User talk:Malleus Fatuarum/WikiSpeak

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Would this make more sense in alphabetical order?

I tried that actually, but some of them play off each other, and only make sense for one to follow the other. Keeper | 76 | Disclaimer 19:16, 28 May 2008 (UTC)

Also, I removed the signatures. Or should they all get them? Or none? I prefer none. Keeper | 76 | Disclaimer 19:20, 28 May 2008 (UTC)

I prefer none, but thought Dekeppai (or however it's spelt) might object to my removing his. — iridescent 19:22, 28 May 2008 (UTC)

Well, we'll just hafta block Dekkapai then, won't we?  :-) Keeper | 76 | Disclaimer 19:26, 28 May 2008 (UTC)

Dekkappai laughs nervously but politely as he backs away from two armed Admins... Dekkappai (talk) 18:54, 30 May 2008 (UTC)

For the record, I'm absolutely crying at my desk right now, these are cracking me up in their truthiness...Iridescent, yours particularly rock. Keeper | 76 | Disclaimer 19:44, 28 May 2008 (UTC)

Contents 1 alphabetical order? 2 Two more comments 3 AfD 4 Brigg railway station 5 Quick heads up 6 Ha ha, just serious 6.1 All right then, Keeper... 7 By the way 8 Anorak 9 Just for the record 10 I got you a barnstar, but a bear ate it

[edit] alphabetical order?

Casliber sorted the list, but now there are several unsorted entries, starting at Cool Down Blocks. Not sure if they're intentionally unsorted? dorftrottel (talk) 16:02, 31 May 2008 (UTC)

Not intentional as far as I'm concerned, I'd prefer alphabetical order. --Malleus Fatuorum (talk) 17:35, 31 May 2008 (UTC)

Ok, I've sorted it again. I also created a navigation box (instead of the vertical TOC) and level 3 headers for each letter. dorftrottel (talk) 17:54, 31 May 2008 (UTC)

Nice work there. Reading it now. Enigma ^message 17:39, 2 June 2008 (UTC)

Please feel free to make any additions. --Malleus Fatuorum (talk) 17:40, 2 June 2008 (UTC)

I don't understand the punative one. That's obviously not a word. Is that an inside joke? Enigma ^message 18:41, 2 June 2008 (UTC)

Yes - so many people misspell punitive as punative, and thus... Nousernamesleft^{copper, not wood} 21:51, 4 June 2008 (UTC)

Heh, I had to look it up to be sure myself...Keeper | 76 | Disclaimer 21:57, 4 June 2008 (UTC)

[edit] Two more comments

• bureaucrat/red tape is...interesting.
• Disruptive editing that Keeper added reminds me of this. Editing an article someone else edited in the past can also be classified as stalking. Enigma ^message 20:10, 2 June 2008 (UTC)

• fnord? Enigma ^message 05:02, 12 June 2008 (UTC)
• Ha, I guess I sort of understand, after looking at the Wikipedia entry. Unfortunately, it serves to confuse, which of course, was the intent. Enigma ^message 05:04, 12 June 2008 (UTC)

[edit] AfD

A place to send an article created by an editor that you don't like.

so so true of late. So sad, but so true. Thanks for the chuckles. _{TravellingCari}^{the Busy Bee} 20:13, 3 June 2008 (UTC)

[edit] Brigg railway station

OK, I've read the Brigg railway station article and seen the rusty iron bridge pic; now I'm so depressed I've lost the desire to live!

It is served by three passenger trains (in each direction) on Saturdays only between Sheffield and Cleethorpes.

