List of X-Play characters

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The video-game review television program X-Play has numerous recurring sketch characters that have appeared throughout the show's history; during a preview for the game WWE Day of Reckoning 2 (Episode No. 5093), co-hosts Adam Sessler and Morgan Webb were left pondering, "Just how many random-ass supporting characters do we have on this show"? They were able to come up with a sizable list before the commercial break (30 humans, two hand puppets, and one monkey), but here is a more complete breakdown:

Contents 1 "A" Characters 2 "B" Characters 3 "C" Characters 4 "D" Characters 5 "E" Characters 6 "F" Characters 7 "G" Characters 8 "H" Characters 9 "I" Characters 10 "J" Characters 11 "K" Characters 12 "L" Characters 13 "M" Characters 14 "N" Characters 15 "O" Characters 16 "P" Characters 17 "Q" Characters 18 "R" Characters 19 "S" Characters 20 "T" Characters 21 "U" Characters 22 "V" Characters 23 "W" Characters 24 "X" Characters 25 "Y" Characters 26 "Z" Characters 27 References 28 External links

[edit] "A" Characters

• Adam 2.0: A "younger, hipper" version of Adam (actually played by his younger brother Jonathan) cloned in his image, with a few modest improvements (he claims that he comes equipped with a "special USB port").

First Appearance: Episode No. 5027

Performed by: Jonathan Sessler

• Adam-San: see Morgan-San and Adam-San

• Adam V: A robot named after Adam (a parody of the name Number Five from the movie Short Circuit) who murdered most of the X-Play staff, until Morgan stopped his rampage by teaching him about sacrifices in the name of love. The two (supposedly) fall in love and go on to have a cyborg baby together, but during X-Play's April 23, 2006 marathon, we find out that Adam V has repeatedly tried (unsuccessfully) to get back in touch with Morgan, who actually has no romantic interest in him. In fact, Morgan goes so far as to break the fourth wall on Adam V, and she informs him that their entire love story was fake, an act for the show, and that she never had his baby (it was a prop assembled from "a Cabbage Patch doll and fax machine parts"). Following this revelation, Sessler offers to set Adam V up on a blind date with a Roomba; the robot accepts, and Sessler subsequently rips out Adam V's wiring, which kills him.

First Appearance: Episode No. 5097

Performed by: X-Play co-producer Jason Cheung

• Æon Flux Morgan: Morgan dressed up as the character Æon Flux.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6008

Performed by: Morgan Webb

• Ahnuld: see Governatuh

• Ahrnold: see Governatuh

• Albert the Happy Intern: see Interns

• "Alliance Shopping Network" co-hosts: A dual parody of the Star Wars films and the Home Shopping Network, this skit features the characters Tom Peterson and Bill Tanner, who are overstocked with lightsabers and need to pass them on to the consumers at low low prices. Unfortunately for Bill, while demonstrating a Mace Windu replica purple lightsaber ("Just because it's purple doesn't mean you're gay!") Tom accidentally cuts off Bill's right hand, and soon Bill dies in Tom's arms. While he is mourning the loss of Bill, Tom is still able to carry on with presenting the show.

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: Tom (Mike Benson), Bill (Paul Bonanno)

• "Mr. Altair": A parody of the main character from the game Assassin's Creed, wherein he is portrayed as the instructor of an adult education class called Assassination 101: Death by Killing. He insults one student for revealing the only reason he joined the class was to kill Altair for revenge, claims that Brutus shouted "Looks like your salad's tossed!" when killing Julius Ceasar, and hits on the female students.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20080214

Performed by: Mr. Altair (Unknown), Gary (Unknown), Skip [I] (Unknown), Rebecca (Unknown)

• "Alternate X" Adam and Morgan: A version of Adam and Morgan from an alternate universe where (according to "Earth Prime" Morgan) "X-Play turned out ... lame"; instead of being completely cynical and filled with hate, "Alternate X" Adam and Morgan love their fans and do everything they can to make their world a better place (their version of X-Play even won a Peabody Award). It should also be noted that "Alternate X" Adam has long flowing hair, while "Alternate X" Morgan dresses like a soccer mom.

First Appearance: Episode No. 7046

Performed by: Adam Sessler and Morgan Webb

• America Man: A superhero-esque character dressed in a stars-and-stripes sweatsuit and sunglasses. America Man's mission in life it to rid the country of intolerance, and to convince people that they should not question things that they see on TV; he tries to accomplish this task with bizarre public service announcements called The Less You Know, an obvious parody of NBC's famous segment, The More You Know (NOTE: In a posting on Television Without Pity, X-Play segment producer Matt Keil stated that the end graphic of the Less You Know skits - which featured pictures of children and a horse - used photos that were taken from an archive of missing children pictures [1], adding an element of dark humor to the segment).

First Appearance: Episode No. 6017

Performed by: Adam Sessler

• Angry Gentleman: see Morgan-San and Adam-San

• Anime Adam and Morgan: During the new opening sequence for the show (created by BUCK Design out of Los Angeles), we see co-hosts Adam and Morgan re-imagined as anime-style video game characters. As the opening credits progress, we see our two heroes accomplish some truly amazing feats, including the destruction of a group of monsters via kung fu and swordplay, flying a pair of fighter jets, and a tense shootout reminiscent of GoldenEye 007 (NOTE: During the "character select" portion of the opening, you can see Adam and Morgan's names highlighted along with Ratty and the nonsensical characters "Griffin", "Henri", and "Pandora").

First Appearance: Episode No. 6055

Performed by: None

• "Aphrodite": see "Kratos"

• "Aquaman": see Memory Card

• Ashley: see Spectre Mifflin staff

• Assault Panda: see Morgan-San and Adam-San

• Automatic Review Robot 3000: Whenever Adam or Morgan don't feel like reviewing a game themselves, they alway have this robot (in reality an edited picture of a QRIO with the voice provided by a PlainTalk synthesizer) to fall back on ... they just feed in the relevant data, and out pops a generic review for the audience's viewing pleasure. ARR-3000 first appeared when Adam could not stand to review yet another Mega Man game; in later reviews, we have been introduced to his ex-girlfriend Sharon, their illegitimate son Child-Bot 3000, and Sharon's new live-in boyfriend Leroy.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6079

Performed by: Unknown

[edit] "B" Characters

• "Bacchus": see "Kratos"

• Barbarians: see Flappy Jaws

• Barry: Also known as the "I hate Adam Sessler" guy, this is the main character in a commercial produced by Slacquer Production & Post that aired frequently on the G4TV network when the channel first began to broadcast X-Play. In the commercial, the character of Barry would be jealous of the fact that Adam got to spend so much time with Morgan Webb, and even built a small shrine in his room in her honor. The spot can be viewed here: http://www.slacq.com/Reel/08/08XPlay.html

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: Dave Stann

• The X-Play Bear: Originally he was part of a segment on X-Play called A Bear in a Field, where a guy in a bear suit explained complicated programming terms (as they apply to video games) before mauling the cameraman. However, during the transition from TechTV to G4TV, the X-Play Bear underwent a transformation (his bear suit became a darker shade of brown and looked less realistic) and is now pretty much relegated to simply dancing around during certain game reviews.

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: Original (Robert Heron), Current (Michael Leffler)

• Miss Bendova: see Unemployed Ninja

• Dr. Heimlich Betzer: A German "scientist" who (supposedly) holds a PHD in "Suckology", and has written the book Sweet Christ, That Sucked! Basically, he's an expert at telling you how much something sucks; for example, the game Bomberman: Act Zero falls somewhere in between Lady in the Water and the black plague.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6105

Performed by: voice of X-Play associate producer Michael Leffler

• The Big Bald Guy: A supposed art teacher who encourages his students to paint him in the nude (NOTE: This character has never officially been given a name; Adam refers to him as "the big bald guy who takes his clothes off" after the preview of WWE Day of Reckoning 2, but during the X-Play Origins Episode he calls him Fat Bald Gay Guy instead).

First Appearance: Episode No. 5059

Performed by: X-Play head writer Guy Branum

• Bill: X-Play's official Mii avatar.

First Appearance: Episode No. 7020

Performed by: None

• Billy the Newspaper Boy: see Sat'an

• Billy the Pokémon fan: An obsessed fan of the Pokémon series of video games, who will take on the alter ego of "Billychu" whenever he is frightened. Billy eventually decides that he needs to "grow up" and abandon such juvenile pleasures ... so he moves on to Yu-Gi-Oh!.

First Appearance: Episode No. 5113

Performed by: X-Play intern coordinator Robert Manuel

• Mr. Blonde: see Reservoir Geeks

• Bob and Steve: see Special Agent Bob and Secret Agent Steve

• Boombastis: A character from the Extreme Pong skit, Boombastis is an extremely overweight geisha who is eventually killed during a match with Morgan "The Wookie" Webb (Morgan knocks the ball directly into "her" mouth, choking her to death).

