| Title |
Writer(s) |
Director |
Original air date |
Episode |
| "You Can't Miss the Bear" |
Jenji Kohan |
Brian Dannelly |
August 8, 2005 |
1 |
1 |
| Housewife Nancy Botwin (Mary-Louise Parker) is widowed, and turns to dealing marijuana to support her two sons, while also attempting to keep up her image in the picturesque suburb of Agrestic. Meanwhile, her neighbor—PTA mother Celia Hodes (Elizabeth Perkins)—tries to catch her daughter Quinn (Haley Hudson) having sex with Nancy's son Silas (Hunter Parrish). |
|
| "Free Goat" |
Jenji Kohan |
Brian Dannelly |
August 15, 2005 |
2 |
2 |
| Silas broods when he learns Celia sent Quinn to Mexico. Celia deals with Dean (Andy Milder)'s affair. Doug (Kevin Nealon) suggests Nancy start a business to cover her dealing. Heylia (Tonye Patano) is unsympathetic when Nancy runs short on cash. Shane (Alexander Gould) misses his deceased father (Jeffrey Dean Morgan). |
|
| "Good Shit Lollipop" |
Roberto Benabib |
Craig Zisk |
August 22, 2005 |
3 |
3 |
| Celia attempts to cure her daughter Isabelle (Allie Grant) of her weight problems. Silas makes a move on deaf girl, Megan (Shoshannah Stern). Nancy investigates the idea of marijuana-laced baked goods. Agrestic is stalked by a mountain lion, to Shane's delight. |
|
| "Fashion of the Christ" |
Jenji Kohan |
Burr Steers |
August 29, 2005 |
4 |
4 |
| Nancy's troublemaking brother-in-law Andy (Justin Kirk) comes to stay, igniting angered responses in Silas, Nancy, and the PTA. Celia, meanwhile, drops a bombshell to her husband. |
|
| "Lude Awakening" |
Devon K. Shepard |
Lee Rose |
September 5, 2005 |
5 |
5 |
| Celia's breast cancer gives her a new outlook on life. Shane gets in trouble at school when he tries to be different. Nancy, visiting Heylia for more pot, gets a reality check about her lifestyle. Andy gets arrested for possession. |
|
| "Dead in the Nethers" |
Michael Platt & Barry Safchik |
Arlene Sanford |
September 12, 2005 |
6 |
6 |
| Celia joins Nancy and Conrad (Romany Malco) for a night out on the town, to cure her jungle fever. Andy starts a dishonest relationship while attending MA. Lupita (Renee Victor) grows suspicious of Nancy, and begins investigating where she gets her money. |
|
| "Higher Education" |
Shawn Schepps |
Tucker Gates |
September 19, 2005 |
7 |
7 |
| Shane has a new friend, but Andy is more interested in the boy's mother. Celia goes into surgery, and receives a visit from her mother (Concetta Tomei). Nancy discovers a new world of customers at a local college, but in the process she makes an enemy. |
|
| "The Punishment Light" |
Rolin Jones |
Robert Berlinger |
September 26, 2005 |
8 |
8 |
| Nancy attempts to deal with rival dealer Alejandro (Vincent Laresca). Shane bites another classmate's foot in a karate competition. Doug, Andy and Lupita fight rodents and weed when Nancy and the boys go out of town. Celia flaunts her one night stand with Conrad to her husband. |
|
| "The Punishment Lighter" |
Matthew Salsberg |
Paul Feig |
October 3, 2005 |
9 |
9 |
| While dealing with Sanjay (Maulik Pancholy), Nancy gets busted by a campus cop, but Heylia soon opens her eyes. Nancy's new bakery opens. Silas finds a new family in Megan's. Celia goes up against a determined PTA mom. |
|
| "The Godmother" |
Jenji Kohan |
Lev L. Spiro |
October 10, 2005 |
10 |
10 |
| Heylia keeps Conrad away from Nancy. Celia is stunned by Isabelle's latest new interest. Andy gets called into military service. Silas takes ecstasy, creating a revelatory argument between him and his mother. Heylia attempts to keep Conrad and Nancy apart, but they soon arrange a new business deal. Nancy finds a new man, Peter (Martin Donovan), who has a secret of his own. |
| Title |
Writer(s) |
Director |
Original air date |
Episode |
| "Corn Snake" |
Jenji Kohan |
Craig Zisk |
August 14, 2006 |
1 |
11 |