Whoopee, three trains in each direction no less, I can hardly contain my excitement! I imagine the "Kid in Africa" would think all his Christmases had come at once if the bridge was given a coat of paint and an extra train was put on every other Sunday. Ah well, off to write my will now, giving Iridescent a special mention. Cheers. --Red Sunset 21:39, 4 June 2008 (UTC)

News bulletin:

Although the National Rail Enquiries' station facilities site states that the station is closed Monday–Sunday (sic. – which means it's permanently closed!), you will all be relieved to know that despite there not being a nearby bus service, taxi rank, car or cycle hire facility, the car park is open 24 hours a day Monday–Friday. Therefore, should you find yourself in the unfortunate position of needing to catch a train on the only day that they pass through Brigg, namely Saturday, you will find the car park closed! You couldn't make this stuff up! --Red Sunset 22:41, 4 June 2008 (UTC)

I know Iridiscent won't mind me saying this (I wouldn't say it otherwise, as he's an armed admin), but he is the uncrowned king of boring articles, of that there can be no doubt. Take a look at what he himself considers to be his crowning achievement, the A215 road. :-) --Malleus Fatuorum (talk) 21:59, 4 June 2008 (UTC)

Thanks, I'll certainly do that, but I think I've had as much excitement as I can stand for one day so I'll steel myself for it tomorrow. I have to confess that I actually contributed to Mud and Shed, and very nearly to Skip (Oh the shame of it!) --Red Sunset 22:41, 4 June 2008 (UTC)

Might want to see if you can to a little CE on Wet floor sign while you're at it, RS. Dekkappai (talk) 22:45, 4 June 2008 (UTC)

You couldn't make it up. :lol: How on earth did you come across that? --Malleus Fatuorum (talk) 22:48, 4 June 2008 (UTC)

Through a highly contentious AfD, Malleus... The original article was what I thought a very funny hoax. "It is believed that wet-floor signs were first used (albeit with far less beauty and style) at the dawn of the Floor Age. As soon as floors were introduced in Roman times, it is likely that they began getting wet–whether caused by water, vomit, urine, or any other liquid. It was only a matter of time before it was understood that a sign would prevent a pedestrian from slipping on the wet floor..." "Because the Germanic tribes to the North had not yet developed floors, they had little use for a sign that would declare a floor's wet state..." "...it has often been argued that the wet-floor sign was introduced to much of the world through the expansion of the British Empire from the 17th to the 20th Centuries. It is assumed that the wet-floor sign first reached the Americas on HMS Horatio Nelson Commodore in 1673." etc., etc., Dekkappai (talk) 23:07, 4 June 2008 (UTC)

Actually, I prefer that version to the current one. --Malleus Fatuorum (talk) 23:11, 4 June 2008 (UTC)

That's priceless! I've just got to look at that article too. Thank-you both so much for brightening my day! --Red Sunset 23:18, 4 June 2008 (UTC)

←Malleus, please - A215 road at least has some interesting facts on it. My personal champions at the moment are Pate Hole and The Mall Wood Green (which I very nearly managed to slip through the GA hoop, too). If anyone wants to join Risker and my long-term ambition to get Hypnodog onto the main page, do feel free. — iridescent 00:19, 5 June 2008 (UTC)

Incidentally, all you people who are deriding Brigg railway station for only having three trains a week need to have a look at Manchester's greatest contributions to the rail network, Reddish South railway station and Denton railway station - served by a mighty one train a week in one direction only, which a week later comes back the other way, and the mighty Watford West railway station ("temporarily closed for repairs" since 1996). — iridescent 00:19, 5 June 2008 (UTC)

[edit] Quick heads up

Everyone's second-favourite BADSITE now includes a link here; expect some of the more dubious characters from Wikipedia's history to start "improving" this page.

Malleus, just to remind you that, while it can't be done until the page has been subject to "vandalism or disruption", a user page can be indefinitely semi-protected at the request of the page's owner... — iridescent 23:07, 5 June 2008 (UTC)

Fame – at least of a sort – at last! Obviously I'll be watching the page, it's my baby, but rather than wait for me to request semi-protection let me instead give any administrator the authority to semi-protect the page whenever they feel it necessary to do so. It was, after all, meant to be a bit of fun, not a stick to beat wikipedia with. --Malleus Fatuorum (talk) 23:32, 5 June 2008 (UTC)

[edit] Ha ha, just serious

Fantastic, Malleus (& other contributors), I've spent half the evening chuckling at these. It's the closest thing to an 'insider's guide' I've seen yet ;) EyeSerene^talk 20:13, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

Agreed; this is a wonderful collection of "truthinesses" (if that's the correct word), and it just gets better each time you look at it. I haven't laughed so much in a long time. --Red Sunset 20:46, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

