Malcolm Hardee

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Malcolm Hardee
Malcolm Hardee in 1995, outside his childhood home in Lewisham; photo by John Fleming
Born	January 5, 1950 (1950-01-05) Lewisham, London, England
Died	January 31, 2005 Rotherhithe, London, England
Medium	stand-up
Nationality	British
Years active	mid-1970s to 2005
Influences	Jim Bowen, Martin Soan
Influenced	Keith Allen, Jo Brand, Jenny Eclair, Ricky Grover, Harry Enfield, Harry Hill, Paul Merton, Al Murray, Vic Reeves, Jerry Sadowitz, Jim Tavare, Johnny Vegas,
Notable works and roles	autobiography I Stole Freddie Mercury's Birthday Cake.
Website	www.malcolmhardee.co.uk

Malcolm Hardee (born Lewisham, London, January 5, 1950 – died Rotherhithe, London, January 31, 2005)^[1] was an English comedian, author, comedy club proprietor, compère, agent, manager and "amateur sensationalist".^[2] His high reputation among his peers rests on his outrageous publicity stunts and on the help and advice he gave to successful British alternative comedians early in their careers as "godfather to a generation of comic talent in the 1980s".^[3] Fellow comic Rob Newman called him "a hilarious, anarchic, living legend; a millennial Falstaff",^[4] while Stewart Lee wrote that "Malcolm Hardee is a natural clown who in any decent country would be a national institution"^[4] and Arthur Smith described him as "a South London Rabelais"^[4] and claimed that "everything about Malcolm, apart from his stand-up act, was original".^[5]

Though an accomplished comic, Hardee was arguably more highly regarded as a 'character', a compere and talent-spotting booker at his own clubs, particularly The Tunnel Club in Greenwich, South East London, which gave vital and early exposure to up-and-coming comedians during the early years of British alternative comedy.^[6] In its obituary, The Times of London opined that "throughout his life he maintained a fearlessness and an indifference to consequences"^[7] and one journalist claimed: "To say that he has no shame, is to drastically exaggerate the amount of shame that he has".^[7] In a publicity quote printed in Hardee's autobiography I Stole Freddie Mercury's Birthday Cake, Arthur Smith wrote that Hardee had "led his life as though for the perfect autobiography and now he has paid himself the compliment of writing it."^[4]

Contents 1 Early life 2 Acts and stunts 3 Clubs 4 Death and legacy 5 Books 6 References 7 External links 7.1 Obituaries and reports of his death

[edit] Early life

Hardee was born in Lewisham, South East London, near the River Thames and came from a long line of lightermen^[3] - who earned their living on tugs pulling barges on the river. He was the eldest son of Frank and Joan Hardee, spent his first two years in an orphanage while his mother was in hospital with tuberculosis^[1] and was educated at three South East London schools - St Stephen's Church of England primary, Colfe's School, and Sedgehill comprehensive.^[1]

Expelled from all three, he drifted into petty crime^[1] - stealing Coke from a local bottling plant, burgling a pawnbrokers^[8] and setting fire to a Sunday school piano because he wanted to see 'holy smoke'.^[7] He served prison sentences for cheque fraud, burglary and escaping custody;^[9] in 1967, he escaped from Gaynes Hall Borstal dressed as a monk.^[7][10] He also had convictions for arson and once infamously stole a Rolls Royce^[3] which he believed belonged to British Cabinet Minister Peter Walker. (Walker later wrote to Hardee after reading about this widely-reported story and denied it had been his car.)^[11]

He decided to turn to showbusiness as a way of staying out of trouble, saying: "There are only two things you can do when you come out of prison and you want immediate employment. You can either be a minicab driver or you can go into showbusiness"^[9] and "Prison is like mime or juggling - a tragic waste of time".^[1]

[edit] Acts and stunts

After coming out of prison in 1977 or 1978 (sources vary), Hardee joined Martin Soan's Greatest Show On Legs - at the time, a one-man adult Punch and Judy act.^[1] Revamped as a surreal sketch group, The Greatest Show on Legs became a regular at the Tramshed venue in Woolwich, alongside the likes of Rik Mayall and Ade Edmondson.^[8] Soon afterwards, in 1979, The Comedy Store opened in Soho and The Greatest Show on Legs became regulars there, too.^[7] Their breakthrough came in 1981, when they performed their naked balloon dance on Chris Tarrant's anarchic late-night TV show OTT.^[3]