| After an eye-opening car accident, Celia turns to the city council for help and is ignored by Doug, so she makes the decision to run for Doug's seat. Nancy attempts to break things off with Peter once she discovers he is an agent of the DEA, while also trying to maintain her family unity. Sanjay takes matters into his own hands when Nancy needs money. Andy attempts to get into Rabbinical school so that he doesn't get shipped off to Iraq. |
|
| "Cooking With Jesus" |
Jenji Kohan |
Craig Zisk |
August 21, 2006 |
2 |
12 |
| Nancy breaks it off with Peter. Celia's family desert her as the election campaign continues. Megan gets into Princeton University. Andy, Doug, and Nancy attend a pot expo, where Nancy buys a plant and Andy finds a way into Rabbinical school. Meanwhile, Conrad searches for financing on his own. Peter tells Nancy that he knows she is a dealer. |
|
| "Last Tango in Agrestic" |
Roberto Benabib |
Bryan Gordon |
August 28, 2006 |
3 |
13 |
| While Nancy is trying to figure out what to do with Peter she comes home to plumbing problems because Shane was masturbating into socks and flushing them in the toilet. Celia enrolls Isabelle in fat boot camp and ends up getting sucked into it herself. Heylia has a suitor in Joseph (Ron Canada), a Nation of Islam preacher. Silas goes to desperate lengths to keep Megan in Agrestic, including poking a hole in a condom. Peter secretly marries Nancy so that he cannot be forced to testify against her, and she will trust him enough to date him. Nancy, under the guidance of Conrad, buys a grow house. |
|
| "A.K.A. The Plant" |
Matthew Salsberg |
Lev L. Spiro |
September 4, 2006 |
4 |
14 |
| Isabelle is offered a job as a plus-size kids model to Celia's dismay. Dean gets laid off. Both Silas and Shane come to crossroads in life: Silas when Megan gets some unexpected news; and Shane when Andy decides to get him a “happy ending” massage. Heylia is asked out on a date. The grow house develops, thanks to Conrad's connections and Nancy's new false identity, but is soon threatened by territorial mobsters. |
|
| "Mrs. Botwin's Neighborhood" |
Rolin Jones |
Craig Zisk |
September 11, 2006 |
5 |
15 |
| Silas and Megan tell her father about the pregnancy with disastrous consequences. Nancy and her neighbors engage in a turf war and Nancy uses her marital connection to the DEA to clear out the neighborhood. Shane starts fitting in at school, but gets into trouble when he starts talking about the happy ending massage he got courtesy of his uncle Andy. Heylia prepares for her date with Joseph. |
|
| "Crush Girl Love Panic" |
Devon K. Shepard |
Tucker Gates |
September 18, 2006 |
6 |
16 |
| Nancy and Conrad fear their grow house has been raided by the DEA, but all remains mysteriously untouched among the surrounding rubble. Celia's antics get her kicked off the set of Isabelle's "Huskaroo" commercial. Isabelle and Dean create an account with Doug to keep the modeling money safe from Celia, but Celia finds out. Vaneeta (Indigo) ruins Heylia's dinner with Joseph. Nancy tricks Conrad and Peter into meeting each other. |
|
| "Must Find Toes" |
Michael Platt & Barry Safchik |
Chris Long |
September 25, 2006 |
7 |
17 |
| Andy loses two toes to a stray dog Doug found on the street. Meanwhile, Nancy juggles coping with Andy's accident, as Silas's grades plummet and Shane's crush on Gretchen (Eden Sher) takes a new turn. Celia savors a three vote victory in the city Council elections thanks to a balloting error. Considering his new handicap, Andy reconsiders his role at the Rabbinical school, subsequently upsetting Yael (Meital Dohan). Celia announces the city's new drug-free policy. |
|
| "MILF Money" |
Shawn Schepps |
Craig Zisk |
October 2, 2006 |
8 |
18 |
| It's harvest time. Nancy and Conrad make their first sale—to Snoop Dogg, who writes a song about their high quality product. Everything looks good, until Peter lets Nancy know that the DEA has got to make a bust. Heylia learns of Conrad's betrayal, but buys some of his new weed. |
|
| "Bash" |
Rinne Groff |
Christopher Misiano |
October 9, 2006 |
9 |
19 |
