Wikipedia:Peer review/Scotch College, Perth/archive1

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[edit] Scotch College, Perth

Just finished the article on my school. Was wondering if anyone could identify any areas in the article that are currently lacking as I wouldn't mind this article being a FA. Hamedog 07:01, 18 December 2005 (UTC)

  • First of all, nice work! There aren't too many Education-related featured articles out there, and it's always one heck of a time during the FAC because of NPOV issues and the like, i.e. appeasing every alumni from every school organization while at the same time keeping any academic or athletic rivals satisfied. Regardless, I scanned over the article, and have a few general notes.
  1. You're going to need to copyedit this article a little better. You misspelled "areas," "their," and didn't capitalize, "French." Since I just did an overall scan of the article, I'm sure I could find a lot more with a thorough reading. As far as style and phrasing go, if you're inclined to do so, have a friend who hasn't ever read this article read it out loud to you. It'll work wonders for overall grammatical issues.
  2. I'm not a huge fan of how most of the article seems like a list. There are, of course, a few actual bulleted lists, which aren't conducive to the "brilliant prose" one should find in a featured article, but are probably unavoidable. However, most of the latter sections contain mostly one single-sentence paragraph after another. This feels extremely choppy and like a list in itself. It's one thing to list facts; it's another to present the facts in inviting, well-written prose.
  3. Work on your references. It's very important for specific numbers - I'd put an inline reference whenever a monetary figure, for example, is referred to. In addition, people spending time on the FAC page often tend to use the amount and detail of the inline references as an indicator of whether the article should be promoted; either way, they're important to make sure we have verifiable and cited facts. Best of luck! -Rebelguys2 11:14, 19 December 2005 (UTC)