User:J.delanoy/funnyarticle2
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This page contains material which is kept because it is considered humorous. It is not intended, nor should it be used, for any remotely serious purpose. |
This page is a strict copy/paste of an actual article I found on Wikipedia. (Yes, I tagged it for speedy deletion)
Contents |
[edit] West Jabip
| The Corporate Police State of the only Legitimate Jabip
The Who Cares about the Individual Police State of Jaip
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| Motto: “Power to the Corporations, for they have the Money to have the Power!” | ||||||
| Anthem: “Laugh, Laugh at Homeless men!” |
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| Capital (and largest city) |
New Exploitograd | |||||
| Official languages | Klingon, Jabipean, English | |||||
| Demonym | Jabipean, Capito-Jabips | |||||
| Government | Capitalistic Police State/Dictatorship of the Proletariat | |||||
| - | John W. Treemeister | Jonathen Worchestershire Doe | ||||
| - | Chief Executive Officer/Dictator of the Proletariat | Chief Financial Officer/Cheney of the Proletariat | ||||
| Establishment | ||||||
| - | Individual Thought Suppressed, Companies Took over | January 8, 2008 | ||||
| Population | ||||||
| - | 2008 estimate | 240,735,001 (2nd) | ||||
| - | Density | 1100/km² (2nd) 290/sq mi |
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| GDP (PPP) | 2008 estimate | |||||
| - | Total | $900,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 (2nd) | ||||
| - | Per capita | $2,200 (1st) | ||||
| Currency | Jabipean Indiv, Jabipean Rouble, USD (JI, JR, USD) |
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| Time zone | Jabipean Standard Time (UTC+3) | |||||
| Internet TLD | .wj | |||||
| Calling code | +9660 | |||||
West Jabip (Jabipean: Translit: Slashadroga Politmita Jabip English: Oppresive Nation of Jabip) is a Legitimate nation conceived after the split of a unified nation of the Jabipean People. It is a huge supporter of the Republican Party of the United States, and thinks Mike Huckabee is presidential material. Its government type is technically a Democratically Free and Independent Capitalist Paradise, but in practice it is an Oppressive Police State who makes the lives of all dissenters and deviators miserable for all eternity. And that’s if you’re lucky. Its leader has read too much George Orwell and as such governs the country like a new Oceania, but instead of the people working for the good of the state, the people are working for the good of the Board of Directors.
[edit] Beginnings
The Corporate Police State of the only Legitimate Jabip began as a separate country after the split of a Unified Jabip. Contrary to Public Belief, West Jabip never suffered a Civil War, and as such much of the Former Jabipean Infrastructure remained intact. This allowed West Jabip, now ruled by Corporations, to build up a tremendous amount of raw material and currency In a short amount of time. The ruling party, known as the Republican Party for the Exploitation of the Weak Citizenry of Jabip, is essentially a huge private corporation that deals in the making and distribution of many different items, such as Que-tips, Sock Liners, and their best selling product of Foot Debunion-tizer. The Country was developed only recently, being founded on January 8th, 2008. It is already home to the Largest Serving CEO with a Felony Record. Its government continually oppresses all those who deviate from the path, and unless you are on the board of a Fortune 500 company you are sure to be regulated so much until you can’t leave your house without applying for a short transit visa. But such is normal life in West Jabip.
[edit] Government
The Government of West Jabip is run entirely by the Backwater Corporation, which specializes in Topical Foot Medications. The Head of Government of West Jabip is the Chief Executive Officer. His Assistant is the Chief Financial Officer, who holds the position of Minister of Finance in other Governments. They both report to (Though in Reality Dominate) the Board of Directors who are elected (By the CEO) to serve as Representatives of the People (Government) and as such make the laws (That the CEO tells them to make) that govern how the people function.
The Government, in reality, is just an enormous, corrupt, Beaurocratic morass that cares too little about the life of the common citizen and too much about money, wealth, and what the other guy is doing. They use Police and Military troops to keep an eye on the citizens, telling them they are preventing “Corporate Espionage” when in reality they just want a look at you in the shower.
The Governmental Offices include such positions as:
Chief Security Officer Chief Oppression Officer Chief Labor Officer Chief Death Officer Chief Violence Officer Chief Export Officer Chief Import Officer And Chief Peace Officer (Vacant for Some Years now)
All in all, the Government very literally accomplishes nothing and claims to rule the world with an iron fist, united under the Corporate Banner!
[edit] Economy
The Economy of West Jabip is a powerhouse. It brings in a surplus of 100 trillion dollars a year, half of which goes to funding the Governmental Leaders and the other half to making more products to sell. They export much, much more than they import, exporting such quality items as Victory Gin, Shoe Lace Covers, and Improperly Manufactured Mouse Traps.
Despite all the money it brings in and all the products it produces, very little actually goes to improving the nation. Citizens unlucky enough to be stuck without a job find themselves not only out of work and home, but publicly ridiculed, placed in re-education camps and actually having to pay Unemployment Tax in addition to Employment and Income Tax, which sometimes exceed 1000 dollars a month. The Average Laborer lives in a small 1 bedroom apartment with little running water. Blackouts in the Capital are common, even though the Board Members enjoy 24/7 electricity and clean, fresh, and crisp running water. When confronted with this, the Board Members usually scoff and say something to the tune of “We are all in this together, Comrades!.”
[edit] Military
The Government of West Jabip has very little in the way of Military. When the West Jabipean government needs something done or someone taken care of, they contract mercenaries from one of many Private Military Companies that have a seat in the Board of Directors. Mercenary forces deployed by the Government can range anywhere from 5 man assassination teams to 100,000 men Shock Armies. Usually they have massive armor and air support, making them a formidable fighting force.
There is no conscription in West Jabip, as all the Mercenaries are Employees of their respective Private Military Company. However in a sense, conscription does exist as once you are 12 you are assigned to slave in a factory for a number of hours determined by your age, so if you live to be 100 (rare) you end up working 100 hour shifts.
[edit] Tourism
Because Tourism is a lucrative business in West Jabip, 1/3 of the country was closed off and a foreigner/tourist/Board Member only Beachside Resort was created to cater to the needs of those international visitors. It contains the best living standards - by far – in the country, featuring over 100 5 star hotels. Unfortunately, entrance to one of these small slices of heaven is restricted to the upper class or foreigners, and the punishments for members of the working class for entering it range from having your toenails pulled off to having the skin of your face melted.
[edit] Human Rights
Despite all the shortcomings of the standard of living in West Jabip, it has yet to receive one human rights condemnation from the UN, which it is a member of. Part of this is because UN Inspectors are shown to the resort part of the city, and the very rare ones who catch a glimpse of the absolute dirt poverty and poor standard of living are bribed beyond their wildest fantasies, usually from money “Diverted” from the Disaster and Tax Relief Funds.
[edit] New Exploitograd
Very little is known about the capital city of West Jabip, New Exploitograd. However, bribed UN inspectors describe it as “Absolutely Magnificent, stunningly beautiful, and everyone is so polite and happy.” However some of the very few people to ever escape past the brutal border guards describe it as “Dark, Scary, and Oppresive.” Many drop dead from simply hearing it’s name, New Exploito………………………………
