User:SoccerRyan
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[edit] History
Ryan Smoogleboff was born on March 21, 1971. He is a singer, who was inspired by Elton John. At age 12, Smoogy (his nickname) started his first album titled, "Take Me Away, Porcupine." His album went double platinum, selling 16 million copies.
Wait it wasn't Broadway, it was EUROPEWAY! GOSH CHRISTINA
Ryan Smoogleboff also was the creator of the best selling novel "Theres no place like 711." Selling over 18 million copies Ryan Smoogleboff, now lives in a castle in the clouds as a cook for the well-known Jennifer and Lindsey Wentz. Wifes of bassist/song writer Pete Wentz.
Pete Wentz has a third wife as of September 28th, 2006. She currently resides in Zimbabwe, and is taking care of Pete's seven little turkeys.
Um. Yes, Christina. I realllly have to use the restroom.
Anyways, you have probably heard of Smoogleboff Barbeque Sauce. Yup you guessed it! In 1809 Ryan Smoogleboff established his own sauce. He was very talented to do such a thing, especially before he was born! He's cousins of Stewie Gilligan Grifin (the Grifin has one "f" you Family Guy obsessed freak!) Gosh Seth McFarlane has no bones. Wait no that was muscles. Or maybe it was eyelids....AH well hi everyone Im 78 years old with no life!! JK Im willy too yeas old n im just lurnin how too tipe. JK! You have no idea who I am! I could be a celebrity, or maybe an 8th grade student in Marris' social studies class. But the second one is definitely NOT TRUE!
Hmmm...anymore history. Oh yeah, the old Smoogy freak created his own show on HGTV called, "Change that House!" Watch it! Or you could just watch the 43 other shows that are exactly like that. Whatever floats your boat. In 1989, Smoogy competed in the 1993 Olympics. Ok, he couldn't travel thee years in the future and even if he could (with the help of Jimmy Neutron and friends) there were no Olympics in 1993. Use your imagination! Ugh! Yes Christina, I meant four years!!! UGH!
[edit] Gum, Gang, Sombrero, Jail, Break Out, and More Downright Nonsense
CRAP I'm sorry to all you 2nd grade mommy's boys who are like, "Ooooh, he said crap!" Just get over it! It's actually a casino lottery like game. Craps.
Anyways, Smoogy created his own bubble gum. He called it ,"Smoogy Smoogy Gummy Woowy!" After 2 years of people getting ticked because of saying the long title, it was changed to: SSGW! Later changed to, S! Then it was confused with the letter S, so then it was changed to Essy. Then it was confused with essay, so it was changed to Hypocylrionimical Pouitroiussalatiy. Perfect! The gum sold 5 packs within a course of 7 years. Total profit was 10 nickels. (That's 50 cents to all you remedial math stupid failures) Yeah, so what! He failed! Everyone fails sometimes (some more than others)
Smoogy moved to Brooklyn, NYC and changed his nickname to The Smoogster. The Smoogster decided to join a gang called, "Big Pops." Big Pops, later changed to the Smoogster Fives, sprayed graffiti everywhere on a daily basis. The gang lasted 5 years until the NYPD caught them. The gang fled in a stolen car all the way to Mexico City, Mexico. The Smoogster dyed his hair blue, shaved his goatee, and got plastic surgery on his nose to change his identity. He went from extremely unnattractive to ultimately disgusting and hard to look at. He started his own Sombrero business a year later and made 23000 pesos. With that money he purchases a Mexican shack of a home and got married to Isabella Smoogalla. They had 3 kids, Benny, Porro, and Lephin. Lephin died 3 days after birth due to an unfortunate rifle accident. "I thought it was a member of the Border Control!" Smoogy yelled to the judge. Yes, he was an idiot. He got 25 years in jail for being an illegal immigrant and for First Degree Murder.