| Nancy faces pressure from Peter to get out of the business. The DEA visit Heylia's house, and Peter is surprised as his bust goes awry. Shane has an encounter with Gretchen. Nancy and Conrad install a safe, and Doug heckles Celia at a City Council meeting but makes truce afterwards. Silas and Shane celebrate their dad's birthday with Andy's help. |
|
| "Mile Deep and a Foot Wide" |
Rolin Jones |
Craig Zisk |
October 16, 2006 |
10 |
20 |
| Heylia is applying strong pressure on Nancy to alleviate police surveillance and return her business to normal. Nancy is overwhelmed and considers quitting to live a normal life with Peter. Doug and Celia consummate their relationship on her anniversary. Andy is paid a visit by his crazy ex-girlfriend Kat (Zooey Deschanel) from Alaska who wants him to return to their wild lifestyle. |
|
| "Yeah, Like Tomatoes" |
Roberto Benabib & Matthew Salsberg |
Craig Zisk |
October 23, 2006 |
11 |
21 |
| After eavesdropping on Nancy and Conrad's conversations, Peter stops playing nice and begins playing dirty. Nancy looks to other people in the business for help. Celia and Doug's affair takes a turn towards the serious. Gretchen forms a dislike of Kat, who reveals her own secrets to Andy. And, now that she has been forced out of the business, Heylia formulates a plan with the Armenian drug lords to regain some ground. |
|
| "Pittsburgh" |
Jenji Kohan |
Craig Zisk |
October 30, 2006 |
12 |
22 |
| Shane's graduation takes a turn for the worse during his speech while Nancy and Conrad prepare to meet with Peter. Kat and Andy attempt to escape a bounty hunter, and Silas makes a defiant move. Nancy and Conrad find themselves in a sticky situation when they end up cornered with guns and gangsters surrounding them. |
| Title |
Writer(s) |
Director |
Original air date |
Episode |
| "Doing the Backstroke" |
Jenji Kohan |
Craig Zisk |
August 13, 2007 |
1 |
23 |
| Celia acquires Nancy's stash and devises a shocking way to “liquidate” the assets; Andy teams up with Alaskan bounty hunter Abumchuk to track down Shane and Kat; and Nancy finds her life falling apart at the grow house. |
|
| "A Pool and His Money" |
Jenji Kohan |
Craig Zisk |
August 20, 2007 |
2 |
24 |
| Nancy and Marvin (Fatso Fasano) fish the pot supply out of her pool, where Celia had dumped it, while U-Turn (Page Kennedy) holds Conrad hostage at gunpoint. As Nancy's options decrease, she is forced to go back to a familiar face for help. Elsewhere, Silas and Shane attempt to get on with their lives; and Andy continues to avoid his military obligations. |
|
| "The Brick Dance" |
Roberto Benabib |
Lev L. Spiro |
August 27, 2007 |
3 |
25 |
| Nancy gathers Silas, Shane, Andy, and Lupita to brainstorm ways to come up with the money to pay off her debt to U-Turn. Celia meets with her divorce lawyer Arlene Cutter (Carrie Fisher), who recommends she start spending more quality time with daughter and cash cow Isabelle if she wants custody. Andy is finally forced into the U.S. Army. |
|
| "Shit Highway" |
Roberto Benabib |
Martha Coolidge |
September 3, 2007 |
4 |
26 |
| Nancy begins working for U-Turn and also gets a normal job. Meanwhile, Celia struggles to reconnect with Isabelle. Doug regains a seat on the corrupt City Council, now being courted by opportunistic developer Sullivan Groff (Matthew Modine). Andy faces tough training in the Army. |
|
| "Bill Sussman" |
Rolin Jones |
Craig Zisk |
September 10, 2007 |
5 |
27 |
| An AWOL Andy resurfaces in Agrestic. Heylia and Conrad deliberately start a gang war between U-Turn and the Mexican members of Guillermo's (Guillermo Diaz) gang. Nancy finds herself caught up in the war through a chest of heroin and a drive-by shooting. Shane attends Majestic summer school and is assigned a murder mystery to solve. Silas proves he is skilled at the "family business" and Celia & Doug each want something in return from Sullivan for their vote. |
|
| "Grasshopper" |
Devon K. Shepard |
Perry Lang |
September 17, 2007 |
6 |
28 |