First Appearance: Episode No. 6069

Performed by: X-Play head writer Guy Branum

• The Breakfast Club: A direct (albeit darker) parody of the 1985 movie, where the X-Play gang plays a group of high school students serving Saturday detention. The principal forces them to write game reviews, but they all eventually write a suicide pact instead.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6025

Performed by: The Brain (Adam Sessler), The Preppie (Morgan Webb), The Athlete (Michael Leffler), The Criminal (Kevin Pereira), The Basket-Case (Sarah Lane), The Principal (Unknown)

• Mr. Brown: see Reservoir Geeks

• Brown, Kwame: see Dante's Hairclub for Demonslayers

[edit] "C" Characters

• Canada Man: see Morgan-San and Adam-San

• Canadian Guy: see LaFleur, Guy

• Captain: see Cobra and Mongoose

• Cat-Morgan and Embarrass-Man: Morgan and Adam's superhero alter egos ... Morgan's outfit resembles Catwoman, while Adam's costume is a more flamboyant version of Robin's.

First Appearance: Episode No. 281

Performed by: Morgan Webb and Adam Sessler

• "Hugo Chávez": The power-mad Venezuelan president makes a visit to the X-Play offices, where (among other things) he gets kneed in the groin by Morgan.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6106

Performed by: X-Play production assistant Eric Acasio

• Child-Bot 3000: see Automatic Review Robot 3000

• Cobra and Mongoose: Flash-like cartoon characters (purposely animated in a haphazard and seemingly rushed manner) who spoof various action movies like Top Gun, Days of Thunder, and The Hunt for Red October. Cobra is the stereotypical hot-shot renegade, who plays by his own rules (never following the orders of his commanding officer Captain) and is depicted as the pinnacle of manliness (he will often get a different person pregnant during each skit, including Mongoose's girlfriend Susie and a shark). Mongoose is at the other end of the spectrum, the perennial second banana who winds up dying at the end of every segment for "dramatic effect" (leaving Cobra to mournfully yell out "Mongooooose!").

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: Cobra (voice of Paul Bonanno), Mongoose (voice of Michael Leffler), Captain (Unknown), Susie (Unknown)

• Communist Adam and Morgan: When the rigors of capitalism became too much for the X-Play hosts to bear, they turned to the memory of mother Russia for guidance.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6016

Performed by: Adam Sessler and Morgan Webb

• Conspiracy Guy: The host of X-Play's Conspiracy Theory of the Week, this ski mask-clad fellow is about as paranoid as one can get, spouting off theories on everything from Bigfoot to the JFK assassination.

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: X-Play series producer Karsten Bondy

• Cooper, James: see X-Play COPS

• The X-Play COPS: A parody of the popular television show, where a pair of police officers interact with a number of video-game characters, including Kratos, Princess Zelda, Mario, and Niko Bellic. There have been several different "cops" portrayed in these skits, from Sargent Rando and Officer Sykes in the 2006 Valentine's Day special, to a pair of unnamed officers in the 2006 Halloween episode, to Sgt. Rando re-appearing with a new partner (Officer Hicks) in a special Liberty City edition of X-Play COPS during the GTA IV special, to Officer James Cooper of the Mushroom Kingdom PD and a new Sykes (this time played by Michael Leffler) appearing during the review of Mario Kart Wii.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6014

Performed by: Sgt. Tad Rando (Paul Bonanno), Officer Sykes (Robert Manuel/Michael Leffler), Unnamed Cop #1 (Mike Benson), Unnamed Cop #2 (Brendan Hermes), Officer Hicks (Michael Leffler), Officer James Cooper (Unknown)

• Crazy Adam: see Trampleton, Crazy Adam

• The X-Play Creature: see Sat'an

• "Aleister Crowley": see "Fear and Loathing" Adam and Morgan

• "Cupid": An obese, diaper-clad, jive-talking God of Love who vehemently tries to convince Adam and Morgan to give love a chance. He ultimately fails to do this, becoming depressed by Adam and Morgan's hopelessly lonely and negative attitudes.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6014

Performed by: X-Play head writer Guy Branum

[edit] "D" Characters

• "Dante": see Dante's Hairclub for Demonslayers

• Dante's Hairclub for Demonslayers: A parody of the old Cy Sperling informercials, featuring hairstyles that would fit right into the Devil May Cry universe.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20080205

Performed by: "Dante" (Unknown), Joshua Sark, Sr. (Unknown), Kwame Brown (Jonathan Solin), "Tim" the Thai massage therapist (Unknown)

• Darth Fanboy: An evil Star Wars fan who tried to kill Adam after he gave a 2 out of 5 score to Star Wars Jedi Knight II: Jedi Outcast; only the swift hand of Jedi Morgan Windu (Morgan claiming to be the widow of Mace Windu, who won her late husband's signature purple lightsaber during their divorce hearing) saved him from imminent destruction. The character later appeared at a Star Wars convention, where Lando Sessler - Adam in a fashionable Lando Calrissian cosplay outfit - was again spared death; only this time, Morgan needed the help of Ratty Puppet to finish off the evil fanboy.

First Appearance: Episode No. 173

Performed by: Darth Fanboy (Jason Cheung), Morgan Windu (Morgan Webb), Lando Sessler (Adam Sessler)

• The Disembodied Voice: The unseen X-Play announcer, who will pipe in at the beginning of each show (and once the show returns from commercial break) with totally nonsensical introductions for Adam and Morgan. Fans of the show can write their own "Disembodied Voice Intros" and send them in via a special thread on the official X-Play message boards.

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: Original (voice of Jason Frankovitz), Current (voice of Brendan Hermes)

• "Dramatic Readings of Instruction Manuals" host: see Gramps

• Drill Girl: A young lady wearing a schoolgirl outfit, who has a deep enjoyment and fixation for drilling things.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6022

Performed by: X-Play intern Megan

• Drunk Link: X-Play's parody of the hero of the Legend of Zelda series, portrayed as an alcoholic stalker (he must drown his sorrows in liquour because "that dumb bitch Zelda can't stay outta trouble" [2]).

First Appearance: Episode No. 5010

Performed by: X-Play associate producer Michael Leffler

• The Drunk Writer: The girlfriend to Drunk Link (aka "I Need Drink" Girl), who is always seen with a cigarette dangling from her lip, a bottle of Southern Comfort (labelled "Rot Gut") clutched in her hand, and sometimes an olive drab colored shirt with the words "I Need Drink" ironed onto it.

First Appearance: Episode No. 5010

Performed by: former X-Play head writer Blair Butler

• Drunken Link: see Morgan-San and Adam-San

• Dwayne: see Spectre Mifflin staff

[edit] "E" Characters

• "Amelia Earhart": see "Fear and Loathing" Adam and Morgan

• Ed the Department Head: A failed sitcom by the X-Play writers, following the wacky exploits of a zombie who carries his head around in his hands and tries to consume the flesh of his co-workers.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6093

Performed by: Ed's head (Mike Benson), Ed's body (Unknown), Goldman (Robert Manuel)

• Eddie the Bob Kane Phenomenon: A rival to Roger the Stan Lee Experience, Eddie is the "9th best thing" to having the real Bob Kane.

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: X-Play segment producer Jonathan Solin

• 80s Adam and Morgan: It's Adam and Morgan as they could have been if X-Play were broadcast during the 1980s (complete with ripped jeans and leg warmers).

First Appearance: Episode No. 110

Performed by: Adam Sessler and Morgan Webb

• Embarrass-Man: see Cat-Morgan and Embarrass-Man

• The Emperor: A parody of Emperor Palpatine from the Star Wars films, in which X-Play asks the question, "What if the Emperor needed to find a new line of work?"

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: X-Play co-producer Paul Bonanno

• Eric the Shirtless Intern: see Interns

• Evil Paul: A mysterious man dressed in black, with a glass eye and a penchant for torturing his victims. In their review of Rockstar's Tabble Tennis, it was revealed that Evil Paul is also the host of the Extreme Pong tournament (during the review, Evil Paul declares that his name is None of your business; some fans took this to mean that that phrase was actually his proper name).

First Appearance: Episode No. 6019

Performed by: X-Play co-producer Paul Bonanno

• Johnny Extreme: see Xtreme, Johnny

• Extreme Kevin: This character (whose costume consists of a red gi, thick glasses, buck teeth, and a fake muscled chest) was originally portrayed as the official Japanese translator for Shad Grimgravy, but he has also served as a spokesman for a line of Burnout Dominator brand merchandise.

