User:Professor Mark

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This article is about the awesome Emperor of the Universe: Professor Mark. For other Mark's, see here.

Contents

[edit] Early Life

Upon birth, Professor Mark was immediately given whatever kind of credentials one needs to be a professor[citation needed]. When he was approximately five seconds old[citation needed], he flew out the window[citation needed] and showered the gifts of science, Stephen Colbert, videogames and Jones (r) Brand Cream Soda[citation needed] upon the world[citation needed].

[edit] Rise to Power

lol[citation needed]
lol[citation needed]

Sometime in the early 1800's, the internets were invented. Due to this, mankind's greatest enemy, the furries, began to grow in number and fucktardedness. In response to this threat, a young, good looking and rich up-and-coming general in the Army of Awesome (which he had created), Markus Maximus, formed an elite force of lightsabre-wielding ninjas to quash the seeds of faggotry before they sprouted into fully grown weeds. For his glorious victory against the scourge of normality, he was awarded the Purple Heart, the Iron Cross and the Stanley Cup. Since then, he formed The Markus Maximus Galactic Empire and has proceeded to occupy planets the universe over.

[edit] Facts

  • 199% of scientists agree that Professor Mark is a real professor.
  • Facts are never wrong[citation needed]
  • The number of elephants in recent years has tripled

[edit] Controversy

Long has there been a controversy over weather Professor Mark is completely awesome or totally awesome. At least three wars were started because of disagreements between the factions. Today an unsteady ceasefire agreement exists between the two sides.

[edit] Current Affairs

Presently, General Professor Markus Maximus wages war against Dr. Pepper. Though omnipotent and therefore capable of simply wiping this plague from existence with no effort at all, Gen. Prof. Mark choses to do it the old fashioned way (with tanks and helicopters and cool stuff like that). Despite his own laziness and the fact that this method is infinitely more destructive, difficult and inefficient, he choses this path in keeping consistent with his policy of inconsistency. At the time of this writing, Dr. Pepper still tastes like crap.

[edit] Declaration of Awesomeness

In the summer of 2007, Professor Mark authored the Declaration of Awesomeness, a definitive list of all things awesome. Anything that does not make the list is presumed lame.

A brief summary of the entries: