Talk:Raju Narayana Swamy
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[edit] Issues
I don't know anything about the topic discussed here, but I took the time to look over the article. I found it needing some serious work in many places. I can see that you've put a lot of work into it, so I'm not going to start cutting it apart at this point. Make some corrections in the areas I've noted, and I'll swing by and work on the English for you.
Please don't take my comments to be rude, I do not intend them to come off that way.
[edit] Sections
You have two sections in this whole article. Education and background, and then problems he faced in his career. It doesn't flow well at all. Even knowing nothing about the subject, I should be able to get a basic understanding of this fellow by reading the article. That is the point of an encyclopedia. You cannot go straight from his education to his career problems. In the first line under his career problems, you say he has had a decade of meritorious service in the IAS. What made it meritorious? If he did so well there, you should back it up with a section on his early career.
[edit] References and neutrality?
You have references at the bottom of the article, but they are never cited within the article. You need to place citations to the references throughout. When you're referencing certain issues he dealt with, you should say when it happened.
Wikipedia is an encyclopedia, and it should read like one. This article has opinions sprinkled throughout. It requires a lot of work on neutrality.
"A real estate agent wanted to fill up a paddy field which is banned under law." When? What law?
"..due to the waste water from a nearby Government Medical College.." What government medical college? When did this happen?
"Soon after his marriage his father-in-law closed down a public road to build compound wall for his plot of land. People approached Narayanaswamy with complaint. When talking with his own father-in-law did not help, he removed the obstructing wall with police help. The result, his marriage broke up." When was his marriage? Who is his father-in-law? How did this result in his marriage breaking up?
"As district Collector he raided the house of a liquor baron who had defaulted Rupees 11 crores payment to government and carried out revenue recovery. A Minister directly telephoned him and ordered to return the forfeited articles to the house of the liquor baron. Narayanswamy politely replied that it is difficult. The minister replied that Narayanaswamy will suffer." When did he become district collector? What was his job before this? Who was the liquor baron? Who was the minister? How do you know he replied politely? How do you know that the minister said he will suffer? Seems to have neutrality issues.
"As expected the earthen bund was too weak to stand the rain and it disappeared in the rain. But he created a lot of enemies for saving 8 crores public money." When did this whole situation happen? How did he create enemies by doing this? Who were these enemies?
"The net result of all such unholy activities was that he was asked to go on leave by the government. Later such an illustrious officer was posted as "State Co-Ordinator, Quality Improvement Programme for Schools". This is what the politician will do to an honest officer with backbone - post him in the most powerless position to teach him a lesson. Since he found that nothing can be achieved for the people if he continued with the State Service he opted for central service. But that too was denied on some technical ground. What will you do when you have a brilliant computer career anywhere in the world you choose with the backing of several advanced technical papers too published in international journals to your credit? When you are powerless to do anything for the people, why should you waste your life as the Co-Ordinator for a Schools Programme?" This whole paragraph is absurd. There is nothing neutral about it. It should be trimmed down to a very simple, 'Narayanaswamy was appointed as the State Co-Ordinator of the Quality Improvement Programme for Schools'.
"Mr. Narayanaswamy is on the verge of leaving IAS to go to Paris to take up a well paid United Nations assignment (or left?). The politicians can laugh thinking another obstacle has been removed. But it is the helpless people of this country who will lose, not Narayanaswamy." Again, huge neutrality issues. I would cut it out entirely.
[edit] English grammar
There are some serious English grammar mistakes in this article. Some I can fix easily, but until the rest of the article is cleaned up, I am not going to bother.
In the first line of the article, I don't understand what you're trying to say. "Raju Narayana Swamy, Plight of a dedicated IAS Officer, he is often referred to as the Mr Clean in Kerala." This sentence makes no sense to me at all. 'Plight of a dedicated IAS officer'? What does this mean?
In the first paragraph under education, it says, "he had a moral obligation to give something in return for the lakhs of rupees the government spent on him". '..lakhs of rupees..' makes no sense to me either. I don't know what you mean to say here.
"In his district it was a practice to collect crores of rupees for earthen bunds.." What is an earthen bund? What is a crore?
Pepsi2786 10:56, 11 October 2006 (UTC)
- I think Narayanaswamy is a single word.
- He was 10th in the IIT entrance, not first. I remember his father mentioning in a newspaper interview that it was because the chemistry exam was "too easy".
- I don't know about his plans for going to Paris but he is now the district collector in Kottayam. Tintin (talk) 11:04, 11 October 2006 (UTC)
Add his photograph too...
[edit] needs help
Reading this page is like listening to someone with a strong indian accent speak.