After spending only 1 day in jail, at 3:00 am, Smoogierno (his new nickname) broke out of jail and fled to Austin, Texas. He married Teresa Yopper and had 1 kid named Leghir. Leghir, who was mentally deformed at birth (his left arm was on his left ear, and his left ear was on his left arm), lived a rough life. He got teased for hearing out of his arm. In the 4th grade he hung himself with the message, "I hear special get over it," taped to himself. Smoogierno stabbed Teresa in her sleep and moved to his friend, Hounkeer's house. Hounkeer was a gun dealer, and he also sold stuffed bears. H-Dog (his nickname) got Cleaver (Smoogierno had an odd attachment to Leave it to Beaver growing up) into a lot trouble being the hoodlum that he most certainly was. One day, H-Dog thought it would be funny to attach a time grenade to a stuffed bear and sent it to Cleaver's house, who now lived in Northern Pakistan. When Cleaver got the bear, he instinctively put it up to his ear (Cleavo was forced into Al-Qaeda for 112 years in the 12th century, in which he made contact with many explosives attached to plush toys and learned the art of sombrero making), and heard ticking. He immediately threw it at his new wife, Bob Hunt (teased during her childhood for being fat), and it blew up in her face. The explosion caused a sudden chemical imbalance in her cerebellum, which made her run around crazy and violently flail her arms. During this creepy panic attack, Bob managed to murder all 37 of their children. Bob then ate some chili, raised a baby cow, balanced her check book, learned to juggle, and then died. There was no funeral.
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[edit] Oh My!
Hounkeer was sentenced to 99 years in prison. Suprisingly, he lived through his sentence and was released at an incredible age of 312. Unfortunately, he died of old age after he took his first free step out of the jailhouse. Anyways, Smaggot stole some ice skates from Oprah Winfrey and skated across Canada while reciting random songs from the 20's. He soon made it to Alaska, where multiple polar bears attacked him and buried him alive 30 feet into the snow. Smaggot awoke 17 years later to find a different world under the snow. There were obese chipmunks, diabetic doorknobs, and dyslexic wolverines, oh my! Smaggot, who was very scared of the deformed dimension, took a large shot gun and attemped to blow his brains out. Unfortunately, the gun shot baby rabbits instead of bullets, and instead of an ended life Smaggot ended up with a bunny brain. Smags instantly changed into Mother Goose and flew to Fairy Tale Land where she met Jack and his impressively long beanstalk. Smaggot whipped out a chainsaw (while in Al-Qaeda he won a sweepstakes that awarded a lifetime supply of chainsaws), and DID NOT cut down the beanstalk! Gosh you guys speculate WAY too much! He actually just liked the sound the chainsaw made. Ahem.
Smaggot actually used the chainsaw to murder Jack and also to cut down all of the trees in the Amazon Rainforest. When the trees were removed, 25 abandoned children were found and rescued.
Later, Al-Qaeda ironically won the Nobel Peace Prize for their establishment of the Limited Edition Super Mega Dream Chainsaw Giveaway Sweepstakes. Though the contest was meant to arm civilians with weapons to start a civil war, it actually ended up saving the lives of 25 children. After Cheigh Ghoyiupeaux, Creator of the LESMDCGS, received his peace prize, he spoke the following message (Yes, his first language was Russian):
Вы для этого негожего пожалования, но мы не заслуживаем его. Мы фактическ оплатили сирот для того чтобы жить в дождевом лесе так НОП в случаеесли кто-то спасло бы их с нашими chainsaws, мы посмотрели бы хорошими. Я против мира. Я ненавижу всех американцов. Мы будем использовать этот приз для зла. Вы, задержанные в развитии американцы, для давать такой злейшей группе мирный приз. Что идиоты.
Spanish Translation
Gracias por esta concesión sin valor, pero no la merecemos. Pagamos realmente a huérfanos para vivir en la selva tropical de modo que en caso que alguien los rescatara con nuestros chainsaws, pareciéramos buenos. Estoy contra paz. Odio todos los americanos. Utilizaremos este premio para el mal. Gracias, americanos retardados, por dar a un grupo tan malvado un premio pacífico. Qué idiotas.
French Translation
Merci de cette récompense sans valeur, mais nous ne la méritons pas. Nous avons payé réellement des orphelins pour vivre dans la forêt tropicale de sorte qu'au cas où quelqu'un les sauverait avec nos tronçonneuses, nous semblions bons. Je suis contre la paix. Je déteste tous les Américains. Nous emploierons ce prix pour le mal. Merci, Américains retardés, de donner à un groupe si mauvais un prix paisible. Quels idiots.
