List of Coupling episodes

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Coupling is a British television sitcom written by Steven Moffat that aired on BBC2 from May 2000 to 2004. Produced by Hartswood Films for the BBC, the show centres on the dating and sexual adventures and mishaps of six friends in their thirties, often depicting the three women and the three men each talking amongst themselves about the same events, but in entirely different terms.

Contents

[edit] Series One

# Title Original airdate Overall #
1x01 "Flushed"  12 May 2000 01
Steve attempts to break up with Jane, who refuses to accept it. Susan and Patrick are also breaking up - although Susan was never certain that they were "together" in the first place. Jane (who Jeff describes as "unflushable") and Steve have a sexual encounter in the ladies' room of the pub, which also happens to be where Susan goes after breaking up with Patrick. Susan and Steve meet, although they had previously as Jeff works with Susan, and Steve asks her out (while in the middle of sex with Jane).

In classic farce style, Steve intends to break up with Jane once and for all just before dinner with Susan. Jeff is on hand for reasons nobody is quite sure of and Susan arrives early, as her beautician friend Sally canceled her facial appointment in order to have dinner with Patrick...at the same restaurant. The episode ends with Susan showing everyone else a breast - the right one, at Patrick's insistence - and all six having dinner together. As Susan sums it up: "Your ex, my ex. Your best friend, my best friend. Every new relationship has some baggage, so we might as well take it out to dinner." 
1x02 "Size Matters"  19 May 2000 02
Steve and Susan arrange to go on another date, this time without the others. This is done predominantly via Steve making a phone call to Susan, during which he can't think of anything to say. Susan suggests that she will cook for Steve - which Jeff and Patrick both claim is a sign that sex will follow. This prompts Jeff to explain the mysteries of the "Sock Gap" to Steve.
Meanwhile, Sally has to reconcile her desire to have sex with Patrick (who Susan assures her is very big indeed) with the fact that he's a Tory. Patrick's reputation also plays on Steve's mind. 
1x03 "Sex, Death and Nudity"  26 May 2000 03
Jane's aunt has died and she expects Steve to come with her to the funeral. Of course, this would be precisely the wrong time to tell her family that they broke up, so he isn't allowed to. Nevertheless, Susan comes to keep an eye on Steve - bringing Patrick as her date. Patrick brings Sally and Jeff turns up as well as he actually knew the departed aunt in the first place and was invited as Susan's date by Steve. A gratuitous Reservoir Dogs parody ensues.
Jane spends much of the wake trying to make Steve jealous - with varying degrees of success - while Sally is terrified of all the old people. Jeff, meanwhile, is trying to overcome his nerves for a big interview by picturing everyone naked - a skill he can't seem to stop using. 
1x04 "Inferno"  2 June 2000 04
While cleaning for Steve, Susan stumbles across one of his porn videos. Steve spends the episode in an increasing state of anxiety as he realises that she knows all about it. The pair invite the others for a dinner party, to which Jane brings her therapist - who the rest of the group think is her date.

Jeff and Patrick, whose lesbianism fetishes have been working in overdrive throughout the episode, get off rather lightly. Steve, on the other hand, veers between an embarrassing dialogue with the therapist and having to explain the plot of the porn video - Lesbian Spank Inferno. In the course of his explanation and subsequent monologue on heterosexual males' sex drive, his feelings for Susan are made clear: he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. 
1x05 "The Girl with Two Breasts"  9 June 2000 05
Jeff attempts, as only he can, to chat up a beautiful stranger (Anat Dychtwald) at the bar. His ineptitude gets results - of a sort - when he finds out that she's Israeli and doesn't speak a word of English. The girl's bilingual friend Alice (Ruth Lass) helps things along to begin with. The next day, however, Alice isn't at the bar. With a lot of Dutch courage, Jeff engages her in conversation again - despite the language barrier - learns her name, Shadayim, and arranges to meet her the next day. Or so he believes. A replay of the conversation from the girl's point of view reveals that "Shadayim" actually means "breasts" and that the meeting will be with Alice, whom she believes Jeff fancies. When Jeff and Alice meet he says, 'I’m sorry, I was expecting Shadayim'. The flat-chested Alice punches him in the face. Meanwhile, Steve and Patrick are trying to come up with a title for a porn film about a pair of breasts with brains. The episode ends with it being revealed that Jeff was arrested for running around the El Al counter at Heathrow Airport calling out "her name". 
1x06 "The Cupboard of Patrick's Love"  16 June 2000 06
Jane visits Patrick to heal their "spiritual divide". She stumbles upon his cabinet of videotape recordings of the sexual engagements in his bedroom, including a tape of him with Susan. As Patrick tells this story - complete with interjections from Jeff about Claudia Schiffer, Helen Mirren, Britt Ekland and screen nudity - Steve is incensed that his "naked rights to Susan" are being infringed.

