Talk:Pham Ngoc Thao

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[edit] GA review comments

I've reviewed this article against the WP:GA criteria and have the following comments:

• Use of the en-dash per WP:DASH for year ranges (so 1946–54) and page ranges (309–310).
• "...helped to plot a coup and helped to destablise the country..." helped x2 reads slightly awkwardly.
• "...and sentenced to death ..." I think it should be "...and was sentenced to death ...", agree?
• I think the last sentence of the lead needs either expansion or moving to the front of the lead, it's his legacy so could be used right at the start of the introduction.
• In the Early Vietminh years, there are a few short sentences whose merging could improve the flow of the prose a bit, e.g. "He then quit the communists in an overt sense. He took a job as a schoolteacher in Saigon and later worked in a bank. " could become "He then quit the communists in an overt sense by first taking a job as a schoolteacher in Saigon and later working in a bank."... just a suggestion.
• Wikilink ARVN (for non-experts).
• Another chance to flow more, "He was promoted to the post of chief of Ben Tre Province. There he covertly worked with the cadres of Nguyen Thi Dinh, a Vietcong leader who later rose to be the highest ranking female communist." could become "He was promoted to the post of chief of Ben Tre Province where he covertly worked with the cadres of Nguyen Thi Dinh, a Vietcong leader who later rose to be the highest ranking female communist."
• From Strategic Hamlet onward, most of the single years are wikilinked, is there a reason for this? It's not consistent across the article, all or nothing I think.
• "...attack at 330..." confusing - 3.30am or 0330 hours or something would be clearer.
• "...to go and fetch them..." a bit familiar sounding.
• Flow "It comprised almost entirely of well known professional and academic leaders. It was hardly representative, having no representatives from the agricultural or labour sector." into something like "It comprised almost entirely of well known professional and academic leaders and as such was hardly representative, having no representatives from the agricultural or labour sector."
• "...shortly before 1200..." could this be "...shortly before midday..."? Also, "2000" is confusing as 330 was.
• I'd prefer to see full dates instead of just day/month... WP:MOS recommends this also to prevent context being lost in the future.

So, I'm putting this on hold because while there are several comments, none of them are major. The Rambling Man 15:11, 13 July 2007 (UTC)

I think I did the necessary tweaks. Blnguyen (bananabucket) 08:41, 16 July 2007 (UTC)

GA review (see here for criteria)

1. It is reasonably well written.

   a (prose): b (MoS):

2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.

   a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):

3. It is broad in its coverage.

   a (major aspects): b (focused):

4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.

   a (fair representation): b (all significant views):

5. It is stable.

   

6. It contains images, where possible, to illustrate the topic.

   a (tagged and captioned): b (lack of images does not in itself exclude GA): c (non-free images have fair use rationales):

7. Overall:

   a Pass/Fail:

It's now a WP:GA. The Rambling Man 09:07, 16 July 2007 (UTC)