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: X-Play production assistant Eric Acasio

[edit] "F" Characters

• Fanboys: While not really characters on the show per se, the rabid and angry fan populations of various genres have taken on a life of their own during the show's run ... Everyone from Dragon Ball Z to InuYasha, Fullmetal Alchemist to Gundam, and all points in between (really, it seems to be mostly fans of anime-based games) have let the hosts know via viewer mail that they are NOT happy when the show supposedly "bashes" their preferred brand of entertainment. Adam and Morgan have gone to great lengths to further antagonize these fanboys, even holding an E-Mail from Angry Full Metal Alchemist Fans reading during one memorable episode.

First Appearance: Pretty much from the beginning

Performed by: The viewing audience

• Harold Fargis: see Valkyries

• Fat Bald Gay Guy: see Big Bald Guy

• Fat Yuna: see Man-Yuna

• "Fear and Loathing" Adam and Morgan: Parodies of the Raoul Duke and Dr. Gonzo characters from the Hunter S. Thompson story Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas, Adam and Morgan venture out to the New Mexico desert in search of the infamous missing E.T. cartridges, where they encounter an evil nexus created by the renowned mystic Aleister Crowley.

First Appearance: Episode No. 5074

Performed by: Raoul (Adam Sessler), "Amelia Earhart" (Morgan Webb), "Aleister Crowley" (Paul Bonanno)

• Female Intern: see Interns

• The Flappy Jaws: A staple of many an X-Play review, the "Flappy Jaws" are stationary images of notable people, with a "moving" jaw section that gives the illusion of speech. Big-name stars who have been given the "Flappy Jaw" treatment have included Sean Connery, Steven Seagal, Bigfoot, Matt LeBlanc, Pamela Anderson, Jason Giambi and Sammy Sosa (aka The Barbarians), Dick Cheney, Ronald Reagan, all members of the Beatles, The Rock, John Madden, O.J. Simpson, Andrew Dice Clay, George Lucas, and Milli Vanilli. Inanimate objects are also used, such as the moon, a car ("Car Power!"), a condom and a piece of asphalt ("The Rubber Meets the Road"), a GameCube controller, the state of New Jersey, and a sentient version of the Wikipedia logo. There has even been a totally original "Flappy Jaw" character named Rick (first introduced during the Shrine Circus Tycoon review), who is a white-trash carny that - apparently - knew Adam Sessler (or as he calls him, "Adam Sezzler") in high school.

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: Various

• Nebil Flavian: see Myth Crackers!

• "Jonathan Frakes": A parody of the actor who played Commander William T. Riker in Star Trek: The Next Generation, who is portrayed as Patrick Stewart's personal lapdog, forced to do demeaning tasks such as feed him grapes and shave his legs. Morgan also rated Frakes' facial hair a one out of five ("it smells like cabbage soup and herring").

First Appearance: Episode No. 7014

Performed by: X-Play segment producer Mike Benson

• "Frankenstein": During X-Play's review of the latest Yu-Gi-Oh! game, they decided to recreate the famous "flower petal" scene from the 1931 classic film ... However, instead of capturing the memorable qualities of this powerful scene, they just had some guy in a cheap Frankenstein mask dance with one of the interns while trading Yu-Gi-Oh! cards.

First Appearance: Episode No. 5107

Performed by: Unknown

[edit] "G" Characters

• GamerTag: A fictitious video-game reviewer who (supposedly) posts his ill-conceived opinions on YouTube.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20080328

Performed by: X-Play segment producer Tim Jennings

• Gary: see Mr. Altair

• George: see Monkey People

• "Astronaut John Glenn": Supposedly, the former astronaut and US Senator will contact X-Play via telephone during reviews of space-themed video games ... However, the conversations will stray from Glenn's experience in space exploration and devolve into his bizarre sexual fetishes. For example, during Blair Butler's review of Sword of the Stars, the faux-Glenn claimed that he invented such sexual positions as the Reverse Apollo Landing and the Alabama Black Hole (NOTE: During X-Play's review of Star Fox Command, Glenn revealed that his furry nickname is Mousey McCheesepaws).

First Appearance: Episode No. 6093

Performed by: voice of X-Play segment producer Tim Jennings

• God of Canada: see "Kratos"

• God of Chaos: see "Kratos"

• God of Snore: see "Kratos"

• God of Sock Puppets: see "Kratos"

• God of Stagnant Pools: see "Kratos"

• Goddess of Warm Beers: see "Kratos"

• Gogo: see "Kill Bill" Morgan

• Goldman: see Ed the Department Head

• Goose: A World War II-era pilot, who considers Adam to be his rival (Adam responds by claiming that he has been sleeping with Goose's girl).

First Appearance: Episode No. 6061

Performed by: X-Play co-producer Paul Bonanno

• "Al Gore": In a parody of the documentary An Inconvenient Truth, the former Vice President tries to drum up support for his initiatives on global warming and the environment in such fictional locations as Middle-earth and Tamriel. These faux-campaign advertisements were actually meant to urge fans to vote for their favorite RPG of the year (The Lord of the Rings: The Battle for Middle-earth II and The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, respectively) in G-Phoria '06.

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: X-Play associate producer Michael Leffler

• Govahnator: see Governatuh

• The Governatuh: A gap-toothed, musclebound, sunburned parody of the governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger. When the real Arnold proposed to enact legislation that would curb the availability of violent video games in the state of California, the writers of X-Play used the opportunity to create the fictitious Ahrnold Says Yes to No Violence campaign, where the Governatuh abhors violence in video games while conveniently ignoring all the killing in his many action movies. When Adam shows up and tries to point out this hypocrisy, Ahrnold simply laughs it off, while the camera pans down to reveal that he is not wearing any pants (NOTE: X-Play has not been consistent with the spelling of this character's name, alternating between Governatuh and Govahnator, or Ahrnold and Ahnuld).

First Appearance: Episode No. 5122

Performed by: X-Play associate producer Michael Leffler

• Grabnar the Wanderer: Grabnar is a deranged Dungeons & Dragons table-top player named Joey Wottanewski, who believes himself to be an ancient barbarian hero whenever he consumes large quantities of Mountain Dew. Alongside his trusty companion Grippy (real name Kevin), Grabnar thrusts himself into battle with his signature war cry - a deranged, high pitched yell - to save his "pretend girlfriend" Jennie (a "Level 2 Necromancer" whom he believes to be named Princess Katpower) from the clutches of the evil Phil, who blames Grabnar for the loss of his left eye (NOTE: In official X-Play canon, Grabnar the Wanderer is actually Special Agent Bob and Secret Agent Steve's favorite television show).

First Appearance: Episode No. 6007

Performed by: Grabnar/Joey (Michael Leffler), Princess Katpower/Jennie (Emily Mollenkopf), Grippy/Kevin (Paul Bonanno), Phil (Matt Keil)

• Gramps: An elderly British gentleman (possibly modeled after Masterpiece Theatre host Alistair Cooke) who appears in the Dramatic Readings of Instruction Manuals skits, where he reads from old video game manuals as if they were great works of historic literature. But despite his classy exterior, he will end each reading with a remarkably crass or obscene observation (past examples have included jokes about Magic Johnson's health and keeping a Vietnamese boy locked in his basement). The character is never named on the show, but a description on one of the videos on G4TV's website calls him Gramps.

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: Unknown

• Griefer: An unidentified online gamer whose self-proclaimed sole purpose is to "make life hell for anyone unlucky enough to be playing with him [by] frustrating others during a multiplayer game" [3]. Adam and Morgan interviewed the Griefer on several occasions to learn his secret methods of disrupting online play and stymying other gamers.

First Appearance: Episode No. 106

Performed by: X-Play segment producer Matt Keil

• Shad Grimgravy: A very special "news correspondent" (actually Adam in a skin-tight black leotard with wig and fake moustache), who uses a high-pitched voice ("SHOCKING! MOTHER!") and trumped-up vocabulary ("fortuneless flunkies of frugality") to tackle various issues in the gaming world. Past examples of his exposes have included violence in video games, Japanese-to-English language translations in games, "edutainment" games, the wonders of Tokyo, the Dance Dance Revolution phenomenon, and Flash games created by companies (such as Hershey's and Frito-Lay) to tempt potential customers to visit their websites.

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: Adam Sessler

• Grippy: see Grabnar the Wanderer

• Grovler the Crack Squirrel: A drug-addicted squirrel sock puppet.

First Appearance: Episode No. 5040

Performed by: Unknown

• Gudrun: see Valkyries

• "Guilty Pleasures" Adam: Decked out in a red smoking jacket, growing a blonde mustache, and speaking in a raspy voice reminiscent of Harvey Fierstein, this "version" of Adam encourages the viewer to embrace those video games of "ill repute, ones you'd never display on your shelf or take home to momma."

