Talk:MindFire, Inc
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[edit] Improvements
Some of the language and phrasing here needs to be revamped. I want to include a better explanation about how personalized urls and direct-mail advertising work. If you have any issues with direct phrasing or tone, please list them so they can be addressed. Jadeddissonance (talk) 07:14, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
Quite a few problems:
- Remove all the ®'s. When people go through the trouble of adding those, it automatically makes it look like spam.
- Jargon and Buzzwords - "Personalized URLs" links to Persistent Uniform Resource Locator, call it what it is. "Personalized Landing Page" is not a proper noun, it doesn't need to be capitalized.
- Tone - the article is excessively positive sounding. It reads more like a press release than a neutral encyclopedia article.