RSunset, I've enjoyed your additions, and agreed, I haven't laughed so much at the good in-jokes, fatalism, pessimism, et al, in ages. I keep coming back because every so often, someone thinks of something genius to add to the intra-wikipedia. Malleus should get barnstars for this. Wait, do we have an entry on barnstars?....Keeper | 76 | Disclaimer 20:48, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

All of you have done a great job, and special thanks to MF for hosting this and beginning it. I love this page. The mix of witty, sardonic, elegiac, and utterly savage definitions is a joy to read. I look forward to seeing what new things have appeared when I'm back from wikibreak in a few days. Cheers all, Antandrus (talk) 20:51, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

So can I count on your support at the inevitable MfD? --Malleus Fatuorum (talk) 21:04, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

Well, you can certainly count on mine - I bellowed with laughter at the office today. My colleagues were bemused to say the least Fritzpoll (talk) 21:05, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

ILIKEIT EyeSerene^talk 21:31, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

[edit] All right then, Keeper...

		The Destroyer of the Wiki Barnstar
		Is hereby granted to Malleus for his sterling efforts. And for his battle against the scourge that is the em-dash. Apparently. — iridescent 21:02, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

Why don't we have an entry on em-dashes? Worried about the edit war that would follow are you? Keep in mind, Irid, you are the only one with block buttons...see admininstrator..... Keeper | 76 | Disclaimer 21:05, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

Spaced em-dashes are the scourge of wikipedia, and a mortal sin. If my efforts have in any way helped even one editor to avoid eternal damnation then I am satisfied. --Malleus Fatuorum (talk) 21:11, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

For anyone wanting an illustration of the respect in which I hold the WP:MOS, I direct you to Talk:Broadwater Farm — about as close as Wikipedia gets to badger-baiting outside of an RFA. (Malleus, I put that em-dash in just for you — and may I remind you that editing another user's talk page comments is a blockable offence?) — iridescent 21:47, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

Whoa, backing away slowly from an armed admin. --Malleus Fatuorum (talk) 21:53, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

My bad, I thought this was a serious encyclopedia page run by FAC reviewers. Am I going to be sent to ArbCom by administrators now? giggy _(:O) 10:27, 7 June 2008 (UTC)

[edit] By the way

Can anyone think of what whoever uploaded this image was actually trying to illustrate? I can't imagine we ever had an article on How to answer the telephone whilst tied up with a tow-rope and wearing a very unflattering bikini. Huge bonus points, barnstars, whatever you want to anyone who manages to work this image into a genuine article. — iridescent 21:54, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

Phone bondage, Bondage by phone, Telling mom about how fun it is to be tied up, Ordering pizza under duress....all red links? Damn. Just checking...Keeper | 76 | Disclaimer 21:57, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

Hogtie bondage certainly has some of Commons's more – er – "specialised" efforts... — iridescent 22:00, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

It's tempting, but... damn my conscience. EyeSerene^talk 22:03, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

Mummy, make it go away!!!!! — iridescent 22:12, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

It doesn't work for me. Before the sniggers start, I mean the clip. It just crashed my browser. EyeSerene^talk 22:27, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

Your sanity protection filter is obviously working, then. (That "play" button reminds me of one of those Skinner experiments we used to run back when I was studying game theory, with a "push this button and lose all your winnings" sign – they pushed it almost every time.) — iridescent 22:30, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

Yup - to paraphrase someone or other, the last sound we'll hear before the entire universe folds itself up like one of those collapsing tents is "What does this button do?" EyeSerene^talk 22:38, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

I think this thread sums the mentality up better than anything I say ever could. — iridescent 22:42, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

...! EyeSerene^talk 09:30, 7 June 2008 (UTC)

It's more tempting... (yes this is a joke) — iridescent 22:16, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

Image caption: "Are you sure this is the only way to get a signal?" --Red Sunset 22:57, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

Brilliant! --Malleus Fatuorum (talk) 23:32, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

Further captions:

• Angela felt that the instructions she got with her new Nokia could have been clearer!
• "Hello ... yes, I'd like to complain about your company's double-glazing sales techniques!"
• It was at this point Angela decided that the aptitude test for the call centre job was a bit extreme!
• "I'm afraid that'll be extra Mr.Wales!"

