Mr. Haney (Green Acres)

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Mr. Haney (given name apparently either Eustace or Charleton) was a local salesman and con man in the rural Hooterville community who was a supporting character on the 1960s CBS television series Green Acres.

Haney, portrayed by veteran character actor and longtime Western film sidekick Pat Buttram with the odd, yodeling voice, was the person who had sold his family's ancient, dilapidated farm to newcomers Oliver and Lisa Douglas when they first left New York City for rural Hooterville and their new life as farmers. Although Haney had severely cheated the Douglases by charging them several times what the farm was actually worth (which was in reality almost nothing), he often came back with his peddler's truck stocked with more worthless items, which he almost invariably succeeded in unloading on Oliver at inflated prices despite his past shady dealings with them, usually taking a piece of junk and calling it by some outlandish name, suggesting that it has some use that it clearly does not and that it's in some way valuable.

Haney would often turn up in his truck at the Douglas farm, minutes after they've realized they needed something, selling exactly that (even if it were very odd), complete with a pull-down sign on his truck advertising it. If turned down by Douglas, Haney would offer a variety of equally useless alternatives. Oliver once said "How come you always show up with exactly what I need?" And Haney turned it on him by saying "Well let me put it to you another way...how come you always need what I show up with?"

In one episode, Haney's "Grabwell" washer, basically a barrel with an outboard motor in it, wrecks the Ziffel's house. Oliver successfully sues Haney. But Haney, of course, profits because the sale he holds to raise money to pay the settlement brings him in more than if he had peddled the stuff in his normal fashion. Further, Lisa buys some of it. In another episode, Haney examines what he believes is a dead cow (actually a plastic promotional item that fell off a meat truck), hoping to parlay the find into a profit, and refers to it as the “corpus delicious”.

Another time, Haney had what seemed to be an entire company in the back of his truck. One person comes out to speak to him. He then yells into the door for everyone to take lunch, and it sounds as if several dozen employees are contained in the small area.

Haney was married in the series and often talked about his wife. However, in one episode, Haney and Joe Carson from Petticoat Junction compete to see who will date Lisa's mother. Since this doesn't bother Lisa and Oliver in the least bit, we can assume Haney's wife was no longer in the picture by that episode.