First Appearance: Episode No. 7022

Performed by: Adam Sessler

• The Guitar Heroes: Two of the most "influential" guitar players to ever sign with (the fictitious) X-Play Records, Fidel Shedfish and Bootay van Wah have compiled a list of hits that includes Mother, This Heroin Seems Broken; Would it Be Weird if I Kissed Your Dad!?; I Came for the Schnitzel and Left with the Gout; I'm Teaching My Mouse to Fly; San Quentin Love Song; and My Clown's On Fire.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6123 (Fidel Shedfish), Episode No. 7040 (Bootay van Wah)

Performed by: Fidel Shedfish (Mark Fahey), Bootay van Wah (Guy Branum)

• Guy In A Trench Coat: A character from the game No One Lives Forever, the guy in a trenchcoat (which the hosts frequently confuse with Dick Tracy and Inspector Gadget) appeared briefly in the original opening credits for X-Play. When the show moved to Los Angeles and everyone had to say goodbye to the old set, a large cardboard cutout of "Guy In A Trench Coat" was included in the list of things that Adam and Morgan bid farewell to. "Guy In A Trench Coat" became a symbolic figure for the spirit of change and growth that X-Play would have to undergo during the switch to G4TV programming (NOTE: Before G4TV had the new X-Play set ready, the show produced a "low-budget" version of the old intro, where Adam actually puts on a yellow raincoat and impersonates "Guy In A Trench Coat").

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: Unknown

[edit] "H" Characters

• HAL-2600: A parody of the fictional computer from the movie 2001 (only built from an old Intellivision system), this robot tries to help Adam with his reviews of space-themed games, but invariably ends up "killing" him instead (including trying to suffocate him and shooting him point-blank with a gun).

First Appearance: Episode No. 6095

Performed by: voice of X-Play segment producer Tim Jennings

• Ratty Handpuppet: see Puppet, Ratty

• Hanzo and Musashi: A pair of ancient samurai who appear on the fictitious game show Samurai Shodown, hosted by Brock Nathensen. Hanzo ends up defeating Musashi, and therefore, Musashi is forced to commit hara-kiri by disembowling himself while Hanzo beheads him. Hanzo appears in two more skits later in the episode. (NOTE: The names of these two characters are references to historical figures Hattori Hanzō and Miyamoto Musashi).

First Appearance: Episode No. 6028

Performed by: Hanzo (Rob LiCalsi), Musashi (Michael Leffler), Brock Nathanson (Adam Sessler), model (Morgan Webb)

• Stumpy Hazleton: The senile, wheelchair-ridden X-Play video game historian. He's so old that he actually remembers ancient artifacts from the long-ago days of gaming, like the Sega Dreamcast.

First Appearance: Episode No. 5063

Performed by: X-Play co-producer Paul Bonanno

• Officer Hicks: see X-Play COPS

• Hollywood Leffler: A stuck-up, self-involved member of the X-Play staff, who thinks that (just because he appears on a basic cable video-game review show) he's a big deal in the entertainment field.

First Appearance: Episode No. 7038

Performed by: X-Play associate producer Michael Leffler

• Hot Stuff Intern: see Interns

[edit] "I" Characters

• "I Need Drink" Girl: see The Drunk Writer

• N. Inja: see That Ninja

• Insane Intern: see Interns

• The Interns: Various "incarnations" of the interns have morphed into recurring characters themselves, including The Screaming Intern, Eric the Shirtless Intern, Albert the Happy Intern, Hot Stuff Intern, The Insane Intern, The Female Intern, etc. etc.

Main article: X-Play#Interns

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: Various

• "O-Ren Ishii": see "Kill Bill" Morgan

[edit] "J" Characters

• James: see Spectre Mifflin staff

• "Jesus": Arguably the most controversial skit in X-Play history, the character of "Jesus" was portrayed in a fake movie trailer for the apparent sequel to Mel Gibson's film The Passion of the Christ. Entitled Passion of the Christ 2: Judgement Day, the "film" portrayed Jesus coming down from the Cross, seeking revenge on those that had wronged him. Combining the characteristics of numerous action movie/television characters (including Jack Bauer, Ethan Hunt, Wolverine, and Vincent Vega) this parody of one of the most recognizable religious figures in history was - apparently - pulled from any future repeats due to viewer complaint.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6017

Performed by: X-Play co-producer Paul Bonanno

• Joe: see Reservoir Geeks

• Judgement Mole: see Morgan-San and Adam-San

[edit] "K" Characters

• Princess Katpower: see Grabnar the Wanderer

• Crumpet Katz: see Santa's Lawyers

• Keldroc: see Special Agent Bob and Secret Agent Steve

• Kha'ak: see Ryder, Sledge

• "Kill Bill" Morgan: Morgan dressed up as the character Beatrix Kiddo from the Kill Bill films.

First Appearance: Episode No. 281

Performed by: The Bride (Morgan Webb), "O-Ren Ishii" (Chi-Lan Lieu), Gogo (Guy Branum)

• Kilroy: see Mr. and Mrs. Bob Muffin

• King Bosco and Rubber Bean: A pair of pathetic-looking prize fighters who are meant to parody the insane level of "product placement" found in the game Fight Night: Round 3 (NOTE: The name Rubber Bean may be in reference to the boxer Butterbean).

First Appearance: Episode No. 6024

Performed by: King Bosco (Eric Acasio), Rubber Bean (Mark Fahey), King Bosco's trainer (Jonathan Solin)

• "Takeru Kobayashi": The world-famous hot dog eating champion.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6092

Performed by: X-Play production assistant Eric Acasio

• Keevon Koziasku: The flamboyant X-Play fashion critic, introduced in the Movie Games Red Carpet Special episode.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6021

Performed by: X-Play head writer Guy Branum

• "Kratos": A parody of the main character from the God of War video games, who found life after his defeat of Ares to be very boring; he tried killing other lesser deities - or, as X-Play called them, the "third string roster of the Greek pantheon" - in an attempt to fill the void (including "Bacchus", the God of Stagnant Pools, the Goddess of Warm Beers, the God of Sock Puppets, the God of Canada - who was, in fact, Guy LaFleur - and the God of Snore) but grew disenchanted with the whole thing after finding out that the God of Chaos was actually an adorable little puppy (which still didn't stop him from killing it). Seeking other challenges, "Kratos" would try his hand at being an X-Play intern (he was quickly fired when Morgan caught him destroying an Xbox), appearing on a dating show - oddly reminiscent of Blind Date - called First Date (he frightened off "Aphrodite" after describing a rather graphic encounter with a Gorgon), and was even busted by the X-Play Cops for a domestic disturbance complaint (where it was revealed that "Princess Zelda" may be carrying his baby).

First Appearance: Episode No. 5087

Performed by: Kratos (The Great Corrado), Bacchus (Guy Branum), God of Stagnant Pools (Robert Manuel), Goddess of Warm Beers (Unknown), God of Snore (Paul Bonanno), God of Chaos (Unknown), Aphrodite (Unknown), Princess Zelda (Unknown)

• Krillius: see Spectre Mifflin staff

[edit] "L" Characters

• "Phil 'The Unabomber' Laak": A parody of the famous poker player.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6008

Performed by: X-Play intern coordinator Robert Manuel

• Guy LaFleur, aka Canadian Guy: Although there seems to be no relation to the famous hockey player of the same name, this portly French Canadian is still a great fan of the game, known for his catchphrase "Oui oui oui, I love zee hockey!". During one segment, Canadian Guy was (allegedly) shot by hockey great Wayne Gretzky, but he appears to have recovered nicely (in a later episode, Morgan herself may have inadvertently confessed to the shooting).

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: X-Play segment producer Jonathan Solin

• Leroy: see Automatic Review Robot 3000

• Li'l T-Bag: An urban wanna-be who hosts the segment Pimp My Character, Li'l T-Bag seems to think that the only way to properly upgrade an RPG character is to give them "a bigger booty". He was fired after his first appearance during the Stella Deus review.

First Appearance: Episode No. 5055

Performed by: Unknown

• Little Fluffy Kittens: A collection of still pictures of adorable kittens (most likely collected from the internet) that are often used to cover up particularly graphic depictions of gore and violence during reviews of certain M-rated games (such as Resident Evil 4 and BloodRayne). These pictures will often be accompanied by "meow"-ing sound effects, which Morgan will describe as "oh, so cute."

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: None

• Little John: see Yu-Gi-Oh! Gang

[edit] "M" Characters

• "Juno MacGuff": A dual parody of the main character from the film Juno and the World of Warcraft series of commercials featuring celebrities discussing the virtues of the character classes they play in the game (here dubbed World_Of_Warcrack.Com).