The men all decide to go back to Patrick's to watch the video and the women arrive there as well for their own reasons. Susan, by now thoroughly annoyed with Patrick and Steve (and Jeff, after finding him there too), is even more livid when she realises that Patrick's taped over her, and yet more angry when the video turns out not to feature her at all, a fact that eluded the men despite having watched it for five minutes. In her fury she breaks up with Steve, who subsequently gets very drunk with Patrick and Jeff.

All is lost ... but wait, who's that at the door? Jeff drags himself onto Steve's bed and exclaims, "Look, Steve. It's Britt Ekland". 

[edit] Series Two

# Title Original airdate Overall #
2x01 "The Man with Two Legs"  3 September 2001 07
Jeff has fallen in love with a woman who gets on his train every morning. By the time he gets a chance to speak to her he is in such a state of hyper-tension that he manages to blurt out that he's only got one leg. Chrissie (Alison King) is enchanted, thinking Jeff is very brave. Meanwhile, Sally is dating a butcher, but has told her friends he's a surgeon. Later, Jeff's love interest introduces Jeff to her brother, who is an amputee, and his disability support group. She also offers Jeff a night of passion with her and her gorgeous flatmate, and a whole load of saucy lingerie. A weeping Jeff begs Sally's new boyfriend to chop his leg off, saying "I've got the key to the gates of paradise, but I've got too many legs!".
The episode title is a reference to Jeff-centered episode 'The Girl With Two Breasts' from the first series. 
2x02 "My Dinner in Hell"  10 September 2001 08
Steve and Susan are watching a documentary on telly, and the narrator says that all men masturbate, even if they are in a stable relationship. This sends Steve into a new realm of embarrassment. Susan's parents, who are notoriously frank in discussing matters of a sexual nature, arrive for supper. In his paranoia, Steve imagines that they are taunting him about his masturbatory habits, and furiously asks them to leave. Meanwhile, Patrick has tracked down a vibrator that an old girlfriend modelled on his own member. He presents a gift-wrapped copy to Steve, who then innocently passes it on to Susan's Mum as a peace offering. Mariella Frostrup plays herself. 
2x03 "Her Best Friend's Bottom"  17 September 2001 09
Susan's latest project is to choose some furniture for the flat that she and Steve will share together. Against the backdrop of selecting fabrics, the truth slowly emerges about a deep mystery: why Steve and Sally have suddenly started acting so strangely. Steve went to Susan's flat unannounced and saw Sally emerging from the shower. That was a forgivable accident - but why did Sally then remove the towel and ask Steve whether he found her attractive? Her excuse takes everyone by surprise: she needed reassurance because she'd just been to bed with Patrick. And for the first time ever, Junior Patrick had failed to jump to attention. 
2x04 "The Melty Man Cometh"  24 September 2001 10

We find out what was really going on in the previous episode...