--Red Sunset 07:21, 7 June 2008 (UTC)

• "Sorry, I'll have to call you back. I'm a bit tied up at the moment." (I'll get me coat...) EyeSerene^talk 09:30, 7 June 2008 (UTC)

• "I never realised you nurses had to carry out such a complicated procedure to take one's temperature with those machines you poke in the ear!"
• The new procedures brought in by MI6 for people hearing classified information over the phone.
• "No, she's just stringing me along a bit."
• "I think the gagging order will be along soon."

 DDStretch  (talk) 14:17, 7 June 2008 (UTC)

• Now, if with Susan's help she could just get free, Angela could track down the bastard who put superglue on her mobile.
• Caller: "So, babee... what ya wearin'?"

EyeSerene^talk 16:12, 7 June 2008 (UTC)

• Angela was less than impressed to discover she was 59th in the escapology helpline queue.
• Angela told the agency that under no circumstances would she ever mind a bunch of Boy Scouts again! or :–
• Angela couldn't wait to find out from the agency when she would next be asked to mind a bunch of Boy Scouts.

--Red Sunset 11:49, 8 June 2008 (UTC) Why's everyone picking on Angela all of a sudden. · AndonicO ^Engage. 15:59, 8 June 2008 (UTC)

• "So, do you agree yet that footnotes should come after punctuation, even when the article's written in British English?" — iridescent 18:16, 8 June 2008 (UTC)

• "So, do you agree yet that footnotes should come after punctuation, despite the article being written in American English^[1]?"--Red Sunset 19:04, 8 June 2008 (UTC)
• "No, you've got it backwards! It was M&S beachwear that I ordered."
• It took a lot of persuading to get the girls to model Vivienne Westwood's latest collection.
• "You can tell the first-year design student responsible for this that I'd rather just wear the rope!"
• "Same time next week vicar?"

--Red Sunset 18:04, 9 June 2008 (UTC)

• Susan still hadn't figured out why the boys paid more attention to Angela.
• It was a bit extreme, but how else was Susan going to save Angela the embarrassment of wearing that dreadful bikini to the beach?
• Susan was beginning to have doubts about the kind of person her new flatmate would invite to her "welcome" party.
• Angela had eaten blue Smarties before, but Susan had everything under control this time.
• Typical, Susan thought; whenever she wanted to make a call, Angela was bound to be stuck to the phone! (swift exit to running car)

--Red Sunset 17:58, 10 June 2008 (UTC)

• "Hello? ANI? I'd like to report a compulsive captioner." EyeSerene^talk 20:16, 10 June 2008 (UTC)

Excellent EyeSerene, I like that one. --Red Sunset 21:22, 10 June 2008 (UTC)

[edit] Anorak

I guess even an old Yank like myself can learn something new every day... Never heard that one. By the way, I abhor the deterioration of perfectly good old U.S. slang words, like geek and twerp, both of which have lost all their bite in recent decades to become synonyms of nerd. We've even got a home-computer-repair company that drives around in vans labeled, "Geek Squad". My 9-year-old asked me what that was for. I told him probably if you had chickens running around your yard, and you needed someone to come and bite their heads off, you called those guys. To his credit-- and to the evidence that his old man is a generation older than the parents of his friends-- he understood the reference... And "twerp"? You don't even want to know what the really meant... Dekkappai (talk) 18:49, 10 June 2008 (UTC)

Yes, it's a peculiarly British term, coined originally to describe people with a burning desire to hang around railway stations in arctic conditions at 5:30 in the morning in the hope of glimpsing a rare locomotive, and then meticulously record the serial numbers and activities of all other rail traffic for the next 16 hours so that they can bore the rest of the nation with endless mind-numbing trivia (aka "train-spotters"). These characters invariably wore anoraks; a practical weatherproof outer garment usually equipped with numerous pockets in which they would keep a rail time-table, note-book, two pens and two pencils (just in case), Swiss Army knife, ham sandwiches, a packet of biscuits (cookies), Kendal mint cake, torch, small first-aid kit, disposable camera, digital camera (contaminated with biscuit crumbs), spare batteries for torch and camera, two mobile (cell) phones (different networks, just in case), map of the local area; and then in another pocket ... Get the picture?

