User:Samuel Chandra
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Samuel John Chandra (born July 5, 1991), also known as Sam and Sam Young, is a former embryo. He is renowned for his contributions towards the trumpet industry. He has given several hundreds of dollars in exchange for the acquisition of one of such devices.
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[edit] Biography
Samuel Chandra was born on Earth, after successful conception by two gene donors. This is not an original idea as an older female version was conceived previously by the pair. Another male human followed after Samuel. He has relocated several times even though his dad is not in the army.
[edit] Period of Enlightenment 1991 - 2000
His parents could not afford private medical care so he had to be born in good old Guildford. Growing up and flourishing in the arts, Samuel learnt polo, fishing, music, shooting, archery, brush and snooker. As the fresh English air had afforded him fathoms of advantage over peoples from other nations, he decided to help those less fortunate.
But something very special happened that caused his life to literally turn upside down. His family decided to flee from England afer the plague (more commonly known as Mad Cow's Disease) struck and the election of Tony Blair as prime minister. They chose Australia as their new place of residence due to the idea that God had moved there.
[edit] The Dark Years: 2000 - Present
Fleeing the British Isles, Sam and his family arrived in Australia. His British upbringing is easily spotted. If the accent or bad teeth don't make the point then his constant comparison between the two countries might. Despite this, he is known to be sympathetic to commoners and has generously attended many of their activities (such as soccer or McDonald's). This has caused many people lower on the scoial ladder to despise him. They see him as a rich snob. They cannot see how privileged they are when he demands of them their seat or to get him a "meat pie". He is quite popular amongst the more educated community for his philanthropy, at least.
He currently attends Westbourne Grammar School.
[edit] Later years: Present - Future
Not much is known about Sam's current future. He'll probably become a drifter and roam the streets of Melbourne.
Scientists have successfully predicted that Sam will die somewhere in the year 2019, at the age of 28.
[edit] Family
Samuel has two siblings. He has an older sister named Nicola. She currently works as a student at Monash University. He also has a younger brother named Michael who attends Heathdale Christian College.
Sam has the advantage of having both a mother and a father.
He has a peculiar friend who is known only as Thai Phan who may also be regarded as family. Thai stays over at Samuel's house for unrealistic amounts of time. Despite their efforts, he has yet to go home.
[edit] Nick Names
Samuel has been afforded a great number of nicknames especially through his current institution of Westbourne Grammar, some are more appropriate as seen with Sam but others are not:
- Samuel
- Sam
- Chandra
- Samyung (a charachter from the movie, The Girl Next Door)
- Samyong (a name his friend Jimmy calls him)
- Ghandi (a prolific Indian fundamentalist from the colonial period)
- Samyung Ghandi (a combination of names)
- Samuel L. Jackson (an African-American actor)
- Mr. Sheen
- Chamuel (combination of Samuel and Chandra)
- Changyoung (combination of Chandra and Samyung)
- Samold (opposite of Samyung)
- Sammy (a name his friend Hamish calls him)
- Sam Wise
- Sam Wise Ghandi
- Chanda Paul (third batsman for the West Indies)
[edit] Hobbies
Unlike many people, Sam enjoys doing homework. This has made him quite popular with the males in his classrooms.
He intends on becoming a pilot in the near future. He can picture it now: the Congressional Medal of Honour...
Samuel is a big fan of Jesus Christ. He has at least five of his books at his home. And attends a Jesus conference every week.
Despite lacking the spirit of U2, Samuel has a certain weak spot for unpopular British band Coldplay. He defends his opinions by saying that the band has "rhythm". He is also quoted defending them as they play music rather than noise.
[edit] Criticism
Like everything else, Sam is not immune to complaints from random organisations that like to complain about things. His far-fatched theories and opinions are scoffed at by mainstream society rendering him an outcast.
[edit] Rabbit proof fence denial
Sam sparked anger amongst the Australian public by informing them that the Great Wall of China was not constructed by Emperor Nasi Goreng to keep the rabbits out. He claims that it was in fact constructed by the Ming dynasty in an attempt to defend against the invading Mongols. Overall great guy Thai Phan issued the following statement:
| “ | These allegations have totally ruined the imagination and fun of the Australian people. We are simple people and are in a desperate need to escape from reality. He has completely smashed what little hope of fun we had left. This is totally un-Australia. Not happy, Sam! | ” |
Radical Christian extremists have wrote angry letters to newspapers condemning Sam's remarks. These groups are currently wanted by the Victoria police for suspected terrorist activities, including Christian rock music.
Several members of Islam, the religion of peace, have ordered a silencing of Samuel.
[edit] Lack of humour
Samuel has a relatively common English condition that stunts his ability to make anyone laugh.
[edit] Teeth
The lack of awareness of dental care in the England, Sam's oral hygiene is below standard compared to the rest of Australia. Toothpaste is but an item on display at the supermarket for him. His belief is that since our ancestors didn't use toothpaste, why should we?
[edit] Overall Britishness
Having only recently attained asylum in Australia, Samuel was not issued a fridge magnet to stick upon his fridge.
[edit] Private Life
When Samuel moved to Australia, he lived a lavish lifestyle in the eastern suburbs of Melbourne. He and the jolly good fellows would discuss the newspaper and try to sound knowledgeable. He took great pleasure in finding ways to divert fundings from the western suburbs to his secret treasury underground.
His mansion was five storeys high. It had three helipads, five swimming pools, a maze...
Samuel was one of the first people of his year level to get a credit card. He no longer requires his father's plastic miracle when he sees a car he wants to buy. His PIN number is 5309.
Chandra has made several bold expressions of his feelings for God to the media, most notably the "couch incident" which took place on the popular talk show, The Oprah Winfrey Show. In that instance, Chandra "jumped around the set, hopped onto a couch, fell rapturously to one knee and repeatedly professed his love for his saviour."
[edit] Trivia
- From 1974 to 1981, Hasbro released questions on Chandra for their board game, Trivial Pursuit.
- Samuel had a cameo role on the hit Australian reality television series, "Australia's Most Wanted".
[edit] Quotes
- "We're like the unlucky group. Anything that can go wrong, goes wrong."
- "Most people would steal these off another website."
- "Love, faith, hope."
- "Enough is enough! I have had it with these rahter lousy snakes on this rather lousy plane!"