Sally can't resist the idea of Patrick the human tripod any longer. She suggests that they finally get it together. Bizarrely, and for the first time in his life, Patrick finds himself unable to perform. Sally is convinced that she has become repellent to men, and confronts Patrick in a desperate attempt to reclaim her self-respect. Either he admits that she is hideous, or he admits that he is impotent. Patrick suggests a third way: they should just have sex. Both have terrible second thoughts. Sally worries that she is putting Patrick through agonies just to boost her self-esteem. Meanwhile, Patrick struggles with 'The Melty Man' - the embodiment of impotence. Both of them realise the unthinkable: the real problem is that they actually care about each other. Patrick is triumphantly standing to attention, but Sally has slipped out of the flat without saying goodbye. 
2x05 "Jane and the Truth Snake"  1 October 2001 11
Jane's boss Jeremy sacks her from her job reporting traffic jams after she instructs London's drivers to close their eyes and meditate. A distraught Jane attempts suicide with some pills she was given at a party. In her addled state she creates a pink sock puppet called Jake the Snake, who always tells the truth. Having said some truly appalling things to Sally, Susan and Steve, Jane uses Jake to insult Jeremy too. He declares she'll never work for the station again, but the public send in so many letters of support that Jane is reinstated. Meanwhile, Patrick is about to dump his latest girlfriend, Linda, because she's ruled out the possibility of having a threesome. She announces that she's changed her mind, and Patrick rushes back to her flat in anticipation. His disappointment is hard to hide when Linda introduces him to his new playmate for the evening: Jeff. 
2x06 "Gotcha"  8 October 2001 12
It's the anniversary of Steve and Susan's first date and they are going to a posh restaurant to celebrate. Inevitably, speculation mounts that Steve may propose to Susan. While Jeff and Patrick advise him, Jane and Sally get drunk and miserable at the prospect of being left on the shelf forever. Some hurtful comments from Jane make Susan feel insecure, so she begins to view the meal in the restaurant as some sort of military campaign to get Steve to prove he prefers her to Jane. Wearing a gorgeous dress, she tries some desperate measures to arouse Steve, and finally dupes him into admitting he wants to marry her. 
2x07 "Dressed"  15 October 2001 13
Jane is invited round to dinner by Bill, a good-looking man she met in the bar. She decides to make a lasting impression by turning up wearing nothing underneath her cute little trenchcoat. Unfortunately, on arrival she discovers not a romantic dinner for two, but a dozen other guests. Meanwhile, Patrick is locked in insane competition with Ivan, an acquaintance from work. Ivan has a glamorous trophy wife, so Patrick decides he needs one too, just for the evening. He recruits Sally for the part, then changes his mind and claims Susan for his 'bride' (he 'needed a blonde'). Seeing Susan pretending to be Patrick's wife finally makes Steve's mind up for him: he proposes to Susan in front of the whole group, and she accepts. 
2x08 "Naked"  22 October 2001 14
Jeff has finally found his female counterpart, a woman who can't help blurting out ridiculous things if she's attracted to someone. It seems that their mutual uselessness will prevent either of them from asking each other out. To make matters worse, Julia is a senior manager at his firm. After a sequence of typical Jeff blunders, he is in despair. Steve comes to the rescue and tells Julia (Lou Gish) that Jeff is in fact very keen on her. Julia kisses Jeff and he thinks that his luck has at last changed. She leads him blindfolded into a conference room, and Jeff assumes that she has lured him there to have sex. He does an ecstatic strip tease. Unfortunately, Julia was leading him into his surprise birthday party. Everyone files out in mortified silence but Julia makes amends by doing a private striptease of her own for Jeff. 
2x09 "The End of the Line"  29 October 2001 15
Steve and Susan's relationship is drifting into a new phase. They are beginning to get on each other's nerves. A bizarre set of misunderstandings brings on a crisis. Susan's phone is accidentally swapped with Jeff's, resulting in Susan finding out that Steve gave his number to a girl he met in the bar. It seems that the honeymoon is over and Susan walks out of the flat in tears. Is this the end of the line? 

[edit] Series Three

# Title Original airdate Overall #
3x01 "Split"  23 September 2002 16

The action begins where it left off at the end of Series Two: Steve and Susan have had an argument about their future, and Susan storms out of Steve's flat in tears. The screen splits into two and we follow what happens to both Steve and Susan simultaneously.

While Steve tries repeatedly to ring Susan, his courage failing every time, the girls are locked in a debate over the merits of 1471, and what it means if the phone "chirps". Eventually the tension at both ends of the phone gets too much. The boys and the girls set out for "the Temple of Woman": for the girls, a beauty salon; for the boys, a lap dancing club.