First Appearance: Episode No. 20080227

Performed by: Unknown

• The Mac Gamer: In a parody of the Get a Mac ad campaign, the X-Play writers came up with a fictitious video game console called the Apple iBox. The iBox is represented by the Mac Gamer (modelled after Justin Long's portrayal of a Mac), while his counterpart is the Sony Gamer. The Mac Gamer is amused that the Sony Gamer would bother with such things as "wires" and "controllers"; the iBox is just a box, and he likes it that way. When the Sony Gamer asks him how you're supposed to actually play the iBox, the Mac Gamer (after giving him a confused look) proudly proclaims that he thinks "that's part of the game".

First Appearance: Episode No. 6062

Performed by: Unknown

• "Vic Mackey": Adam's impersonation of Michael Chiklis from the FX series The Shield (complete with bald wig).

First Appearance: Episode No. 7031

Performed by: Adam Sessler

• Madea Chief: A parody of the character Mable "Madea" Simmons, used in the skit Tyler Perry's Halo Family Reunion, which imagines what it would be like if Mr. Perry created a movie using characters from the Halo universe.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20080118

Performed by: Unknown

• Magic Psychic Girl: A lady wearing a wizard's hat, who won't actually speak but will let you know how she feels through telepathy ... and flipping the bird.

First Appearance: Episode No. 5088

Performed by: former X-Play head writer Blair Butler

• "Magneto": see Stewart, Patrick

• Majewski: A scrawny pitcher (first name unknown) who has a true love for the game of baseball ... until it's squeezed out by an overbearing coach (played by Adam Sessler) who tells him - among other things - that he slept with his mother.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6049

Performed by: X-Play production assistant Eric Acasio

• Man-Yuna: Also known by the derogatory term "Fat Yuna", this male (and overweight) cosplayer is fashioned after the Final Fantasy character Yuna. He (she?) is probably best known for giving Adam his first on-screen spanking (NOTE: This character may be in reference to the real-life male cosplayer known as Man-Faye).

First Appearance: Episode No. 233

Performed by: X-Play head writer Guy Branum

• Mario: A parody of the iconic Nintendo mascot, appearing in a fictional movie trailer for a fictional horror movie entitled Mushroom Kingdom Massacre. Premiering during X-Play's one-hour Mario special (to coincide with their review of Super Mario Galaxy), the trailer features a group of teenagers who have stumbled into the Mushroom Kingdom (with a vandalized sign that has 'room' and 'dom' covered in black paint, and a red line through the picture of Mario), where they meet an old man who tells them that Mario was once a sweet innocent video game character ... until gamers humiliated him, preferring more violent titles like Grand Theft Auto and Gears of War. Mario took the whole thing personally and presumably decided to become more violent himself, going on a murderous rampage whose victims included his pet dinosaur (hung upside-down from a noose) and even his own brother (one of the teenagers discovers he's sitting next to Luigi's skeleton). The trailer ends with "Mario" delivering his classic catchphrase "It's-a me!" in his usual voice, before growling out his name and smashing the camera with a hammer (NOTE: X-Play featured another Mario parody, portrayed by a different actor, during their review of Mario Kart for the Wii).

First Appearance: Episode No. 7112

Performed by: Unknown

• Marko, Flint: see "Sandman"

• Marvin: Supposedly, this is a young X-Play viewer who sends detailed (and very disturbing) letters to his favorite show, which are recreated in animated form during a segment entitled Game Dreamer. In the first "episode", Marvin wishes that the game Assassin's Creed existed in real life, while revealing that his mother forced him to stab one of her "special friends" after he passed out.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20080321

Performed by: Unknown

• The Masked Wrestler: X-Play's stereotypical professional wrestling character. Wearing black tights, a white cape, and a purple Mil Máscaras wrestling mask, this character reportedly went missing and "no one cares".

First Appearance: Episode No. 5055

Performed by: Unknown

• "Master Chief": The main protagonist of the Halo game series, who granted X-Play an exclusive interview to discuss his exploits against the Covenant.

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: Master Chief (Unknown), voice of Master Chief (Paul Bonnano)

• Mousey McCheesepaws: see Glenn, John

• Memory Card: A psychotic serial killer who would conceal his identity (in a parody of Billy the Jigsaw Puppet from the movie Saw) by speaking through a modified R.O.B. robot. During the 2006 Halloween episode (which spoofed Saw), Memory Card kidnapped a number of G4TV hosts and put them through a series of tortuous deaths. Kevin Pereira had a Virtual Boy strapped to his head (which was similar to the Reverse Beartrap in design) with his hands taped to the armrests of the chair he was sitting in, and played Wario Land until his eyes burned out of his skull, Zach Selwyn was cut in half by a combination DDR dancepad/beartrap, Blair Butler was shot by Kristen Holt while they were handcuffed together, which shocked Memory Card as he was planning on just having them tickle fight, Olivia Munn was apparently killed when Adam mistook her for the badguy (though she showed up later, alive, revealing she was just drugged, and could hear and feel everything that went on); Adam and Morgan were both trapped in a room (much like the Bathroom Trap in the original Saw movie) wearing modified Power Gloves that were rigged to explode after 30 minutes unless they listed the top ten scariest video games of all time. At the end of the episode, it was revealed that the person behind the "Memory Card" persona was actually Aquaman, who wanted revenge on X-Play for naming his Battle for Atlantis the worst game of all time. He was then shot by the police, right after he decided to turn himself in. Adam and Morgan's powergloves both exploded, however, at the end, it was revealed that the various "dead" G4 hosts had all survived, albeit maimed, with Adam and Morgan missing their Power Gloved arms, Olivia missing an arm and a leg, Kevin blind, Zach without the lower half of his body and using a skateboard to get around, Blair in a vegitative state and Kristin Holt on the run in Mexico after killing a few National Guardsmen.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6111

Performed by: R.O.B. (Unknown), Aquaman (Michael Leffler)

• "Freddie Mercury": Adam's impersonation of the deceased Queen vocalist. During his review of the game Mercury Meltdown, Adam would display what he called a "real Mercury meltdown", by dressing up in stereotypical rocker attire and screaming nonsensically while performing "on stage."

First Appearance: Episode No. 6117

Performed by: Adam Sessler

• "Mikey": see The "Teutuls"

• "Bode Miller": A parody of the controversial alpine skier, who hosts his own talk show called Miller Time with Bode (which is just an excuse for him to get drunk and say incredibly stupid things).

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: X-Play segment producer Mark Fahey

• Mo Pippy: A character well-versed in the hip hop lifestyle, who once challenged the X-Play interns to a "Hip-Hop Off".

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: X-Play production assistant Eric Acasio

• Mongoose: see Cobra and Mongoose

• Monkey People: A group of sentient ape-men (whose appearance is similar to characters from the Planet of the Apes series of films) who are pumping G4TV hosts full of toxic psychotropic substances in order to test the effects on their mental state (with no long-term side effects other than testicular cancer).

First Appearance: Episode No. 7046

Performed by: Unnamed Head Scientist (Unknown), Nigel (Robert Manuel), George (Unknown)

• Morgan-Bot: see Sessler-Bots

• Morgan-San and Adam-San: The fictitious hosts of X-Play Japan (actually two Asian actors dressed to look like the real Adam and Morgan, including a blonde wig for Adam-San). During the show's coverage of TGS '06, Adam and Morgan claimed that the international rights to X-Play had been bought by the Kino-Hara Corporation, a Japanese mega-conglomerate, and would now be re-tooled so as to be more appealing to the homeland audience (meaning a lot of bright nonsensical graphics and a guy in a panda suit, amongst other "changes"). There are even Japanese versions of other X-Play recurring characters: Guy LaFleur becomes Canada Man, Eric the Intern is now Shirt-No-Eric, and so forth.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6100

Performed by: Morgan-San (Unknown), Adam-San (Unknown), Assault Panda (Unknown), Judgement Mole (Unknown), Canada Man (Unknown), Drunken Link (Unknown), Shirt-No-Eric (Unknown), Angry Gentleman (Unknown)

• Mr. and Mrs. Bob Muffin: During their review of RPG Maker 3, the writers of X-Play decided to create their own RPG storyline, only fused with the show's unique brand of humor. Thus was born the epic adventures of Mr. and Mrs. Bob Muffin, an elderly couple sworn to protect the world from an evil portal to Hell created by the rock band Styx. During their quest, Bob and Silvia encounter Mr. Roboto (a robot who was turned into a monkey by the evil Dennis DeYoung) and have a singing contest with the monkey-robot king Kilroy. Silvia turns out to be the hero of the story, as Bob seems to do nothing more than complain that he has soiled himself ... While Morgan seems to think that this RPG storyline clearly proves that the people who work on X-Play are insane, Adam says that he would enjoy playing a "pants-crapping sidequest".