"Beauty and the Geek" is a programme currently being broadcast in the UK. --Red Sunset 20:42, 10 June 2008 (UTC)

"Beauty and the Geek"? This a show about a pretty girl with a "thing" for guys who bite the heads off small animals? Dekkappai (talk) 20:49, 10 June 2008 (UTC)

Before the Yanks start feeling superior, you have them too... – iridescent 21:00, 10 June 2008 (UTC)

So it is originally a U.S. show then! --Red Sunset 21:13, 10 June 2008 (UTC)

An exceptional level of detail there, Red Sunset. It's almost as if... nah. EyeSerene^talk 21:14, 10 June 2008 (UTC)

Yank trainspotters... the mind boggles... I thought otaku-- of which I'm a member of the pre-founding-generation-- was about as bad as it gets here. :-) Dekkappai (talk) 21:29, 10 June 2008 (UTC) — Is there a cure? --Red Sunset 22:14, 10 June 2008 (UTC)

A cure? For the Japanese-culture obsession? I thought I had found it by living in Korea and marrying a Korean woman... but now she is hooked on Japanese culture too! Dekkappai (talk) 23:29, 10 June 2008 (UTC)

(chuckle) I've only got one mobile EyeSerene! --Red Sunset 21:39, 10 June 2008 (UTC)

...and you lent it to this woman and her friend, and you haven't seen it since? Strangely enough, I've been trainspotting - I had a really enjoyable afternoon (I was about 12 at the time though). EyeSerene^talk 21:46, 10 June 2008 (UTC)

That's amazing, how did you know? (Lol) Haven't tried trainspotting myself, but in my youth I spent plenty of time at airshows, so I recognise the type. (Well that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!) --Red Sunset 22:02, 10 June 2008 (UTC)

←I always liked planes - I even made a special trip to Heathrow to see the last three Concordes land. Don't write on them though, as there are too many people here who know more than I ever will. One of the more surreal interludes in the whole "Lara is a Nazi" flamewar last month was someone who came to my talkpage to flame me and ended up discussing the aesthetic value of nuclear tests and the Vulcan bomber. – iridescent 22:12, 10 June 2008 (UTC)

Don't be put off editing aircraft articles, there are many people who think they know more than anyone else! BTW, a word to the wise: never; and I mean NEVER, use the word "plane" in the presence of a member of wikiproject:aircraft unless you want the heavens to open and experience the wrath of God! Well actually it's not that bad, but there are disagreements flaring up continually over the use of "plane". On the topic of Concorde, if you fancy a laugh take a look here. --Red Sunset 22:47, 10 June 2008 (UTC)

About trainspotters: Various people I worked with were model railway enthusiasts. These people build working models of railway trains (they didn't buy trainsets) from effectively as much raw material as they can (so they don't just buy pre-cut parts that just need fixing together, either) Amongst their number, they told me, were some trainspotters, and some of these were particularly obsessive–so much so that they would criticize a person's model if the wrong number of bolts and rivets were used or shown in construction of the models. Some would spend more than a month trying out various shades of paint to get exactly the right shade to paint the trains, and there was a great concern for accurately depicting and numerals and letters in the correct font and size. I was told of one man who destroyed one model he had spent more than two years in building when it was discovered that he had got the proportion of it out by an almost imperceptable amount, and he withdrew from a club in "shame for getting it so wrong". For these reasons, such people were known as "Rivet Counters", and the term was eventually used to characterize particularly obsessive train spotters in general. Very odd.  DDStretch  (talk) 23:45, 10 June 2008 (UTC)

Well, if you're going to do, best to get it right I suppose. A couple of years ago I went to a summer fair at Alton Towers, and I popped into the model-makers exhibition. One guy there – I think he made model lorries – had a display of the kit that he used in their construction. It was a small log. :-) --Malleus Fatuorum (talk) 23:58, 10 June 2008 (UTC)

