Parenting For Everyone

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The philosophy of Parenting For Everyone was created by Simon Soloveychik and expressed in his book Parenting For Everyone.

"Not many of us can love children, even our own children. Not many of us are wise enough to control our own behavior. Not many of us can avoid anger and be in command of ourselves. In most cases we are tired and irritated. But children soften our hearts – by their existence, by their laughing and pranks. We just have to be brave. We must not fear kindness in our hearts or be afraid of “what if something wrong happens!” We cannot become better than we are; we cannot become stronger than we are; we cannot love more than we do; we cannot change our will or character, but we can change our vision of a child, our imagination about him, the image of a Child, and we can gradually form another, new, better attitude toward him. Here is my chance. This is the only chance for a weak, incapable, and imperfect parent." (Parenting For Everyone, book1 part3 ch.26)

[edit] The Philosophy of Parenting For Everyone (PFE)

PFE is a comprehensive book on parenting, which is unlike any other book on the market discusses parenting from a different perspective, from perspective of ethics. PFE discusses in depth the goals, conditions and means of upbringing. It continues by going into detail about upbringing the heart, spirit and intelligence of a child through communication, cooperation, and co-creativity.

The basic premise of PFE is the “foundation of the good life of a man is being conscientious and kind.” The author strongly believed that kindness is the key to raising good children. According to the author there must be at least one person in a child’s life who sets a good example for a child, showing kindness to the child. What matters most is that someone in the child’s life “sincerely and deeply, and without hesitation believes in kindness and honesty, or in love and conscience.” This premise has been touted by child psychologists and other how-to authors of parenting books.

Raising a kind child is done by allowing the child to be kind. People teach children about freedom by letting them be free, teach responsibility by letting them be responsible, teach goodness and conscience through goodness and conscience, and people teach children to be happy by being happy, because ‘we raise not a child but a man.”

There are three major precepts that come up again and again in this book: truth, goodness and beauty. The truth is that there is a definite line between good and evil; people generally know this and accept it. This knowing and acceptance is called intelligence. For a child/man to be a complete human means that person’s heart, spirit, and intelligence needs to be developed. The truth about a man is that man is created for goodness, for infinitely increasing dignity. People are free when they learn the truth about themselves.

[edit] Brief introduction to the book content

Book one: Man for Man

Explains the role of parents in parenting. A parents must be first of all a human, representing best human qualities. However, since there are not many perfect people among us, we have to accept that we can't expect our children be perfect as well.

- part1 Goals of Upbringing

The main goals of parenting is raising a free and happy man. Freedom and happiness is what we must remember always while raising a child. But in reality parents are not supposed to talk. Upbringing must be unnoticeable, without "teaching" and moralizing. The goal of upbringing isn't in teaching children, but in imparting in them a burning desire for happiness.

- part2 Conditions of Upbringing

The modern condition of childrearing at home is as such: a mother has to play many roles in the child's life, but she doesn't have time, strength and energy for that. So she must choose: to be a mother and let a child be imperfect, or to be a disciplining teacher at the expense of the child's dignity. Each parent has a parental faith. The result of upbringing depends on how parents believe in their children's goodness. If a child tells a parent "I hate you!" everything will depend on how the parent reacts according to his or her faith in a child.

- part3 Means of Upbringing

Parents reach their goals at their expense or at the expense of children. This is a threshold between moral and immoral parenting. Even suspicion toward a child is an immoral act of a parent, because the child’s soul suffers from it. Children are very sensitive to not what parents talk but what parents think about their children. When a child is grown up in love and trust the teen age is not a hardest test for his or her parents.

Book two: Man in Man

Explains the internal world of a child. Knowing it arms parents to find the keys to success.

- part1 Upbringing of Heart

Emotional security begins with the child's sense of being loved. However, it isn't enough. The heart must develop! It means the child must learn to love as well. Unfortunately, the popular parental approach to children is to "quick-fix" them. That implies that parents don't see a human in a child, they see a subject "to fix." By not noticing children's hearts, parents themselves "sow the seeds of evil." Therefore children adapt "bad" attitudes toward other people and grow heartless men.

- part2 Upbringing of Spirit

By spirit S.Soloveychik means striving for goodness and the truth. In other words, a child's desire to do good things and stands against the desire to encroach upon another person, that is, stands against evil. Therefore parental business is not to tell a child what is good or what is bad, but to raise conscientiousness, so the child will strive for good. Only this way children learn about their conscience and will use it in the future moral judgment.

- part3 Upbringing of Intelligence

By intelligence the author means the moral intelligence, i.e. the intelligence to discern between good and bad. This ability to recognize what is goodness and what is evil is helping people to stand against making a "stupid" decision in their life. Many parents forget that intelligence isn't only about the excellent math or logical skills. The author states that a parent instills in a child that the child is intelligent and the child will become intelligent.

Book three: Man and Man

The third variable in parent-child relationship is the relationship itself. A human parent and a human child meet in this equal relationship.

- part1 Upbringing by Communication

The common language in any relationship is the language of desires not of command and obedience. Parents who want to succeed need to be able to impart in a child same desires, which the parent has.

- part2 Upbringing by Cooperation

The higher level of communication is reached when a parent and a child cooperate in achievement of the common goal. This common goal can be a challenging project. However some popular parental discussions about money and things have nothing to do with parenting. He also states that "no one from the outside can improve relationships between two people."

- part3 Upbringing by Mutual Creativity

The highest level of human relationship is reached in the process involving mutual creativity. The author explains why some parents think that children are thankful people, and some parents think that children are thankless people. The reason is hidden in childhood.

The book contains more than 150,000 words, mentions more than 150 names of philosophers, writers and educators in its [1] and has a Index to note the most popular concepts discussed in the book, such as love, conscience, upbringing, happiness, freedom, parenting, hope, etc.

Sample chapters of the book in English language are available in the detailed content.