First Appearance: Episode No. 5121

Performed by: Bob Muffin (voice of Paul Bonanno), Silvia Muffin (voice of Blair Butler), Kilroy (Unknown)

• Murderality: A parody of professional video-game players like Fatal1ty, this character is supposedly the top-ranked videogamer in the world, with championships in over 50 different games. However, it seems that the only way he can win is by cheating, as he threw a "live" rattlesnake at Adam during a demonstration match (NOTE: Apparently, the person playing the part of Murderality - a comedy writer from California named Irwin Handleman - had a very unpleasant experience during the shooting of this skit, as he explained in his blog that Adam and Morgan were difficult to work with).

First Appearance: Episode No. 6097

Performed by: Irwin Handleman

• Musashi: see Hanzo and Musashi

• "Mister Mxyzptlk": The infamous DC Comics super-villain once tried to trap Adam and Morgan in a "dream world", until they called comic-book aficianado Blair Butler and tricked Mxyzptlk into saying his name backwards (thus banishing him back to his home dimension).

First Appearance: Episode No. 7046

Performed by: X-Play co-producer Paul Bonanno

• Myth Crackers!: A parody of the MythBusters television program, meant to debunk various urban legends associated with video games. The Myth Crackers! consist of Nebil Flavian (a character who has also appeared in skits parodying nature shows like Wild Kingdom) and Don RonJon.

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: Nebil Flavian (Paul Bonanno), Don RonJon (Guy Branum)

[edit] "N" Characters

• "Naruto": see Uzumaki, Naruto

• Brock Nathensen: see Hanzo and Musashi

• Mr. Nemesis: A guy wearing a mask based on the "Nemesis" character from Resident Evil 3, who temporarily worked for X-Play as a production assistant.

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: former X-Play executive producer Peter Hammersley

• Nigel: see Monkey People

• The X-Play Ninja: see That Ninja

• Ninja Morgan: A ninja that Adam meets during his trip to Japan and the "Ninja Restaurant".

First Appearance: Episode No. 5101

Performed by: Morgan Webb

• None of Your Business: see Evil Paul

• David Nyman: A zombie who works for accounts payable as a senior associate in an unnamed office building. He died while being trampled at a Wham! concert, but was allowed to return to work, and now appears in public service announcements for the American Association for the Undead to better promote understanding and tolerance for his people (hence the PSA's tagline, Zombies ... They're People Too... Dead People).

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: X-Play associate producer Michael Leffler

[edit] "O" Characters

• X-Play Office Monkey: Not to be confused with Spencer the Helper Monkey, this simian (actually Michael Leffler wearing rubber monkey gloves while the camera shoots from a first-person perspective) was originally a gift to Morgan to help around the X-Play studios, but she decided to send it back after it began causing too much trouble ... like flinging its feces at Adam.

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: X-Play associate producer Michael Leffler

• "Otacon": see "Solid Snake"

[edit] "P" Characters

• "Paul Jr.": see The "Teutuls"

• "Paul Sr.": see The "Teutuls"

• Peanut: A Jack Russell puppy that had an entire episode dedicated to him.

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: Attack of the Show producer Avi Adir's dog Peanut

• Tom Peterson: see "Alliance Shopping Network" co-hosts

• Marque Phahee: X-Play's resident guitar player, whose credits include On the X-Play Boards and the closing theme to X-Play's Holidays for the Homeland Special.

First Appearance: Episode No. 5053

Performed by: X-Play segment producer Mark Fahey

• Phil: see Grabnar the Wanderer

• Mr. Pink: see Reservoir Geeks

• "Daniel Plainview": A dual parody of the main character from the film There Will Be Blood and the World of Warcraft series of commercials featuring celebrities discussing the virtues of the character classes they play in the game (here dubbed World_Of_Warcrack.Com).

First Appearance: Episode No. 20080227

Performed by: X-Play associate producer Michael Leffler

• Big Earl Plumpkin: A self-described "country bumpkin", this guy loves nothing more than performing karaoke to the tune of his favorite country songs.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6048

Performed by: Unknown

• "Prince": A parody of the famous musician, who (according to X-Play) would rather play with real diamonds and pearls than play Pokémon Diamond and Pearl, but does enjoy a game of Prince of Persia: Rival Swords while sitting in the bathtub.

First Appearance: Episode No. 7061

Performed by: X-Play co-producer Paul Bonanno

• The X-Play Prisoners: Two inmates serving jail time for unspecified crimes against humanity. The bigger one is obviously the more dominant and violent of the two, as he gives advice to disgraced Enron executives Jeffrey Skilling and Kenneth Lay on the best games to play in prison, while simultaneously abusing his cellmate (including stabbing him with a shiv fashioned out of a PSP and - apparently - raping him).

First Appearance: Episode No. 6069

Performed by: Guy Branum and Paul Bonanno

• Ratty Puppet: A foul-mouthed groundhog hand puppet (possibly inspired by Triumph the Insult Comic Dog), known for the phrases "oh snap!", "suck it bitches!" and a drawn out "damn!". During his many appearances on the program, Ratty has shown an ability to control The Force, has revealed his Jewish heritage, and was more than willing to gnaw Adam Sessler's head off at the drop of a hat (NOTE: Ratty's full name has been identified as Ratty Handpuppet on certain episodes, or just plain Ratty the Puppet, but the most consistent spelling of his name has been Ratty Puppet).

First Appearance: Episode No. 5009

Performed by: voice of X-Play co-producer Paul Bonanno

[edit] "Q" Characters

None currently

[edit] "R" Characters

• Manual 'The Peach' Ramirez: Featured during a skit where the X-Play COPS pull over "Mario" for a possible DUI, this character is a wanted transvestite whom Mario mistook for his more-familiar princess.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20080505

Performed by: X-Play co-producer Paul Bonanno

• Rando, Tad: see X-Play COPS

• Ratty the Puppet: see Puppet, Ratty

• Raoul: see "Fear and Loathing" Adam and Morgan

• The "RE4 Merchant": Supposedly the same character from the popular video game, who haunted and annoyed the cubicles of the X-Play offices with his constant queries of "What're ya buyin'?" and "What're ya sellin'?", until Morgan shot him with a gun that - ironically - she had just purchased from him (apparently, the merchant was able to survive the shooting and accepted the award for Game of the Year on behalf of RE4 in the "Best Games of 2005" episode).

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: X-Play segment producer Matt Keil

• Rebecca: see Mr. Altair

• Reservoir Geeks: A parody of the opening scene from the movie Reservoir Dogs, where Adam and Morgan (along with several other X-Play staff members) are wearing dark suits and sitting around a table while discussing how Madonna's song Like a Virgin relates to video games (Morgan wishes Adam would stop playing his Game Boy Advance during the conversation, while Adam remains adamant that he is going to "do whatever the hell he wants" with it).

First Appearance: Episode No. 281

Performed by: Joe (Adam Sessler), Mrs. White (Morgan Webb), Mr. Brown (Jason Cheung), Mr. Blonde (Shane Satterfield), Mr. Pink (Matt Keil)

• Mistletoe Reuben: see Santa's Lawyers

• Rick: see Flappy Jaws

• Mr. Roboto: see Mr. and Mrs. Bob Muffin

• Rodney: Known as X-Play's "very special intern" (although whether he's actually an intern or just thinks he's one is open for debate), Rodney is the stereotypical "mentally challenged" person. He wears wrestling headgear and enjoys "playing Xerox" (unnecessarily printing blank paper from the office Xerox machine).

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: X-Play executive producer Wade Beckett

• Roger "The Stan Lee Experience": The "5th best thing" to having the actual Stan Lee, this foul-mouthed, perverted character is trotted out whenever X-Play needs (but doesn't bother to get) the real Lee's insight into the latest Marvel Comics-licensed game. Roger's segments normally consist of him standing in front of a brick wall (as if doing a stand-up comedy routine) and describing the details of various "adult" encounters he has experienced (usually involving the wife of Marvel veteran Jack Kirby), with each encounter somehow leading to the creation of a well-known Marvel character (NOTE: The concept of the "Stan Lee Experience" most likely came about as a parody of the "Real Kramer").

First Appearance: Episode No. 5091

Performed by: X-Play associate producer Michael Leffler

• Don RonJon: see Myth Crackers!

• Rubber Bean: see King Bosco and Rubber Bean

• Sledge Ryder and the Kha'ak: Sledge Ryder is an X-Play special news correspondent who kept Adam and Morgan up to date on the impending invasion of San Francisco by an alien race known as the Kha'ak (from the video game X³: Reunion) ... Of course, since the X-Play writers are known to "work blue" from time to time (and the word "Kha'ak" is pronounced exactly how you think it is), the aliens were depicted as ten-story-tall cardboard cutouts of the male genitalia (blurred out to skirt the censors, of course).