Steve gets hideously drunk, and phones Susan as soon as he gets home, pleading that she come back to him. She does just that. 
3x02 "Faithless"  30 September 2002 17

Jane and Jeff are both having difficulty keeping the faith.

Jeff is sent into a spiral of tension when his attractive colleague, Wilma (played by Emilia Fox), asks him out for a drink. Is Wilma about to make a move on him, or does she just want to be friends? If she's interested in his arse, then surely he shouldn't be talking to her, what with him having a girlfriend. But to refuse the date would be to assume that Wilma fancied him, and she certainly hasn't made that clear. Unable to face this challenge alone, Jeff rigs up his mobile phone for the date, so that his friends can hear his conversation with Wilma, and give him advice. Wilma puts her cards on the table straight away: she fancies Jeff and she wants to know if he fancies her too ...

Meanwhile Jane is thrilled by the arrival of a new member of staff at the station, right from the moment he smoothly parks his huge, red sports car into a tight little hole. Mmm. Jane is not the sort of girl to be put off by the fact that James is the station's religious broadcaster, nor by the further complication that their first date is at a Christian discussion group. Hope begins to fade when James tells her that he doesn't believe in sex before marriage (although Jane does helpfully offer to take her top off if that will ease the situation). Despite this inauspicious beginning, James gives Jane a passionate kiss. Why is he bothering with her? Because he has faith. 
3x03 "Unconditional Sex"  7 October 2002 18

We pick up the action where we left off at the end of the last episode: with Jeff trying to work out how (or even whether) to refuse unconditional sex with Wilma. Meanwhile, his friends are still listening and offering advice via the mobile phone.

Jeff is no match in this debate for "devil woman" Wilma. She knows every argument that Susan (the expert in getting her own way) has ever used. Jeff paints himself into a terrifyingly extreme conversational corner, until he blurts out that the reason he can't have sex with Wilma is that his girlfriend is dead.

Wilma drives Jeff home, but decides to try once more to seduce him when they get to his flat. Unfortunately, Jeff's girlfriend, Julia, has been struck down by flu and is asleep in Jeff's bed. Seeing Julia's bare feet poking out from the duvet, Wilma makes the not-too-far-fetched assumption that this strange man who can't stop talking about his dead girlfriend has in fact just killed her. Wilma flees the flat, but not before she hears Julia coughing from the bedroom. She says to Jeff, "You said she was dead," to which Jeff replies, "I...over-reacted." Furious, Wilma slaps Jeff in the face and storms out, and Jeff says to Steve, "Well, I think that basically went OK." 
3x04 "Remember This"  14 October 2002 19

Sally is surprised to say the least when Patrick arrives at her flat at three in the morning to get rid of a spider for her. It turns out that he dreamt her distress call. What can this mean? Does Patrick subconsciously want to protect Sally? More shockingly, does Patrick have a subconscious? And what does Spider-Man have to do with all of this?

Encouraged by their friends, Sally and Patrick independently tell the story of how they first met. It was at Susan's office party. The attraction was instant. Sally got horribly drunk and the two of them had a romantic embrace in the cloakroom. We see the scene from both points of view: the inebriated Sally believed she was acting cool when she gave Susan's phone number to Patrick. Sober Patrick actually remembers that it was Sally's number he was asking for.

Back in the present, the pair are troubled by the fact that they have got close, and yet never seem to get any closer. Nothing is ever going to happen between them now. Patrick and Sally agree to see less of each other. 
3x05 "The Freckle, the Key, and the Couple who Weren't"  21 October 2002 20

Steve is suffering from a bout of hypochondria, thanks to the discovery of a mole on his bottom. This leads to a bitter argument with Susan, about how well the pair can remember each other's blemishes. Steve feels hurt that Susan can't remember if the mole is new, and Susan becomes paranoid about the possibility that she too may suffer from freckles in her otherwise-perfect private regions.