Chinese Translation
謝謝這個不值得的褒獎, 但我們不該當它。我們實際上支付孤兒居住在雨林裡以便在某人會搶救他們與我們的chainsaws 情形下, 我們會看起來好。我是反對和平。我恨所有美國人。我們將使用這個獎為罪惡。謝謝, 被減速的美國人, 給這樣一個邪惡的小組一個平安的獎。什麼蠢貨。
Dutch Translation
Dank u voor deze waardeloze toekenning, maar wij verdienen het niet. Wij betaalden eigenlijk wezen om in het regenbos te leven zodat in het geval dat iemand hen met onze kettingzagen zou redden, wij goed zouden kijken. Ik ben tegen vrede. Ik haat alle Amerikanen. Wij zullen deze prijs voor kwaad gebruiken. Dank u, achtergebleven Amerikanen, voor het geven van een dergelijke kwade groep een vreedzame prijs. Welke idioten.
German Translation
Danke für diesen wertlosen Preis, aber wir verdienen ihn nicht. Wir zahlten wirklich Orphans, um im Regenwald zu leben, damit, im Falle daß jemand sie mit unseren Kettensägen retten würde, wir gut schauen würden. Ich bin gegen Frieden. Ich hasse alle Amerikaner. Wir benutzen diesen Preis für Übel. Danke, verzögerte Amerikaner, für das Geben solch einer schlechter Gruppe eines ruhigen Preiss. Welche Idioten.
Greek Translation
Σας ευχαριστώ για αυτό το άνευ αξίας βραβείο, αλλά δεν το αξίζουμε. Πληρώσαμε πραγματικά τους ορφανούς για να ζήσουμε στο τροπικό δάσος έτσι ώστε σε περίπτωση που κάποιος θα τους διάσωζε με τα αλυσιδοπρίονά μας, θα φαινόμαστε καλοί. Είμαι ενάντια στην ειρήνη. Μισώ όλους τους Αμερικανούς. Θα χρησιμοποιήσουμε αυτό το βραβείο για το κακό. Σας ευχαριστούμε, καθυστερημένοι Αμερικανοί, για το δόσιμο μια τέτοια σε κακή ομάδα ενός ειρηνικού βραβείου. Ποια ηλίθιοι.
Italian Translation
Grazie per questo premio senza valore, ma non lo meritiamo. Realmente abbiamo pagato i orphans per vivere nella foresta di pioggia in modo che nel caso in cui qualcuno li salvasse con i nostri chainsaws, sembrassimo buoni. Sono contro pace. Odio tutti gli Americani. Useremo questo premio per la malvagità. Grazie, Americani ritardati, per dare a così gruppo diabolico un premio pacifico. Che idiots.
Japanese Translation
この無益な賞をありがとう、しかし私達はそれに値しない。私達は誰かが私達のchainsaws とのそれらを救助したら、私達がよく見るのは熱帯雨林に住むために実際に孤児に支払ったからである。私は平和に対してある。私はアメリカ人全員を憎む。私達は悪のためにこの賞を使用する。非常に邪悪なグループに平和な賞を与える為に、遅らせられたアメリカ人、ありがとう。どんな馬鹿か。
Portugese Translation
Obrigado para esta concessão worthless, mas nós não a merecemos. Nós pagamos realmente orphans para viver na floresta de chuva de modo que caso alguém os salvasse com nossos chainsaws, nós olhássemos bons. Eu estou de encontro à paz. Eu odeio todos os americanos. Nós usaremos este prêmio para o evil. Obrigado, americanos retardados, dando a um grupo tão evil um prêmio calmo. Que idiots.
English Translation
Thank you for this worthless award, but we don't deserve it. We actually paid orphans to live in the rain forest so that in the event that someone would rescue them with our chainsaws, we would look good. I am against peace. I hate all Americans. We will use this prize for evil. Thank you, retarded Americans, for giving such an evil group a peaceful prize. What idiots.
