History".^[5] As for the hard slide, Husak stated that "My father instructed me to always play in the correct fashion, and not in any other."^[6]

A notable number of NATO participants in the game lost power later in 1974, including Hartling, Heath (and therefore also Chancellor of the Exchequer Barber), and Brandt in elections, Ioannides in a coup, and Richard Nixon due to resignation over the Watergate Scandal. This has led some to speculate that there exists a "Cold War Classic Curse" on the losers;^[7] adherents of this theory also point to the subsequent unsucessful Presidency of NATO first baseman Gerald Ford.^[8]

In the East, the victory was generally viewed as proof of the superiority of the socialist system to the capitalist one. Leonid Brezhnev awarded copious amounts of medals to all participants, even those who had not particularly distinguished themselves (such as Andrei Gromyko). In the West, the loss was generally viewed as a failure on the part of individual western leaders, rather than on the part of the free-enterprize system. Some, citing the significant defensive and offensive contributions to the Soviet side by their second baseman, actually viewed the outcome as a victory for the West, since the Soviet Union showed that it was extremely dependent on Western imports (in this case, Joe Morgan).

References

List of things faster than a dog

According to contemporary scientific theory regarding comparative velocity measurement, all moving objects can be classified into two distinct categories vis-a-vis their velocity potential relative to that of a dog '(Canis lupus familiaris)'. The categories comprise overcaniality (potential for velocities above the maximum possible velocity of a dog) and undercaniality (lacking of the potential for velocities above the maximum possible velocity of a dog).

Studies published in peer-reviewed journals have so far identified the following list of objects that can incontrovertibly be described as faster than a dog:

• Cars
• Dogs riding in cars
• Race cars

Controversy

One common argument against the current scientific consensus on overcaniality opines that there are numerous objects (i.e. airplanes, satellites, Oort cloud objects) that travel at or above the maximum possible velocity of a dog. However, this argument has been largely refuted in that velocity measurements of such objects did not take into account contributing factors such as orbital parallax or string theory. The short-lived Internet meme surrounding the catchphrase Nothing Is Faster Than A Dog contrabulated this scientific principle, and spawned a number of counter-arguments that questioned the very nature of overcaniality and undercaniality in the context of general relativity.

Flammable monkeys

Monkeys can be flammable.

Introduction

This article uses very simple words so even the less intelligent people will understand that monkeys are flammable.

What are Flammable Monkeys

Monkeys are very flammable. Monkeys can be even more flammable when they are doused in gasoline. In order to light a monkey on fire, all you require is some sort of lighting mechanism such as a lighter, a match, or a nuclear missile. A nuclear missile might perhaps be a considered a little overboard, but more than two Scientists agree it would classify as the monkeys being lit on fire until they no longer exist.

The flammability of Monkeys is something science is starting to touch upon. This is a feild eager young scientists should get into, because it is going to become the greatest thing since Cooked Bread.

A Very Funny Quote

"Monkeys in my Pants: Like the Internet, but flammable".

FAQ

Q: What do flammable monkeys taste like?

A: Chicken

Q: Why are monkeys flammable?

A: They are organic.

Q: What is the purpose of flammable monkeys?

A: They are the answer to life, the universe, and everything.

Non-Flammable Monkeys

There are no non-flammable monkeys. All monkeys are flammable in some way shape or form. If you cannot get a monkey on fire, you are not trying hard enough.

Disclaimer

You should never light a monkey on fire. You may be jailed. It is illegal. Do not do it. Ever.

McGriddle Consumption

I reverted this wonderful little joke at Granville Township, Mifflin County, Pennsylvania. This is especially funny to me since my best friend is from the area and when these breakfast treats first came out his Dad couldn't stop talking about how good they are.

In the township the population was spread out with 22.4% under the age of 18, 6.2% from 18 to 24, 27.9% from 25 to 44, 27.8% from 45 to 64, and 15.6% who were 65 years of age or older. The median age was 41 years. For every 100 females there were 99.2 males. For every 100 females age 18 and over, there were 97.9 males. Median McGriddle consumption per family was an average of 48.2 a year. Dincher 15:59, 26 May 2007 (UTC)

The ultimate test edit

See here

From sudo

Microsoft Corporation has filed for a patent concerning sudo.^[5] Microsoft can politely get lost.

From Armageddon

It was last week. You missed it.

From Mr. Bean

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFfffffffffffffffff

From International Academy

From a series of old edits ranging from May to September 2005. It's amazing what you can find on the history page of a currently reliable article.

Edit 1-

This is where the gangsters are at. Word to your mother.

Edit 2 -

The IA was founded in 1996 by ***, a well-known homosexual, communist sypmathizer and porn star. *** was arrested in 2005 for engaging in sexual intercourse with a donkey.

Edit 3 - Future US president Alexander Chernyak graduated from the school in 2006. He has been quoted as saying "Didn't do a damn thing for me."

Edit 4 - Future Hooker *** class of 2008 quoted "I have furry legs!"

Edit 5 - Future World Leader *** class of 2008 Apologizes formally. He did not mean to inflict emotional or phsyical damage. This message is directed toward anyone who whas been bought out by ***. Check his great product out by searching Google!

Edit 6- The IA was founded in 1996 by ***, a dumbfuck of a stupid fag. *** came out of the closet last year. He likes to have dirty anal sex with farm animals. He was also reported to have fucked his mother, his daughter, the family horse and a goldfish. The event was video taped and passed around the school, much to ***'s dismay. ***'s past times include butt-fucking, gay sex, anal-sex, eating feces, wiping feces on his body, giving oral sex to men and horses, raping small children, fucking dogs and public masterbation during school hours. He is also rumored to be a cannibal.

Edit 7- The IA does not accept applications from niggers, kikes, spics, wops and other sub-humans. It is a white-only school dedicated to the betterment of the white race and teaching concepts of white cultural superiority.

Edit 8-

the IA is home to the guerilla unit 69ers, the robotics team. it has been criticized for only allowing gay memebers, and has taken part in the annual homo robot games.

Edit 9-

The IA was founded in 1996 by ***, who is notable for many things, most importantly for being arrested in Gaylord in 1993 for being caught having sex with a donkey. He is currently undergoing surgery to become a full human being, since he is really half-ape.

The International Academy also has many notable students. T.S., Class of 2008, is currently up for the Nobel Prize in Chemistry for creating a drug that can make anyone in the world fall asleep, anywhere and anytime, no matter how much excitement is going around them. Another member of the Class of '08, V.T., has the highest I.Q. the world has ever seen (247), beating the record set by former IA student G.M. T.S. (different person) has also won a Pulitzer Prize in literature for his amazing critique of Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men.