User:Pola859
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Love Addiction - A healthy relationship
Autonomy, the want of being seperate. Growing up there has to be a balance between Belonging and Autonomy.
independece and seperateness
enmeshment is a feeling of being smothererd, of being engolfed with love.
it might cause a fear of intimacy. a fear of getting close. if the shame trip the child for not responding the way they want them to
if you grow up with parents that were alcoholic, drug addicts, that got divorced very early or with very traditional parents where the parents do not talk about feelings you are going to feel some kind of abandonment.
indivilatuity
Belonging Autonmoy
Enmeshment Abandonment
Pursuer Distancer
the minute they pursue the distancer is going to feel enmeshed again and is going to back away. but evantually what tends to happen, the persuer tends to feel so discourage that they allow the abandonment to wash over them and they are goin to slowly move away which allows the distancer to feel free again.
merge again, if she hasn't found anyone else to be addicted to
push pole relationship
when the distancer comes back to you, what did he learn? individuation problems they have, go back to childhood and nurture themselves if you did not get it in childhood you can only get it youself.
once they feel safe again they will go distance again
lack of indivaduation if they just allow themselves to go into their own history...
in the 50s and 60s it was common that the male went off to work
a male child haveing the histoy having to deal with an enmeshing mother and the female child of having been adandoned by her father
addicted love vs. healthy love
the characteristics of addicive love the partners tend to feel consumed with their neediness, with the idea of the other doesn't happen on a day to day basis consumption and desperatness with that love when there is a threaten of break up
can not define legal boundaries often you hear people talking people about 'us' "we believe this" "we believe that" but often the partner does not even believe that at all.
one person is the give the other is the taker it limits the individuals to allow yourself to feel free
the feel risk to change in the unknown when they see the other partner growing (like one partner goes back to school) the other partner fees threatened.
the experience very little individual growth they give to get something back the play psychological games
attempt to change the other
most people will look at cimmunication skills ..
they feel they need the other to be complete
the expect and demand unconditional love. in this case it is parental love
refuse to commit themselves
they look to others for affirmation and worth
they fear Abandonment when routinely separated
they recreat old negative feelings out of childhood
blind spot
embivalence
co-dependence
power games
healthy relationships
to allow for indivaduatlity
equanimity
they bring out the best qualities in a partner and in themselves
a good relationship is where to strong individuals get together and are able to blend as well as to be seperate