First Appearance: Episode No. 6036

Performed by: Sledge Ryder (Paul Bonanno)

[edit] "S" Characters

• "Sandman": The infamous Spider-Man supervillain Flint Marko granted Morgan an exclusive interview during X-Play's Spider-Man 3 special, where he revealed that - not only was he the one who actually killed Ben Parker - he killed Batman's parents, blew up Krypton, assassinated JFK, created the McGriddle, cancelled Gilmore Girls, and put Paris Hilton in jail.

First Appearance: Episode No. 7067

Performed by: Ed Lamanna

• Santa's Lawyers: A pair of elves from the North Pole named Mistletoe Reuben and Crumpet Katz, who appear during X-Play's 2006 holiday special to perform an "audit" against Adam and Morgan for not spreading enough "Christmas cheer". The two co-hosts are spared the elves' damning legalese when the Tricycle of Kwanzaa arrives and announces that he has initiated a hostile takeover of "Santa's umbrella corporation".

First Appearance: Episode No. 6131

Performed by: Mistletoe Rubin (Joel Rubin), Crumpet Katz (Louie Katz), Tricycle of Kwanzaa (voice of Guy Branum)

• Sark Sr., Joshua: see Dante's Hairclub for Demonslayers

• Sat'an: The villain of X-Play: The Musical, who tempts Adam and Morgan into signing a contract to create a video game based on their show, by promising them power and fame and fortune (and matching panda bears). The deal goes horribly wrong, however, when the game turns out to be "possessed" by an evil fetus-like creature ... Realizing the error of their ways, Adam and Morgan destroy the game and give it a one out of five (but not before Sat'an executes an escape clause in the contract, making himself millions of dollars in the process).

First Appearance: Episode No. 7015

Performed by: Sat'an (Unknown), Billy the Newspaper Boy (Jonathan Mann, AKA GameJew), Doctor (Mike Shaw), The X-Play Creature (Paul Bonanno)

• Scratch: The twin brother of Sniff, who acts about as shady as Sniff does. However, instead of an affinity for sniffing things, Scratch prefers to (obviously) scratch things ... specifically, scratching some mad beats out.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6051

Performed by: X-Play segment producer Jonathan Solin

• Screaming Intern: see Interns

• Secret Agent Steve: see Special Agent Bob and Secret Agent Steve

• Lando Sessler: see Darth Fanboy

• "Mrs. Sessler": Adam's dear sweet mother (you can really see the family resemblance), who has absolutely no respect for his job as a video-game reviewer, and is disappointed in just about everything that Adam has ever done (NOTE: She speaks with a Jewish accent, although Adam's actual religious affiliations - if any - are unknown).

First Appearance: Episode No. 6092

Performed by: Adam Sessler

• Sessler-Bots: Crude drawings of wind-up dolls made to resemble host Adam Sessler (in a parody of the game Mario vs. Donkey Kong 2: March of the Minis). Adam uses these robots in an attempt to take over the world, attacking such landmarks as the Eiffel Tower and Epcot Center, before the Morgan-Bot (a picture of Morgan's face combined with a tank and Transformers toy) chases them away.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6110

Performed by: None

• Sharon: see Automatic Review Robot 3000

• Shirt-No-Eric: see Morgan-San and Adam-San

• Shirtless Eric: see Interns

• Sigrid: see Valkyries

• Silvia: see Mr. and Mrs. Bob Muffin

• Skip [I]: see Mr. Altair

• Skip [II]: The head instructor for the X-Box Live New Member Orientation class, which teaches prospective Xbox Live users important information, such as picking a gamertag and using the Vision camera to "take pictures of your junk."

First Appearance: Episode No. 20080423

Performed by: Unknown

• Slappy the Fish: see Slippy the Fish and Slappy the Fish

• Slippy the Fish and Slappy the Fish: Real red snappers who play "cousins" and are (supposedly) good friends with Adam ... which didn't stop him from deep-frying and eating both of them (NOTE: Another fish claiming to be Slippy made an appearance during Adam's birthday celebration, but the identity of the fake fish - possibly a trout - is currently unknown).

First Appearance: Episode No. 141 (Slippy), Episode No. 5026 (Slappy)

Performed by: None

• Sniff: A shady looking, paranoid individual whose nose is always covered in white powder (the implication being that it is cocaine, but this is never stated), and who sniffs and snorts anything he sees.

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: X-Play segment producer Jonathan Solin

• "Solid Snake": An obese parody of the popular Metal Gear Solid character, who was given the very dangerous assignment of retrieving a codec containing Russian nuclear secrets disguised as a snow globe; due to a clerical error, the snow globe was sent to an office-supply company in Pittsburgh. Discussing his assignment with "Otacon" over wireless radio communication, it was specifically stated that Snake was not to harm anyone and to avoid detection, but his ample girth proved to make the latter objective nigh-impossible (hiding behind walls and under cardboard boxes did little to conceal his figure). Therefore, he was forced to shoot several employees (even though he later lied when reporting back to Otacon and said that no one was hurt).

First Appearance: Episode No. 6137

Performed by: Solid Snake (Guy Branum), Otacon (Unknown)

• Sony Gamer: see The Mac Gamer

• Special Agent Bob and Secret Agent Steve: Characters from X-Play's machinima series, Splinter Cell Co-op Theater (featuring gameplay from Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory). The two fictitious agents are totally inept, constantly arguing during their missions and invariably shooting each other rather than completing their objectives (NOTE: In the first edition of Splinter Cell Co-op Theater, the two characters actually have different names highlighted at the bottom of the screen; Steve - wearing the blue goggles - is labelled "Bob", and Bob - in the red goggles - is named "Keldroc").

First Appearance: Episode No. 5038

Performed by: Bob (voice of Jason Cheung), Steve (voice of Matt Keil)

• Spectre Mifflin staff: Characters from a skit entitled The Office: Mass Effect Edition, which parodies both the popular US television series and the X-Box 360 title. It follows the exploits of a Turian regional manager named Krillius and his employees at Spectre Mifflin Inc., whose sole purpose is to "protect the Citadel from legal repurcussions resulting from the Spectre's actions."

First Appearance: Episode No. 20080114

Performed by: Krillius (Paul Bonanno), James the salesman (Unknown), Ashley the secretary (Unknown), Dwayne the assistant to the regional manager (Unknown)

• Spencer the Helper Monkey: As the name implies, Spencer is a helper monkey that the staff of X-Play hired out for the day to try and make their lives easier ... unfortunately, it didn't quite work out that way, as the episode ends with Spencer killing Adam and Morgan (off-screen) with a knife.

First Appearance: Episode No. 5075

Performed by: Spencer Monkey

• Sam Spook, Paranormal Investigator: A 1950s-style private detective in the mold of Sam Spade (in actuality, this is a character from the game Shim Megami Tensei: Devil Summoner, with creative voice acting supplied by the cast of X-Play).

First Appearance: Episode No. 6108

Performed by: voice of X-Play co-producer Paul Bonanno

• Steroid-Enhanced Morgan: After Morgan takes some Cherry Flavored Children's Chewable Steroids to up her game (just like the pros do), we are left with this muscle-bound behemoth in a wig who throws his (her?) weight around the X-Play offices.

First Appearance: Episode No. 5013

Performed by: The Great Corrado

• Brad Stevenson: During their review of The Cube, the X-Play staff discovered that the puzzle game's signature blocks were actually controlled by people rolling around inside of the cubes. Brad Stevenson, a self-described "block jockey", granted them an exclusive look inside his line of work.

First Appearance: Episode No. 7062

Performed by: Unknown

• "Patrick Stewart": A parody of the famous British actor, who believes that all video games should be exclusive for the N-Gage (this is a play on words of Stewart's catchphrase "Engage!" from his role as Captain Jean-Luc Picard on Star Trek: The Next Generation). The "Patrick Stewart" character (known for his terrible bald wig and cheesy English accent) has also been portrayed in the role of Professor X from the X-Men films (he is shown in the famous "chess playing scene" with Magneto - voiced by Michael Leffler - only they play more "kid-friendly" games like Connect Four and Hungry Hungry Hippos).

First Appearance: Episode No. 5031

Performed by: X-Play segment producer Jonathan Solin

• Susie: see Cobra and Mongoose

• Officer Sykes: see X-Play COPS

[edit] "T" Characters

• Bill Tanner: see "Alliance Shopping Network" co-hosts

• Billie Jo Tasker: see Unemployed Ninja

• Telly The FCC Standards & Practices Vole: A prudish rodent with a monocle and pimp hat who is always on the lookout for FCC standards violations.

First Appearance: Episode No. 5016

Performed by: Unknown

• The "Teutuls": A parody of the TV show American Chopper (entitled American Console) featuring Paul Sr., Paul Jr., and Mikey as they work on upgrading video game consoles for various celebrity clients (for example, the parody opens with Paul Jr. modifying a Nintendo GameCube for Bob Saget).