In 1987, as one of his many publicity stunts, Hardee stood for Parliament in the famous Greenwich by-election, 1987, as the Rainbow Dream Ticket Beer, Fags & Skittles Party candidate, polling 174 votes.^[1] He then stood again in the 1992 election in order to publicise his comedy club because the election rules allowed him a free mail shot to all registered voters in the constituency.^[3]

Hardee regularly appeared in his own shows at the Edinburgh Fringe and arguably his most infamous confirmed stunt there was in 1983 when, performing at The Circuit venue - a series of three adjoining tents in a construction site with a different show in each tent - he became annoyed by what he regarded as excessive noise emanating nightly from Eric Bogosian's neighbouring performance tent. Hardee obtained a nearby tractor and, entirely naked, drove it across Bogosian's stage during his performance.^[12][13] Rivalling this stunt in Fringe infamy, in 1989, Hardee and Arthur Smith wrote a rave 5-star review of Hardee's own Fringe show and successfully managed to get it printed in The Scotsman under the byline of the influential newspaper's comedy critic.^[10][14] At the Fringe in 1996, The Independent reported that he attempted to sabotage American ventriloquist David Strassman's Edinburgh show by abducting the act's hi-tech dummy, holding it to ransom and sending it back to Strassman piece by piece in return for hard cash. The plan failed.^[15]

Perhaps the most-quoted anecdote concerning Hardee was that, on October 9, 1986^[16] his house was searched by the police - who were looking for crumbs - two days after^[16] he and others stole Freddie Mercury's £4,000^[3] 40th birthday cake. No crumbs were found at the house as he had already by then donated the cake to a local nursing home.^[1][16] He used this incident as the title of his 1996 autobiography I Stole Freddie Mercury's Birthday Cake which he wrote with John Fleming. In 2003, also with Fleming, he co-edited an anthology of mostly non-comic writing by 19 stand-up comedians, called Sit-Down Comedy. He also wrote columns in comedy magazines in which he gave tips and told anecdotes about life as a comic.

In his autobiography, Hardee claimed he was the first to attempt the 'banger-up-the-bum' routine, later perfected and performed by Greatest Show on Legs co-star Chris Lynam, in which a firework (occasionally a three-stage Roman Candle) was clenched between the buttocks and lit to a recording of Ethel Merman singing There's No Business Like Show Business.^[17]

The alleged fact for which Hardee was arguably best known throughout his performing life was that he was said to have "the biggest bollocks in show business"^[6][18] and he became renowned for a rarely performed but vividly unforgettable act in which he would use his own spectacles atop his genitals to create a unique visual impression of French President Charles de Gaulle^[1][3] with his testicles representing the French politician's cheeks; this act pre-dated the Australian show Puppetry of the Penis by several years.

Hardee rarely appeared on television, though he did play minor roles in six Comic Strip TV films and one episode in the first series of Blackadder.^[1]

[edit] Clubs

Hardee was also renowned as a talent spotter and owner of clubs which gave vital early exposure to up-and-coming comedians^[6] including Charlie Chuck, Alan Davies, Harry Enfield, Harry Hill, Paul Merton, Vic Reeves, Frank Skinner, Johnny Vegas^[19] and Jo Brand, with whom he had a two-year affair^[3][19] and whom he persuaded to become a comedian.^[10] He also worked for a time as the manager of Jerry Sadowitz^[1] and was an occasional promoter and tour manager for his friend and neighbour, Jools Holland.^[1]

His most infamous venue^[18] was The Tunnel Club which he opened in 1984^[6] next to the southern exit from the Blackwall Tunnel in Greenwich, South East London. He would sometimes introduce inexperienced stand-ups to audiences with the nerve-jangling line: "This next act's probably a bit shit"^[7] but, once their performance was finished, he would often comfort those he thought showed promise with backstage words of encouragement and urge them to try again. His advice to comics who were concerned that a joke might be offensive to an audience was: “If you think it’s funny, then fuck ’em.”^[7]

