User:Jnc/Astronomer vs Amateur

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This page contains material which is kept because it is considered humorous. It is not intended, nor should it be used, for any remotely serious purpose.

The Astronomer and the Amateur meet on Wikipedia

(In homage to Professor Steve Ward of MIT, who wrote an incredibly funny parody of his experiences as an expert witness in a civil trial. Believe it or not, much of this dialogue is actually taken from real events here on Wikipedia.)

Amateur: The moon is made of green cheese.

Astronomer: No it's not, it's made (after oxygen) of silicon, aluminium, calcium, magnesium, and iron.

Amateur: Find me a citation that says it's not made of green cheese.

Astronomer: Here's a chart I just found in my files and uploaded which gives the composition.

Amateur: How do you know that's what it is? I say it's a chart of the composition of Pluto.

Astronomer: It's from a conference which I attended, plus to which I work in this field, so I know darn well what it's a chart of.

Amateur: Your opinions are biased, irrelevant, and probably wrong. I still say it's Pluto.

<Wait.>

Astronomer: OK, here's an email from the person who created the table, which says that I have correctly captioned it.

Amateur: That says it's the composition of rocks at the Apollo 12 landing site. I say the rest of the moon is made of green cheese. Find me a citation that says it's not made of green cheese.

Astronomer: OK, here's a paper by Alpha, Beta and Gamma that says what the lunar crust as a whole is made out of.

Amateur: That doesn't say that it's not made of green cheese. So I'm right, it is made of green cheese.

Astronomer: These guys are the principal experts on the moon's composition, and they say it's made of something else.

Amateur: Who says they are the experts? It's made of green cheese.

Astronomer: I've worked with them on determining the moon's composition, and I know they are the experts.

Amateur: Your opinions are irrelevant. Please provide a citation which shows it's not made of green cheese.

<Long wait.>

Astronomer: OK, after wasting a great deal of my time, time which could have been spent adding a great deal of content on other things, here's a paper by Aleph and Beth which happens to mention that the moon is not made of green cheese.

Amateur: That paper's entitled "Everything you ever wanted to know about the moon, but were afraid to ask". It's clearly a joke, and useless as a citation. Please provide a citation which shows it's not made of green cheese.

Astronomer: Look, the title's a joke, but the content is clearly serious; I was there when they gave the paper at a conference, and it's not a joke.

Amateur: I don't believe you. Please provide a citation which shows it's not made of green cheese.

<Even longer wait.>

Astronomer: OK, after wasting a great deal of my time dredging through documents to find a citation which shows something that everyone who has 1/128th of a clue already knows, here's an old paper by Aleph and Beth which clearly states that the moon is not made of green cheese.

Amateur: OK, the moon is actually made of Limburger cheese.

Astronomer: No it's not, like I said before, it's made (after oxygen) of silicon, aluminium, calcium, magnesium, and iron.

Amateur: Find me a citation that says it's not made of Limburger cheese.

<Repeat from the beginning. After that, repeat several more times, with a variety of different types of cheese.>