Talk:Jimmy McAleer
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[edit] Assorted suggestions
This is an interesting article about someone I knew nothing about. Per your request, here are some thoughts as I read:
- "Origins" feels like an odd subhead for a biography. How about "Early years"?
- What does "quasi-suburban" mean?
- McAleer participated in his last major league game on 8 July 1907. "Participated" is vague, but if you mean managing as well as playing, then I suppose it must do. Otherwise, maybe find a different word?
- Could we use the "AL" abbreviation? "American League" gets distracting after the third or fourth time.
- Wikilinking fired seems odd and redundant.
- Although the Red Sox's loss to the Giants (at 5-2) did indeed guarantee that the Series would be held in Boston, it also left Boston's players disgruntled and demoralized. This entire paragraph is confusing to me. I don't understand what the two events have to do with each other. (I'm not much of a baseball fan, so maybe it's me.)
- While the Red Sox won the World Series, McAleer's reputation was damaged. (¶) In the wake of the Series victory over the Giants, McAleer returned to his hometown in style. Does not compute. If his reputation was damaged, how did he return to his hometown in style? Maybe his reputation in Boston was damaged? (And maybe find a better word than "damaged"; it feels anti-climactic.)
- By the time the "Downfall" section shows up, it's been a while since we've seen Ban Johnson's name (and pitcher Walter Johnson is the last Johnson mentioned, so some readers might be confused when the second sentence refers only to "Johnson").
- Other sources do not corroborate this version of events. This feels awkward and tacked on. Having it at the end makes the reader think: "Well, all of that was bunk!" How about putting it at the start? ("Although other sources tell a different story, Ward wrote…")
- Are there no images for use in "Downfall", "Final years", or "Legacy"?
- Can we get a year of his marriage?
- How long after his first wife's death did he remarry?
- I don't think we need a citation for both the year of his death and his age at the time. (Beware overciting.)
- The article also praised McAleer for cultivating players and officials who became significant figures in major league baseball. Seems like the article doesn't say much about this (aside from the one mention immediately afterwards). It would be good to have some info earlier about which players and officials he cultivated.
- Writing a personal letter doesn't seem like a very big deal. "…going so far as…" feels extraneous.
Good luck with this article and let me know if you have any other questions. – Scartol • Tok 04:53, 29 December 2007 (UTC)
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