Talk:Neil Aspinall/Archive 2007

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Contents 1 Sources 2 Quotes 3 Failed GA 3.1 Comments 4 Mr X 5 GA Nom 5.1 Intro 5.2 Early life 5.3 The Beatles 5.4 General 6 GA Pass

[edit] Sources

Please don't use answers.com as a source. They're simply a content aggregator. They take sites like Wikipedia and All Music Guide, brand it as their own content, and place adverts on the pages. They're legal and licence compliant, but they claim a bit too much credit for my liking (where on their site is my name for writing some of their content?!). The key point is that they don't write original material, so if you're using answers.com you should quote the source that their article came from (not Wikipedia though!). In this case the source is AMG (All Music Guide). --kingboyk 13:13, 8 October 2006 (UTC)

Okey-dokey. --andreasegde 13:46, 8 October 2006 (UTC)

I think I'm done on this. Can't think of, or find, much else about him. A photo would be nice, though. --andreasegde 14:02, 8 October 2006 (UTC)

[edit] Quotes

I still think those quotes look like Sesame Street, or the muppets. --andreasegde 18:36, 8 October 2006 (UTC)

With a couple of pictures this could be......? Certainly not a "Start" article. --andreasegde 19:48, 8 October 2006 (UTC)

If you want an article independently reassessed, just drop a line on the Project talk page or on my user talk. This one looks like it's getting towards B now as I don't think there's volumes to write about Aspinall. --kingboyk 10:06, 9 October 2006 (UTC)

[edit] Failed GA

GA review (see here for criteria)

1. It is reasonably well written.

   a (prose): b (MoS):

2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.

   a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):

3. It is broad in its coverage.

   a (major aspects): b (focused):

4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.

   a (fair representation): b (all significant views):

5. It is stable.

   

6. It contains images, where possible, to illustrate the topic.

   a (tagged and captioned): [[Image:|15px]] b lack of images (does not in itself exclude GA): [[Image:|15px]] c (non-free images have fair use rationales): [[Image:|15px]]

7. Overall:

   a Pass/Fail: [[Image:|15px]]

[edit] Comments

• 1a - Prose: Well written, but not compelling. There are redundant phrases ("Suzy Aspinall, who is the daughter" should be "Suzy Aspinall, the daughter") and there are several passive sentences. Words like "didn't" shouldn't be in an encyclopedia - the tone is not formal enough; in that train of thought, use surnames rather than first names ("Neil" -> "Aspinall").
• 1b - Sections: First of all, the lead should be longer, and try to summarise the article in it (mention in brief how the Beatles involved in their activities - personal assistant is too general). Sections such as 'School' and 'Music' are too short, and should be expanded or moved to other sections.
• 3a - Coverage: The article doesn't comment much on his youth. Also, what tasks did he perform as the Beatles manager? How was he involved in the Apple Computer v Apple Records court cases? That's why I feel the article isn't broad enough in his coverage.

Also, can a photo be found for Aspinall be found? Is an infobox applicable? Wikipedia:Persondata may also be applicable, and the Beatles navigation template will also be useful.

Anyhow, good article so far! Keep it up! I'll be happy to rereview when these issues are addressed. CloudNine 08:51, 22 October 2006 (UTC)

[edit] Mr X

Aspinall has now been put up for GA again. Numerous changes have been made, and the article looks totally different from what it was before. andreasegde 20:40, 14 February 2007 (UTC)

[edit] GA Nom

Hey guys. I've just reviewed the article for Good Article status and it looks pretty good. No one can deny the importance of the subject and it should've been nominated a long time ago. However, I did find some issues which should be resolved before I'd confirm it as a good article. Take your time to review and work on them.

[edit] Intro

• Rewrite the first sentence of the introduction. It should state his official status (i.e. be it record producer, executive, movie producer, legal representative, etc.), followed by what he is best known for (Beatles Road Manager).

Comment: It does in the second paragraph.

• Consider rephrasing the following sentence in the intro to eliminate subjective terms:
  • He later joined The Beatles organisation as their road manager, which meant driving his old Commer van over badly maintained British roads for hours every day and night, with The Beatles and their equipment in the back.
    • I suggest the following, although it is subject to the article editors’ approval: Aspinall originally joined The Beatles organisation as their road manager, which included driving his old Commer van with The Beatles and their equipment to and from shows, both day and night.

• The last sentence of the intro breaks off from the last paragraph’s subject. I suggest either including it in a separate paragraph, or include it in the opening paragraph after the first sentence, but before mentioning his relationship to McCartney and Harrison.

[edit] Early life

• Wiki-link the word gig to concert.

• Mal Evans is wiki-linked several times. This should only be done in the intro, and maybe (although not widely accepted) the first time the name appears in the article’s body.