The argument is settled when the gang are introduced to Jane's new boyfriend, James. It turns out that Jane has perfect recall of Steve's mole. And it also turns out that James has perfect recall of Susan's "nether freckling" - the two of them were briefly an item at university.

Meanwhile, a kinky evening with Julia goes horribly wrong when Jeff swallows the key to the handcuffs. Things go from bad to worse when Julia's ex, Joe (a man prone to violence), turns up at her flat demanding to see her. Jeff narrowly avoids being beaten to a pulp, but his heart is in even greater danger of being broken than his bones. It seems that there's a lot of unfinished business between Julia and Joe. 
3x06 "The Girl with One Heart"  28 October 2002 21

Susan has invited everyone over for dinner, which as we know is just asking for trouble.

Steve is particularly worried because Susan has recently redecorated the bathroom, and removed the lock, thus robbing him of his Fortress of Solitude. Sally's worry is that Patrick is bringing his new girlfriend Jenifer (played by Emma Pierson): she's frightened that she will overcompensate her feelings of hostility towards her new rival by being embarrassingly nice. Patrick dimly perceives there might be a problem, so has told Jennifer that Sally is a lesbian.

Jennifer turns out to be Sally's worst nightmare: "slim and interesting". She pays Jennifer so many compliments that Jennifer assumes Sally is making a pass at her. Over dinner, Sally is horrified to discover that Jennifer thinks she is a lesbian. She furiously blurts out, in front of everyone, that it's Patrick she's mad about, not Jennifer. Ouch. 
3x07 "Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps"  4 November 2002 22

Sally is terrified that she might be pregnant, so she takes a pregnancy test and asks the other girls to do the same so that she knows what a negative result looks like. In her fluster she gets the tests muddled up. One of the girls is pregnant, but which one?

Is it Sally? Well, she did have sex with awful Peter on the night that Patrick came to save her from the non-existent spider.

Is it Jane? Well, with James away, she was so desperate for sex that she even briefly toyed with the idea of doing it with Jeff. But the pizza delivery man was on hand, so to speak. So, yes, it could be Jane.

Is it Susan? She reveals that she has recently discovered she has a medical problem which prevents her from having children. It would take a miracle for her to be pregnant.

Patrick asks Sally to meet him at the bar, where he tells her that he does in fact love her. Jane spoils the romantic mood by bursting in, proclaiming joyously, "I'm not pregnant!" Sally is devastated. Then Susan arrives with a new bombshell. A miracle has happened. She and Steve are expecting a baby. 

[edit] Series Four

# Title Original airdate Overall #
4x01 "Nine And A Half Minutes"  10 May 2004 23
One bar, three different points of view, the same nine and a half minutes. Susan and Steve are pregnant (mostly Susan), Patrick and Sally are discussing relationships (mostly Sally), and Jane has a blind date - but will his job be a problem? Jeff is on his way to Greece and in the skies above an Aegean island, terrible danger grows. 
4x02 "Nightlines"  17 May 2004 24

Susan is depressed so phones a woman she met at her antenatal class who had said to phone at any time if she wanted a chat. The woman turns out to be Oliver's ex-girlfriend, who has left her phone in Oliver's shop. Oliver therefore answers, then calls Susan back trying to find out how they had met. In the mean time, Susan has phoned Sally for a chat, using her other phone.

Steve, wanting to know what is going on, picks up the extension in the bedroom and listens in to the conversation with Sally until she calls him insensitive, when he objects. Sally tells Susan that pregnant women are beautiful, and is surprised when Patrick agrees with her - he has picked up her extension in the bedroom. He then reveals that he has slept with a pregnant woman in the past, which Sally finds revolting.