First Appearance: Episode No. 6110

Performed by: Paul Sr. (Guy Branum), Paul Jr. (Eric Acasio), Mikey (Robert Manuel)

• That Ninja: A take-off on the classic piece of Metal Gear Solid dialogue, "Hey, you're that ninja!" ... The X-Play Ninja has been known to sneak silently throughout the X-Play studios, causing his own unique brand of mayhem, such as changing the script to reflect more ninja-themed situations and shooting both Adam and Morgan with tranquilizer darts (NOTE: A Post-it note seen in the ninja's cubicle would indicate that his real name is actually N. Inja).

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: X-Play segment producer David A. Lockhart

• Thumbless Ted: An avid gamer who lost both thumbs in separate incidents at the 1998 E3 event - first, he was going to try out the new game The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, when another gamer grabbed at the N64 controller and pulled it out of his hand so violently that his right thumb went along with it. Then, as Ted staggered outside, a rabid fanboy was running down the street with a pair of scissors (claiming that he had cut off a lock of Hironobu Sakaguchi's hair) and accidentally snipped off the other thumb. He later dies after entering a stickshift car, not being able to change gears.

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: Ted (Michael Leffler), Younger Ted in "dramatic re-enactment" (Robert Manuel)

• "Colonel Tigh": A parody of the character from the re-imagined BattleStar Galactica TV series, with an emphasis on his drinking problem (the drunken sailor shanty is heard playing in the background whenever he appears) and the use of the fictitious expletive frak.

First Appearance: Episode No. 7034

Performed by: X-Play associate producer Michael Leffler

• "Tim": see Dante's Hairclub for Demonslayers

• "Tingle": A parody of the Nintendo character, who was killed by Drunk Link during a demonstration of Link's Crossbow Training using the Wii Zapper peripheral.

First Appearance: Episode No. 7124

Performed by: X-Play segment producer Jonathan Solin

• Crazy Adam Trampleton: A stereotypical Southerner in charge of Crazy Adam's Discount Warehouse and Import Emporium, which offers Japanese import games (such as Zombies Vs. Ambulance, Heavy Metal Thunder and Women's Swim Meet) at "LOW LOW PRICES!!!" At some point, Crazy Adam went from simply acting crazy in front of the cameras to actually being genuinely crazy, and is seen doing things like killing his employee with a sledgehammer, to eating a teddy bear and laughing maniacally. Eventually, he was put on pills to keep him calm (following an incident in which he apparently smeared feces all over a baby), which had side effects like making him urinate from his eyes. (NOTE: This is most likely a parody of commercials for the old Crazy Eddie chain of electronics stores).

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: Adam Sessler

• Tricycle of Kwanzaa: see Santa's Lawyers

[edit] "U" Characters

• Ulala Morgan: Morgan's "homage" to the main character from the game series Space Channel 5, which she debuts during her review of Space Channel 5: Ulala's Cosmic Attack for the GBA. Decked out in a purple wig and orange miniskirt, Morgan wanders around the TechTV offices while playing the game (dancing and gesticulating loudly the entire time). Much to Morgan's chagrin, her enthusiasm for the character merely ends up annoying her fellow co-workers (Adam throws a Tux plush doll at her to get her to shut up, while producer Matt Keil, head writer Blair Butler, and former web producer Leticia Caparaz can't figure out whether she's supposed to be impersonating RuPaul or a tramp).

First Appearance: Episode No. 140

Performed by: Morgan Webb

• Unemployed Ninja: Not to be confused with That Ninja, the Unemployed Ninja is "relieved" of his duties as a silent assassin, so he visits a temp agency in an attempt to find a new line of work. However, the new jobs that his case worker Billie Jo Tasker finds for him (including washroom attendant, coupon clipper, and MC for a ventriloquist act entitled Jeff 'n Jesus) do not end well, and the Unemployed Ninja eventually performs hari-kari on himself to avoid further humiliation. As he is dying, Billie Jo reminds him that he could've accepted a hug.

First Appearance: Episode No. 7023

Performed by: Unemployed Ninja (Eric Acasio), Unnamed Sensei (Jonathan Solin), Billie Jo Tasker (Heather Frank), Miss Bendova (Emily Mollenkopf)

• Ursula: see Valkyries

• "Naruto Uzumaki": The X-Play staff have listed several reasons for their dislike of games based on the anime series Naruto (the fact that he's a ninja who wears a bright orange jumpsuit, his lame catchphrase "Believe it!", most of them are just average fighting games, etc etc). However, they must have uttered one negative comment too many, as the titular character himself (or a reasonable facsimile thereof) stormed onto the set and challenged Adam to a fight. Luckily, emergency co-host Blair Butler was able to chase him off with a rolled-up newspaper.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6094

Performed by: X-Play production assistant Eric Acasio

[edit] "V" Characters

• The Valkyries: Appearing during X-Play's review of Valkyrie Profile 2: Silmeria, these female warriors (Sigrid, Gudrun, and Ursula) are using an online dating service to try and find some companionship before Ragnarök. We are also introduced to Harold Fargis, a normal-looking man who is just searching for someone to kill a family of frost giants living in his basement.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6089

Performed by: Sigrid (Emily Mollenkopf), Gudrun (Dana Vinson), Ursula (Jess Reed), Harold (Casey Schreiner)

• Morgan von Vebb: A mad scientist with a deliberately bad German accent (NOTE: This character's last name was originally spelled "Webb", but in a 2006 re-broadcast of the Web of Destruction skit, the writers retroactively went back and changed her intro screen so that the last name is now spelled "Vebb" ... no reason for the spelling change has been given, although one can assume that it is meant to better convey Morgan's German-like pronunciation of the letter "W").

First Appearance: Episode No. 302

Performed by: Morgan Webb

• Viewtiful Adam: Adam dressed up as the character Viewtiful Joe.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6008

Performed by: Adam Sessler

[edit] "W" Characters

• Bootay van Wah: see Shedfish, Fidel

• Morgan von Webb: see Vebb, Morgan von

• Steven J. Weingart: Publicist to the stars, whose biggest client is the Witch-king of Angmar.

First Appearance: Episode No. 7010

Performed by: X-Play segment producer Tim Jennings

• Mrs. White: see Reservoir Geeks

• "Owen Wilson": A parody of the famous Hollywood actor who (supposedly) is dating Princess Katpower.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6133

Performed by: X-Play associate producer Michael Leffler

• Morgan Windu: see Darth Fanboy

• Joey Wottanewski: see Grabnar the Wanderer

[edit] "X" Characters

• "Professor Charles Xavier": see Stewart, Patrick

• Johnny Xtreme: A loud caricature and personification of the extreme sport mentality prevalent among today's young people. His appearances on the show are often peppered with some of his colorful catchphrases (including "EXTREME!", "TO THE MAX!", and "IT'S GONNA PUNCH YOUR BALLS OFF!"). As an expression of how "extreme" he is, he occasionally feels the need to break a beer bottle over his crotch; normally after doing so, he encourages the person beside him to do the same, irrationally presenting them with the broken bottle and cheering them on with the phrase, "Yeah! Now you!" (NOTE: In the character's first on-screen appearance, the chyron introducing him spelled his last name as "Extreme"; in later appearances the extra "E" has been dropped).

First Appearance: March 2005 (voice), Episode No. 5031 (on-screen)

Performed by: X-Play co-producer Jason Cheung

[edit] "Y" Characters

• Yu-Gi-Ho: see Yu-Gi-Oh! Gang

• Yu-Gi-Oh! Gang: A group of youngsters who dress and talk like street-tough gangsta-rappers, only their specialty is playing Yu-Gi-Oh! card battle games. They eventually recruit Billy the Pokémon fan into their ranks, although just because he's "one of them" doesn't mean that he won't get a beat-down every now and then.

First Appearance: Episode No. 5113

Performed by: Little John (Albert Iskander), Unnamed Accomplice (Eric Acasio), The Yu-Gi-Ho (Alisa Chieves)

[edit] "Z" Characters

• "Princess Zelda": see "Kratos"

• Zombie Adam and Morgan: During the 2005 Halloween episode, the X-Play offices were over-run with a particularly nasty zombie infestation. Morgan eventually ended up getting bitten by one of the flesh eaters and - subsequently - took a bite out of Sessler (although Adam made a valiant effort to escape Zombie Morgan's clutches, fending her off with various stage props - including a fake lightsaber - to the tune of a Benny Hill-esque chase scene, before finally succumbing).

First Appearance: Episode No. 5115

Performed by: Adam Sessler and Morgan Webb

[edit] References

• Bonanno, Paul (Director). The X-Play Origins Episode [TV-Series]. G4TV.
• G4TV.Com: X-Play Videos. Retrieved on 2007-03-08.

[edit] External links

• The X-Play Origins Episode
• Official homepage of Johnny Xtreme