• The Early Life section has a rough start. Its opening sentence is about his mother’s escape from the bombing, yet it doesn’t mention he was with her. Was he born in Liverpool or Northern Wales? Consider mentioning info on Aspinall’s family background before the bombing raid, or his youth in Northern Wales. Consider stating that his parents were originally from Liverpool, but he was born in Northern Wales because of the bombing raid evacuation, and then returned after the bombing stopped. Otherwise, it doesn’t make sense to reference the air raids, and the section should just start with the phrase: “Aspinall attended West Derby School, where he passed…”

• Air Raids is wiki-linked to World War II. However, WWII is an enormous subject, and I believe there are specific and detailed articles about the bombing of Britain. Consider wiki-linking to either the exact term (Air raid) or to the event itself (Battle of Britain).

[edit] The Beatles

• “Cynthia Lennon first met Aspinall when The Beatles played at the opening of…” What is the importance of this sentence? Does it have to do with John Lennon? Were Cynthia and John in a relationship at that time? Did Cynthia introduce Aspinall to John? Consider rephrasing the sentence to emphasize the importance of the matter.

• “Aspinall was renting a room in the Best's house when Best asked him to be the Beatles' road manager. ” Who is Best? Was it Mona Best or Pete Best that asked Aspinall? Also, the mentioning of Cynthia Lennon in the first sentence leads to the assumption that maybe Cynthia or John introduced Aspinall to the Beatles, but Best is mentioned as the band’s link and she’s not mentioned subsequently. So again, emphasize importance on Cynthia.

• Consider merging the Frank Garner information to either the previous or next sentences.

• There is conflicting information on when Aspinall became the road manager. Did he become the road manager after accepting the offer by Best? Or did he offer himself after the Hamburg trip? What’s does “Official” Road Manager mean? This should be clarified. If he just transported them before the Hamburg trip, then change his title to unofficial road manager or any other layman's term.

• Wiki-link the word “shillings”.

• The Decca Audition is a famous event that took place in which Aspinall participated. It should emphasize such importance, such as changing the phrase to: Aspinall drove The Beatles down to London on New Year's Eve 1961 for the now famous Decca audition…

• “…which freed Aspinall to concentrate on other duties.” These other duties should be mentioned, at least briefly in the same sentence.

• Consider moving the Ed Sullivan Show excerpt and the Musician section into the Personal assistant section, in order to emphasize that his work was not limited to running errands.

• “Klein was finally condemned in a High Court…” Is condemned the proper word to describe the court’s decision? Also, which High court? Is there an article in wikipedia for that specific court in the UK? Maybe the High Court of Justice?

• "The trial began on 27 March 2006 in the UK, and ended on 8 May 2006, in a victory for Apple Computer. The judge ruled the company's iTunes Music Store did not infringe on the trademark of Apple Corps." These sentences could be merged.

• He is still a Director of The Beatles' company Apple Corps Ltd., via his own Standby Films Ltd. In 1994, Apple paid Standby Films £408,000, and Aspinall paid himself a salary of £62,000. Stating that Apple Corps paid Standby Films is not clear evidence that it manages Apple. Consider rephrasing the sentence to emphasize on the relationship, not the compensation.

• In 1999, he was the producer of a video film about Jimi Hendrix, called "Hendrix: Band of Gypsys". Is Hendrix music licensed to Apple Corps? If not, then it should be in another section. If it is, then it should mention it since not many users would know that?

[edit] General

• Check grammar, comma placement, etc. Some words have capital letters when they shouldn’t.
• Comment: Which words?

When these issues are fixed, I’d be glad to confirm it to good article status. Please bear in mind that my judgment is in no way perfect. If you disagree about any of the above suggestions, let's talk about it. That's what this page is for! - Mtmelendez ^{(TALK|UB|HOME)} 23:59, 14 February 2007 (UTC)

• • P.S. There's a HUGE backlog of Good Article candidates just waiting for review. When your finished with this article, take some time to review some others. Your help is greatly appreciated. And remember, BE BOLD! - Mtmelendez ^{(TALK|UB|HOME)} 23:59, 14 February 2007 (UTC)

• I made some minor edits to the article, which were limited to fixing comma placement and a few grammar edits. The article does look good enough to earn GA status. - Mtmelendez ^{(TALK|UB|HOME)} 17:44, 15 February 2007 (UTC)

[edit] GA Pass

Ok guys... The article has seem some major improvements from the last GA nom. Its clear that editors took the time to place many references from verifiable sources, especially in assertions that are not well known or that may be disputed. The article reads with an NPOV, and its importance is unquestionable. So here it is.

However, the article is far from over. Here are a few suggestions that would improve it even more:

• Add more external links.
• Try and find an image of Aspinall, fair use might work.
• Be up-to-date on Apple Corps. current events.
• Rephrase certain sentences to make it sound more encyclopedic.

These suggestions in no way means the article is not good, it just means it could get better. My congratulations for those editors who worked hard on the article. Keep it up! - Mtmelendez ^{(TALK|UB|HOME)} 17:56, 15 February 2007 (UTC)

Note: These discussions regardin the GA Nomination Process should be archived within 7 days. - Mtmelendez ^{(TALK|UB|HOME)} 17:58, 15 February 2007 (UTC)