Jane then butts in on the phone, and Sally and Susan rebuke Steve for leaving the door open, but he points out that Jane has all the keys for her old boyfriends. Jane then wanders through the door - of Patrick's flat, where Sally and Patrick are. 
4x03 "Bed Time"  24 May 2004 25
This episode features a running dream sequence in which Patrick is a knight in shining armor and Sally is a maiden attempting to keep him in her bedchamber, while in the show's reality Sally is trying to keep Patrick in her apartment after sex. The two play a game of chess (called "Coupling") in the dream, which mirrors the attempts of each to either leave or stay. Jane invites Oliver to a dinner party at Sally's flat, and he shows up with erect nipples, which he attributes to not having sex for seven months, causing Jane to go back on her tentative plans to invite him up to her own flat. When Patrick holds firm on his intent to spend a night in his own apartment at the end of the evening, Sally quickly inebriates herself and performs a drunken dance to the song she and Jane invented, "Susan the Happy Trotting Elf", which so turns on Patrick that he remains despite himself. The episode ends in the dream sequence, with knight Patrick asking maid Sally to "turn yourself into an elf again". 
4x04 "Circus Of The Epidurals"  31 May 2004 26
Anticipating Susan's childbirth, Steve and Susan have been attending birthing classes. Susan asks Sally be her "second" in case Steve can't handle it, but Sally can't handle it very well either, causing her to go to her "safe place"--an intense daydream featuring a string quartet. (Steve is handling his anxiety by imagining a plane about to crash into a mountain-side.) All three (Susan, Steve, and Sally) show up at the birthing class, which turns out to be led by Jane's former psychoanalist from season one, Jill. Jill was driven from psycholanalysis by Jane, a woman whom she "never wants to be in the same room with again." Jane immediately appears (Jill: "You're looking healthy; so much for voodoo.") Jane has a cushion inside her maternity shirt to simulate pregnancy (Jane: "I always say, a woman doesn't have to have a BABY inside her to be pregnant...ALL women are pregnant, aren't they Jill?") At this point, Patrick puts in his appearance, and half of the women in the room have slept with him, much to their husbands' dismay. After some overly explicit description of the pain of pregnancy, Steve reprises his first season speech, extolling the need of women to have epidurals to keep them from feeling the pain of childbirth. Susan takes control by admitting that she probably will ask for one, but insisting that he be the one who stay on hand to talk her out of it. The episode ends back on Steve's plane, where mass food poisoning has given him responsibility to land the plane, but when the plane is put on auto-pilot, he is handed a bucket and mop and told to clean up the mess instead. 
4x05 "The Naked Living Room"  7 June 2004 27

After a B&W flashback of his steady slide into bachelorhood following his breakup with Tamzin, Oliver runs into Jane in his local grocer's. He doesn't exactly impress her, but his friendly banter with the elderly checkout ladies leads Jane to believe there might be another side to her would-be suitor. Jane invites herself up to his flat, which turns out to be littered with porn. Jane is alternately fascinated and repulsed, until Oliver turns the tables on her by telling her he sees through her ditzy facade and knows she is more than she appears to be. She responds by delivering a naked invitation to her place the next Tuesday. The audience learns all this as Jane and Oliver each are recapping events to the girls and the guys just before the scheduled rendez-vous. Meanwhile, Susan's water has broken, and Steve races out of the bar to take her to hospital.

Oliver: "Ever get the feeling you're spinning away into a great black void of failure and loneliness with one last despairing scream?" Jane: "Everybody feels like that--that's normal. You just get up, and have breakfast." 
4x06 "Nine And A Half Months"  14 June 2004 28
The series ends with Steve taking Susan to the hospital, but being sidetracked by Sally's discovery of a tape of Patrick and Jane making love hidden at Patrick's flat. The tape, which turns out to be a critique of Patrick's love-making shortcomings by Jane, inspires Patrick's proposal of marriage to Sally. Next Steve and Susan turn up at Jane's apartment, just as Oliver is about to end his seven month love-making drought in Jane's bed. He has his hand nearly squeezed off by Susan instead, during the throes of a birth contraction. Both storylines are told in flashback, while a dreaming Steve converses with his friend Jeff Murdoch, who has taken the form of his pregnant secondary school Maths instructor. Susan awakes, takes the epidural, and gives birth to their baby via Caesarean section. The episode closes with Steve recounting his feelings the first time his newborn son Joshua looks up into his eyes, and the final moment is shown from the infant's perspective. "...and then he looked at me, and--oh my goodness me--I became someone else entirely." 
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