At his weekly Sunday Night at the Tunnel Palladium shows, sometimes even experienced and accomplished comedians failed to complete a whole set against the unforgiving crowd and razor-sharp heckling.^[18] It was at the Tunnel Club that comedian Jim Tavare once began his act with the unwise opener, "Hello, I'm a schizophrenic" - to be met with the lightning rejoinder from a heckler in that night's audience, "Well, you can both fuck off then!"^[7]

The Tunnel closed in 1988^[6] and, in 1991, Hardee opened Up The Creek comedy club in Creek Road, Greenwich.^[1] In an upstairs bar at the club was a mural commissioned by Hardee as a parody of Da Vinci's The Last Supper. It showed Hardee as Christ with Jo Brand, Julian Clary and other famous British comedians as the Disciples including Ben Elton as Judas Iscariot.^[20][21]

In 2001,^[22] after he sold his percentage in Up The Creek, Hardee opened his own floating pub The Wibbley Wobbley on a converted barge in Greenland Dock, Rotherhithe, by the River Thames.^[22]

[edit] Death and legacy

On 2 February 2005, Hardee's body was recovered from Greenland Dock, after he was reported missing from The Wibbley Wobbley on 31 January; he had been last seen late-night on 30 January. A post-mortem soon confirmed he had drowned. In an inquest at Southwark Coroners' Court on 20 July, Coroner John Sampson recorded a verdict of accidental death. It had been assumed in several reports of his death that, while trying to make his way home by dinghy from The Wibbley Wobbley to his houseboat The Sea Sovereign just fifteen yards away^[3] across Greenland Dock, Hardee had lost his balance and drowned while drunk. But the Coroner found that, whilst attempting to access The Sea Sovereign from the quayside, Hardee had fallen into the dock while drunk.^[23]

Police Constable Martin Spirito told the court that, on 2 February: "The search commenced at 10.00am. At 10.24am one of the officers came up and said he had found a lifeless body. I followed the officer's line down. Six metres down I saw a white male. The male had a bottle of beer clenched in his right hand." Police Sergeant Roy Dawson, in charge of overseeing the dive, told the court: "The bottle was held in his right hand. It fell from his hand on the ascent."^[23]

About 700 people attended his funeral at St Alfege's Church in Greenwich - and, perhaps fittingly, it was one of the few funerals ever to get rave reviews the following day in both the Daily Telegraph and The Sun newspapers. He was cremated at Hither Green in South East London.

In June 2005, there were two tribute shows^[24] at the Glastonbury Festival; in July, a BBC Radio 4 documentary tribute;^[25] and, in August, two tribute shows at the Edinburgh Fringe. There were five-hour tribute shows at the Hackney Empire theatre in London on 5 February 2006^[26][27] and 28 January 2007^[28][29] to commemorate the anniversary of his death.

An award named after Hardee is to be presented 2008-2017 at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. It is to be presented to the comedy act that is the most original.^[30][31]

[edit] Books

• I Stole Freddie Mercury's Birthday Cake (autobiography; co-writer John Fleming) Fourth Estate, 1996. ISBN 1-85702-385-4.
• Sit-Down Comedy (anthology, ed Malcolm Hardee & John Fleming) Ebury Press/Random House, 2003. ISBN 0-09-188924-3.

[edit] References

[edit] External links

• His website: obituaries, tributes and newspaper articles
• Sit Down Comedy website
• Malcolm Hardee at the Internet Movie Database

[edit] Obituaries and reports of his death

2nd February 2005 BBC News Online Chortle comedy website 3rd February 2005 EFestivals Evening Standard, London Guardian The Stage 4th February 2005 Daily Telegraph Daily Telegraph, reprinted in the New York Sun on 7th February Guardian The Herald, Glasgow

5th February 2005 Independent 7th February 2005 The Times 8th February 2005 Guardian The Scotsman The Stage 3rd March 2005 The Stage