| Silas hits it off with a fundamentalist Christian (Mary-Kate Olsen) who has a penchant for pot; U-Turn drags Nancy to a showdown with Conrad and Heylia; Sullivan asks Nancy to host a cocktail party to bring together the town leaders of Agrestic and Majestic; and Shane attempts to find a way to break free of the Christian summer school. |
|
| "He Taught Me How to Drive By" |
Matthew Salsberg |
Paul Feig |
September 24, 2007 |
7 |
29 |
| In the wake of U-Turn's death, Marvin takes control of the business. Marvin and Nancy confront the Mexicans and Nancy seeks to find a way to wipe her debt; Andy caters for a porn movie starring Lexington Steele. Sullivan asks Nancy to forge immigrant legalization documents for construction workers. Shane is seen as a blasphemous pariah at his religious summer school. |
|
| "The Two Mrs. Scottsons" |
Rolin Jones |
Craig Zisk |
October 1, 2007 |
8 |
30 |
| When Peter's body is discovered, Nancy comes face-to-face with Peter's other ex-wife Valerie (Brooke Smith); Celia takes a bold step with Sullivan; Andy gets more involved in the films he's catering; Silas takes Tara on some errands; suspended from school, Shane bonds with Isabelle. |
|
| "Release the Hounds" |
Blair Singer |
Ernest R. Dickerson |
October 8, 2007 |
9 |
31 |
| Nancy is surprised when she finds herself befriending Valerie Scottson. Tara joins Sanjay and Andy in the business, and Silas is apprenticed to Conrad as a farmer. Meanwhile, Dean's motorcycling bravado puts a kink in Celia's plan for singlehood; and, as the Majestic-Agrestic referendum looms, Doug ups the stakes in his war with Sullivan. |
|
| "Roy Till Called" |
Victoria Morrow |
Craig Zisk |
October 15, 2007 |
10 |
32 |
| Nancy unexpectedly receives $119,000 in life insurance from the DEA from Peter's death. The news upsets Valerie, who believes she 'earned' that money. Nancy soon finds herself torn between a moral obligation, and her own failing business. As Majestic merges with Agrestic, Doug scrambles to cover up the money he embezzled from Agrestic to put into the drug front, 'Aguatecture' (of which Heylia is the front person). Celia is forced to take care of the crippled Dean. And the love triangle between Nancy, Sullivan and Celia takes a turn. |
|
| "Cankles" |
Christina Kiang Booth |
Julie Ann Robinson |
October 22, 2007 |
11 |
33 |
| Valerie hires a private investigator to track Nancy's every move. Doug and the Agrestic city council are sacked after the merge with Majestic. Celia begins to investigate Aguatecture. Shane installs a high-tech security system. |
|
| "The Dark Time" |
Victoria Morrow |
Ernest R. Dickerson |
October 29, 2007 |
12 |
34 |
| Celia attempts to extort money out of Nancy who in turn threatens to kill her. Afterwards, due to an impromptu inspection at Aguatecture, Nancy is forced to go to Celia and make a deal to use her home as a growhouse. Nancy and Conrad hook up. |
|
| "Risk" |
Roberto Benabib, Matthew Salsberg & Rolin Jones |
Paul Feig |
November 5, 2007 |
13 |
35 |
| Nancy makes a new business partner only to learn his supply isn't quality. Celia settles into her new life of crime. Shane breaks the fourth wall talking to his dead father. Sullivan Groff considers moving on. And Nancy's attempt to innocently break off her new partnership ends in violence for her family. |
|
| "Protection" |
Roberto Benabib |
Randy Zisk |
November 12, 2007 |
14 |
36 |
| When she realizes the need for 'muscle' behind her business, Nancy seeks aid from Guillermo, at a hefty price. Andy and Nancy attempt to discover the truth behind Shane's conversations with Judah. Doug hides the Majestic cross, but Sullivan is out for blood. The DEA thermal scan of the Agrestic-Majestic reveals some interesting patterns. Guillermo makes his first strike on the bikers' supply. |
|
| "Go" |
Jenji Kohan |
Craig Zisk |
November 19, 2007 |
15 |
37 |
| In the third-season finale, Agrestic residents flee an approaching wildfire and suspicious authorities question Celia and Sullivan. Also, Conrad, Heylia and Vaneeta leave their grow house, and Silas comes to a realization about Tara. |
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