You know, I went to some do at Trentham Gardens some years ago (probably 2003), and visited a similar exhibition. I seem to recall that there was a very similar display in it to the one you describe, but I don't recall that it was of lorries–it could have been airplanes.  DDStretch  (talk) 00:11, 11 June 2008 (UTC)

Sorry, you're right. It was Trentham Gardens, not Alton Towers. God knows why I always get those two mixed up. And IIRC the guy made model fairgrounds, not lorries. And it was three years ago that I was there, not two. But apart from all of the facts being incorrect, I think my story stacks up pretty well. :lol: --Malleus Fatuorum (talk) 00:19, 11 June 2008 (UTC)

Well, it certainly achieves the standard of verification wikipedia practically uses, judging ikt by comparison with some articles I've seen, and we all know that we must pay attention to verification not truth. I suggest we move onto deciding how best to cite you as a reliable source now. 8-)  DDStretch  (talk) 06:31, 11 June 2008 (UTC)

[edit] Just for the record

I can't find any appropriate place to insert it (if anyone can, do feel free) but I think the fact that this was a featured article less than four years ago needs to be shared. Depending on your point of view, it either shows how far we've come since then, or how low we slipped.

If anyone gets this back to FA status again, you'll win a special barnstar including this piece of Commons's finest. – iridescent 22:08, 10 June 2008 (UTC)

What is it with you and those pix? Starting to wonder how you're finding them so easily...Keeper | 76 | Disclaimer 22:10, 10 June 2008 (UTC)

You're boggling my mind again, Iridescent... and I thought my Simpsons examples were damning... So this is what they have in mind by "Brilliant refreshing prose." No wonder poor Anna May is having such a tough time of it... Oh, and you can keep that "Barnstar." Dekkappai (talk) 22:17, 10 June 2008 (UTC)

The outright pr0n ones are coming (so to speak) straight from MediaWiki:Bad image list; the "Jimmy Wales lookalike dangling a woman in a ballgown with her mouth sealed with duct tape from a rope" is from the "Worst images on Wikipedia" gallery on Facebook; Angela & Susan were on one of Taxwoman's articles, which I keep an eye on on her behalf during her - ahem - absence (you really don't want to get me started on that particular topic). The 18th century propaganda cartoons just seem appropriate, and the "rolling tanks" come from one of Commons's more interesting pages (don't even think of opening it on dialup), Historical film as animated gif. – iridescent 22:22, 10 June 2008 (UTC)

You know, I haven't been an admin long. I really should stop reading Iridescent's posts, or it'll be the shortest sysopping in wiki-history :P EyeSerene^talk 22:34, 10 June 2008 (UTC)

If it weren't for me, you wouldn't yet know why Jesus is like Unix or where the kangaroo came from, though, would you? Call it a specialised coaching program. – iridescent 00:09, 11 June 2008 (UTC)

You two need to stop, it's hurting my ribs...Keeper | 76 | Disclaimer 01:09, 11 June 2008 (UTC)

Just in case anyone wants to know why Jesus is like Unix and for some inexplicable reason hasn't read the 84k & rising of flames, trolling & arguments that currently constitutes my talkpage, I highly recommend reading this, along with everything else linked to in this conversation. Neutral777's contributions to the Sum of Human Knowledge deserve a wider audience. – iridescent 01:48, 11 June 2008 (UTC)

[edit] I got you a barnstar, but a bear ate it

I've been waiting for months to pass this along to the right person on the right occasion. Maralia pointed me to this Wicktionary several days ago, and it made me laugh out loud several times, notably the entry for "Userbox". I was reminded of it while visiting your userpage during the recent GA review. I thought it prudent to wait until after the review was completed to prevent any untoward suggestion that we might be in kahootz. The barnstar for GA pass scandal might not be something Wikipedia could recover from. It's such a gentle thing. --Moni3 (talk) 00:46, 11 June 2008 (UTC)

Thanks for the barnstar, but I thought we had a deal? You're not trying to weasel out of it are you?</joke> --Malleus Fatuorum (talk) 01:25, 11 June 2008 (UTC)